Anyone else finding it hugely painful trying to get a celebrant?

rainbow kirby

Just wondering if anyone else is having an absolute nightmare trying to get a celebrant? We are looking to have a non-religious wedding on a Saturday in May or June of 2015, and trying to find a humanist celebrant for the dates we are looking at is an absolute nightmare. The venue we are considering is in Limerick, and it seems that either the celebrants are completely booked out or won't travel outside of a very limited geographical area (either Cork/Kerry only or else Dublin and hinterlands).

I have also tried to contact Tom Colton, but did not receive any response at all.

conf101

Since humanists were added to the list of legal solemnisers last summer the demand for them has shot up. We were lucky to have booked ours for this August just before they were legalised and she has since told us how she has to turn down on average 10 couples per week because she's so booked.

I think there are currently only 13 humanist celebrants in the country - far too few to keep up with demand. There are more currently in training. It might be worth contacting the Humanist Association of Ireland and seeing when they will be qualified.

nearzero

There is a huge demand on them! I was lucky to get the Humanist to travel from Dublin to Sligo to perform our wedding this October but we are paying his travel expenses/any extra which is completely understandable & we were happy to do so. He was actually the person I wanted from the outset so I was glad he was free & took us on - but initially he asked me to contact all his colleagues over that side of the country but none were available & that was 12 months before our date!

As the ceremony was the most important part to me - to have a humanist - I was happy to pay extra, you might be able to persuade them if you offer. If fairness, it was explained to me they prefer not to travel long distances for ceremonies, not because of cost etc but because it runs the risk of something happening on the way to the ceremony, car braking down, getting lost etc so they wouldnt want to ruin someones day completely if they didnt make it! Very sensible in fairness!!

Milly33

Are ye as such registering the wedding! Would ye go for the civil service, been to a few now and they are all fine only religious if you want them to be..

rainbow kirby

color_girl wrote: »

There is a huge demand on them! I was lucky to get the Humanist to travel from Dublin to Sligo to perform our wedding this October but we are paying his travel expenses/any extra which is completely understandable & we were happy to do so. He was actually the person I wanted from the outset so I was glad he was free & took us on - but initially he asked me to contact all his colleagues over that side of the country but none were available & that was 12 months before our date!

We contacted literally everyone apart from those who had geographical restrictions (some only work in Dublin, some only work in Cork/Kerry area). We are roughly 12 months out from the dates we're considering too and it's tough, very tough...

Milly33 wrote: »

Are ye as such registering the wedding! Would ye go for the civil service, been to a few now and they are all fine only religious if you want them to be..

We specifically want a Saturday date as we and a large proportion of our guests will be travelling for it. We live in London and the guests from my side are travelling from Dublin and the surrounding areas, wedding will be in Limerick.

One of the first things I got cranky about when we started planning was the fact that you can't just have a civil ceremony on a Saturday in Ireland, it's an absolutely ludicrous situation really. Especially frustrating because it's so much easier to do it here. 16 days notice for a basic civil ceremony and it can be pretty much any day at pretty much any time.

We may have made some progress as regards the celebrant situation though, calls to make...

Milly33

Oh I see, there is always something.. Not pushing it now but did you ask the reg office aswell about the Saturday I know it is said you cant on the weekend but if you pay more maybe you could..

Feeling the pain though it must be a pain in the arse.. Have you tried Dara Molloy his a celtic priest [URL="http://www.daramolloy.com/ friends of ours had him and he was very good. Charges around €340 mark... Another one we got in contact was Bill Chase seems nice enough he was €450 :0

I got Bills name from this site http://humanism.ie/ceremonies-2/celebrant-profiles/ if tis of any good to you..

Hope you have some success with the calls

clancywigam

rainbow kirby wrote: »

One of the first things I got cranky about when we started planning was the fact that you can't just have a civil ceremony on a Saturday in Ireland, it's an absolutely ludicrous situation really. Especially frustrating because it's so much easier to do it here. 16 days notice for a basic civil ceremony and it can be pretty much any day at pretty much any time.

The whole no civil ceremonies on a Saturday is really infuriating. We had the same problem - the HSE run the civil ceremonies and do not work on Saturdays. THEN LET SOMEONE ELSE RUN IT- someone who understands that couples do not necessarily want to get married Mon-Fri between 9pm and 4pm.

