Parent problems

Cocogal123 · 13-06-2014 12:56am #1

All through my teenage years I've got along with my parents so well, my mom was my best friend and my rock and I worshipped my dad. Didn't have the typical problems teenagers had with their parents. But I'm now 20 going on 21 and lately I've been feeling VERY irritated by them and I hate feeling this way. I feel like I don't appreciate them anymore and I don't know why. It's like I'm now a typical teenager wheras I should be maturing and respecting them more? They drink a bit - maybe 3 or 4 nights a week and would stay up til all hours talking and laughing loudly and blaring music. I feel like a party pooper then by asking them to calm down and turn down the music and go to bed. What's wrong with me, it should be the other way around? They are great parents but I just don't like being around them as much as I used to. Does anyone have an explanation why this is happening to me or a solution as to what I should do? I want to get back to the way our relationships were but feel maybe I'm losing respect for them..

riffmongous · 13-06-2014 1:10am

It just sounds like you need some space, any chance of moving out, even for a few months? What's your financial status, student or working? Could be tough if you are in Dublin I guess. But if you can spend sometime sharing with strangers who stay up till all hours talking and blaring music you'll probably appreciate your parents again. Or if you luck out and get a nice place you enjoy then you wont have to be irritated by your parents anymore and your relationship with them should go back to normal.

I do realise its easier said than done though.

December2012 · 13-06-2014 1:17am

There's a theory that part of the discord between teenagers and their parents is a way to force the bond between the two to change.

So it's very natural for your relationship to change.

Plus now you are three adults sharing a living space, that can be difficult.

Any chance you could talk to your parents about the difficulties you're having without it turning into a fight?

Chattastrophe! · 13-06-2014 7:30am

If you're in your twenties and still living in their house, I think it's a bit much to be telling them to turn the music down and go to bed ...

Cocogal123 · 13-06-2014 9:19am

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

If you're in your twenties and still living in their house, I think it's a bit much to be telling them to turn the music down and go to bed ...

Really? When it's 3.30am and I have work or college at 9?

dharma200 · 13-06-2014 9:22am

Really.

eviltwin · 13-06-2014 9:28am

Yes its their house but jesus a bit of compromise isn't too much to ask.

You all have to live together and if you are making a financial contribution to the household then you should have some say. Obviously you can't stop them doing what they are doing but if its having an impact on your quality of life then I would talk to them and try and find some way that you all move forward where everyone can be happy.

It sounds like hell to be honest, I can only imagine what your neighbours must think too if its a regular thing.

Chattastrophe! · 13-06-2014 11:18am

Cocogal123 wrote: »

Really? When it's 3.30am and I have work or college at 9?

Well how much rent are you paying them? Is it comparable to the rent you'd be paying for a similar house-share in the area?

December2012 · 13-06-2014 1:06pm

Cocogal123 wrote: »

Really? When it's 3.30am and I have work or college at 9?

Well actually yeah it is - I'm sure you had them up lots at 3.30 when they were in work at 9.

Have you considered that this might be their time to have fun and live their own lives?

Maybe it's a gentle nudge to move out?

Chattastrophe! · 13-06-2014 1:10pm

Yeah I'd be seeing this as a cue to begin your own life in a different house.

Your parents can't hold your hand forever. It's normal to eventually move out and move on with your life ... and let your parents get on with theirs!

TimeToShine · 13-06-2014 1:13pm

They sound like some craic altogether.

You aren't entitled to live in that house at age 20/21 - move out. They've done their time and have every right to enjoy themselves.

Sunhill · 13-06-2014 1:19pm

Best friends with their child, drinking heavily, playing loud music, staying up all night ...
Looks like you have become an adult while your parents haven't grown up yet.
There's your conflict.

Chattastrophe! · 13-06-2014 1:22pm

Sunhill wrote: »

Best friends with their child, drinking heavily, playing loud music, staying up all night ...
Looks like you have become an adult while your parents haven't grown up yet.
There's your conflict.

They are adults.

Their "child" is an adult.

They're entitled to spend their free time as they wish!

TimeToShine · 13-06-2014 1:26pm

Sunhill wrote: »

Best friends with their child, drinking heavily, playing loud music, staying up all night ...
Looks like you have become an adult while your parents haven't grown up yet.
There's your conflict.

If they can do that and raise a decent child then more power to them. Judging by the OP he/she is in full time college/work at age 20 so they haven't done too badly have they?

meeeeh · 13-06-2014 9:26pm

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

They are adults.

Their "child" is an adult.

They're entitled to spend their free time as they wish!

My grandfather was entitled to spend his free time as he wished. He climbed drunk onto the tree in the garden and fell off. For the next ten years my mother was washing him, changing his bag for bodily fluids because they had to remove most of his bowel... I am not implying that op's parents are anything like him but the notion that in your house you can do as you wish without any regard or consequences for others is ridiculous. And drinking three nights per week is close to an alcoholic zone. It would be irresponsible not to tell them to cop on.

