Is she playing mind games?

LegacyUser

Seeing a girl I met online for around 3 years now.

It's casual really, we're both mid-thirties, she would like it to be more but she kind of goes along with it being casual and then has a bit of a cry once a month about how she likes me and wishes it could be more. But recently, it's once a week. I know I have been unfair, I don't want anything from her right now as I am very involved in athletic pursuits and I don't really have time for a full-on relationship but I do think she would be a good match for me in the future, having said that, I don't know what I will want in the future. So, she's been having these regular melt-downs of late, I'm able to handle those, no problem but yesterday she asked me to tell her that i wanted nothing to do with her and would never want anything significant with her now and in the future. She said she wants to move on and until I stop being nice to her she won't be able. I told her we'd give eachother some space if it helped her, and then I said it didn't change how I felt, then she went off on one about how that was unhelpful. I'm not sure what she want's, she's a great girl and I feel guilty sometimes that she's trying so hard and I'm not able to reciprocate but I'd love to think she'd be around in a few years when I am ready to do that settling stuff. Is this some twisted mind game she's found on the internet? It's kind of irritating me, I don't want to tell her never in the future when it's not how I feel.

Tokyo

You say that it's casual, but sounds more like it's casual to you - not necessarily to her. You've been together for three years now, and to be honest you come across as being completely insensitive to her wants and needs. You say that you are "not sure what she wants", but she has been seemingly crystal clear about what she wants - on a monthly (and now weekly) basis she tells you that she likes you a lot and she wants what you have between you to be more, and that you are hurting her by not telling her either way.

It sounds like you've been happily wearing blinkers because it suited what you wanted from the situation, a non committal relationship where you got to live your life the way you wanted, yet have her sitting in the wings, so that she might "be around in a few years when [you are] ready to do that settling stuff", and writing off her upset as a regular meltdown. You describe what she says as a "twisted mindgame", but what she has actually done is finally, after three years, called your bluff. She's asked you to either commit to her or let her move on, and you are unwilling to do either. At risk of being blunt, you are the one playing mindgames, not her, and if you don't want anything significant with her now then you need to do the decent thing and let her find somebody who does.

retro:electro

Sounds like you're the one playing mind games not her. Let the girl find someone who she doesn't have to beg to commit to her.

strobe

headtwist wrote: »

Seeing a girl I met online for around 3 years now.

It's casual really, we're both mid-thirties, she would like it to be more but she kind of goes along with it being casual and then has a bit of a cry once a month about how she likes me and wishes it could be more. But recently, it's once a week. I know I have been unfair, I don't want anything from her right now as I am very involved in athletic pursuits and I don't really have time for a full-on relationship but I do think she would be a good match for me in the future, having said that, I don't know what I will want in the future. So, she's been having these regular melt-downs of late, I'm able to handle those, no problem but yesterday she asked me to tell her that i wanted nothing to do with her and would never want anything significant with her now and in the future. She said she wants to move on and until I stop being nice to her she won't be able. I told her we'd give eachother some space if it helped her, and then I said it didn't change how I felt, then she went off on one about how that was unhelpful. I'm not sure what she want's, she's a great girl and I feel guilty sometimes that she's trying so hard and I'm not able to reciprocate but I'd love to think she'd be around in a few years when I am ready to do that settling stuff. Is this some twisted mind game she's found on the internet? It's kind of irritating me, I don't want to tell her never in the future when it's not how I feel.

Is this a genuine post? Is she playing a mind game she found in the internet? No. You're just being a ... not very nice and unbelievably self centred person... for want of a more colourful description that would probably violate forum rules.

Leave the poor girl alone. Finish things. Let her move on and you do the same.

Jesus... some people...

AnonMouse

Only mind games in this scenario are from yourself. It sounds to me that you like the control you have over her, in that you know she wants to be in a committed relationship with you, but you keep her at arms length to keep her on her toes.

In my opinion, you spoke so lowly of her, that you should do her a favour and set her free.

MagicMarker

This girl clearly, as she constantly points out to you, wants more from you than you're willing to offer, and has done for 3 years. Now, fair enough, you've been up front with her, but she's obviously not strong enough to do what she has to do and leave you.

