Problem Neighbour

LegacyUser

I took over the rental of a council house after my mam died three years ago. Before she died, never had a problem with our neighbor. Got on great! Then her daughter and young son moved in and all hell broke lose!
Couple of months after the daughter moved in, my husband was sticking (hammering) a bit of carpet back down. It was about 6pm and the neighbor rang me screaming down the phone about the noise. Told me I couldn't be making noise after 5pm coz the kid goes to bed at half 5, (& wakes up and 3-4am and wakes us up.)
So, since then, the mother and daughter have been out to get us. If we make noise after 5, they knock in. When I mean noise, walking up the stairs or closing a door.
But back in December, we built a utility room & put in a new kitchen. I checked with the council and they said we could work till half 7, great & I let the neighbor know, no bother Now I will admit, there was a lot of noise, but most of it was during the day (before 4pm) while the kid wasn't there. One evening around 7pm, he used a screw gun to screw something onto the floor and the daughter nearly took our door off the hinges and started screaming at my husband accusing him of working till midnight every night and then called him a lair when he said he didn't (which he wasn't, coz I wouldn't dare allow it)
Since then they have refused flat out to even talk or look at us (no bother there). So now, I'm 35 week pregnant (YAY) and my husband decided to insulate the house while the weather is good. We are well within our right to insulate and the mother reported us to the council (she rents too) the council got on to me and told me we where abusive and aggressive towards her despite her not coming near us. After the council contacted me she knocked in and said "I'm just being neighborly, but I reported you to the council". But she reported us for working past 5, and they told her we could work till half 7. The council are in agreement with me that she can't do anything but they had to ring seems as she put in a complaint. When I told them we insulated the house, they where happy (means they didn't have to do it themselves)
She has now resorted to parking across our driveway so my husband can't park in our drive and standing in her front garden on the phone whinging to her daughter in work that he is mixing mortar in the garden (more around to the side of our house, away from her's)
I'm so afraid to bring the baby home after I have him/her. As I know they will make as much noise as possible. I know people can be noisy, that's life! But seriously, we are well within our rights to renovate the house. It's well for her when she gets work done she moves down to her sisters house and doesn't hear the noise, or the dust her builders leave on our car, but we've never complained.
I don't want to be a "rat" and go to the council, but this is stressing me out.
How do you deal with awful neighbors? I just want the house to be the way its needs to be. I've lived there 29 years!! All my other neighbors are great, we all look after each other, bar this one and her daughter.
Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this and did it ever resolve itself?

diograis

Anon3012 wrote: »

I took over the rental of a council house after my mam died three years ago. Before she died, never had a problem with our neighbor. Got on great! Then her daughter and young son moved in and all hell broke lose!
Couple of months after the daughter moved in, my husband was sticking (hammering) a bit of carpet back down. It was about 6pm and the neighbor rang me screaming down the phone about the noise. Told me I couldn't be making noise after 5pm coz the kid goes to bed at half 5, (& wakes up and 3-4am and wakes us up.)
So, since then, the mother and daughter have been out to get us. If we make noise after 5, they knock in. When I mean noise, walking up the stairs or closing a door.
But back in December, we built a utility room & put in a new kitchen. I checked with the council and they said we could work till half 7, great & I let the neighbor know, no bother Now I will admit, there was a lot of noise, but most of it was during the day (before 4pm) while the kid wasn't there. One evening around 7pm, he used a screw gun to screw something onto the floor and the daughter nearly took our door off the hinges and started screaming at my husband accusing him of working till midnight every night and then called him a lair when he said he didn't (which he wasn't, coz I wouldn't dare allow it)
Since then they have refused flat out to even talk or look at us (no bother there). So now, I'm 35 week pregnant (YAY) and my husband decided to insulate the house while the weather is good. We are well within our right to insulate and the mother reported us to the council (she rents too) the council got on to me and told me we where abusive and aggressive towards her despite her not coming near us. After the council contacted me she knocked in and said "I'm just being neighborly, but I reported you to the council". But she reported us for working past 5, and they told her we could work till half 7. The council are in agreement with me that she can't do anything but they had to ring seems as she put in a complaint. When I told them we insulated the house, they where happy (means they didn't have to do it themselves)
She has now resorted to parking across our driveway so my husband can't park in our drive and standing in her front garden on the phone whinging to her daughter in work that he is mixing mortar in the garden (more around to the side of our house, away from her's)
I'm so afraid to bring the baby home after I have him/her. As I know they will make as much noise as possible. I know people can be noisy, that's life! But seriously, we are well within our rights to renovate the house. It's well for her when she gets work done she moves down to her sisters house and doesn't hear the noise, or the dust her builders leave on our car, but we've never complained.
I don't want to be a "rat" and go to the council, but this is stressing me out.
How do you deal with awful neighbors? I just want the house to be the way its needs to be. I've lived there 29 years!! All my other neighbors are great, we all look after each other, bar this one and her daughter.
Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this and did it ever resolve itself?

