I don't know what to do with my life

manoone89

I'm a guy just turned 25 and unemployed and it's really getting to me right now. To give a bit of context, ive suffered from depression and social anxiety quite a bit if not for most of my life now. Ive taken up odd jobs that i thought might get me going and recently a factory job finished up but mostly since college ive been unemployed. Im volunteering at the moment but theres only so much of that you can do.
Right now, i'm freaking out with regard to my life. I feel like i haven't lived a day and that i've left things too late to change. I've only been in one relationship, am crippingly shy around girls, have barely any job experience, never went travelling and now am faced with the reality of being stuck like this and it makes me feel like dying to be honest. I feel ashamed.
I'm considering doing springboard for a postgrad and also have a TEFL qualification which i could use to travel but i become so lonely and depressed when im isolated that i feel that could be a bad move. Ive gone to so many counsellors and done the anti depressant route too.
Ive been stuck like this in my hometown now for so long, its really eating away at me. I have so many regrets surrounding everything, I just wish i was someone else right now.
I don't know if anyone has advice but i'd appreciate feedback.

sligoface

manoone89 wrote: »

I'm a guy just turned 25 and unemployed and it's really getting to me right now. To give a bit of context, ive suffered from depression and social anxiety quite a bit if not for most of my life now. Ive taken up odd jobs that i thought might get me going and recently a factory job finished up but mostly since college ive been unemployed. Im volunteering at the moment but theres only so much of that you can do.
Right now, i'm freaking out with regard to my life. I feel like i haven't lived a day and that i've left things too late to change. I've only been in one relationship, am crippingly shy around girls, have barely any job experience, never went travelling and now am faced with the reality of being stuck like this and it makes me feel like dying to be honest. I feel ashamed.
I'm considering doing springboard for a postgrad and also have a TEFL qualification which i could use to travel but i become so lonely and depressed when im isolated that i feel that could be a bad move. Ive gone to so many counsellors and done the anti depressant route too.
Ive been stuck like this in my hometown now for so long, its really eating away at me. I have so many regrets surrounding everything, I just wish i was someone else right now.
I don't know if anyone has advice but i'd appreciate feedback.

Don't worry. It's normal to feel like this in your 20's and beyond. The choices you have to make are confusing and difficult. But if that feeling is really consuming you and you feel depressed, it can be overwhelming. I feel the same way a lot of the time and I'm 9 years older. I can recommend some books if you like, Stop Thinking Start Living by Richard Carlson, How to Lift Depression Fast by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrell.

Try to avoid comparing yourself to others. You might see people you know on Facebook doing things you can't, for example, which can make you feel worse. It sounds cheesy but being grateful for what you do have is important, it might not be much but it is probably quite a lot compared to many on our planet.

And don't belittle your own accomplishments which even in your short post you mentioned one, your TEFL. Travelling is a great way to beat the blues and increase your confidence but it's your choice if you wish to do it. Avoid the black and white thinking of 'I'm either a success or a failure.' Remember the times in life that you were successful at something and think, 'If I could do that then I could do this,' try to reach for slightly more and more uplifting thoughts all the time.

Sometimes when I am depressed, I just accept it and stop struggling against it, wondering why I am unhappy and so on. I will read a sad book or listen to a sad song or watch a sad film. I feel less alone then in my struggles, appreciate the artful beauty of the person who created the book/song/film and it helps me move on. One of my favorites when I feel like this is The Weather Man starring Nicholas Cage. He feels similar to yourself during the film, and one of my favorite quotes was when he tells it to his father played by Michael Caine, his father tells him 'Easy doesn't enter into adult life.'

And it doesn't, for most of us, most of the time. But that doesn't mean you can't be happy some of the time. You might have to work harder for it than some people do, but it is not totally unrealistic. It is unrealistic to think you can have everything sussed at 25 and be totally happy all the time.

How you're feeling cannot be solved by an internet message board, but just know with 100% certainty that almost everyone feels like this sometimes and many of us feel like it a lot of thr time or some of the time. We all want the answers to the same questions such as 'what should I do with my life?' But no one can give us the answer and any advice will come up short.

For example, I could say just take a walk in nature to lift your spirits and inspire you, which may seem trite and only offer temporary relief, but it is actually more effective than any pill or counseling I've tried. Because ALL happiness is only fleeting and temporary really IMO. A buddhist proverb goes something like 'The moment I became happy was when I realized happiness does not exist'. I think we often make ourselves many times more miserable than we need to be by struggling so hard to be happy and beating ourselves up for feeling a bit down instead of just accepting it and letting it pass. It's like being upset at the weather in Ireland. It's gonna rain a lot, but not every day all day. You can do things to avoid getting wet but you will get wet at some stage.

Sometimes I really think learning to live without the answers IS the answer. I may have a million regrets and failures but at least I can be proud that I haven't given up yet on what seems often to be a pointless existence on what is in many ways an insane, unfair, cruel and confusing planet. I have accepted that this rat race makes no sense, and while it frustrates me and oftens sadden or angers me, I realize that we are only here a short time, and I will keep on going. I may not become rich and famous, I may have made some unwise choices but I will live with them, I will finish the race, and that's enough for me.

