Entering a relationship you know will end

LegacyUser

I'm considering entering a relationship with a girl that I know will be leaving the country in a year's time and I know that I won't be following her. I believe she is open to the idea of a relationship and at this stage the ball is, more or less, in my court regarding the decision.

I would normally avoid this type of situation but "this girl is special"; which I know is a phrase that has been uttered by millions of men before me! What I mean to say is that I feel strongly for her compared to other girls.

The negative, as I see it, is obvious enough - it could potentially get serious and then she has to leave. I know the "serious" part is possible and the "leaving" part is inevitable.

The positive part? I think i'd be prefer to have her for 12 months than to never have her at all.

Alf. A. Male

When she leaves, is she never coming back?

Simi

Meh most relationships don't last 12months anyway. Go for it.

LegacyUser

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

When she leaves, is she never coming back?

When she leaves she may be gone for a couple of years - I think there's a good possibility, though, that she won't come back.

CaraMay

I wouldn't. No point creating heartache for yourself

macplato

a1b2c3d4e5 wrote: »

I think i'd be prefer to have her for 12 months than to never have her at all.

Haven't you answered your own question, OP?

Besides, life can be incredibly surprising at times - you have no idea what's going to happen in a year. You may come up with loads of different scenarios of what could happen, and life can still surprise you.

Personally, I don't understand people who avoid temporary happiness in case they potentially get hurt in the future. It doesn't make sense to me. It's as if they forget that life is a temporary thing to begin with, and happiness, no matter how brief, is just precious.

And one more thing - it takes courage to have a truly happy life. Every opportunity worth taking involves pain, one way or another.

That is all.

vibe666

It's much better to have regrets about something you did, rather than something you wished you'd done.

Maybe you guys are just "meant to be", but you'll never know if you don't give it a try.

BRB

I'm in the exact same situation however both of us are having doubts whether it's worth the heartache or not.

Thing is she is going to Canada to settle down for good. I'd like to go to canada to get an experience of working somewhere else. But I don't know if it's a good idea.

I'd say go for it. Be happy for the 12 months.

endacl

All relationships end, OP. The heart wants what it wants. You never know what might happen over a lifetime.

Go for it.

McAwesome90

OP you should go for it you never know what could happen, over the year circumstances might change!

gandalf

Just go for it. A lot can happen in a year and you'll only regret it later on if you don't see what happens between you. Good luck!

shane9689

macplato wrote: »

Haven't you answered your own question, OP?

Besides, life can be incredibly surprising at times - you have no idea what's going to happen in a year. You may come up with loads of different scenarios of what could happen, and life can still surprise you.

Personally, I don't understand people who avoid temporary happiness in case they potentially get hurt in the future. It doesn't make sense to me. It's as if they forget that life is a temporary thing to begin with, and happiness, no matter how brief, is just precious.

And one more thing - it takes courage to have a truly happy life. Every opportunity worth taking involves pain, one way or another.

That is all.

Lol, but you could turn that on its head if you replaced "her" with heroin XD

castaway_lady

Have a go, dont die wondering

hullaballoo

Most people get a pet knowing they will outlive the pet.

Do they deny themselves the years (hopefully) of happiness and fun that comes with having a pet because they know it will end?

Wedgie

Go for it.

I entered into a relationship with a girl who was emigrating. She left, we kept in touch, and now (ten years later) I'm living on the other side of the world with a wife and three kids.

Life can be strange at times.

Lou.m

Only you know if you should. If it is worth it to you go for it.

You know what you are able for.

It's up to you.

shane9689

Go For It

When you look back do you want to think "Damn she was pretty cool, pity i never went out with her" when youre old and grey
or do you want to look back and think "That was a fun time, pity it ended but i have some great memories" ....which is the happier ending there?

LegacyUser

I'm just out of a three year relationship with a girl I was crazy in love with. After being together for about 12 months I had to move away for work and we spent two years with a long distance relationship. Before moving away we spent weeks talking about breaking up but neither of us wanted it so we gave it a go and we had some amazing times together.

Even though it was the distance that was the main cause of us splitting up, I would still say go for it. If I could do it all again I still would.

Last thing I would want is to be thinking "what if"

ShaShaBear

I suppose it depends on the girl.

I stupidly agreed to get into a relationship with a guy who made it clear he was moving to Canada after 2 years when he finished up in college (let me also point out that HE pushed for the relationship). I broke up with him after a year because the feelings seemed very one sided. Whether it was because he was fighting feelings because he wanted to move or whether he just didn't have them is anyone's guess. He plagued me for months, and then moved to Canada with his new GF Personally, with the experience I had, I'd never date someone with plans like that. He might have asked me to come with him, and I would have had to refuse with commitments at home, he could have stayed with me and resentment might have flared. Too many variables.

Of course, in saying that my partner cancelled his flights to America (one-way) just two weeks into our relationship. I didn't know he planned on leaving, he chose not to disclose - but apparently the relationship was worth staying for and now we're engaged, living together and expecting our daughter in 2 weeks :P

beks101

Personally, I'd walk away. Mainly because of my own dating history and the hardships and pain I've withstood in relationships where I delved in despite gaping differences such as widely varying life plans and was left reeling in the wake of the relationship and regretful of overlooking those important things.

From a practical perspective, I want to start off on the same page as someone. I know where my life is, I've already done the travelling thing and I know what I need from a relationship - security, comfort, room to grow with that person. I don't think I could safely open myself up to someone where already from the get-go there's the absolute definite fact of their departure. I think that would loom over me relentlessly.

Relationships are hard even without that kind of a challenge from the onset and I don't think my heart could take another inevitable breakup, or the challenge of a long-term relationship, which would simply not give me all the things I need from another human being.

macplato wrote: »

Personally, I don't understand people who avoid temporary happiness in case they potentially get hurt in the future. It doesn't make sense to me.

Oh but I do. Only too well. Heartache that took years to recover from. Pain that manifested itself physically, emotionally, psychologically after a relationship that I threw myself into without any real consideration for what that person told me about themselves from the get-go. Thinking I could change them or their plans. Until it was too late and they left anyway.

Committing yourself to someone, anyone, is inevitably a gamble and you'll never know how it will turn out, but when you've been through the mill with men/women there are practical things you need to consider and mistakes you need to avoid again in moving forward. I don't think that's stupid, or overly cold and clinical - I think that's a responsible way of interpreting the facts that are laid on the table before you decide to emotionally invest in someone, in light of your own life experience. I think it can be wise to do so.

Inevitably, OP, the heart wants what it wants. Noone can tell you what is right for you. No pro and con list can decide this for you. You probably already feel the right decision in your gut and I'd advise you to go with that one.