Do the decent thing and break up with her, so she can find someone who wants to be with her. I cannot believe how you haven't even questioned your own behaviour in this, it's absolutely appalling.

username123

Is she playing mind games?

No. You are.

It seems like she isn't strong enough to walk away or maybe you keep promising more or whatever. Regardless, your own behaviour is the issue here, it's appalling, the way you speak so dismissively about her is appalling, how self centered you are is appalling and how selfish you are is appalling. You clearly have no respect for this poor girl, you should break up with her and let her move on.

Frank Grimes

headtwist wrote: »

I'd love to think she'd be around in a few years when I am ready to do that settling stuff. Is this some twisted mind game she's found on the internet? It's kind of irritating me, I don't want to tell her never in the future when it's not how I feel.

I'll preface this by saying I rarely post on the PI forums, and never (that I recall) on relationship related threads but this bit prompted me to. You seriously want to drag this on for a "few years" when the situation is quite obviously upsetting her and, for whatever reason, she won't just leave you? She's not some thing to have lying around for whenever (if ever) you decide on what you want. Just end it with her, and like others are saying maybe take a look at yourself too.

kylith

She's not playing mindgames, you are, and you're being an arse.

This poor woman is regularly in tears telling you that she wants more from you and all you want is to string her along until a relationship suits you. I don't know why she's not strong enough to tell you to take a running jump, but she has asked you to break up with her. Do her a favour and do so immediately. Break it off with her and leave her alone, if you have a shred of human decency. Let her go find someone who wants her.

LegacyUser

God this thread brings back painful memories for me

I was that girl, wasnt strong enough to say right I'm done with this. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. He kept me on a thread for MONTHS, constantly acting like my bf, then the next week he didnt know what he wanted. But he was happy to still sleep with me.

Like I said I was so weak, I do feel partly to blame for it all because I was too weak to leave him and tell him to jog the fcuk on.

I pity that girl. I know how hard it is.

It's been 4 years since I left him for good. He's actively pursued me since as I started a wonderful relationship with my now bf. Needless to say it felt GOOD to know that he was kicking himself over what he did. But I never looked back, never ever felt an urge to meet him again. All I felt for him just disappeared and I really am so happy at how things turned out.

I dont think I even need to say YOU'RE the one playing mind games here OP. Every post has been unanimous.

I just hope to god that girl will see sense and dump you for good. She deserves WAY better. Even the way you speak about her speaks volumes about you.

ManOfMystery

You don't say what the status of your relationship is. Are you officially boyfriend/girlfriend? Or friends with benefits? Or something in between? Your post implies that you're more than just f**kbuddies, so with that in mind ....................... Has it ever occurred to you that with her being in her mid-thirties, she is likely very conscious that she has a slowly dwindling number of years left to conceive? I am of course assuming she wants to be a mother, so if I'm wrong correct me. Stringing her along isn't just affecting you and her, it's also harming her chances to have children - which is something you - as a man - have the luxury of not worrying about.

I think you should break up, and break up now. You don't talk about her like she's hugely important, or she's 'the one', or the woman you want to be your wife - so I can't imagine you're suddenly going to waken up some morning in a few years with a totally different opinion on her, and decide that's the day to commit to her as your life partner. I don't think you'll ever feel that way, because people (generally) will know long before 3 years how they feel truthfully about their partner. There's no mention here of love, or goosebumps, or anything else. You say you 'think' she could be a good 'match' for you. That's not really good enough.

In a perfect world, she would of course be assertive enough to end things herself. But for some reason, she seems to love the pants off you and lacks the strength and conviction to do what's best for herself. And knowing that, you are deliberately leading her on, which is very unfair and not a very nice thing to do. Do you think it will be a nice thing to tell her when she's 40 or 41 that you're sorry, you don't really see it going anywhere after all and maybe she should find someone quickly in case she wants to be a mother??

Be honest with yourself, be honest with her, and just bring some finality to this situation.

