Failed and utterly ashamed

LegacyUser

I just got home from being abroad where I was doing a masters degree. Turns out I got less than 50% overall and that constitutes as a fail. The fee's have been paid and I've already started paying off the loan associated with it.

The thing is, I cannot fathom telling anyone that this has happened. I've already lied to my classmates saying I passed. I can't stand the shame of an entire year being wasted and it being entirely my fault. I won't put it on my CV as I can't lie to get employment. I think I will find employment in my field regardless of that fact. I can just claim I took a year out travelling. I am seriously considering just telling my parents and I passed and never speak of it ever again. Is this a good idea? I think I will be thrown out of the house if I admitted to it since my parents have helped me financially. I'm seriously torn on this. I can't believe I ****ed this up so bad. They have thrown me out before for other reasons and I was forced to fend for myself so I'm well capable. I just don't want to ruin our relationship again. I'd like some time to find a decent job while living rent free.

Could you live the rest of your life with a lie like that? Or should I own up to my responsibilities? I just really wanted to talk about this, and right now there is nobody.

Merkin

Take a deep breath.

What are your option for repeating? Would you just need to repeat an exam or a specific module or what is the process for actually being granted the Masters?

Most academic institutions want you to succeed so I am sure there is a very clearly set out process for actually attaining the qualification.

Have you spoken to your course tutor?

OP I am sure there is a process for having exam papers reviewed and rechecked, an option for repeating, etc. You should talk to your tutor or lecturer or whoever is overseeing you for this asap.

ViveLaVie

I know it feels like it but it isn't the end of the world. Were there any mitigating circumstances that may have affected your grade negatively? Could you appeal or repeat a module online?

iwantmydinner

Please give yourself a break. Go and check out the options for repeating or re-submitting or whatever might be available. I understand the panic and upset but there's no need for it. The main thing is make contact with someone in the university and taken it from there.

Rubberchikken

If there's no chance of appealing result, then try to move on.
Apply for jobs, keep busy and try to find some positives out of a year abroad.

Dont get sucked into staying with your parents simply to save money. The best thing you could do for yourself is try hard to start getting on with your life.

tenifan

Op, imo a masters can be a waste of time. They can make you appear overqualified for some positions. Certainly doesn't help that you failed.
If i were you, I'd put it on my CV and put a few bullet points on modules you did well in, or projects relevant to the position you're applying for. When you're interviewing for jobs you can explain you're more hands on and failed the more academic modules(or however you want to spin it).
Also, speak to the college, maybe there's something you can do to obtain credits so at least you'll get a pass rather than an outright fail.

ViveLaVie

Is there a way of negotiating with the college in order to change your qualification from a Master's to a Higher Diploma? If you only failed a few modules this may be possible. Do look into it.

jackboy

Leave it off your cv. You won't get a job by advertising this failure. Everyone has failures that they leave out of the cv.

username123

Can you take a Post Graduate Diploma from it rather than a Masters Degree?

I definitely think you should speak to the academic institution and see what can be salvaged.

It's very bad that your parents would throw you out for something like this, I'm not sure why you would want to preserve such a tenterhooks relationship. I think you'd be better off out of an environment where you are under threat of being thrown out over a triviality.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies everyone. I didn't realise how hysterical I sound but I assure you, I'm quite calm about this. I knew this day was coming to extent. I just really wanted to put my thoughts into words. I've essentially already made my mind up.

Rubberchikken wrote: »

If there's no chance of appealing result, then try to move on.
Apply for jobs, keep busy and try to find some positives out of a year abroad.

Dont get sucked into staying with your parents simply to save money. The best thing you could do for yourself is try hard to start getting on with your life.

This most accurately describes my situation. I've already been in touch with the institution. It is what it is. Repeating the entire year is the only salvageable outcome, which is no salvation at all. I'll ask them about turning it into a higher diploma or something.

I'm interviewing every second day so I reckon I won't have to stay here for much longer (fingers crossed).

I think I will tell my parents I passed later this week and move on, forget it ever happened. The alternative is simply not worth it. No one will ever know except you folk. I've fcked up royally for the last time. I'll learn from this experience. Thanks

Digital Society

Worst parents ever. They have literally mentally broken you when they should be supporting you.

Get a job as you said you still can. Then move out and grow up. Get a life of your own and repeat the exams in a couple of years.

CaraMay

Digital Society wrote: »

Worst parents ever. They have literally mentally broken you when they should be supporting you.

They have been supporting him obviously as they funded the ops education and are allowing him live rent free now.

Now he is planning on lying to them to hide the fact that he has wasted €'000 of their money on the course. I would throw you out if you lied to me like that.

They have kicked him out before but do we know why? Op how did you end up failing your masters? How did you know it was going to happen? Had you not studied?

Oink

I'm not in your shoes, but whatever your failure was, I don't think anything good will come out of lying. I might be disappointed or annoyed or whatever if the failure impacted me somehow. But if I found out you couldn't at least look me in the eye and own up to it, now THEN i'd be pissed.

Also, the truth WILL come out at some point. How will it look then?

Hope it works out ok for you.

EDIT: For all these reasons I think you should call people back and tell them that in fact you didn't pass. You can still say that you panicked, were embarrassed etc. if they don't understand that, well that's how it is . Leave it too long and it will be a lie and they will be entitled to their opinion.

