Moving in with someone

LegacyUser

Just wondering about people's opinions on moving in with someone.

I've been with my partner for over six months and everything has happened so naturally that it seems like a great thing to do.

We see each other quite a lot anyway so it's not like it would be entirely different.

What are people's experiences? Is it too soon?

Advice greatly appreciated

Alf. A. Male

adviceneeded201433 wrote: »

We see each other quite a lot anyway so it's not like it would be entirely different.

Besides all the other considerations, this is not true. It's a bit easier when you have your own space and the surrender of some of it changes that. Just be ready for it if you make the move.

Barely There

I moved in with my gf after 6 months.

We're married over 10 years now.

It's not necessarily too soon.

Chattastrophe!

What are your own current living situations, are you homeowners/renting with friends/renting alone/living with parents?

It might not be a pleasant thing to think about, but what if things don't work out when you're living together? Bear in mind you'll probably have to sign up for a year's lease - that's twice as long as you've been together so far, a lot could change in that time.

You'll need to discuss your finances, are you both in permanent employment? What happens if one of you loses your job while you're living together? How will you split bills and shopping - just something to make sure you discuss in advance.

It's certainly not necessarily a bad idea, just make sure you discuss and agree on everything in advance, and have your contingency plans in mind in case things don't work out.

A friend of mine met a guy on a night out, stayed over, and never left ... that was around seven years ago, they're now engaged and have a child together. I know a couple of other people in happy healthy relationships, with children, who have been together several years but never moved in together. It's different for every couple! There's no set timeframe.

helimachoptor

moved in after about 8 months, married 2 years.

Try it, if it goes wrong it goes wrong but no point worrying about that, no risk no reward!

Tokyo

In my own relationships, I tend to go with what my gut feeling is. I moved in with one girl after 11 months together and we were happy for three years before we went our separate ways - I've also been with a partner for three years where it never felt right to make that leap. It sounds like it's something that you want, so that's a good jumping off point straight away.

However...

We see each other quite a lot anyway so it's not like it would be entirely different.

If you don't mind me asking, have you lived with a partner before? Because I wouldn't agree with the above statement, and you may want to give it some more consideration. There's an old saying that states you don't know someone till you've lived with them, and it holds true. The difference between living with someone and seeing them often is you are not only sharing a house with all of their good traits, but their bad traits too. You'll get to see them throw their dirty laundry on the floor, not wash dishes after them, leave clothes sitting in the washing machine for days, have to put up with their moods when they've had a bad day/are sick, so on and so forth. I'm not trying to dissuade you from the idea of living with your partner, just trying to get you to see the practical implications too.

But whatever your decision, good luck with it.

Merkin

Go with your gut. I don't believe in setting any kind of parameters to these type of things based on societal 'norms'. What might be right for one couple may not suit another. If it feels right for both of you then just go for it!

Legs.Eleven

I think the only way you're going to find out if it works is by doing it and again, if it feels right, do it. Prepare for compromise and not expecting perfection from your partner. You will see them at their very worst and their very best but most of the time, you'll see their normal human default mode, which is not very exciting or romantic (but if it works out, it can be lovely to have that kind of comfortableness and sense of "home" with someone.)

I hope it works out for you anyway and if it feels right, 6 months doesn't seem too soon imo.

biddywiddy

I moved in with my boyfriend after 3 months together. 6 years later and we are planning our wedding.

I'm not saying that it will definitely work out for you, OP, but I agree with the posters above who say to go with your gut. It will be challenging, mostly at the beginning as you adjust to being around each other all the time, but it can also be the best thing ever. You only live once!

A friend was in a similar situation to this a couple of years ago. She had been seeing her boyfriend for just under a year and they were talking about moving in together. She wasn't sure - was it too soon, what if it doesn't work out, etc - and in the end, my advice was to just go for it. It will make or break your relationship - either you accelerate to an inevitable end, which may have taken longer to reach without cohabitation, or you realise you made the best decision.

Big Bag of Chips

My husband and I moved in together very quickly! We "officially" started going out together in June, by the end of August we made enquiries about a mortgage, and we moved into our own house in November. I was renting at the time and he spent most of the time in my house anyway.