LegacyUser

Maybe I didn't explain things properly. We tried the boyfriend/girlfriend thing at the start and I was just too busy with training. I also am on a strict diet so going out for drinks and food etc is not something I enjoy as I can't relax, I also have to train quite a lot, when I'm not working or sleeping I am training. At weekends I'm away at competitions. It's what I enjoy. Obviously the level i'm at now is not going to be forever but I'll never be this young/fit again so I have to make the most from this time. I didn't mean to talk about her disrespectfully, by all accounts she's a really nice, very attractive girl and I really enjoy her company. We're not just f*ck buddies, we're friends too, she's able to cook the food on my food plan and understands my regime. She always says it's her fault and that I have been straight with her. It's her that is staying around and if she wants to move on she can, I don't like the thoughts of her being with someone else but I'm not forcing her to stay either.

For me, when she asked me to tell her that I would never want anything from her it felt weird, it made me feel sad and I wasn't able to do it, so I wondered if it was some trick girls do to guys - that's why I came on here to post about it. Obviously I care about her after 3 years, I'm not an asshole

IlmoNT4

How can something be casual after 3 years?

You sound like you dont care very much for this persons emotional needs, and you have little understanding of what this lady may be going through. Shes certainly not playing mind games...shes laid her cards on the table. Its you thats messing her around. Its you thats playing games.

If you dont love and care enough about someone after 3 years to want to enter into a committed relationship then that person isnt for you. You dont sound like you are ready for a relationship so do her a favor and break up with her and stop wasting her time.

Carriexx

Did you mean 3 months by any chance?

Queen-Mise

headtwist wrote: »

For me, when she asked me to tell her that I would never want anything from her it felt weird, it made me feel sad and I wasn't able to do it, so I wondered if it was some trick girls do to guys - that's why I came on here to post about it. Obviously I care about her after 3 years, I'm not an asshole

OP - you are so self-centred & emotionally stunted, and you have no idea or understanding of how 'bad' you are.

You girlfriend is at her wits end with you. Asks you baldly 'to tell her that you would never want anything from her'. Do you have any idea of how degrading and humiliating it is to ask that of a loved one?
And the best you can come up with is that you 'felt weird', and 'made you feel sad'....
And then you think it is a game. She is put in the position of having to ask, is there ever any chance of 'real' relationship here. And you can't give her that. Because you are unable to have a serious girlfriend/boyfriend or man/wife relationship.

Your exercise and training additionally is an excuse - they are tons of professional athletes with successful marriages, women have kids, and then go back to training, and win World medals, Olympic medals, Cups etc again. The problem is that you are emotionally stunted not your exercise regime.

The best selling point you had for your GF is that she can cook meals for you according to your regime - do you see how self-centred this it.

dellas1979

Queen-Mise wrote: »

You girlfriend is at her wits end with you

This is the thing. She isnt his gf.
He has no commitment to her.
His life revolves around competing, and that is ok - thats his choice.

OP what isnt ok is hanging onto her, for a few more years, like a back up plan. If you cant make it work with her (and Ive no idea why - even though you compete, you already sound like bf/gf - she seems to understand/accept your life style).

If you wanted to commit to her, its a simple as you would, youd make it work, now, even with your competing. But I'm afraid, for me, as per usual reading these posts, it seems there is something else going on.

She isnt playing mind games. She is trying to get you to see, if you carry on with no commitment, that she needs/wants, you will loose her. Listen to her for goodness sake!

MissFlitworth

It doesn't sound like a head game, it sounds like someone going through a complete emotional crisis. I'm sure you don't mean to be cruel, after all you have been clear with her that you don't want to be in a relationship with her, but letting this continue on when she is regularly breaking down in front of you is awful. Someone having melt downs because of the way they are being treated by you, even they are choosing to be around you, is not normal and is not something you should dismiss because you 'can handle it'. Good for you but she can't handle it at all. The relationship you want with her is hurting her and she can't end things with you because she's living in hope that you're going to turn around and say 'yes, ready now! Let's be a couple'. Be good to her, be a good friend, let her go.

Merkin

Are you actually for real OP? Genuinely?

Because if you are, I don't think I've ever come across more self-obsessed or selfish posts on RI ever, from anybody. Are you genuinely lacking a solitary shred of empathy and awareness so inherently lacking in your posts?

