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starting the search for BM, BF and sibling(s)...

  • 14-06-2014 2:15am
    #1
    galwaytt
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,822 ✭✭✭✭


    ....for my wife.

    Long story short, up until relatively recently my wife did not have much interest in finding her BM. But events of recent years, and age I suppose, raised her interest. The litany of scandals have similarly lit a fire.

    Anyway, we have got to the point where we have this information:
    1. BM first name
    2. BF first name
    3. Occupations of both at time of my wife's birth
    4. The adoption agency and home involved (Sean Ross Abbey)
    5. A very vague location of BM and BF ('county Galway')
    6. That she has a sibling, a sister, similarly adopted from Bessboro the following year.
    7. That sibling still lives in the same town as my wife works - Galway city.
    8. Sibling's first name.

    That's about it, really - it's like having one side of each of many triangles - if we just had one other side of any triangle we might be able to work how to complete at least 1.

    I have read much of the literature out there, and tracing seems particularly inexorable, and the HSE's handling of it poor.

    I'm actually a bit flabbergasted that the State doesn't make disclosure compulsory upon application by a child. There may be health implications for example.

    Surely, in this day & age, there is a better way - for example, is there a public or voluntary register, online even, where people can post/register their search, in the hope of finding their family members ?

    Ode To The Motorist

    “And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, generates funds to the exchequer. You don't want to acknowledge that as truth because, deep down in places you don't talk about at the Green Party, you want me on that road, you need me on that road. We use words like freedom, enjoyment, sport and community. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent instilling those values in our families and loved ones. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the tax revenue and the very freedom to spend it that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a bus pass and get the ********* ********* off the road” 



Comments

  • #2
    Hermy
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 11,487 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hermy


    galwaytt wrote: »
    Long story short, up until relatively recently my wife did not have much interest in finding her BM. But events of recent years, and age I suppose, raised her interest. The litany of scandals have similarly lit a fire.
    It was something like that that got me started.
    Anyway, we have got to the point where we have this information:...
    That's about it, really - it's like having one side of each of many triangles - if we just had one other side of any triangle we might be able to work how to complete at least.
    No matter how much info you have it always feels like you're just one critical piece short of the full picture. Still, you have quite a bit of information which is great. First things first, if you haven't already, read the Trace Guide which will explain about how to get your wife's non-identifying information [though you seem to have that covered] and how to locate the original record of her birth.
    I have read much of the literature out there, and tracing seems particularly inexorable, and the HSE's handling of it poor. I'm actually a bit flabbergasted that the State doesn't make disclosure compulsory upon application by a child. There may be health implications for example.
    You and me both! While others here will advise you to contact the HSE, I see them as part of the problem and have declined that particular route.
    Surely, in this day & age, there is a better way - for example, is there a public or voluntary register, online even, where people can post/register their search, in the hope of finding their family members ?
    There is a Contact Register which you can use to aid contact but it needs for both parties to apply for it to kick in.

    Any questions, feel free to ask or PM if you'd prefer.

    Genealogy Forum Mod



  • #3
    RANIA
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 99 ✭✭RANIA


    how did she get her bf first name?


  • #4
    galwaytt
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,822 ✭✭✭✭galwaytt


    RANIA wrote: »
    how did she get her bf first name?

    The HSE gave it.

    Ode To The Motorist

    “And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, generates funds to the exchequer. You don't want to acknowledge that as truth because, deep down in places you don't talk about at the Green Party, you want me on that road, you need me on that road. We use words like freedom, enjoyment, sport and community. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent instilling those values in our families and loved ones. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the tax revenue and the very freedom to spend it that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a bus pass and get the ********* ********* off the road” 



  • #5
    The_Conductor
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,286 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    It is a bit nuts that disclosure isn't made- akin to the UK or elsewhere- when people reach 18 (or some agreed age). Ireland is a small country- remarkably small- the propensity for bumping into one another is actually quite high. I worked with a sibling for a while- many years ago- and may at some stage legitimately meet up with others, in the course of work. It is a small country.


  • #6
    NeatFreak_
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9 ✭NeatFreak_


    Best thing for your wife to do is join the following Facebook groups:

    Beyond Adoption Ireland (they have Search Angels that go to the GRO and have been 100% successful in locating BM etc)

    Adoption Rights Alliance (the political/legislation arm of adoption. They have template letters for searching under FOI Act etc).


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  • #7
    galwaytt
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,822 ✭✭✭✭galwaytt


    ...bit of an update, HSE located BM in the UK, and contacted her to tell her my SO was searching. But after a period of reflection by BM, she does not want any contact or to meet my SO.

    She said she has 'no objection' to my SO meeting her birth sister though. (wow, like we should even need consent ffs....).

    Bit of a mixed bag so on the outcome - I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or bad thing. I don't think meeting or talking at least once would have been too much to ask, at a neutral venue say. Or by phone.

    It's only fair to say now that I was wrong about HSE, in that they do seem to have come up trumps as far as they are allowed in our case. Mea Culpa, mea maxima culpa on that.

    Ode To The Motorist

    “And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, generates funds to the exchequer. You don't want to acknowledge that as truth because, deep down in places you don't talk about at the Green Party, you want me on that road, you need me on that road. We use words like freedom, enjoyment, sport and community. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent instilling those values in our families and loved ones. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the tax revenue and the very freedom to spend it that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a bus pass and get the ********* ********* off the road” 



  • #8
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    That's a shame galwaytt. That is my fear for Dh and as I have encouraged him so much to trace I really hope for a positive outcome. I wonder if your wife wrote to her directly would it help - maybe tug a little at her heart strings? It's got to be very difficult to be told she doesn't want contact. Hopefully she can form a relationship with her sister regardless.
    On an aside, I notice your first post was in June - did your wife then start her trace via the HSE or had she contacted them prior to that post? I wonder because Dh is waiting since May to even meet with sw. He was number 5 on the list back then and in October had only moved to number 4. I find it strange that it can take so long to move up one place.


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