Oversharing on facebook

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Just looking for a bit of perspective. My girlfriend of 2 years (were both late 20s) has become increasing active on facebook. She shares everything about her life on her page - things that are going well for her, things that arent going so well, where shes going, where we are going, what shes doing, what we are doing.

I'm not big on facebook really, never have been and never share anything myself. I'm tagged in some friends picture but thats about the extent of it.

Thing is I'm started to get really bugged by it. She shares things on facebook that she doesnt share with me. Theres also been times when she shares something personal with me and I think shes telling me because she feels close to me. Two mins later i realise shes actually told everyone on facebook too. Its a real blow to me when that happens and its happened a fair bit.

I dont really know how to broach it with her without sounding pathetic

Am I overthinking this ? Any advice?

Merkin

She needs to cop on to herself. This compulsion to share the minutiae of all that happens in her life is a desperate bid for attention. Fine if it's her own banal rubbish to bore everyone with but I'd find it infuriating to be tagged ad nauseum or have my private business declared to all in sundry when you've no control over it.

You need to have a serious chat about how you value your privacy. I know that I have my settings fixed that I have to approve anything I'm tagged in so while you could do this, you also need to tell her to cop on to herself, that you value the intimacy of your relationship and you don't understand the compulsion to share daily selfies or bouts of gastroenteritis with her myriad 'friends' :rolleyes:

curlzy

I think maybe your girlfriend just likes Facebook, I wouldn’t go saying it's a desperate bid for attention?!?!? Bit of an overreaction there. You don't mention anywhere in your post that you have an issue with privacy or that you mind being mentioned, so I'm not sure where the previous poster is getting that from. What I'm getting from your post is that you feel a little let down that she shares everything with FB and that you feel a little less special as you are not her special confidante. Please correct me if I'm wrong in how I'm picking you up.

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with my partner sharing and updating Facebook regularly. I'm just wondering if perhaps you haven't thought this through. Are you sure she don't confide especially in you? If she has a fight with a family member or friend, I'm sure she only shares that with you? And likewise when she's sharing that she just had a tasty taco for lunch, would you really be interested in that? I'm not mad into Facebook but I do use it if I'm organising an event or if I'm heading into town and I want to see who's about to meet up but I do have friends that use it ALL the time, I honestly think it's quite good for their relationships because they're extremely chatty people and would drive their partners mental sending them texts saying "just had a bagel, yum yum" etc.

I would suggest you have a proper think about how this is affecting you really? I mean all people have little things that annoy them about their partner, with you it's that your girlfriend uses Facebook a lot but I don't see how you have a right to be annoyed over this? Like I don't enjoy Dr Who but my OH watches it a lot (nerd!) but that doesn't give me the right to ask him to stop or make out he's doing something wrong. How is this affecting you really? Other than making you feel a little less special as the one she confides in, and if that's really the only problem then I think you are being a little bit of a diva (but just a little bit of one ; ) I wouldn't go accusing her of anything like invasion of privacy or attention seeking, that would be way OTT and totally out of line.

Merkin

Of course it's attention seeking. Why else would someone feel compelled to over-share to that extent? They are looking for the validation and attention that goes with people seeing what she's up to.

Ande1975

howstheleg wrote: »

Hi all,

Just looking for a bit of perspective. My girlfriend of 2 years (were both late 20s) has become increasing active on facebook. She shares everything about her life on her page - things that are going well for her, things that arent going so well, where shes going, where we are going, what shes doing, what we are doing.

I'm not big on facebook really, never have been and never share anything myself. I'm tagged in some friends picture but thats about the extent of it.

Thing is I'm started to get really bugged by it. She shares things on facebook that she doesnt share with me. Theres also been times when she shares something personal with me and I think shes telling me because she feels close to me. Two mins later i realise shes actually told everyone on facebook too. Its a real blow to me when that happens and its happened a fair bit.

I dont really know how to broach it with her without sounding pathetic

Am I overthinking this ? Any advice?

