How do you break up with somebody?

LegacyUser

I'll try keep it brief. Basically I've been seeing this guy for about three months and I think I should break up with him, but I've never broken up with somebody before. He's a very nice fellah, I don't think he has a very strong social support group, I don't think he's very experienced in relationships, and I know his self esteem is pretty terrible. There's no nice way to go about it probably, but I'd really like to do it as gently as possible.

My reasons for wanting to end it are well first and foremost I just don't feel that spark, and I don't see that as something that's likely to change. He's also pretty intense, I feel like I'm getting bombarded with texts and emails when we're not together. I just was dumped out of a very long term (5 year) relationship a few months before I met him, and it's kind of occurring to me that beginning a new relationship wasn't a great idea because I wasn't over that at all.

I'm emigrating at the end of September (which he knows), and I'm really tempted to just let the clock run out on this one. But, that would probably be a really d1ck move? I'd like to be able to enjoy my last summer in Ireland without having the responsibility to someone else's emotions and needs that a relationship entails, also having just really gotten properly over the last relationship I'd like to have the possibility of playing the field a little bit. I'm not hedgin my bets or just making do with him while I wait for someone better to come along, I don't want any kind of serious relationship with anyone right now, but I've gone and gotten myself into a relationship that's getting to the point where he has enough time and emotional energy invested in it that he probably is thinking of it as potentially serious.

Having recently been dumped I'm balking at the thought of doing it to someone else (especially because I do genuinely like the guy) and like I say I've no experience in doing it. How honest should I be about my reasons? If I were being broken up with for the reasons I've just given I'd probably think the other person was a real ****head and take it pretty personally.

Sorry, that wasn't that brief

Typer Monkey

Look it's not a nice feeling breaking up with someone but you're just going to have to 'woman up' and do it. Do it in person, tell him the truth and be respectful of his feelings. That's all that's required. You're only seeing him a few months and you already know your heart isn't in it so do the guy a favour and just get on with it.

nc19

Just say,

'Listen, Im sorry to have to do this but I got into this way too soon after a LTR and I really feel I need to be on my own for a while. You're a lovely guy but my hearts not in it. I think its best we go our separate ways now instead of dragging it out til I leave in September. Sorry'

Merkin

You have to leave him in no uncertain terms that there's no hope of a reconciliation. Sounds brutal, but if you come up with a rubbish excuse and intimate all would be well if you weren't going abroad then it could just drag the arse out of it.

Phone him up, make sure you sound serious, tell him you want to meet up as there is something important you need to talk to him about face to face. This will hopefully prepare him a little. You then meet with him (somewhere close to where he has parked or in his home), you tell him that you've given it a lot of thought and you have realised that you don't want to be in a relationship with him as a. The spark isn't there and b. you're not long out of a relationship and have realised you don't want to be tied down to anyone. Do not say you'd like to be friends. Wish him well in the future. Say it's probably best for both of you not to keep in contact and then say goodbye and good luck.

Sorry for the rather clinical synopsis but you did ask

pinkfloyd34

only thing is if you tell him you want to be on your own and then he see's you out and about over the summer playing the field he will know you were lying so might not be a good idea saying that, just say you dont feel the spark with him and maybe leave it at that.

Mighty_Mouse

You already know what you need to do.
Better to pull the plaster of quickly.
Yes its going to be tough, but the reward is a summer of freedom!