Meeting my long lost half sister?

stpaddy99

Meeting my long lost half sister?
after 50 years she has suddenly gotten in touch with me?
should I be cautious? optimistic? is there a downside here?
all this AFTER my dad passed away a year or so ago?
I swear to my unborn child this is a true story and were meeting soon?
any advice please?

The_Conductor

StPaddy99-

First of all, congratulations on your sister making contact with you- it was probably a far bigger step on her part than you appreciate.

Its hard in situations like this- its best if you approach them without any expectations at all- and see what happens..........

The downside in all of this- is the potential for people to get hurt- you have no idea what her situation is, where she is coming from, the life she has led, or indeed- the precise circumstances behind your loosing contact with her. Likewise- she has no idea what life has thrown at you, any obstacles you may have encountered, any difficulties you've lived through- where you are now (emotionally along with everything else).

In situations like this- its best to not make assumptions- to seek common ground- common interests- things which will appeal to you both for a first meeting- and take things from there.

I'd suggest- finding photographs of you from when you were a baby and growing up- and suggest you do likewise- so when you do meet- you have the photos to look at- its something you can do together, without coming across as invading each other's personal space. Its something nice to do- and it will open avenues for you to explore- pastimes, milestones in your life that you might like to discuss- etc etc etc

I'd also suggest somewhere public for a first meeting- where either of you can have a partner leave you off, or offer emotional support- if its needed.

Don't approach the contact with expectations- take it at face value- and see what happens.

And...... congratulations!

Rubberchikken

i have 3 half sisters. two i've met 3 times. 1 i've never met but another family member has.

it's strange to be honest.
i personally didnt feel any connection. they were strangers who shared the same mother as me. we got on fine, as nice polite people do, but maybe it was me, but i didnt feel like putting any effort into creating a relationship. sounds wrong when i read this back, but i have grown up with 2 brothers and 2 sisters and i'm happy with the way things are.

i hope things work out really well with yhou and your sister.
it does take courage for someone to come looking for someone and in my case things that happened in the past were very complicated for my sisters so i dont know. sorry.

Tokyo

stpaddy99 - nobody here can really tell you what *you* will experience when you meet her - some people feel like the hole they've always felt in their lives is finally filled, others don't really feel anything at all, and others still feel betrayed by a parent that never told them about this hidden part of their lives - it's all down to you how you deal with it really.

I'll assume that you've done your homework and that this person is the real deal, and if so then there really isn't a lot to lose by meeting her. Probably the only advice I would give would be to meet somewhere neutral that you can both walk away from if things get too much, set yourselves a time limit - if it goes well then you can always arrange a second meeting - and don't overwhelm the situation further by bringing along your entire families. Get to know each other one-to-one first, and take it from there.

I wish you the best of luck OP.

stpaddy99

meet her one to one, hmm interesting advice, have a thanks

CaraMay

Without sounding flippant, treat it like internet dating x 1000000. Have no expectations but be open and interested. There is an adoption forum on boards and you will probably get excellent advice on there from people who have gone through this.

Hope it goes great for you.