It reads to me OP that you feel you are on unsteady ground with your girlfriend of 2 years. Obviously we all want to feel special and close to that one person but you can see on Facebook that she's sharing with everyone else.
I'm not a fan of Facebook sharing (more of a lurker than anything else) but perhaps chat with her about the fact that sometimes when you are together and talking, she shares something with you that (as you said) makes you feel close and then your heart sinks when you see her share it on facebook - that you are not as important as you thought to her?
I know that sounds daft but you might find the best way to articulate it.

December2012

I think it's two separate issues -

1. Would the way she uses Facebook annoy you if she wasn't your girlfriend? If so, then it's not really anything to do with you, no more than you following football etc is to do with her.

2. You don't feel like she tells you anything special, that's just between you and her. Now personally, unless it's something to do with you or your relationship I don't see why you're upset about this. Do I want my husband to tell me his hopes and fears, his loves and his dreams? Of course. Is it made less special if he tells others? No, not to me.

She's going out with you. She's supposedly intimate with you. You presumably have sex, see each other hungover, snore and fart and sleep next to each other. If she has an opinion on somebody does she tell you, or does she put that on Facebook too?

There's a difference between a status that says "don't let the haters get you down" and one that says "Mary is so negative and was slagging people off. Don't be a hater Mary. I don't let the haters get me down and neither should you guys".

Now, having said that, maybe you could both improve your communication skills. Do you listen actively? Do you take time to communicate? Do you talk lots? And listen more?

Work on those things and your relationship will improve anyway.

Lou.m

Merkin wrote: »

She needs to cop on to herself. This compulsion to share the minutiae of all that happens in her life is a desperate bid for attention. Fine if it's her own banal rubbish to bore everyone with but I'd find it infuriating to be tagged ad nauseum or have my private business declared to all in sundry when you've no control over it.

You need to have a serious chat about how you value your privacy. I know that I have my settings fixed that I have to approve anything I'm tagged in so while you could do this, you also need to tell her to cop on to herself, that you value the intimacy of your relationship and you don't understand the compulsion to share daily selfies or bouts of gastroenteritis with her myriad 'friends' :rolleyes:

I disagree.

Social networking like it or not is now the norm for this generation.

All you can do is ask her to not disclose anything to do with you.

And you would be surprised what people keep back.

I don't tag people or reveal what I don't have permission to about others.

I am active but I respect others privacy on it. I can pretty much tell if someone is a private person and I won't bug them then.

I think you going on about the non issue of her FB profile is attention seeking to be honest. First world issue.

I have boundaries and I respect the boundaries of others. I think to be honest you are feeling that perhaps she is actually not a very open person and reveals to you what she reveals to the rest of the world in general which means she probably keeps a lot back. Work on that between you.

heres also been times when she shares something personal with me and I think shes telling me because she feels close to me. Two mins later i realise shes actually told everyone on facebook too. Its a real blow to me when that happens and its happened a fair bit.

I actually think that sounds unreasonable to be honest.

Maybe your GF is just an extroverted open person.

You have the right to not have your life and details revealed so if she is doing that then that is not ok.

Lou.m

Besides my Mom my Dad and Uncle and entire family are on FB they all post pics particularly my Uncle they are middle aged peeps are they all attention seekers or is it just a hobby ??

You don't have to partake.

People of all ages and backgrounds do it now.

Just say you don't want her to say anything about you and she should respect that. :-)

Don't worry people don't notice or are not interested on FB in your stuff they are not going to pry on it anyway. It's only relevant to the people involved.

LegacyUser

I can understand how you feel about your girlfriend using facebook as much as she does.

I would tell her that you don't want your personal life or personal information shared on facebook. Ask her if how she would feel if you told the whole world on facebook some thing she wanted to keep private?
I would also say to her that other people you know may not want there photos or information put on facebook either.

I would also say to her that she needs to become more aware of the type information she puts up on facebook. If she decides to change job ect most employers now do an internet search and she needs to be aware of this.

