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How to console my LDR bf over his dying mother?

  • 13-06-2014 8:10pm
    #1
    THEZAPPA
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,303 ✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    I'm sorry if this isn't in the right forum.

    My boyfriend and I live 4500 miles away from each other. His mom was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer two years ago. She has survived way way past their initial diagnoses. She was on a lot of medication and they tried everything possible but the doctors said their isn't anymore they could do and so have taken her off medication in the last few days.

    I met his mom back in January and she was a lovely women. My boyfriend doesn't like to speak much about what is going on but he likes to keep me informed of any changes. We talked last night and he doesn't want me to come over for any of this as he wants to see me "during happier times". I want to and will respect his wishes. He has become distant a bit the past few days, he told me he deals with it better when zoned out and not thinking which I can understand.

    I just want to know is their anyway I can comfort him more from this far? I feel a bit useless right now and I don't like knowing he and his family are in pain. I don't want to ask questions or upset him. I'm just speaking to him as we normally would but of course i don't hear back as often and of course I've expressed to him that I am here to comfort and support him which he is thankful of.

    Thanks,
    Thezappa


Comments

  • #2
    Donnielighto
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,761 ✭✭✭Donnielighto


    I'd support him. He may be trying to distance you from the issue but I'd presume once you are there your support would be appreciated. I'm no expert mind, just my 2 cents.

    Hope you can manage alright.


  • #3
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Keep doing what you're doing.
    Listen to him if and when he wants to talk about it. The dact that his mom has lived longer than they diagnosed might mean that he's trying hard to be hopeful and might not want to focus on it all the time.


  • #4
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    He has told you what he needs. And you have been giving him what he needs, and seem happy to do so. Considering the sadness of the situation you can't do much more than that. People deal with tragedy differently - some people need to cry on someone's shoulder 24 hours away, while others prefer to compartmentalise it and separate the happy segments of their lives from the upsetting ones - it sounds like your boyfriend is the latter. Be there for him the way you are doing, and continue to listen to him and his needs while he gets though this the way you are doing, and you can't go far wrong.


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