I think if you keep looking you will definitely find someone. As previously mentioned, there are a lot of celebrants currently in-training therefore there should be more available by the time you want to get married.

We were lucky to get a humanist in the Dublin area who was willing to travel to the mid-lands to marry us.

All I can say is - stick with it, the person we had was fantastic and I can't say enough about how much he added to our day.

An Bhanríon

Sorry, I have no information for you. Just wanted to say thanks for bringing this up. I will be watching the replies with interest.

We are just at the beginning of our search for a celebrant. Fun times ahead, no doubt!

'Tis much easier across the water to have a wedding ceremony that doesn't involve religion...

berrecka

Milly33 wrote: »

Oh I see, there is always something.. Not pushing it now but did you ask the reg office aswell about the Saturday I know it is said you cant on the weekend but if you pay more maybe you could..

Its not a case of them not being willing to do it outside of office hours so much, as that is the law for civil ceremonies. A friend of my family's is a HSE Registrar and really wanted to marry us. She had said that she will do it whenever we want. But when she looked into it, it turned out, the law says that HSE Registrars can only conduct these ceremonies Mon-Fri 9-5 and she couldn't do it for our Saturday wedding.

Milly33

Ouch really that is another question answered so, I had heard a few times it was just a matter of offering more money.. That is very frustrating...

rainbow kirby

That law really needs to be changed so! Unnecessary inconvenience for a large number of people, as can be seen by the huge demand for alternatives to a church ceremony.

Mrs OBumble

No reason why the legal ceremony and the party need to be on the same day.

Just do the legal bit in an office, during office hours, the week before. And do whatever pretties / play-ceremonies you want on the day, not subject to any laws or restrictions on why can be involved.

Frankly, in a country that can barely provide a health service, I don't see that providing civil marriage registrars at weekend as a priority.

rainbow kirby

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

No reason why the legal ceremony and the party need to be on the same day.

When you're travelling to Ireland for the wedding it is a LOT more convenient to do everything on the one day rather than have to spread it out over multiple days/a week.

mrsbyrne

rainbow kirby wrote: »

When you're travelling to Ireland for the wedding it is a LOT more convenient to do everything on the one day rather than have to spread it out over multiple days/a week.

The civil ceremony "bit" takes 20 minutes you can literally pitch up in your jammies with your two witnesses boom boom its all done. Sure you could even do that bit in UK.
Mrs O'Bumble is suggesting you then incorporate a symbolic ceremony into your "wedding"day. Pick someone you have high regard for. Ask them if they could say a few words, maybe composed by you and your fiance. You could have a poem or the lyrics to a song that means something to you. Then do the "Do you take this man...." bit with the rings. Kiss the bride. Everybody's cheering , walk down the "aisle" (centre of the room) bobs your uncle and fannys the cat.

eviltwin

mrsbyrne wrote: »

The civil ceremony "bit" takes 20 minutes you can literally pitch up in your jammies with your two witnesses boom boom its all done. Sure you could even do that bit in UK.
Mrs O'Bumble is suggesting you then incorporate a symbolic ceremony into your "wedding"day. Pick someone you have high regard for. Ask them if they could say a few words, maybe composed by you and your fiance. You could have a poem or the lyrics to a song that means something to you. Then do the "Do you take this man...." bit with the rings. Kiss the bride. Everybody's cheering , walk down the "aisle" (centre of the room) bobs your uncle and fannys the cat.

Why did you put wedding in inverted commas

I know where people are coming from, its nice to have everyone you invite there at the wedding - which is really the important part for a lot of couples - and then have them at your reception afterwards. And the weekday only does put a lot of people off, weekends are so much better from a guest point of view Hopefully with the increase in demand more people will get hired, its a job I would love to do and I would have no problem working weekends.

mrsbyrne

eviltwin wrote: »

Why did you put wedding in inverted commas

I know where people are coming from, its nice to have everyone you invite there at the wedding - which is really the important part for a lot of couples - and then have them at your reception afterwards. And the weekday only does put a lot of people off, weekends are so much better from a guest point of view Hopefully with the increase in demand more people will get hired, its a job I would love to do and I would have no problem working weekends.