December2012 · 14-06-2014 7:57am

Sunhill wrote: »

Best friends with their child, drinking heavily, playing loud music, staying up all night ...
Looks like you have become an adult while your parents haven't grown up yet.
There's your conflict.

Even if that is the case, its not suiting everybody but it is their house, not the OPs, and so he/she should look at moving out.

S.R. · 14-06-2014 8:53am

meeeeh wrote: »

My grandfather was entitled to spend his free time as he wished. He climbed drunk onto the tree in the garden and fell off. For the next ten years my mother was washing him, changing his bag for bodily fluids because they had to remove most of his bowel... I am not implying that op's parents are anything like him but the notion that in your house you can do as you wish without any regard or consequences for others is ridiculous. And drinking three nights per week is close to an alcoholic zone. It would be irresponsible not to tell them to cop on.

Great comment, thank you!

Hannibal Smith · 14-06-2014 9:39am

I think its really inconsiderate of the parents. So what if the child kept them up when they were a baby...parenting shouldn't be about tit for tat. Knowing that you have to be up for work and playing loud music etc and disturbing you is very inconsiderate. They sound like the kind of parents everyone would love to have, but the reality isn't all that pleasant.

Can you afford to move out? Though there's no guarantees your housemates or neighbours will be any better.

diveout · 15-06-2014 8:51am

meeeeh wrote: »

My grandfather was entitled to spend his free time as he wished. He climbed drunk onto the tree in the garden and fell off. For the next ten years my mother was washing him, changing his bag for bodily fluids because they had to remove most of his bowel... I am not implying that op's parents are anything like him but the notion that in your house you can do as you wish without any regard or consequences for others is ridiculous. And drinking three nights per week is close to an alcoholic zone. It would be irresponsible not to tell them to cop on.

Indeed. Entitlement does not exempt people from the laws of cause and effect.

turninggreen · 15-06-2014 9:12am

Just wondering if this is a recent new phase of their life or was drink always so prevalent as you grew up. If it was always present maybe now that you have matured you don't want the same lifestyle for yourself and you see things in a different light. If this is the case you need to move out and start a new life. You can then visit on your terms. If the partying is a new phase maybe your parents have decided to live a little and enjoy life a bit more. They probably won't keep this going if drink was not a constant in their lives originally, constant partying can get boring after a while!

Big Bag of Chips · 15-06-2014 9:44am

I always say there's a reason that we move out of home when we reach a certain age. Going from a child/parent relationship to an adult/adult relationship is difficult. And it can become very fraught very quickly.

Are you working fulltime or in college? Could you afford a house share? Although be aware that you might have similar/worse problems in a house share.

When you ask your parents to turn down the music what do they do? Honestly, they are allowed "stay up late" if they want to. They are also allowed listen to music if they want to. Is the music excessively loud, or is it just irritating that it is playing? If they turn it down to an acceptable level, is it still irritating you just by being on? Does it seem louder than necessary because you are irritated and focusing on it? I know if I can't sleep a ticking clock in the hall could seem like it's keeping me awake!

You need to decide if you can compromise with your parents (/housemates!) Otherwise you might need to move out and hope you can compromise with different housemates.

tinkerbell · 15-06-2014 9:50am

OP, have you considered that this is a not so subtle attempt to get you to move out and finally stand on your own two feet?

Cocogal123 · 16-06-2014 12:49am

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I always say there's a reason that we move out of home when we reach a certain age. Going from a child/parent relationship to an adult/adult relationship is difficult. And it can become very fraught very quickly.

Are you working fulltime or in college? Could you afford a house share? Although be aware that you might have similar/worse problems in a house share.

When you ask your parents to turn down the music what do they do? Honestly, they are allowed "stay up late" if they want to. They are also allowed listen to music if they want to. Is the music excessively loud, or is it just irritating that it is playing? If they turn it down to an acceptable level, is it still irritating you just by being on? Does it seem louder than necessary because you are irritated and focusing on it? I know if I can't sleep a ticking clock in the hall could seem like it's keeping me awake!

You need to decide if you can compromise with your parents (/housemates!) Otherwise you might need to move out and hope you can compromise with different housemates.

I work part time as I'm in college and run a car by myself so no defo can't afford to move out, would love it tho!
It would be really really loud, but when I ask them to turn it down they do it to a reasonable level, but like you said I focus in on it and it annoys me more then. I'm finding it much harder to go to sleep lately because I know in my head that il be woken up by the music and laughter. Don't get me wrong they're brilliant parents and are very responsible I agree that they should be relaxing and enjoying their life now as they get older, but I just think it is very disrespectful towards me when I would never think about doing it to them.
They drink approx 3 nights of the week for as long as I can remember so no that's not new.
But we got a new tv recently that had YouTube on it and they're obsessed with playing their own songs on it it's like a toy for them! So that's what's causing the trouble lately really.
Thank you for all the replies it's good to hear other peoples opinions.

Parent problems

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