Lost my boyf/bestfriend to his "depression"

SATSUMA

So, my man tells me its over because hes feeling depressed. Out of the blue no warning. He was acting a little quieter lately so i believe he's not feeling himself. He says he needs time.

I'm left alone, no contact, worried for him but trusting he will get the help he needs. Its such a shock and it really hurts. Im torn between genuine sympathy and complete anger that he would cut me off like this.

Anybody else been there?

Avasa

Link in with family/friends and let them know he is depressed and you are worried about him. Ending a relationship out of nowhere when you are depressed is a very bad sign...

Definitely say something to his friends and family about this. Get them to reach out. How has his depression been? Has he been having suicidal thoughts? Acting strange lately? Cutting off contact with people, as Avasa said, is an extremely bad sign if someone is depressed.

shalalala

Yes. I have been here. The only thing I can say is look after yourself and hope that he has the strength to look after himself. He didn't turn to you so maybe he is using this ss a get out of jail free card.

be strong. Hopefully you will feel better soon. X

auldgranny

shalalala wrote: »

Yes. I have been here. The only thing I can say is look after yourself and hope that he has the strength to look after himself. He didn't turn to you so maybe he is using this ss a get out of jail free card.

be strong. Hopefully you will feel better soon. X

He may not be looking for a get out of jail free card. Depressed people seldom turn to anyone.

shalalala

shalalala wrote: »

Yes. I have been here. The only thing I can say is look after yourself and hope that he has the strength to look after himself. He didn't turn to you so maybe he is using this ss a get out of jail free card.

be strong. Hopefully you will feel better soon. X

We don't know what the person's level of depression is, but cutting contact with loved ones is an incredibly worrying signs - it's not entirely fair to say that it is a "get out of jail free card".

shalalala

Deleted User wrote: »

We don't know what the person's level of depression is, but cutting contact with loved ones is an incredibly worrying signs - it's not entirely fair to say that it is a "get out of jail free card".

I said it could be. And it could be. It might be something more serious, but she can do everything she can for him from a distance but he doesn't want her near him to sort this out. I agree with other posters that she should get other people to look out for him but I think people are forgetting that she has just been broken up with and the pain from that can be easily ignored if you are concerned about the person that did it to you.

I was broken up with by a man that said he needed to fix himself and his feelings and he needed space to do this. I spent time thinking that he would come back when he had gotten help but really it turned out that he just didn't want to be with me anymore. I am just pointing out that this could be a possibility and that the OP needs to look after herself.

Merkin

The fact that you've put "depression" in inverted commas would suggest you don't believe him or you're perhaps not particularly educated on depression itself and the huge implications it has on a persons life and those around them.

I would contact his family and close friends to tell them what has happened and how you at fearful for him and his safety. I also don't think it's good that he has jus cut himself off like this, he must be in a really low place. Contact his loved ones and you should maybe contact www.aware.ie, they have a forum specifically geared towards the loved ones of those who suffer with mental health issues. Hopefully reaching out to some people in a similar situation will help you see that his actions, while extremely hurtful and frustrating, are not personal.

Manco

Why is depression in inverted commas?

SATSUMA

OP here. Depression is in inverted commas because he has not yet been assessed. Trust me when i say i know all about depression and would never take it lightly. There is a big difference between depression and hitting a rough patch in life which can leave us all feeling low. Im not a doctor and i have no reason to disbelieve his self diagnosis; but that is what it is. That discussion is perhaps for another thread.

Im not concerned for his safety. He was quite articulate in ending things and asserting his need for time out and he has excellent support in place. I cant contact his family/ friends i dont know any of them.

Anyway, im the one left alone, broken hearted not knowing what i did and why he felt he couldnt trust me to help him through this.

CaraMay

Well maybe you dodged a bullet there and he did you a favour. Why did you not know his friends / family?

dellas1979

He is putting him and his feelings first. Inevitably, this is actually what people do.

He is not thinking of you, or your feelings. And yes, this hurts. Of course it does.

But, he has chosen to deal with, what ever it is that's going on with him, on his own.

You really cant blame yourself here or wonder "why". You'll drive yourself insane. Start putting your ownself first for a change.