Wow, just wow.

IrishEyes19

how can you realistically expect someone to wait a few years for you to feel like you might settle down. your expectations are just as unfair as hers. do what she asks and let her go. I cant believe this has been going on three years.

IrishEyes19

headtwist wrote: »

Maybe I didn't explain things properly. We tried the boyfriend/girlfriend thing at the start and I was just too busy with training. I also am on a strict diet so going out for drinks and food etc is not something I enjoy as I can't relax, I also have to train quite a lot, when I'm not working or sleeping I am training. At weekends I'm away at competitions. It's what I enjoy. Obviously the level i'm at now is not going to be forever but I'll never be this young/fit again so I have to make the most from this time. I didn't mean to talk about her disrespectfully, by all accounts she's a really nice, very attractive girl and I really enjoy her company. We're not just f*ck buddies, we're friends too, she's able to cook the food on my food plan and understands my regime. She always says it's her fault and that I have been straight with her. It's her that is staying around and if she wants to move on she can, I don't like the thoughts of her being with someone else but I'm not forcing her to stay either.

For me, when she asked me to tell her that I would never want anything from her it felt weird, it made me feel sad and I wasn't able to do it, so I wondered if it was some trick girls do to guys - that's why I came on here to post about it. Obviously I care about her after 3 years, I'm not an asshole

A relationship does not just revolve around dinners out and drinks, so that doesn't wash at all. Let her go, she's mid thirties for god sake, I'd imagine the thought of children may have crossed her mind at some stage. fair enough if forties are ok for you, but they arent for a woman. Be fair, you are very self involved. What have you done for her

Lou.m

headtwist wrote: »

Seeing a girl I met online for around 3 years now.

It's casual really, we're both mid-thirties, she would like it to be more but she kind of goes along with it being casual and then has a bit of a cry once a month about how she likes me and wishes it could be more. But recently, it's once a week. I know I have been unfair, I don't want anything from her right now as I am very involved in athletic pursuits and I don't really have time for a full-on relationship but I do think she would be a good match for me in the future, having said that, I don't know what I will want in the future. So, she's been having these regular melt-downs of late, I'm able to handle those, no problem but yesterday she asked me to tell her that i wanted nothing to do with her and would never want anything significant with her now and in the future. She said she wants to move on and until I stop being nice to her she won't be able. I told her we'd give eachother some space if it helped her, and then I said it didn't change how I felt, then she went off on one about how that was unhelpful. I'm not sure what she want's, she's a great girl and I feel guilty sometimes that she's trying so hard and I'm not able to reciprocate but I'd love to think she'd be around in a few years when I am ready to do that settling stuff. Is this some twisted mind game she's found on the internet? It's kind of irritating me, I don't want to tell her never in the future when it's not how I feel.

You are playing mind games not her. It is partially her fault for being weak. She has got to learn character and a certain amount of stoicism.

And tell her she can move on...you are not being nice to her.

Neither of you are able to make up your minds.

If you think she should wait around for you then you are obviously deluded and egotistical.


Both of you seem to be unable to really get what you want in life.

You are a terrible match for each other. Neither of you wants the same thing. You deserve a girl who is where you are at in life and wants what you want for now.

Why do you feel you need to keep her around? Date around a bit you will find someone more suited to you.

You are making her cry ..do you feel ok about that?

Lou.m

headtwist wrote: »

Maybe I didn't explain things properly. We tried the boyfriend/girlfriend thing at the start and I was just too busy with training. I also am on a strict diet so going out for drinks and food etc is not something I enjoy as I can't relax, I also have to train quite a lot, when I'm not working or sleeping I am training. At weekends I'm away at competitions. It's what I enjoy. Obviously the level i'm at now is not going to be forever but I'll never be this young/fit again so I have to make the most from this time. I didn't mean to talk about her disrespectfully, by all accounts she's a really nice, very attractive girl and I really enjoy her company. We're not just f*ck buddies, we're friends too, she's able to cook the food on my food plan and understands my regime. She always says it's her fault and that I have been straight with her. It's her that is staying around and if she wants to move on she can, I don't like the thoughts of her being with someone else but I'm not forcing her to stay either.