Don't be so hard on yourself dude. You're 25, which may sound old when you are 15, but when you are 35 you realize you're still a child innyour 20's, and it was totally unrealistic for you, or your parents or society, to think you would have your sh*t 100% together at that age. Few do, otherwise I suspect humans would not typically live for 5 or so more decades. Whoever or whatever designed us knew we would need a bit of time to to experience and figure things out. Which is probably why they say 'Only the good die young.'

Dunno if that helps at all or even makes sense but I typed it all out on a tablet so I'm going to post it anyway!

manoone89

Thank you for such a thoughtful response. Reading through it definitely helped ease some of my worries.

Sir Nonchalant

OP, reading your post I had to ask: Are you me? Seriously, your post expresses my experiences almost exactly and I've a few years on you too. So already it's clear that you're not alone in this.

I don't often read these pages but just had to chime in just because this issue was so bracingly familiar. I wish I had some wise advice that I could write here (maybe I'll come back later when I have some!) As someone working through very similar issues all I can say is try not to linger on regrets, instead accept what can't be changed and don't allow your past to hold you back in future.

I'm not even 30 yet and I already look back at my 25 year old self as young and naive. You say you wish you were someone else, maybe use that impulse to build yourself into someone you want to be. Easier said than done, believe me I know but try and stay positive, 25 is young and you have ample potential to grow.

I'm sorry if this is rambling and unclear, I'm trying to express my own experience so maybe this is the case of the blind leading the blind. I just felt compelled to chime in since your post touched a nerve.

Really wonderful post from sligoface, too. Thank you for that.

Rubberchikken

you haven't given up, so that's a start. you mention Springboard. Keep that in mind and find out what you can about going on to further education. 25 is so young, believe me. Your life is only warming up.
you've had one relationship, so you're capable of others. Somebody saw the good person you are and others will.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Best of luck.

Semele

Make changes- try the things you've mentioned. I know you said being isolated makes things worse, but moving abroad would force you be sociable! It's much easier to strike up conversations as a tourist or an ex-pat. Plus you'd be in new surroundings doing new things so you'd have the boost of knowing you were achieving something.

I've just turned 30 and I won't be qualified to do my job fully until next year, after moving cities (alone) 3 times in the course of pursing my dream career. I've had freak outs along the way about the fact I was getting older and still in rubbish jobs, but you know what? Time is going to pass anyway. You can spend the next 5 years taking small steps towards the kind of life you'd like, or you can spend them consumed in regret about not having done these things earlier. Either way you're going to be 5 years older, but I'd guarantee you'll be happier in the first version of events! You can't change the past but you have the power to change things now, which is both amazing and scary:). Little steps though, it all adds up.

Also, on the counselling/meds front- it's all well and good doing these things and they have some value in themselves- but you really need to make changes based on them. Therapy itself usually isn't a cure, but it helps you to see a way forward. How you are able to use what you've taken from therapy in "real life" determines how effective it is, otherwise it can just be a crutch.

Try something new. And then something else. And so on... Things may seem scary but what they are are only challenges...there won't be any major consequences if you try something and don't like it, or it just isn't for you. What's the worst that could happen? Even if things don't work out you're in a stronger position than you are now!

manoone89

manoone89 wrote: »

I'm a guy just turned 25 and unemployed and it's really getting to me right now. To give a bit of context, ive suffered from depression and social anxiety quite a bit if not for most of my life now. Ive taken up odd jobs that i thought might get me going and recently a factory job finished up but mostly since college ive been unemployed. Im volunteering at the moment but theres only so much of that you can do.
Right now, i'm freaking out with regard to my life. I feel like i haven't lived a day and that i've left things too late to change. I've only been in one relationship, am crippingly shy around girls, have barely any job experience, never went travelling and now am faced with the reality of being stuck like this and it makes me feel like dying to be honest. I feel ashamed.
I'm considering doing springboard for a postgrad and also have a TEFL qualification which i could use to travel but i become so lonely and depressed when im isolated that i feel that could be a bad move. Ive gone to so many counsellors and done the anti depressant route too.
Ive been stuck like this in my hometown now for so long, its really eating away at me. I have so many regrets surrounding everything, I just wish i was someone else right now.
I don't know if anyone has advice but i'd appreciate feedback.

What strikes me in this post is that somehow you have managed NOT to mention what you would LIKE to do with your life.

In fact you have managed to write a long post without applying any value - positive or negative - to your how description of you life. The only "qualitative" phrase I can find in the whole post is when you say you have "only" been on one relationship. As if you think that the number of relationships you have been in is somehow a measure of success in life.

Forget what you personally want to do with your life for a moment - and most certainly forget ANY and ALL measures of what constitutes success like "how many relationships" you have been in.....

and forgetting all that please tell us what YOU think a life well lived can be measured by. What standards would you judge such a life by.

I dont mean this as a critique or a challange. But as a question. If you want to know what to do with your life then I would be interested to know what you would judge a "Good like" to be.