I have to be honest here I think she is showing a lack of maturity. She could be posting up more things on facebook to appear that her life, job ect is as good or better than other friends/people she knows.
By your late 20's you should be moving on from posting up your whole life on facebook and you should not be putting up any type of personal information on facebook.

allandanyways

If some of the posts are to do with intimate things or private parts of your relationship, then you need to tell her to cop on and check with you before posting stuff like that. It's a simple manner of courtesy. Maybe you don't want people from home/work/clubs etc knowing where you are all the time and she needs to respect that.

Otherwise, you'll end up being one of those people that gets checked in "At Bed with my sexy boyfriend xoxoxox" and every single highlight and low of your relationship will be tracked online for everyone to see.

That does my tits in, I don't understand the compulsion to share anything about a relationship on Facebook. It's just not an essential part of my life (Facebook, not the relationship!), I've better feckin things to be doing.

ash23

If it's intimate stuff about you or your relationship, then yes, you've a right to be annoyed. For example if you guys have a fight and she puts it up as her status, then I'd be all for pulling her up on it as she has no right to post personal information like that up.

However, if it's just day to day stuff about her and her life, then what she puts on facebook is pretty much none of your business.
I know that I have friends where they post passive aggressive stuff up and it drives me nuts. If that was my partner getting digs at me, I wouldn't tolerate it.
But I also have friends who post what they made for dinner or what they did all day and I have others who have their facebook page like a running commentary about their kids.

Equally I've noticed people deleting me and obviously something about my page bugs them but whatever.

Each to their own. Some people live their life out on social media. I actually prefer those to people who have pages and post nothing at all as it feels like they're just there to snoop.


If it's not about you and you're not keen on facebook then why not just delete your profile and then it won't bother you anymore.

LegacyUser

Have to say OP the best thing I ever did regarding facebook - was to delete it.

I feel so carefree since I did it because I was addicted to it for so long. I call it "bragbook" because that's all it seems to be for. People bragging about their lives, not all people but most of the people in my friends seemed to think they were living a champagne lifestyle when in fact - it was more like lemonade!

Just tell your gf that you dont want stuff about YOU posted on her fb. If you want to post about YOUR life, then you post it on your own page. All this checking in crap is ridiculous too, I never fully got that side of fb!

strobe

Is she posting things about you on it? If so you're perfectly justified in telling her not to. If its thing that dont involve or relate to you then that's her business and she can share what she likes, in whatever way she likes, with whomever she likes, and you should keep your nose out and stop checking her Facebook page/ turn off the feed of her posts to your wall/whatever if it bother you that much. No ones making you read this stuff.

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

I think maybe your girlfriend just likes Facebook, I wouldn’t go saying it's a desperate bid for attention?!?!? Bit of an overreaction there. You don't mention anywhere in your post that you have an issue with privacy or that you mind being mentioned, so I'm not sure where the previous poster is getting that from. What I'm getting from your post is that you feel a little let down that she shares everything with FB and that you feel a little less special as you are not her special confidante. Please correct me if I'm wrong in how I'm picking you up.

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with my partner sharing and updating Facebook regularly. I'm just wondering if perhaps you haven't thought this through. Are you sure she don't confide especially in you? If she has a fight with a family member or friend, I'm sure she only shares that with you? And likewise when she's sharing that she just had a tasty taco for lunch, would you really be interested in that? I'm not mad into Facebook but I do use it if I'm organising an event or if I'm heading into town and I want to see who's about to meet up but I do have friends that use it ALL the time, I honestly think it's quite good for their relationships because they're extremely chatty people and would drive their partners mental sending them texts saying "just had a bagel, yum yum" etc.

I would suggest you have a proper think about how this is affecting you really? I mean all people have little things that annoy them about their partner, with you it's that your girlfriend uses Facebook a lot but I don't see how you have a right to be annoyed over this? Like I don't enjoy Dr Who but my OH watches it a lot (nerd!) but that doesn't give me the right to ask him to stop or make out he's doing something wrong. How is this affecting you really? Other than making you feel a little less special as the one she confides in, and if that's really the only problem then I think you are being a little bit of a diva (but just a little bit of one ; ) I wouldn't go accusing her of anything like invasion of privacy or attention seeking, that would be way OTT and totally out of line.