For me, when she asked me to tell her that I would never want anything from her it felt weird, it made me feel sad and I wasn't able to do it, so I wondered if it was some trick girls do to guys - that's why I came on here to post about it. Obviously I care about her after 3 years, I'm not an asshole

Yes you are. You are using her to cook for you and have around you don't like her being with someone else and won't commit.
You are a horrible person and she is crazy.

Bafucin

strobe wrote: »

Is this a genuine post? Is she playing a mind game she found in the internet? No. You're just being a ... not very nice and unbelievably self centred person... for want of a more colourful description that would probably violate forum rules.

Leave the poor girl alone. Finish things. Let her move on and you do the same.

Jesus... some people...

I completely agree with Strobe.

It is hard to think an adult could possibly have the take on the situation that the OP does.

This girl is obviously trying to finish things with you and you don't want her to but you want her solely on your terms cooking for you and where you don't have to give anything in return or any future.

It is a way for you to be totally selfish and needy and try to come off as nonchalant and easy going.

You do not want her to see others. Yet you don't want to meet her half way.

She cooks for you and is an easy fit. You have her running around after you the way you do this is to keep her thinking there is no committed future you are the one whipping up her emotions and you must realize this.

You are twisting things. I would say she is trying to end things with you as the relationship does not meet her needs and you are clinging on with this well maybe one day I might commit rubbish. It's been three years.

If you don't want a casual relationship then deal with that. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

IHeartShoes

You have to be having a laugh. I'm not trying to offend, but surely to whatever you believe in, you are not asking a serious, reasonable, well informed question? I personally have never witnessed anyone that dense on this forum. Apols if that offends. It's not intentional.

She can cook to your requirements and it would be great if she could wait until you know what you want? Are you completely devoid of any respect for this girl?

It's rare that there is a complete consensus on this forum, but this is just such an occasion. Please get a clue. Don't be a complete dick and break up with this poor unfortunate individual. It's the kind thing to do. Anything else is taking complete advantage.

Taltos

OK all - less of the personal attacks and insults. Keep your posts civil and constructive please.

Thanks
Taltos

Stavro Mueller

I wonder do you just not like this girl enough? Someone earlier in this thread pointed out that elite athletes manage to have good sporting careers and relationships. I wonder are you using your sport/fitness as an excuse to push her away? She sounds like the ideal partner for a sportsperson yet you can't/won't give her the commitment she wants. I've heard plenty of stories of people who couldn't commit suddenly changing their tune when the right person came along.

I'm sure it suits you to have this woman around but you're going to have to be cruel to be kind. You're going to break her heart but let's face it, you're doing that already. Just in a slower fashion. From what I can see she's wasting her thirties hoping desperately that things will change. If she wants kids you're being even crueller because she needs to have them within the next few years.

Duberlin Chick

The reality is if u liked her enough you wouldn't want to let her go at all. The fact that u think u can for a few years until you're ready means that she's not the one for you. When u find the one you won't be able to part with them so easily.

Do her a favour and leave her off.

Merkin

headtwist wrote: »

Maybe I didn't explain things properly. We tried the boyfriend/girlfriend thing at the start and I was just too busy with training. I also am on a strict diet so going out for drinks and food etc is not something I enjoy as I can't relax, I also have to train quite a lot, when I'm not working or sleeping I am training. At weekends I'm away at competitions. It's what I enjoy. Obviously the level i'm at now is not going to be forever but I'll never be this young/fit again so I have to make the most from this time. I didn't mean to talk about her disrespectfully, by all accounts she's a really nice, very attractive girl and I really enjoy her company. We're not just f*ck buddies, we're friends too, she's able to cook the food on my food plan and understands my regime.

:eek: That's convenient isn't it? A fcuk buddy and a personal chef.

Have a good read back over this and how you're coming across. I think you're so consumed with your own needs and wants (and you are because you concede that you would like to keep her on the back burner in case you may want to settle with her later :rolleyes:) that you're not giving this poor girl one moments thought. I feel so sorry for her. I know that we are ultimately responsible for our own lives but you're playing a very nasty game here because you don't want her but you don't really want anyone else to either.

