Should I be annoyed at them

LegacyUser

This is the story

I'm home from college for the summer. Haven't seen most of my friends in a long time, since around christmas. I'm unable to do the usual going out routine with them, because I'm not allowed into the nightclub in the town we go to, because of a long standing arguement between my uncle and the father of one of the bouncers. I've gone to management but ROAR and all that crap. I don't mind missing out on the regular nights, because there's just nothing I can do about it.

However last night a guy i wouldn't be overly friendly with as having a secret house party, parents away for the night. A few of the guys in my group would be friendly with him, and I would've expected an invite, I knew but not overly well. Thing is I never found out about the party until today. I never got an invite. The host said for everyone to spread the word, and to invite anyone he knew. None of my friends thought to ask me to go to it, because they don't usually tell me when they're going out, because they know I can't go and don't want to ask when they know the answer. So house parties like this are all I can look forward to.

Even though I'm a guy and 19, i just feel heartbroken about this. 11 people who I'd have been good friends with at secondary school, and not one of them thought to say "hey man david is having a party tonight, do you want to come?"

How should I let them know I'm annoyed at them. I don't feel angry at them, I just feel so let down, I'm home a month and have only met up with one of them because of work etc and that i can't partake in the usual Sunday night routine

Any advice is greatly appreciated

Azwaldo55

Why does the dispute between your uncle and the father of one of the bouncers have anything to do with you and why should it prevent you from going to the local nightclub? This is the problem isn't it that is causing all the rest of your troubles isn't it? If that problem is solved then you can go with your friends to the nightclub and be one of the lads right? It seems odd that you should be prevented from going to a place where everyone else goes to because of a dispute that is only indirectly related you.

LegacyUser

I know it has nothing to do with me but thats just how things are with some people.

Sometimes I can't even go out to the local with my friends because of it. Well i say local its still a good 8km away, thats rural Ireland for ya. I can't go to the local unless I know for sure the plan is to stay the night. If people feel like going to the big town and the nightclub, some of my better friends might feel bad for me and stay at the local, and i don't want to be the reason for them missing out on a good night

But thats my problem and while it indirectly has to do with my predicament, I feel like either my friends forgot about me or didn't want to ask me

Alf. A. Male

Is there any history between you and the host that may have led to him not wanting you there?
Do you have any history of your own at the nightclub?

Matteroffact

The reason you were not invited is because you have not seen most of your friends for a long time, you don't go with them to the nightclub and so because you are out of sight, you are out of their thoughts. They are alright so they are not sensitive enough to care whether you are alright or not. So what you have to do is spread the word that you want to be included in outings and parties in future. Each one of them probably thought that someone else would mention the party to you so they didn't bother so don't take it personally. Your best bet is to let them all know you want to be included whenever possible in future.

LegacyUser

Alf A. Male - The history is between my uncle and one of the bouncers fathers, it has nothing to with the nightclub. It's just my misfortune this fella holds a grudge against me for what happened my uncle

Matteroffact - Most of them couldn't have forgotten about me, like in that way, I'd talk to them all by text or facebook every few days at least. Two of them have to have remembered me because one of them sent me a text at about 2am, to do with an inside joke. So my gripe is how do I let them know I'm upset without coming across as upset ? If i just straight out say I'd like to be included in their plans, they'll take the piss for a bit out of me as lads do, I just think I'd sound silly straight out saying im upset with them

Azwaldo55

Matteroffact wrote: »

The reason you were not invited is because you have not seen most of your friends for a long time, you don't go with them to the nightclub and so because you are out of sight, you are out of their thoughts. They are alright so they are not sensitive enough to care whether you are alright or not. So what you have to do is spread the word that you want to be included in outings and parties in future. Each one of them probably thought that someone else would mention the party to you so they didn't bother so don't take it personally. Your best bet is to let them all know you want to be included whenever possible in future.

The OP is less likely to be included if he can't get into the nightclub they all frequent.

tinkerbell

ShouldI wrote: »

Alf A. Male - The history is between my uncle and one of the bouncers fathers, it has nothing to with the nightclub. It's just my misfortune this fella holds a grudge against me for what happened my uncle

Matteroffact - Most of them couldn't have forgotten about me, like in that way, I'd talk to them all by text or facebook every few days at least. Two of them have to have remembered me because one of them sent me a text at about 2am, to do with an inside joke. So my gripe is how do I let them know I'm upset without coming across as upset ? If i just straight out say I'd like to be included in their plans, they'll take the piss for a bit out of me as lads do, I just think I'd sound silly straight out saying im upset with them

I can't understand why you still can't go to the night club. Is it over 21s? If not, then you should be able to get in. A bouncer can't just decide that he won't let someone in just because they had a row with someone who happens to be related to you. You should be ringing up management about it and they might tell the bouncer to cop on.

December2012

I can't really see what your mates did wrong, to be honest.

It's not their fault that you can't go to their favourite nightclub (only nightclub?)

You went away to college, not their fault.

You don't know the guy who hosted the party, not their fault.

Alf. A. Male

ShouldI wrote: »

Alf A. Male - The history is between my uncle and one of the bouncers fathers, it has nothing to with the nightclub. It's just my misfortune this fella holds a grudge against me for what happened my uncle

That doesn't answer my question, about possible history of your own at the nightclub or history between you and the party's host. It also doesn't clarify the issue with the nightclub. If your previous visit to sort it out involved only speaking to the bouncer, then it was a waste of time and it's the management/owners you should be speaking to.

liz lemoncello

December2012 wrote: »

....
You don't know the guy who hosted the party, not their fault.

It sounds like one of those situations where if one friend is invited, the others are. A lot of parties are like that, and in that case, it wouldn't be unusual for the OP to expect to be included. Half the parties I went to (in my youth) were hosted by people I barely knew.

OP, I assume your friends know about the bouncer situation and know that it is only that club you can't go to, so, yes, I would be annoyed at them for excluding you from a social occasion where they knew you would be allowed in.

PinkLemonade

liz lemoncello wrote: »

It sounds like one of those situations where if one friend is invited, the others are. A lot of parties are like that, and in that case, it wouldn't be unusual for the OP to expect to be included. Half the parties I went to (in my youth) were hosted by people I barely knew.

OP, I assume your friends know about the bouncer situation and know that it is only that club you can't go to, so, yes, I would be annoyed at them for excluding you from a social occasion where they knew you would be allowed in.

Excluding and forgetting are very different. You can't just Waltz back home after being away and pull a strop if your friends forget.
I've done it before, forgetting to include someone as they were barley around, felt really guilty but there's no point dwelling on it.
Maybe they only remembered too late to invite?
I'd be inclined to forget this, call it a once off


You'd be better off saying you'd like to have gone and hope to make the next party in town, IMO