OP here,

Thanks for the responses lads. Curlzy - you really hit the nail on the head. If I'm being honest, I think the primary issue I'm having is, as you said, not being her special confidante. While the other stuff bugs me now and again I'll get over it.

You were also right in saying that there are particular things like having a fight with a friend that she does only share with me.

And I also think you are quite right in saying that I'm probably being a little bit of a diva. I just want to feel close to her, yano?. I know its a little silly but I do feel a little hurt when she sends me a picture that i think shes taken just for me and i feel that "oh how nice that she was thinking of me" and then realise that it wasnt just for me but for all her facebook. Or she tells me something that shes struggling with and then realise and I think "wow, she feels close enough to me to tell me that" and then I realise that she felt close enough to every on facebook to share it with also. Its a always a bit of a sting. But maybe I have unfair expectations on her in that way?

ash23

howstheleg wrote: »

OP here,

Thanks for the responses lads. Curlzy - you really hit the nail on the head. If I'm being honest, I think the primary issue I'm having is, as you said, not being her special confidante. While the other stuff bugs me now and again I'll get over it.

You were also right in saying that there are particular things like having a fight with a friend that she does only share with me.

And I also think you are quite right in saying that I'm probably being a little bit of a diva. I just want to feel close to her, yano?. I know its a little silly but I do feel a little hurt when she sends me a picture that i think shes taken just for me and i feel that "oh how nice that she was thinking of me" and then realise that it wasnt just for me but for all her facebook. Or she tells me something that shes struggling with and then realise and I think "wow, she feels close enough to me to tell me that" and then I realise that she felt close enough to every on facebook to share it with also. Its a always a bit of a sting. But maybe I have unfair expectations on her in that way?

OP, that doesn't really sound like a healthy attitude to have towards the relationship. It's good that she has friends and family and people to confide and share with outside of the relationship.
I think you sound a bit needy. Have you close friends or family that you'd also be close to?

It's like you base the strength of her feelings for you on the basis of things that are private between you. And that's true of relationships to a certain extent. There is intimacy in a relationship that you don't get from friends or family and I don't just mean physically.
But at the same time it's unreasonable of you to expect her not to also share her life with her friends and family and save it solely for you just so can feel like she's more into you.

Sleepless and Manic

I completely understand.

Some people use facebook with a compulsion to share everything that eventually drives some people away.

My GF is from a family of ten and she has a sister who uses her facebook page to air all kinds of long term family issues and its caused so much distrust within their family, some of them barely talk to her (the facebooker) anymore.

Its like those (rare) people who proclaim "i never keep secrets, i tell everyone everything", well, eventually people will stop telling you things...

But I'm kind of quiet and private so FB has never had much appeal.

December2012

howstheleg wrote: »

And I also think you are quite right in saying that I'm probably being a little bit of a diva. I just want to feel close to her, yano?. I know its a little silly but I do feel a little hurt when she sends me a picture that i think shes taken just for me and i feel that "oh how nice that she was thinking of me" and then realise that it wasnt just for me but for all her facebook. Or she tells me something that shes struggling with and then realise and I think "wow, she feels close enough to me to tell me that" and then I realise that she felt close enough to every on facebook to share it with also. Its a always a bit of a sting. But maybe I have unfair expectations on her in that way?

Yeah I think you do. You've said that there are things that she does confide in you about some things. Why are they not enough?

Do you have a problem with her being open and communicative with others because you're not like that?

My husband has no family and is very closed off. He used to be unable to understand why I would talk to my family or friends about some things.

That's his issue - not mine. So I continue to be as open as I want when it's about me.

Why do you need your girlfriend to be more reliant than she is?

Lou.m

howstheleg wrote: »

OP here,

Thanks for the responses lads. Curlzy - you really hit the nail on the head. If I'm being honest, I think the primary issue I'm having is, as you said, not being her special confidante. While the other stuff bugs me now and again I'll get over it.