Stop being so cruel and cut all ties with the poor girl. And while you're at it, maybe spend a bit of time on self reflection and have a think about how you treat people.

Teyla Emmagan

I feel so sorry for this poor girl. Just let her go OP. Give her a chance to find someone who will treat her decently.

Teyla Emmagan

I feel so sorry for this poor girl. Just let her go OP. Give her a chance to find someone who will treat her decently.

LegacyUser

I think I am being very misunderstood here.

I didn't want to disclose too much info. The very fact that I am here posting about this should give away the fact that I like this girl, maybe I care more than like, i'm not sure.

I met her when I wasn't looking for anything serious, I knew after a month that if we continued on that path it was going to develop in to something I wouldn't be able to get out of so I think I backed away. I certainly remember nights when we were supposed to meet up that I cancelled because I wasn't ready for the place I knew it would take us.

So, I would cancel on her and avoid her to save myself from getting side-tracked away from my training. I've discussed this with her in recent times. If anything, the fear of us getting involved has helped my training, I've had to train more these past 3 years to keep the cravings for her at bay.

I know she is very emotional, I am not. I don't really know what it is about her, she's just got it all. I'm happy to spend time with her but I don't want to overdo it. I think i am just an independent bloke and I don't want to depend on a girl for things now.

I hope in the future I feel like im in a better place to do that and I would like it to be this girl when i am because ive never met another girl like her - she knows this. But I just can't do it now and I really want to for her, but i can't.

I wasn't able to tell her never, I know she needed it, but I wasn't able to. We're giving eachother a month of silence and I think she is trying to move on. I'm biting my fists not to contact her but i know its the best thing for everyone.

I only said the cooking thing as I was saying she's great. I'm not stupid or playing mind games as implied i just didn't want to go in to all the details but there it is

Soft Falling Rain

headtwist wrote: »

Maybe I didn't explain things properly. We tried the boyfriend/girlfriend thing at the start and I was just too busy with training. I also am on a strict diet so going out for drinks and food etc is not something I enjoy as I can't relax, I also have to train quite a lot, when I'm not working or sleeping I am training. At weekends I'm away at competitions. It's what I enjoy. Obviously the level i'm at now is not going to be forever but I'll never be this young/fit again so I have to make the most from this time. I didn't mean to talk about her disrespectfully, by all accounts she's a really nice, very attractive girl and I really enjoy her company. We're not just f*ck buddies, we're friends too, she's able to cook the food on my food plan and understands my regime. She always says it's her fault and that I have been straight with her. It's her that is staying around and if she wants to move on she can, I don't like the thoughts of her being with someone else but I'm not forcing her to stay either.

For me, when she asked me to tell her that I would never want anything from her it felt weird, it made me feel sad and I wasn't able to do it, so I wondered if it was some trick girls do to guys - that's why I came on here to post about it. Obviously I care about her after 3 years, I'm not an asshole

This sums up the situation. This girl is nothing but a handy convenience to you and I feel so sorry for her.

If this how you come across to her I'm amazed that she's not the one who has grown tired of you and moved on. Do her a favour and do the thing she's clearly not strong enough to do herself.

Irishcrx

Look , it's grand that you know what you want to do in one half of your life, there is nothing wrong with making the best of your youth be that through competition or whatever, you have a lot going on with the training and travelling etc and don't have time for a full time girlfriend.

On the other side, you need to just tell her this and make that decision , she's not your Mammy and it's not fair to string her along just for the odd ride and a home cooked meal. Obviously she wants more from it , ie going out for dinner and drinks. Let her go and you'll know when the times right for you to take up that part of your life but it isn't right now and she 100% will nt be around in years to come waiting on you, that's life.

Sittingpretty

It's never the wrong time with the right person.

Let her go. Stop being selfish. You can't give her what she wants and she clearly is too weak to leave you. Let her go, move on and find someone who can give her the relationship she wants.

