Feeling betrayed

LegacyUser

About 8 weeks ago myself and my girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up. When it happened I thought she had just lost interest in the relationship as she had stopped talking to me as much and spending time with me. I had tried talking to her about it a few weeks previous and she said that she didn't realise it had happened and we decided to work it out but in the end nothing changed.
I was still mad about her but it got to the stage where she went away for a few days with her parents and didn't speak to me the whole time even though I tried ringing and texting. After that I asked if she wanted to break up, even though I didn't, and she said yes.
A week later I find out shes started going out with a new guy already, this is someone she works with and was good friends with before.

Right now I just feel kind of betrayed and wish she was honest with me at the time rather than dragging it out and pushing me away. After we split up I didnt speak to her for a few weeks because I felt like sh!t but eventually I did, more because there was everyday stuff we needed to sort out.

That was 3 weeks ago and I still want to talk to her but can't see it achieving anything anymore. I have so many questions I want to ask her but think all it will do is upset me again. I have gone from feeling like sh!t to just betrayed. When we spoke she said she wants to be friends and hates to think that she wouldn't know what I will be doing in a year but right now theres too much emotion from the relationship for me to think about being friends with her.

I'm just not sure where to go from here

GreeBo

I think, for your own sake, you just need to walk away and try to move on.
Reality is no matter when it happened, seeing her with someone else when she instigated the breakup is going to hurt you.

She should have ended it sooner alright, but you would still feel the same way you do.

Just try to forget about her and move on.

Plenty more cliches in the sea, some of them are female too

Neyite

Its common for some to plod along in a relationship that is not really working, until something someone comes along to make you realise that you need to call it a day and move on. It sucks, but doesnt necessarily mean that she cheated. She botched the breakup and caused you unnecessary heartache that you didnt need, and hearing she has moved on so quickly is like a punch to the stomach. I dont think asking her questions will help you any. Its unlikely she will be entirely truthful, probably will feel she has to tailor her responses in case they hurt you.

Breakups are tough. And my tried and tested formula for them is to avoid all contact and usual haunts for the first few months. Immerse yourself in something new to distract yourself while your emotions are processing - a hobby, a sport, an educational course, whatever you prefer. Reconnect with friends, go travelling or on a holiday. It takes time but it does get better.

Czarcasm

00ty0 wrote: »

About 8 weeks ago myself and my girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up. When it happened I thought she had just lost interest in the relationship as she had stopped talking to me as much and spending time with me. I had tried talking to her about it a few weeks previous and she said that she didn't realise it had happened and we decided to work it out but in the end nothing changed.
I was still mad about her but it got to the stage where she went away for a few days with her parents and didn't speak to me the whole time even though I tried ringing and texting. After that I asked if she wanted to break up, even though I didn't, and she said yes.
A week later I find out shes started going out with a new guy already, this is someone she works with and was good friends with before.

Right now I just feel kind of betrayed and wish she was honest with me at the time rather than dragging it out and pushing me away. After we split up I didnt speak to her for a few weeks because I felt like sh!t but eventually I did, more because there was everyday stuff we needed to sort out.

That was 3 weeks ago and I still want to talk to her but can't see it achieving anything anymore. I have so many questions I want to ask her but think all it will do is upset me again. I have gone from feeling like sh!t to just betrayed. When we spoke she said she wants to be friends and hates to think that she wouldn't know what I will be doing in a year but right now theres too much emotion from the relationship for me to think about being friends with her.

I'm just not sure where to go from here

OP you seemed far more invested in the relationship than your ex, and your post reads like you were there for her, but only on her terms, and now that she's broken up with you, she still wants to keep you around so she knows "what you're doing in a year"?

Your ex has no entitlement to know what you're doing with your life from the moment you broke up, and by that same token - you have no right to go asking her questions and looking for closure from her now.

I think you'd be far better off at this point, to accept that you're never going to get the closure you seek, and don't allow your ex to play on your emotions when she knows all too well how you still feel about her (let's be honest, you'd be back with her in the morning if she was willing!). The possibility of getting back with her is the carrot she knows you can't refuse.

If you want to start taking control of your life, then start by doing what you feel is in YOUR best interests, not in your ex's best interests, because you're not obliged or answerable to her in any way, shape or form any more. Your ex lost the right to know what was going on in your life when she felt you had no right to know any more what was going on in her life.

Merkin

You poor thing, she has behaved appallingly towards you. Rather than tackle the break up head on she behaved in a long and protracted passive aggressive manner in which to terminate the relationship which resulted in YOU having to be the one to pull the plug. How spineless and cruel. And of course you feel betrayed seeing as she's moved on so quickly,.

00ty0 wrote: »

That was 3 weeks ago and I still want to talk to her but can't see it achieving anything anymore. I have so many questions I want to ask her but think all it will do is upset me again. I have gone from feeling like sh!t to just betrayed. When we spoke she said she wants to be friends and hates to think that she wouldn't know what I will be doing in a year but right now theres too much emotion from the relationship for me to think about being friends with her.

:rolleyes: Purleeeease, my heart bleeds. So she wants the ego boost of having you keep in touch with her as well as acting as a salve for her guilty conscience? Seriously?

Delete her number and sever contact. You owe this girl nothing, least of all progress reports on your welfare.....how VERY dare she! Make a clean break m'dear and move on without staying in touch. You're better off without her.

DukeOfTheSharp

Cut all ties with her. It's the only thing you can do. She didn't just botch the breakup, she emotionally damaged you with this and that'll take a while to recover from.

I had an ex that did the same, then again, I should've known better, but hindsight is a great thing Let me put it to you this way: when she, a week or so later, started going out with another person, especially a friend, regardless of whether or not she cheated after weeks of treating you like you didn't exist and making you feel worse than you needed to, you're well within your rights to cut all contact. You don't need the knife being twisted by her faux-martyr belief that she 'owes' you for the way it ended, she screwed up and when you screw up, there are consequences. Do yourself a favour and heal on your own time, trust me, you'll be better off for it.

I have been on both sides here, being lead on in a relationship until you an take it anymore and have to finish it for your sanity,while she has moved on all ready...

And I have also lead someone on and got into a relationship with a girl who was a friend right after finishing a dead relationship.

In both instances it is a pretty crappy thing to do, mistakes that where made in both cases were that the people who were left behind (I.e me on one occasion, the ex in another and unfortunately you now) can have severe trouble moving on, and tend to annoy the person that has unfortunately moved on either by trying to stay in contact. In both my cases things turned sour. If you wouldn't like it to turn sour keep your distance, it's hard to keep a positive mind, I know that, unfortunately I turned to alcohol , not the answer, but keep your mind occupied plenty more people out there who won't do this to you!

Keep it positive

corner of hells

Merkin wrote: »

You poor thing, she has behaved appallingly towards you. Rather than tackle the break up head on she behaved in a long and protracted passive aggressive manner in which to terminate the relationship which resulted in YOU having to be the one to pull the plug. How spineless and cruel. And of course you feel betrayed seeing as she's moved on so quickly,.



:rolleyes: Purleeeease, my heart bleeds. So she wants the ego boost of having you keep in touch with her as well as acting as a salve for her guilty conscience? Seriously?

Delete her number and sever contact. You owe this girl nothing, least of all progress reports on your welfare.....how VERY dare she! Make a clean break m'dear and move on without staying in touch. You're better off without her.

Delete her number and sever contact , perfect advice .If she needs to contact you she'll find a way.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses guys

I kinda figured breaking all contact was my best option really, its just not easy after so long together. Lots of things trigger memories.

Just have to keep myself occupied and I'll manage I suppose!