You were also right in saying that there are particular things like having a fight with a friend that she does only share with me.

And I also think you are quite right in saying that I'm probably being a little bit of a diva. I just want to feel close to her, yano?. I know its a little silly but I do feel a little hurt when she sends me a picture that i think shes taken just for me and i feel that "oh how nice that she was thinking of me" and then realise that it wasnt just for me but for all her facebook. Or she tells me something that shes struggling with and then realise and I think "wow, she feels close enough to me to tell me that" and then I realise that she felt close enough to every on facebook to share it with also. Its a always a bit of a sting. But maybe I have unfair expectations on her in that way?

That does not sound healthy.

I mean if she told a group of her friends stuff like that would you object?


I think you have unusual expectations of relationships.

Women talk a lot to friends. Some women feel their BF is their best mate....some have a best mate who is their best mate and the BF is the BF.
It does not mean you are not as close to her.

It just means she is an individual person with other close relationships.

You might not be her special confidante ...or at least not for everything.

Some men and women need other confidantes other than their partners. For some relationships it is a good thing.

From my point of view I think your reaction is odd. But thats just me. I would understand if it were simply you did not want her to post stuff about you.

To me you do sound a bit needy and a bit controlling.

Surely you share things with your social circle and family etc. maybe not on FB but in life.

She has the right to share her life if she chooses...don't rain on her parade....you can call her attention seeking etc...but you don't have the right to stop her it's her life. You can only ask her to keep you and stuff about you private.

That is my opinion anyway.:)

LegacyUser

Lou.m wrote: »

That does not sound healthy.

I mean if she told a group of her friends stuff like that would you object?


I think you have unusual expectations of relationships.

Women talk a lot to friends. Some women feel their BF is their best mate....some have a best mate who is their best mate and the BF is the BF.
It does not mean you are not as close to her.

It just means she is an individual person with other close relationships.

You might not be her special confidante ...or at least not for everything.

Some men and women need other confidantes other than their partners. For some relationships it is a good thing.

From my point of view I think your reaction is odd. But thats just me. I would understand if it were simply you did not want her to post stuff about you.

To me you do sound a bit needy and a bit controlling.

Surely you share things with your social circle and family etc. maybe not on FB but in life.

She has the right to share her life if she chooses...don't rain on her parade....you can call her attention seeking etc...but you don't have the right to stop her it's her life. You can only ask her to keep you and stuff about you private.

That is my opinion anyway.:)

Thanks Lou.m, I think you're quite right. I was being needy and controlling. I appreciate and respect your honesty. It wouldn't be an issue to me if she was telling close friends and family these things. I want her to have lots of people other than me to confide in, of course I want that. To me it was the fact that shes posting it to 500 "friends". And when she told me things I thought she was telling me because I was one of the people she felt close to, I later realised that she wasnt just telling me but all of those 500 people (many of whom she hasnt seen in years)


I do take your point though. I'm not really into facebook and I'm probably a bit behind the times. I suppose I'm just not used to facebook. But as a few others have said, just because I dont 'get' facebook doesnt mean I should be so negative about it. Its useful to get all of your perspectives. I can see that I'm the odd one out here with my old school view of things and its me that needs to rethink things not her. I'll give it a go at being more open to her facebook sharing. It may not be my cup of tea but if it makes her happy I'll respect that.

Thank you for calling me out on that. Sometimes I really need to cop on.

Chattastrophe!

howstheleg wrote: »

Thanks Lou.m, I think you're quite right. I was being needy and controlling. I appreciate and respect your honesty. It wouldn't be an issue to me if she was telling close friends and family these things. I want her to have lots of people other than me to confide in, of course I want that. To me it was the fact that shes posting it to 500 "friends". And when she told me things I thought she was telling me because I was one of the people she felt close to, I later realised that she wasnt just telling me but all of those 500 people (many of whom she hasnt seen in years)


I do take your point though. I'm not really into facebook and I'm probably a bit behind the times. I suppose I'm just not used to facebook. But as a few others have said, just because I dont 'get' facebook doesnt mean I should be so negative about it. Its useful to get all of your perspectives. I can see that I'm the odd one out here with my old school view of things and its me that needs to rethink things not her. I'll give it a go at being more open to her facebook sharing. It may not be my cup of tea but if it makes her happy I'll respect that.