The exam is done, now you still have the job of managing the result. One day you will be glad of having done that right.

hefferboi

Any parents that can kick a child out of their house for failing an exam are pathetic, imo.

I know a few parents of lads I went to school with who were like this. They push their kids so hard to be perfect academically that the kids end up with poor social skills and unable to function in the real world.

OP if I were you I'd just find a job and move out. Forget what your parents think. You're a grown adult now. Pay them back over time, though.

convert

Definitely contact the institution to see if it's possible to 'qualify' with a HDip or some other form of qualification.

With regard to repeating: is it possible to do it part time, or by distance? It might be worthwhile in order to get the Masters in the end. I know you said you studied abroad, but a lot of places here will offer various methods of 'resits' in order to give the student the opportunity to pass the course.

You say that failing is entirely your fault, and that you had been expecting it. By this, do you mean you feel that you could have worked harder/better throughout the year? Or did you feel that it just wasn't for you, considered dropping out, yet decided to continue? If it's the former, then there's no reason why you couldn't go back to study at a later point in your life when things start to settle down. If it's the latter, and you really want to get a masters at some point, you could always change 'subject' and do a masters in another area.

Finally, and I should probably have put this first: you are not the first student, and will not be the last person to fail a course. It happens quite frequently, for many different reasons. So this one didn't work out. As you said, you are going to learn from the situation, and this will make you a stronger person. At least you've learned a 'lesson' early in your career, so you know how to avoid a similar situation in later life. Best of luck with the job interviews.

LegacyUser

convert wrote: »

Definitely contact the institution to see if it's possible to 'qualify' with a HDip or some other form of qualification.

With regard to repeating: is it possible to do it part time, or by distance? It might be worthwhile in order to get the Masters in the end. I know you said you studied abroad, but a lot of places here will offer various methods of 'resits' in order to give the student the opportunity to pass the course.

Not a possibility

You say that failing is entirely your fault, and that you had been expecting it. By this, do you mean you feel that you could have worked harder/better throughout the year? Or did you feel that it just wasn't for you, considered dropping out, yet decided to continue? If it's the former, then there's no reason why you couldn't go back to study at a later point in your life when things start to settle down. If it's the latter, and you really want to get a masters at some point, you could always change 'subject' and do a masters in another area.

I could have and should have worked way harder. It was for me, but my head just wasn't in it. I should have started looking for and taken a break from education rather than attempting to power through. I was told if I stopped studying I would never go back so I started in a half assed manner from the get go. I may someday go back.

Finally, and I should probably have put this first: you are not the first student, and will not be the last person to fail a course. It happens quite frequently, for many different reasons. So this one didn't work out. As you said, you are going to learn from the situation, and this will make you a stronger person. At least you've learned a 'lesson' early in your career, so you know how to avoid a similar situation in later life. Best of luck with the job interviews.

Thanks again for all the posts. I felt like updating because I got an offer recently. I never lied in the interview process as I had interviewed for them before I had my results. They never asked me anything about it since so lets hope it stays that way.

Bafucin

I am not sure why your parents threw you out and whether you gave them just cause or whatever. But you need to look at why you failed and whether it is lack of effort on your part. Degrees are a lot of money if you threw that away by not giving it your all then that shows a lack of respect for money. I am not trying to kick you while you are down, just giving you an insight into reasons parents might be hurt. I don't know all of your relationship I doubt it is all down to this. What do you want long term?

DON'T LIE. DON'T LIE. DON'T LIE. Be honest and tell people it will get around otherwise. They will understand you were embarrassed. I would be honest with your parents and present them with a solid plan for the future though first before you do. Investigate all options open to you before you tell them the truth.

mylefttesticle

Failure is a ladder to success.


Sooner or later you have to put your own needs before others regardless of who they are and what they have done for you, if you have failed big swinging mickey! move on learn from this failure and see what you want to do, where you want to do it and how you want to do it.

Cut the apron strings and become the person you want t become and not what others expect, leave the projecting to others.

am i bovvered

Digital Society wrote: »

Worst parents ever.

Really ??? Have you put any of your adult children through third level to Masters Degree Level.
Please think before you post such a ridiculous comment.
OP, we all make mistakes in life, it seems that from this one you have learnt a valuable lesson, hopefully you can come to agreement with the college regarding a compromise.

am i bovvered

hefferboi wrote: »

Any parents that can kick a child out of their house for failing an exam are pathetic, imo.

The point is the OP is not a child, a person doing their masters is well into their 20's. What age is a person responsible for themselves ?

username123

am i bovvered wrote: »

The point is the OP is not a child, a person doing their masters is well into their 20's. What age is a person responsible for themselves ?

Hardly while still in full time education. Nor should OPs welcome in their parents home be dependent on how well they do in exams. That IS pathetic. Parents should support their children over matters like this. An offer to assist get the OP out in the world on their own two feet would be fine, but to throw them out on the street for failing is not acceptable. The OP hasnt committed a crime.

endacl

Hi OP. Probably a bit of a tangent, but I was struck by your comment that your 'failure' was your own fault.

I won't pry into the whys and wheretofores, but for your own sake, do you think that this factor is something you could/should look at more closely? If you've identified something that you might address, perhaps you should address it?