Why do my friends do this?

koolis02

Hello,
When I first started secondary school i had no friends, all my primary school friends ditched me and i was left on my own for a very long time. I was shy and had trouble fitting in, i wasnt sporty/didnt play an instrument so i felt i couldnt connect with people. I was bullied by people and used to hate school. Although i eventually found some friends, i would never meet/talk to them outside of school. Eventually i found my two bestfriends.We talk all the time and we have inside jokes. They make me laugh tons and we always go out places together, but whenever i go somewhere with someone else they get extremely jealous. They ignore me for days sometimes, and walk the other way if they see me. It makes me really upset because i feel as if i cant have other friends??? Now i have a wide variety of friends, and compared to my first year days im much happier, which is why i dont limit myself friends wise but they make me feel horrible whenever i go somewhere else with people and i sometimes decline invites just to make them feel happy! I know if i confront them about it they'll brush it off or laugh but i dont know how to address this situation?? please help!
thank you

TimeToShine

Have you tried inviting them along with you?

Their attitude is a bit childish IMO. You are entitled to hang around with whomever you please to enjoy yourself and declining invites to keep them satisfied is not the way to do this.

Rubberchikken

their behaviour sound a bit controlling and insecure.
you can invite them along to mix with other friends or you can go on as you re. it's really your choice.
if they are really good friends i don't think they should treat you like this.

it had to have been hard to deal with the stuff in your first year/s in sec school but you've come out of it stronger and that's great.

Stavro Mueller

Do these two friends have any other pals? Looks to me like neediness mixed with jealousy

LegacyUser

koolis02 wrote: »

Hello,
When I first started secondary school i had no friends, all my primary school friends ditched me and i was left on my own for a very long time. I was shy and had trouble fitting in, i wasnt sporty/didnt play an instrument so i felt i couldnt connect with people. I was bullied by people and used to hate school. Although i eventually found some friends, i would never meet/talk to them outside of school. Eventually i found my two bestfriends.We talk all the time and we have inside jokes. They make me laugh tons and we always go out places together, but whenever i go somewhere with someone else they get extremely jealous. They ignore me for days sometimes, and walk the other way if they see me. It makes me really upset because i feel as if i cant have other friends??? Now i have a wide variety of friends, and compared to my first year days im much happier, which is why i dont limit myself friends wise but they make me feel horrible whenever i go somewhere else with people and i sometimes decline invites just to make them feel happy! I know if i confront them about it they'll brush it off or laugh but i dont know how to address this situation?? please help!
thank you

OP have you tried putting yourself in their shoes. These best friends of yours, how often do you go out with them, as much as these other friends, do you organise any meetups with your bestfriends, have you ever lied to your "best friends" about going out with these other people or been sneaky about it, have you ever purposely ditched your friends for these other friends. You could be alienating/leaving your other friends out without realising it. Another poster whos going through something similar posted here recently, perhaps you should look at it from their angle....this might help you.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057193024

She says friends who aren't mutual isn't the problem, that its fine, its the fact that these "friends" of hers ditch her in favour of these other friends, constantly go out without her, shes only ever been out twice and these friends purposely dont invite her and go out all the time, roughly equating to my friends are only friends with me when it suits them. Perhaps your friends are feeling something along those same lines. Maybe you're not being as inclusive as you think you are?

tenifan

Hi Op. When your old friends ditched you, you probably ended up finding another couple of outcasts because you were insecure and that's what you needed. Now you probably don't want to ditch them because they were there for you and they obviously care about you. People naturally drift apart as their interests and priorities change.

Then again, think of things from their point of view. Are you making a bigger deal or bigger effort for your new friends but taking your old ones for granted? Do you let them down or brush them off when a better offer comes along? If not, don't worry too much. People should be grateful for what their friends give them (in terms of boundaries, their time, etc), not what they don't. If your friends want more time or exclusivity than you're willing to offer, let them drift away and focus more energy on new friends.

Time Now Please

Woman can be real b*tches when the mood takes them, and nobody jump down my throat because all ye woman know I am telling the truth!! Fair play to you for making new friends and getting on with it, however I fear that your two other friends are a little jealous of your new circle of friends, like some of the posters have already said invite your two buds along with you next time and see how things go, involve them more, and if that doesn't work well then you can't be blamed for trying.