Thank you for calling me out on that. Sometimes I really need to cop on.

Re. the 500 friends, not necessarily true that she's sharing with so many ... I've quite a few "Facebook friends" but loads of them are set as "acquaintances" or "restricted" so that I can control who actually sees my posts. Also for each post, there's a way to share with a specific group (e.g. just friends and family) ... so it may seem to you that she's sharing with the whole world, but actually you might just be part of a small group that's able to see it.

DukeOfTheSharp

I actually think you're in the right here. Honestly, it's annoying when someone you love decides to tell everyone a thing before they tell you. You're with her, her first response would be to go to the person she loves about issues, big or small. If you care, you won't mind. She needs to understand your point-of-view, that you're not happy being second to everyone else in terms of knowing things, because, above all else, that's disrespectful. The worst feeling in a relationship is that of feeling like you're the last person to know about everything and anything going on. Moreso, it's embarrassing and frustrating, because coming last essentially makes you feel like your relationship is invalid on a trust level, and it makes you go crazy questioning and over-analyzing the situation.

She needs to stop over-sharing everything going on in her life, because nobody cares that much to begin with. But you do. The difference is that she's confiding in strangers first, and you dead-last. It's incredibly immature, so take the reins and tell her outright: it's not healthy, and it's not safe to replace real life interactions with online interactions. She has you, she should take advantage of that.

Bafucin

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

I actually think you're in the right here. Honestly, it's annoying when someone you love decides to tell everyone a thing before they tell you. You're with her, her first response would be to go to the person she loves about issues, big or small. If you care, you won't mind. She needs to understand your point-of-view, that you're not happy being second to everyone else in terms of knowing things, because, above all else, that's disrespectful. The worst feeling in a relationship is that of feeling like you're the last person to know about everything and anything going on. Moreso, it's embarrassing and frustrating, because coming last essentially makes you feel like your relationship is invalid on a trust level, and it makes you go crazy questioning and over-analyzing the situation.

She needs to stop over-sharing everything going on in her life, because nobody cares that much to begin with. But you do. The difference is that she's confiding in strangers first, and you dead-last. It's incredibly immature, so take the reins and tell her outright: it's not healthy, and it's not safe to replace real life interactions with online interactions. She has you, she should take advantage of that.

No she doesn't :rolleyes:

Some people don't have their partner as their confidant.

Any over analyzing is the fault of the person doing it.

It's her life she can do as she pleases.

So long as she does not post stuff about him it's her life.

Anyway you don't know how serious or not a relationship this is.

Are they together years or months? I know to be honest though it would not matter to me.

If I was not sharing anything to do with someone else or their relationship and someone told me to stop telling people stuff about my own life. I would ignore it.

It's her facebook not his.

She should not care if he shares stuff with others either.

It is up to her what she tells the world about herself. The right to privacy means YOU choose who you share things with and who you don't. If you don't have the right to share then you don't have the right not too.

You're with her, her first response would be to go to the person she loves about issues, big or small.

I think he would find that exhausting and start moaning about it. And it is VERY unhealthy.

My parents don't even do this and they are together over 30 yrs. Some people are good with some issues and some are not. Maybe she feels her friends it's nice to have a break. It is maybe what keeps her enjoying his company the fact that she has other company. Maybe it helps the relationship.


Privacy is different with different people in your life. Just because I share things with others that I don't tell the GF (not saying this has ever happened) does not mean their is less intimacy with us than I have with others.

If she was the way you described she would be a headwreck.

Letting her share her life with whom she feels comfortable with is actually part of respecting her privacy.