IIRC parking across someone's exit is an obstruction and you can get the car removed by the guards or the council. Not much help sorry but it's a small something against that pest of a neighbour

ABajaninCork

Every time she blocks your drive, call the Gards to get it moved. Not nice, but you have every right to park in your drive.

deise08

Is the neighbour in a privately owned house or council house?

The Princess Bride

If she isn't planning on moving,you're obviously not planning on moving,then the only solution I can see, is you and your husband going over there and trying to sort this out without antagonising each other.Try the peaceful approach.
"Listen, we used to get on,.....can we put the past behind us...?"
I'm not saying you've ever behaved inappropriately- it doesn't seem like you have.
I just cannot see things ever improving, without someone making an effort.And it doesn't sound like she will be this someone.

You say she was never a problem before?As in, you've lived there 26 years without an issue, yes?
Then approaching her,trying to make amends, might be the only solution.

Things will never go back to how they used to be, but you'll have enough with a new baby, without the added worry of nasty neighbours getting nastier.

By the way, in my opinion?
Ringing Gardaí, would make things worse.

LegacyUser

First don't worry about the noise they will make - babies will sleep through tornados (if they want). My neighbours are really noisy with all night drinking/music parties and my son doesn't care at all. I always have a radio on in our house for a bit of background noise for him so he doesn't need pure silence to sleep and boy if he's tired will he sleep anywhere now as a result. The noise the neighbours will create will do the same and you won't have to pay for the radio being on

I wouldn't call the Gardai or make formal complaints but I would (privately) log/document all acts they do and take date/time stamped photos if you can so that if the need arises you have a catalogue of things they have done to you guys. If they keep making complaints about you (ones obviously without foundation) you will be able to defend yourselves with hard evidence.

Rubberchikken

god, these type of people are so painful.
sometimes crap like this start with basic jealousy. hard to fathim but there you have it!

you could speak to the community garda and maybe they could have a word about the car being parked across your drive. that is unfair.

Toots

She puts the kid to bed at 5:30?? How old is the kid? I'd imagine he's waking up in the middle of the night because he's coming up on 12 hours sleep. I know kids need to go to bed early, but 5:30 seems VERY early - I've a 2 year old and our PHN was always saying 7pm was the 'golden hour' for putting the kids to bed (apparently it would help them sleep right through til 7am). Honestly, I would get on to the council about them because what they're doing is pretty much harassment. In fairness, they were quick enough to complain about you. I wouldn't go in for any of this 'neighbourly' crap either, telling you they've reported you is designed to intimidate you. If they're continually blocking your driveway, ring the Guards. If they start hammering on the door, don't answer it. I second the recommendation to get on to the community Garda and see have they any advice.

edit: when you get on to the council make sure to really emphasize how the stress is affecting you, and coupled with the fact that you are pregnant, could be harmful to your baby. Be completely honest about how intimidated you feel and that you're feeling afraid to bring your baby home.

tenifan

She thinks she should live in complete peace and quiet. It's a nice notion, but the law is not on her side.

I'd fight fire with fire.
If she bangs the wall, you or your husband should immediately start ringing her doorbell to get an explanation. The following day, get your solicitor to write a letter threatening her with legal action and pointing out that the council and gardai have been notified.
Start keeping a log of any incident she the woman is harassing you and report every incident to the gardai.. Make her life a misery by calling the gardai when she parks across your drive, call the gardai when she bangs on the wall, etc.