Barely There

headtwist wrote: »

I hope in the future I feel like im in a better place to do that and I would like it to be this girl when i am because ive never met another girl like her - she knows this. But I just can't do it now and I really want to for her, but i can't.

You're in your mid-30's for Gods sake, if you're not mature enough for a relationship with this woman now, I doubt you will be "in the future".

She doesn't have the luxury of time if she wants to have a family and you've strung her along for long enough.

Time to let her go.

Merkin

headtwist wrote: »

I think I am being very misunderstood here.

You're not. It's crystal clear what type of person you are.

So, I would cancel on her and avoid her to save myself from getting side-tracked away from my training. I've discussed this with her in recent times. If anything, the fear of us getting involved has helped my training, I've had to train more these past 3 years to keep the cravings for her at bay.

This is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

I know she is very emotional, I am not.

Clearly. In fact you don't seem to have an ounce of empathy. You can't possibly. I thought you were trolling initially but it actually turns out that you simply cannot see past your own feelings, wants and needs and what she is feeling doesn't even bother you.

I wasn't able to tell her never, I know she needed it, but I wasn't able to.

I find this behavior truly reprehensible. It's disgusting and the fact that you have been unanimously told on this thread that your behavior is unfair and cruel, and you still can't see that.....the mind boggles.

Taking a break for a month is cruel. She is expecting you to have changed your mind within the month while you no very well that you won't.

You need to stop thinking about yourself and "tell her never". Tell her in no uncertain terms that you can't give her what she wants and let the poor girl go off, lick her wounds and hopefully meet someone in time to allow her to have kids if that's what she wants. Right now you're robbing her of that for your own selfish needs and I think that's really, really cruel.

Man up.

heretochat

The OP (if not taking the mickey) is quite possibly the most gutless, selfish person I have seen post on here.

he wants to keep this poor girl dancing on a string until he decides "in the future" whether he wants to be with her or not..

The way he goes on about his "regime" and "diet" etc., you would swear he was Usain Bolt or something... He is in his mid 30s for crying out loud..

Anyway I go with the unanimous view on this one - show a shred of decency that you haven't displayed throughout this thread and cut the girl loose.

She deserves to be able to find love with someone who will treat her as more than a subservient cook.

curlzy

My god..... have you ever gone to a GP, therapist or counselling? You really need to, you seem almost sociopathic/psychotic or at the very least completely narcissistic in your complete lack of empathy, sympathy or caring for another's feelings. It's like you really are emotionless. Seriously, I think there is something very very very wrong with you. Go and seek professional help. I'm not trying to be dramatic but the fact that you don't seem to see what we're all seeing, (i.e. complete 100% self absorption, self centeredness and selfishness), would make me wonder if maybe you're a bit ill in some way.

Flippyfloppy

If you don't want to make a life with this lady now, you certainly will not in a few years. Things don't change like that. That's a fact.

If you do happen to make a life in a few years ; that's what we call settling for someone. Why would you do that?

She clearly doesn't tick all the boxes for you, if she did you'd want her with you.

There's more I want to say but I'll bite my tongue.

Irishcrx

curlzy wrote: »

My god..... have you ever gone to a GP, therapist or counselling? You really need to, you seem almost sociopathic/psychotic or at the very least completely narcissistic in your complete lack of empathy, sympathy or caring for another's feelings. It's like you really are emotionless. Seriously, I think there is something very very very wrong with you. Go and seek professional help. I'm not trying to be dramatic but the fact that you don't seem to see what we're all seeing, (i.e. complete 100% self absorption, self centeredness and selfishness), would make me wonder if maybe you're a bit ill in some way.

I have to completely agree with this , you don't sound all there. I'm not trying to insult you but the way you come accorss in your words and thoughts here conveys everything mentioned above..

Taltos

OK OP - I am taking the rare move of closing this thread shortly after you opened it.
Primarily as every single piece of advice is the same, but also because as posters get more and more infuriated with your lack of self-awareness it is a matter of time before we are forced to start issuing Infractions or Bans due to personal abuse / breach of charter.

I sincerely hope some of the advice has sunk in, I really do and again sorry for having to close this so rapidly.

Taltos