DukeOfTheSharp

There's a difference between 'sharing your life' and 'becoming obsessed with updating dozens, if not hundreds of people, with your current goings on, locations you've been, people you've been with' and such. This isn't an issue where he's trying to encroach on her privacy, the issue is clearly that he's the last one to know, and has begun to feel neglected as she has, for all intents and purposes, relegated him to the last person in her life to know things about her. Now, that right there? That's unhealthy for many reasons, and doesn't bode well for any relationship.

I'd find that incredibly frustrating, because one day he may very well get a message from one of her friends, or a mutual acquaintance, telling him something he's not yet heard from her yet. All because she prioritized telling a whole pile of people over telling him, which, across even a short period of time, would be incredibly irritating and would only get worse. The underlying issue here is that of trust and respect. It wouldn't be a huge deal if he sat down and talked to her about this, maybe informed her that he'd like to know things before every other Tom, Dick and Harry does. Honestly, hearing random and at some points, utterly pointless crap is what I classify as communication, it conveys comfort. Just as too much placed on a person can drive them to breaking point, not enough can do irreparable damage to a relationship.

The point I'm making is that, yes, she has a right to privacy, but it shouldn't be that hard to share information with him. And since she's telling him anyway, only after disseminating it throughout her facebook friends, then it's not an issue of privacy, it's an issue of her needing to get her priorities correct. He's on facebook, he's seen this, and feels pretty badly that everyone else found out before he did. She has a boyfriend, he's feeling neglected and out of the loop, and she's not making it any better. There's a middle ground, where she actually interacts with him first, or at the very least, at the same time. It started to bother him, and he went to an online forum when in reality, he should've felt comfortable enough to talk to her about it, that only happens after a long period of time where you obsess over a particular thing, which you can't help, because you feel you can't mention it to the person you've a problem with. Given her attitude that he's described, she sounds incredibly immature and her need to tell everyone her goings on is just baffling.

The only thing that changes depending on the length of time they've been together, is the reaction. If it were me, and this was an early stage of the relationship, I'd dump her, because I'm not going to look the fool being the last shmuck at the party to know about something going on in her life, it's embarrassing and immature that she has to update her life's goings on to a group of strangers first and foremost. If it's a long-term relationship, well then, he should be able to sit down with her and say 'hey, I know you like facebook and all, but maybe keep me in the loop so I don't feel like an idiot when you've told everyone else something, and come to me last? Because I know you do, and I feel neglected'. Right now, from what I can tell, he's feeling the strain of this...and he's allowed; he has a right to be. Burying the feelings will do nothing for him, and that's also extremely unhealthy. If she cares about him, she'll actually sit down and find a middle ground, because his right to feeling a certain way is just as important as her right to privacy...which still isn't the issue, but I'm just tying it all back in.

December2012

If it bothers the OP that much that her Facebook feed knows before him, then he could simply follow her Facebook feed.

Bafucin

December2012 wrote: »

If it bothers the OP that much that her Facebook feed knows before him, then he could simply follow her Facebook feed.

Problem solved.

DukeOfTheSharp

December2012 wrote: »

If it bothers the OP that much that her Facebook feed knows before him, then he could simply follow her Facebook feed.

"Thing is I'm started to get really bugged by it. She shares things on facebook that she doesnt share with me. Theres also been times when she shares something personal with me and I think shes telling me because she feels close to me. Two mins later i realise shes actually told everyone on facebook too. Its a real blow to me when that happens and its happened a fair bit."

I'm pretty sure he does, the issue seems to be that any feeling of emotional closeness is invalidated by her telling everyone else either first, or at the same time. The biggest issue I see here is in the third and fourth sentences; if it's as personal as the OP is trying to convey, then the fact that she shares it on facebook doesn't really make sense, at least, to me. The fact that she shares things with everyone but him is also a red flag, and the amount it's been happening is building up to the point where he came here and posted it, afraid of sounding 'pathetic' when in reality, being annoyed by it constantly is the greatest reason to bring it up with her. It seems like an odd situation, and really, should two people in a relationship really have to follow each other's posts on facebook to know what's going on in each other's lives, when they should be communicating with each other?