The gardai will likely be willing to discuss this with her to prevent escalation. But that's up to them. You should escalate it as far as you need to to stop that woman from bullying you.

Lou.m

Point out that she got on with your mother and could you two try to get on in her memory.

Charm her ....seriously charm the lady...

If you can't do that then try to interact as much as possible.

thefeatheredcat

It's all very passive aggressive behaviour on their part. Is it mainly the daughter doing this? I assume it's a semi detached house, perhaps she is not used to the sounds of normal daily activity (i.e. walking up the stairs) and how it sounds and is freaking out over it. Do you know the circumstances of which the daughter moved in? You possibly are a convenient target for issues that have nothing to do with you and your husband at all. On the renovations... it is your own business and not theirs, perhaps they are upset that they weren't consulted as a matter of courtesy about it and are using any excuse to vent their upset without ever directly confronting the issue.

I would say, don't stoop to their level and don't be drawn into a conflict by their behaviour. Some people are just like that, they want to start a war and want to bring you down to their level for the satisfaction they will enjoy seeing you down there too. Jealousy of what you have could play a role in all this and if you have never had any issues with the actual neighbour in the past then the problem is most likely with the daughter and the mother is not prepared to tell her to cop on for whatever reasons. It has crossed my mind that maybe the daughter hopes to blacken your name so she might get the council house next door to her mother.

tbh I don't know what you really can do, except maybe try and confront the issue with them in a nice way, making a gesture of goodwill with an indirect apology of all the renovation noise (stress something like it has to be done in time for the baby). I would advise against getting drawn into a tit for tat situation or negative confrontation that escalates the situation. If you are on good terms with the council and have a good history with them, that will stand to you in dealings with them and accusations the daughter makes against you might be seen as trouble making on her behalf, rather than you instigating them. If you do something in "revenge" or to annoy your neighbour/the daughter, they will be very happy so they can skip off to the council and have a legitimate complaint against you that could put you in a bad light.

Cover yourself in case the daughter escalates things, if you have certain rights / agreements to work until 7pm, then have that in writing, so you can back up and prove that point if raised again. Same with her stopping in at the door, you don't have to open the door to her, if she wants to communicate and be a cow, let her land herself in it that provides evidence e.g. a text that you could show Gardai as evidence of abusive behaviour from her.

On the car parking, again I'd confront that in a nice way, like saying you noticed it, assumed it was a once off or exceptional circumstance and that isn't likely to happen but again, mention your pregnancy and the need to have access directly through your drive in case for any reason you need to get to the hospital (people can't obstruct your drive unless you have granted permission for them to park in or in front of your driveway, should be in the ROTR). Also mention in passing about nuisance parking and your feelings on people parking across your drive and that you'd contact the Gardai if you saw it again.

I think you probably should look to getting advice from Gardai about a problematic neighbour if it is likely that her behaviour will escalate further.

Big Bag of Chips

Is there a chance that the daughter had her eye on the house, and is now doing all she can to get you out thinking that she can move in next door to her mother?

evolving_doors

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Is there a chance that the daughter had her eye on the house, and is now doing all she can to get you out thinking that she can move in next door to her mother?

Nail on the head.
Maybe...

Anyhow op , these things come full circle eventually so play a very long game.

Old man and grand kids next to us,
Occasional Party and nose on our side (once every 3 months)
They didn't complain.
Then We had kids with no desire to sleep! Any noise would wake them and we were in bits with sleep depravation (it is a recognised form of torture !)
Old man died and left house to grandson.
Grandson goes to college..parties start at his side every week till 5 in morning...kids didn't wake too often then but it drove us nuts. We complained and he was reasonable about it.
Parties died down eventually, but now he has to listen to screaming kids night and day again.
Chances are he'll settle down in a few years and have kids!
Then when our kids get the house the cycle will continue.

Try to be reasonable if you want to play the long game, appeal to the grand mother or maybe a neighbour they might know, and say you really want to sort things out but need another person present and everyone must be sitting down to talk.

Btw the guards might be able to reccomend a mediation service, I think this is the best way forward..

You have to take a very long perspective on it though if you are stuck in the house, the woman with the kid could also be very stressed with sleep issues and living with her mother, once the child starts to go through the night things might change for the better.