We're together over 14 years.

If it feels right go for it. The two of you are the only ones who know the finer details of your relationship. People were worried, on my behalf when we bought our house. I was quite young, he only slightly older. My mother was very unsure! But I knew. I knew within a couple of weeks we were probably going to get married.

Now, of course it could have all gone wrong, but it didn't. It works out for some, not for others. You'll never know until you try.

Fluxfan

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

Besides all the other considerations, this is not true. It's a bit easier when you have your own space and the surrender of some of it changes that. Just be ready for it if you make the move.

I totally agree with this. I fell into the trap before of thinking it would be no different! I had taken that one night every now and again that I used to go back to my own home to have some me time for granted, and once you make the move you can't really go back.

Is important to move forward in your relationship, dont get me wrong. But there's also nothing wrong with having your own bit of space every now and again for the first while - best thing about it, it gives you the chance to miss your OH, and then you are both dying to see each other and you have that lovely excited feeling!

Whereas if you skip all that you maybe skipping straight to the "WHY DIDNT YOU PUT OUT THE BIN!!!!" (all part of it too :-) )

stickybookmark

Totally depends on what age you are in my opinion. The older you are, the quicker moving in together tends to happen. I mean if you're in your early 20s I think you'd be mad to do this. But if you're in your early 30s then I could see how a relationship would naturally move faster, both people tend to know what they're looking for at that stage.

Just one thing I would say - living with someone isn't always a bed of roses! In fact, it's hard work and my girlfriends have concurred with me on this one. I'd drag out the spontaneous, exciting, romantic 'dating' phase for as long as you can before moving onto dealing with the dirty socks & jocks and who pays for the toilet paper phase!

snickerpuss

Moved in with himself after 6 months when I was 23. We're together almost 5 years now and we're getting married next year

If it feels right do it. For me, it felt exactly right. I know some people say it's hard or boring but honestly we were flying from day one. Never a problem and we just have so much fun in our own little place. Good luck

Big Bag of Chips

stickybookmark wrote: »

Totally depends on what age you are in my opinion. The older you are, the quicker moving in together tends to happen. I mean if you're in your early 20s I think you'd be mad to do this.

You can't generalise by age. It totally depends on you as a couple. And you two are the only two who know your relationship.

I was 22 and 10 months when my bf moved into my rented house. I was 23 and 1 week when we started enquiring about mortgages and I was 23 and 3 months when we were handed the keys to our own house.

Everyone will give advice based on their own experiences or opinion. But none of us know you or your bf or your relationship. If it feels right go for it. It may or may not work out. But it may or may not work out no matter how long you are together or how old you are.

Just as an aside, I know a couple who were in their 30s had been together 9 years. Had lived together etc. Got married, after 9 years together and were separated after 4 months. My friend on the other hand got married at 20 to the fella,she started going out with when she was 16. They celebrated their 16th anniversary this year.

Age doesn't always dictate whether a relationship will last.

LegacyUser

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

What are your own current living situations, are you homeowners/renting with friends/renting alone/living with parents?

It might not be a pleasant thing to think about, but what if things don't work out when you're living together? Bear in mind you'll probably have to sign up for a year's lease - that's twice as long as you've been together so far, a lot could change in that time.

You'll need to discuss your finances, are you both in permanent employment? What happens if one of you loses your job while you're living together? How will you split bills and shopping - just something to make sure you discuss in advance.

It's certainly not necessarily a bad idea, just make sure you discuss and agree on everything in advance, and have your contingency plans in mind in case things don't work out.

A friend of mine met a guy on a night out, stayed over, and never left ... that was around seven years ago, they're now engaged and have a child together. I know a couple of other people in happy healthy relationships, with children, who have been together several years but never moved in together. It's different for every couple! There's no set timeframe.

I was living with friends up until recently, moved out (as the lease ran up) and I guess I'll be looking to make a decision sometime soon. I'm living somewhere for July and will need to find somewhere soon. I know what you're saying regarding finances etc and that'll all be perfect as we will discuss all this prior to moving in.

Thanks for the reply