I wouldnt want to watch straight people doing that either

Ambersky

I saw this video yesterday and it got me thinking about double standards and how difficult it is to see them.
You know the situation, someone objects to seeing two men or two women kissing and they say they dont mind gays but they dont like having to watch them make out in public.
Often people protest that really really when they have seen gay people being affectionate in public they go so much further than straight people do.
Ive had the experience of people telling me about being in a pub when two guys start to "go at it " and Ive been told they embarrass everyone in the pub. Ive also found myself wondering, do gays get more sexual in public than straight people do, is my friend accurate in his assessment.
Could the level of tolerance or familiarity of the viewer affect their
assessment of the situation or would they really object if they saw a straight couple doing the very same thing.

The video is American set in a conservative southern state. In Ireland we are protected by law against some of the behavior seen in the video but it is an eye opener to see how some gay people are treated in some areas of what we may think of as a friendly western country.

If you start at 3:15 into the video you will hear a woman assert that she would react the same way to public displays of affection from a straight couple .
The film crew ask a straight couple to be affectionate in the same way as the gay couple they had filmed earlier and invariably people stand up for the straight couple. When the straight couple are publically told to stop their behaviour the other patrons are surprised by the objection and not only object but reassure the couple.

Have any of you ever come across reactions or beliefs like this. Do you think LGBT people are accused of being objectionable for the same things we see straight people doing?
Is there still a different measuring stick for LGBTs than there is for Heterosexuals?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55BFSUxiuxA

Lyaiera

On a tangent, two friends of mine have been going out for quite a while. I've taken to labelling their behaviour as disgusting, such as when they have a little kiss in the presence of us terminally single people. So I'll give a little shake of my head and mutter, "Disgusting." I don't think they've ever been actually disgusting (apart from when he licked her face once and she licked back, and they were going to be disgusting when he jumped on her as I closed the door to their apartment.) I just feel it's my duty to remind them that some of us are lonely and miserable with no-one to be disgusting with ourselves.

I don't have any gay friends, but it suddenly occurred to me (one night I was drinking) that my Pavlov invocation of "disgusting" at sights of snogging might be taken the wrong way should I ever be hanging out with a same-sex couple. I'm not going to claim I'm an equal opportunities offender (because that's a load of bollocks) so I've just decided to limit my decrying of affection to this couple, the original target of my disgust.

So I just need to get this out there. If you're being all couply and lovey dovey in public around me. You may never be aware but I will insanely jealous and I might even think you're cute as fcuk.

Ash885

Anytime I've had PDA with a guy (and believe me, it's on rare ocassions), I've been shouted at with "f@ggot, queer" etc. across the street. Regardless of your preference for seeing it/not seeing it, straight people do not get that kind of reaction, period. So I think it's all well and good trying to take the harm out of by saying they mean no offence that it's PDA in general, but people are a lot more public (ironic) and opinionated about same sex relationships. Just my two cents.

J_E

You find it's more two men that people find more disgusting than two women, because 'eww anal sex sodomy' etc. attitudes.

I think the whole 'I don't like it because god says so' thing is a bit spineless. If you're going to react so strongly, at least form your own opinions on it.

baby and crumble

Cydoniac wrote: »

You find it's more two men that people find more disgusting than two women, because 'eww anal sex sodomy' etc. attitudes.

Yep. You get leered at more if you're 2 women. Nobody has ever said a thing to myself and my partner on the rare occasion we kiss in public (and tbh it's now never more than a quick kiss, unless we're out for a few drinks, and even then it's rare), but we do get stared at A LOT walking around town holding hands.

yesto24

As always it depends. A time and a place for everything.
For me, that scene looked like it was during the day and any couple behaving like that at that time would be told get a room. Well not told but that is what I would be thinking.
WWYD is an interesting programme, I have actually watched a lot of their clips on youtube recently. The set up is always the same they have someone to provoke others into acting, so its not quite a real a you may think and of course its edited they only show what they want us to see. Still it s an entertainment show and they want viewers. I do kind of like it. For a related clip watch the lesbian couple being abused for having kids, there is also one with children of a gay male couple and one where a young boy tells his friends he thinks he is gay. Some of the reactions may surprise you.
(for a laugh watch the rude American couple in Paris)

Going back to your point. It depends what you are doing. Here are my rule just made up right know of the top of my head. No one should be abused for their sexuality but if any couple goes further than what is appropriate for the situation then well a lot of other things will get brought into what is said. I am not saying it is right I am saying that's just the way it is.
For me anyone over 25 doing more than holding hands and a kiss is acting like an idiot. There is a reason the phrase carrying on like teenagers exists. I expect all couples to be a bit discreet at lunch.
Go into a pub during the day its a different place at 9pm and a completely different place at 2 am.
So back to the clip. It is interesting no one was really reacting to the couple until they had someone to take the lead. Sure the young girls were amused and laughing at it but that is more to do with the novelty value of actually seeing two gay guys and maybe because of their actions at lunch time. Its not right but I have never taken much heed to what teenagers think mostly because they are idiots. So once they had a leader they felt more free to voice their disapproval. I don't know what that means but it is an interesting observation.

Ambersky

Yesto24 said
No one should be abused for their sexuality but if any couple goes further than what is appropriate for the situation then well a lot of other things will get brought into what is said. I am not saying it is right I am saying that's just the way it is.

The question is not whether PDAs are appropriate.
The question is whether there is a different marker for what is considered appropriate for heterosexual couples than for gay couples.

We can take it as a given that the television show is a set up, but within that set up and in that restaurant, in that town, the customers who didnt know it was a set up reacted differently to gay and straight couples doing the very same thing.
So is this what happens in real life and not just in television programmes like this? Do people somehow see PDAs between heterosexual couples as normal and therefore dont think its such a big deal its just going on in the background. But being unaccustomed to or disagreeing with gay couples PDAs do they suddenly not only see it, but see the couples as doing more than they are actually doing, which remember was no more than the straight couple in the television program..

On a different note the one with the cut off point for doing anything more than holding hands and a kiss in public being 25, well Id like to say in that case I am proud to be a geriatric idiot any chance I get and hope to continue growing old disgracefully for all the time Im given.

suicide_circus

I'm not for a moment defending people gawking at gay couples kissing/holding hands in public but people tend to stare at "unusual" things and since most people identify as straight, the may not see a lot of same sex PDAs and thus do a double take out of novelty/curiosity. Much in the same way as if I saw slick ferrari driving through town, I would have a good look at it. Most people dont do it out of fascism.

yesto24

For most of the time its just rude not homophobic.

yesto24

Ambersky wrote: »

On a different note the one with the cut off point for doing anything more than holding hands and a kiss in public being 25, well Id like to say in that case I am proud to be a geriatric idiot any chance I get and hope to continue growing old disgracefully for all the time Im given.

25 was an arbitrary number. And I agree with you nothing wrong with having fun. At any age.

bodice ripper

Two guys kissing would get a poorly hidden double-take from me, and I am bisexual and I work across the road from a bar called the Cock Ring in the middle of the gay district in Amsterdam.

Sometimes people just stare/look askance because they don't see it very often.

baby and crumble

bodice ripper wrote: »

Two guys kissing would get a poorly hidden double-take from me, and I am bisexual and I work across the road from a bar called the Cock Ring in the middle of the gay district in Amsterdam.

Sometimes people just stare/look askance because they don't see it very often.

To be fair, I'd be a bit the same. Although I usually finish it off with an encouraging smile that possibly makes me look demented....