Personal Issues, trying to determine what is wrong

joythatisall

Hi All,

I will try and be brief.

Things are not right for me, I don't know what is wrong with me. I have this constant on-edge feeling, always worrying. I don't feel good overall. There is times I think i have depression, anxiety and god knows what else. At the moment, I have no energy for anything and it has gotten to the stage where I rarely want to leave the house. I go to work because I have to for money, but I hate it. I am so negative all the time, whats the point, everything is pointless with me. Is it me that is doing this to myself? Once I get into a mood, I cannot snap out of it, I spend alot of time alone, is it because I spend so much time alone, that all I do is think and make things worse in my head? But the the thought of going out and seeing people is a big decision for me. I know this is a bit over the place, but I am at my whitts end now at this stage, and I want to find out what is wrong and get it sorted. I can't seem to cope with anything, even simple things, cant make decisions, I'm always plannng and never do anything and always come round to the same thing. My day goes like this:

Wake up with a dreaded fear and thinking "how can I do this today again"
Sit at my desk at work feeling anxious, and not doing alot.
Sometimes after lunch I begin to feel better
Get home - have dinner, go to my room and sit on my laptop watching stuff
Sit feeling depressed that I am waisting my life
Go to sleep dreading the morning and hoping i will wake up feeling ok.

I came out as being gay last year, and probably still havent come to terms with that, I have always been quite introverted, but I am not a loner or anything like that, i have friends and wouldnt say I am anti-social, but i like my alone time, but there is too much of it now. Is it me that has created this life for myself? I just want to be happy and I am grateful to be alive. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. There is definitely something wrong, I have been to the doctors a few times, with no joy really and a counsellor once and I felt it wasnt much use.

Thanks

Thanks

suicide_circus

Go to your gp, get a referal to a psychologist

Merkin

Oh you poor thing. Life doesn't have to be like this and similarly, you are well within your rights to seek a second opinion. You say you have been to the doctors a few times but with no joy, so if you feel you didn't have a satisfactory hearing, you are well within your rights to seek help elsewhere.

I think you should probably keep a diary of your feelings/moods/sleep patterns over the next week and then make an appointment with a good GP and discuss how you are feeling with them. There is help out there, both psychological and therapeutic and sometimes all you need is a guiding hand in the right direction.

There is also an active LGBT forum here on Boards and I think a lot of people would empathise with you on your feelings on coming out. It can be a lonely and confusing journey for some people and it might help you enormously to speak to people who are out the other side of that process and proud. You could also try:

www.spunout.ie
www.lgbt.ie
www.gayswitchboard.ie

You will be fine m'dear. Go and seek the help (you owe it to yourself) and you can then start on the road to feeling better again.

RossFixxxed

I've said it before and I'll say it again "do what merkin said!" This definitely is not right, and your quality of life is definitely affected by this. I've been there, hell I'm still there at the moment, but I'm seeking help. Get to a different GP, contact the LGBT links merkin provided, get on to someone who knows what they are doing and get yourself help.

This is something that gains momentum and can get worse and worse, it's insidious and will fool you that going for help is in some way week or not needed. Getting help is actually brave and WELL ADVISED for you. It doesn't necessarily mean you have a serious mental illness or something chronic, but a GP can do blood tests and eliminate physical causes before going down the mental health route also.

Lou.m

I would look at the LGBT switchboard. And also try getting a different referral from your GP or a different GP.

I let loved ones know how you feel.

I have not been through it myself but it sounds like you need help.

Perhaps this is your bodies reaction catching up or something.

Be kind to yourself OP!

I hope you feel better.

eviltimeban

I had that feeling when I was 20. Anxiety, couldn't explain it, I was nervous and feeling sick and got myself completely worked up. But I didn't know over what. I didn't want to leave the house, or if I was out with friends I'd be laughing along but in my mind I felt completely different, it was always there, hanging over me.

It was triggered by a slightly scary event (though ultimately it wasn't that bad, just gave me a shock) - and yours might have been too. Perhaps it was the coming out, or maybe something you haven't realised yet.

Anyway I went to the GP and had a good chat, also went to a psychologist in college but to be honest it didn't do a lot for me. He said it was like a "midlife crises come early", which I thought was BS tbh. But it was still good to talk to someone.

What happened to me was that soon after I met a girl and started going out - poof. It all went away.

I'm not saying "pull yourself together" but I will say stay positive, go talk to people you can trust, and write it all down in a diary - that helped me.

Milly33

Are you living by yourself or are you with family? Please please talk to someone, I was actually coming on here because to be honest I just feel like crap myself. I have a lot of the same things like you are saying I constantly make these great plans to do things but then don't end up doing them. Get dis-hearted then when I do try and no-one is interested.

I think all above are right you need to find someone to talk to, you may feel a bit cagey about doing it but you would be surprised at how many people feel like you do yourself or will understand how you are feeling..

Life isn't easy for everyone, you could have everything you need in the world and show a face of happiness but inside you just might not be great.. Don't hold it in for too long or let it take you over as I am sure you are a beautiful person you just need your chance.. Congratulations on coming out as well big step I am sure and not an easy one to take...

One thing I would say if get away from the laptop, instead of going upstairs and going on it straight away go up get changed and go for a walk, if its by yourself and you are just sitting outside that is better than being on-line or on the computer for the day...