I Want To Attract A Decent Bloke The Right Way - Any Advice From Fellow Girls

LostGirl88

Hi!

I'm relatively new to Boards and see it's a great place to ask advice.

I'm 25, used to be a big girl up until 2 years ago (My biggest was 17st and I'm 5ft 10) and now I've gotten down to a size 12.
I had my first boyfriend @ age 18. Didn't have one beforehand during school years coz I got bullied.
He was my First Love, he was 3 years older, and we got engaged after a year, then broke up 3 months later. He was being a prick near the end and dumped me.

After 8 months, a friend set me up with an ex of hers, my rebound guy.. Partied with him a few times, and slept with him a few times.

Then apart from that I had a fling with an older guy for over a year, it was good, but it was a friends with benefits thing.

Other guys were short and not-long lived.

I admit I used to dress on the slutty side, and even though I wanted a relationship and love, I was giving off the wrong vibes and it has taken me till recent years to improve my shape and dress sense for Me - not a guy..

Since I've lost weight, I do get more attention from guys. Some creepy and some are alright.. But I'd like to be giving off more of a vibe where if I meet someone I like, they'd see me more as a woman they'd like to be with and not fun..

I realise now that I was still a bit hurt from getting my heart broken, and not wanting to get hurt again. Now I've realised that I hope it's not to let someone have my heart again.

Sorry for big novel, hopefully some will understand Thanks girls!

Sauve

Hi OP,
I'm going to move this thread to the Relationship Issues forum. I think you'll get better help over there.

Best of luck,
Sauve

Azwaldo55

Just try being yourself.

th283

Hi OP,

First off congratulations on your weight loss. Well done

My experience with men has been similar to yours, I always have been and still am a big girl. A while back I could have almost written your post, I was in a very similar situation but a chat with a friend helped me reevaluate how I behaved and thought, and really helped.

A couple of months later I met my bf, he would not have been what I considered my type but is one of the nicest sweetest kindest people I have ever met.

Firstly I think being big, there is always an area you over compensate on, such as being overly loud, trying to be funny, bubbly or the way in which you dress etc, in the hope of attracting someone who can see past your size. It took a long time for me to realise this and I like you had to start dressing for myself and no one else. Go shopping, look at what suits you and what you feel comfortable in. If your comfortable you are more relaxed

Get out of your comfort zone- try different activities or even just a different pub or bars. Most of the time the same people go to the same places, you are less likely to meet someone different there

Stop searching- the temptation when out is to keep scanning and looking for guys. focus on your friends and if you see someone that's good but try not to search, it doesn't look good

be yourself- be yourself from the start, let your personality shine through, don't try to adjust yourself or your behaviour to how you think someone else wants you to be. The temptation can be to adjust your behaviour to that of your friends or those around you, it's your life, your future, reputation do be you!

try online dating- there are some genuine guys online and the ability to chat and get to know someone first can sometimes help

Sorry to have written such a long post, hope some of it helps, just relax, be yourself and be patient!

ash23

The only bit of advice I think you need to follow is to respect yourself. That has nothing to do with your size or your sexuality etc. It's to do with what you will and won't put up with from other people.

There's no real way of attracting the right person. You don't have psychic abilities that will let you see exactly what a person is like.
All you can do is give the person a chance by going on a date.

However, in order to avoid being hurt or getting into a deadend relationship is not to make excuses for bad behaviour. As soon as he starts being evasive or cool with you, starts saying horrible things or picking stupid fights, telling you what to do etc......basically any behaviour that you find unacceptable, you WALK AWAY! You have to trust that you deserve better and that you will find better.


When I was younger and lacking confidence, I stayed in relationships far longer than I should and let myself be mistreated. Mainly because I didn't feel deep down that I was worth more and that I deserved better. I thought that if I ended it, nobody else would want me.

But once my confidence was back I was strong enough to call time on relationships that just weren't working for me or where I wasn't happy. Some were obvious things like a guy being a total jerk. Others were just simply because I wasn't seeing it going anywhere.

I've still been hurt. I think that's unavoidable. But because I didn't drag it out, it's been easier.

Anyway OP, hope you find someone who just loves you for who you are. Don't change who you are just to be what you think a man wants.

LostGirl88

To Th283

I can honestly say, I can relate to what you say, and I have to say it's great advice.. I'm going to take it on board. There's nothing wrong with being a big girl, as long as you're happy with it and you're happy in your own skin.. Also, it's great to know, I'm not alone when it comes to stuff like this.. It's less isolating and scary. So cheers for that.. I've added you on this btw

LostGirl88

And thanks Ash!

Yeah I do agree about it being about respect.. This year I've just gotten that bit more confident, enough to realise I do need to love myself more and respect myself more.. A random guy on the street stopped me and said I should smile more.. And I do now..

It's a big bad world out there, glad this is one place where I can get no B.S advice.. Thanks Ash for sharing your own experiences, I get it, but we all have to make our own mistakes to make us stronger I guess

Girl Power