Don't know what to do

LegacyUser

I'm going to try not to be too specific here, I know a fair few boardies and I like my privacy but could do with some advice/support and I don't know where else to turn right now.

A little background... A couple of months back my long term relationship ended. She was my rock for many year and I hers and seemingly out of the blue she ended it. I was and still am devistated.

Fast forward to last week... I got some very bad new from the doctor and to say it's hit me hard is a serious understatement. Again not wanting to go into too much detail I had a spell in hopital last year and it snowballed into a series of never ending regular tests. Nothing much ever showed up untill now and I'm told it doesn't look good.

My problem is how I'm handling things. With the breakup i was struggling. Family and friends are amazing but there is a huge void in my life. But I was starting to be somewhat philosophical about it. I was starting to handle things and I was looking after myself better than I ever have in my life. But now with this latest news my head is in a spin. I've only spoken with my doctors so far about it. I want to get my head around what's going on before dealing with loved ones. But I just feel like the world is kicking me while I'm down and I am angry with the world. I've even noticed myself angry at those around me. I'm not an angry person. I try to be as chilled as possible but I've found myself lashing out at people I love, and that's not who I am.

So my question is this, how do I stop myself being angry with all that's gone on and lashing out at my loved ones so that I can focus on loving them and myself and muster the courage to fight serious illness. I'm at a loss... maybe sharing/venting here is a first step.

Thanks for reading... thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated.

ABajaninCork

You poor, poor boy. I'm not at all surprised you feel angry at the world. The walls must feel as though they're closing in on you. First your girl, now your illness.

What have the doctors told you? Is there a chance you could get a second opinion?

You can't stop being angry. What I think you must do is channel that anger towards fighting your illness with everything you have. Turning the anger inwards will not do you any favours, and will probably make you feel worse.

Could you arrange for some counselling? You need to process what's happening, develop coping strategies, and find the strength to tell your family what's happening. Please do let people in. You need people around you more than ever. Nobody will think the worse of you.

Of course, you could always come on here to vent. We're here for you.

Keep strong, my brother.

Rubberchikken

You're entitled to be angry. It's a lot to deal with and while you have family it would have been so comforting to have that significant other for support.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Would you consider going to a professional to discuss what's happening.

In the meantime post here anytime.

LegacyUser

Hi Kickedwhileimdown

Have you spoken to your doctor about getting counselling or ask them if there are any support organisations for people who have your illness or condition?
I would get a second opinion from another doctor in regards to your illness
I would also look up www.nhs.uk - this is the official site of the the national health service in the Uk and it has a lot of information about different health conditions.

I know it is hard when a long term relationship ends and then to find out that you are not well it is no wonder that you are lashing out. I would tell your family/friends what is happening as you need there support/help at the moment.

Lou.m

So sorry to hear it.

I think let your family and friends know. A little emotion is normal right now they will understand.

Seek support and counseling.

Your loved one will understand you are going through a lot. They will support you and understand you will be tense under the difficult situation.

Merkin

Oh you poor sausage, what rubbish timing. These body blows often don't just come alone and it's only when you're managing to cope with one thing that another one can materialise from left field. I don't want to go into specifics but I experienced what can only be described as a truly BAD year a few years ago where every conceivable thing that could go wrong did but you will come out the other side of this.

You seemed to be doing quite well in light of the breakup but all those feelings of dismay are probably exacerbated now that you've been dealt a second serious blow. I think you would probably benefit from counselling. Being angry is a perfectly normal reaction to scary news (and the breakup of a relationship) so maybe seeing a professional would help you work through that, process what is going on and develop coping strategies for dealing with and addressing your illness.

And do please tell loved ones. They'll understand you anger and your need to vent, they'll help you get through the tough times ahead.

You might also like to take a look at the Longterm Illness forum here on Boards which is an excellent resource from those suffering from a plethora of illnesses so it might be good to pop in there and have a chat with people who have been or are on the same path as you.

You have very right to be angry but it's equally important (for your health if anything) to deal with that. I wish you a speedy recovery back to full health xx

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it. Venting here helped more than I thought it would so that's something.

To answer a couple of questions I had been to counselling years ago for an unrelated issue and I have recently returned a couple of times after the break up. I'll be back there next week so hopefully that'll help.

The specialist in the hospital wasn't exactly optimistic. Lab tests confirmed that it's a tumor and while it's not impossible to beat it I don't know if I have the strength or courage to fight it right now. My GP is organising another trip into hospital to get a second opinion but it seems likely to only be for confirmation. The specialist seemed certain in his diagnosis.

I still haven't told anyone (apart from you fine people). I don't know how if I'm honest. Everyone, friends and family have been brilliant with me. Putting up with me being in terrible form for the last couple of months. Forcing me to be sociable and imposing themselves (in a nice way) on me to make sure I'm ok... or if not ok then at least not alone. How do I tell them? They already feel like they lost a sister/daughter/friend when my ex left. They're hurting about that too (obviously not to the same extent). How do I tell them that they might loose a brother/son too?

I'm angry with my ex. I feel like I've been abandoned. She didn't know this was going to happen so it's somewhat misplaced anger. I'm angry with myself for not taking better care of myself over the years. It might have had no effect on what's happening but you never know. I'm angry at the world for everything that's happened and is happening. I'm angry and I'm really really scared if I'm honest.

Thinking of telling my best friend this weekend when I see him, if only so I can get it off my chest. He's been through everything with me over the years and has always been there when I needed him. But I don't know how to bring it up. I don't know what to say. I'm tempted to not tell anyone else until I have gotten my head around it. I'll see what my counselor says I suppose.

Once again, thanks for all the replies and support. It really has helped being able to express myself here and any thoughts on how to approach telling my friend would be gratefully recieved.