Because the actual wedding day, in the legal sense, was whatever day they wed in the Registry office. The specially selected "celebrant", the exchange of rings , the specially customised vows,, the poem etc. could be very very special and important to all the guests. Its not necessary to announce "Actually, we married yesterday/last week this ceremony is only symbolic blah blah" . Most guests will enjoy and appreciate your personalised exchange of rings and vows ritual.

nearzero

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Because the actual wedding day, in the legal sense, was whatever day they wed in the Registry office. The specially selected "celebrant", the exchange of rings , the specially customised vows,, the poem etc. could be very very special and important to all the guests. Its not necessary to announce "Actually, we married yesterday/last week this ceremony is only symbolic blah blah" . Most guests will enjoy and appreciate your personalised exchange of rings and vows ritual.

But that is really down to personal preference, some people dont mind having the legal bit done separately & having the ceremonial bit with friends & family after or later. Personally for me, I just wouldnt want to do this - I really like the idea that the whole thing is done on one day & its all legal etc infront of everyone but as I said, its personal preference. I've been to a few weddings where its just the ceremonial bit & its lovely so nothing against it!

I know you dont have to announce it either, like no one would know but I guess you will always know! And your wedding anniversary is for life, every year - so I guess if it didnt sit well with you, would be only reminded of it year after year. Totally not worth that! Do exactly what you on the day, for the day, whatever is important to you.

My first venue fell through, they gave away by date - and it was only then I realised the date was way more important than any venue because it was for life!!

mrsbyrne

The OP is having huge hassle trying to coordinate an official certified celebrant and a wedding day to suit everybody. I guess its either go with the two-day affair or shelve the whole thing until a celebrant can be found to attend on a day that suits everybody.

rainbow kirby

We may have found a humanist celebrant for one of our potential dates, we have a Skype call planned for later this week. Massive relief if this works out.

Mrs OBumble

eviltwin wrote: »

Hopefully with the increase in demand more people will get hired, its a job I would love to do and I would have no problem working weekends.

But as a civil servant, you would probably expect to get a weekend allowance for it.

I'd rather see them hire more teachers, nurses ... etc.

mrsbyrne

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

But as a civil servant, you would probably expect to get a weekend allowance for it.

I'd rather see them hire more teachers, nurses ... etc.

Well the Government have said they won't be able to pay Gardai after October so can't see any relief anytime soon.

Frigga_92

mrsbyrne wrote: »

The civil ceremony "bit" takes 20 minutes you can literally pitch up in your jammies with your two witnesses boom boom its all done. Sure you could even do that bit in UK.
Mrs O'Bumble is suggesting you then incorporate a symbolic ceremony into your "wedding"day. Pick someone you have high regard for. Ask them if they could say a few words, maybe composed by you and your fiance. You could have a poem or the lyrics to a song that means something to you. Then do the "Do you take this man...." bit with the rings. Kiss the bride. Everybody's cheering , walk down the "aisle" (centre of the room) bobs your uncle and fannys the cat.

I don't know about anybody else but the civil ceremony "bit" was the most important part for us. Is that not the point and centre of getting married? The actual marrying part? You make it sound like it's just something that needs to be gotten out of the way as it only takes 20 minutes and you can wear your jammies.

mrsbyrne

26sdrawkcab wrote: »

I don't know about anybody else but the civil ceremony "bit" was the most important part for us. Is that not the point and centre of getting married? The actual marrying part? You make it sound like it's just something that needs to be gotten out of the way as it only takes 20 minutes and you can wear your jammies.

Technically its not any different to exchanging contract on the purchase/sale of a house and actually depending where you are in the world its probably easier and cheaper to get divorced than to get out of a conveyancing where contracts have been exchanged.
The signing the marriage register is the technical bit. A ceremony with music and readings and customised vows straight from the heart including a symbolic exchange of rings to me would be the important part, but I give way to you on that one because we had a Catholic ceremony and the Sacrament of Matrimony bit was the most important part to us. I don't even recall signing the register. I have huge admiration for non religious who resist family pressure to go against their principles and stand up and lie in a church. I think its a shame that the celebrant/solemnisers are so thin on the ground.

rainbow kirby

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I have huge admiration for non religious who resist family pressure to go against their principles and stand up and lie in a church.

Funnily enough, we had almost no family pressure for a church wedding. Both my mother and his mother said they were glad that we were being honest in terms of what we wanted from our wedding - and with neither of us being religious a church wedding never really came into it. I hate the idea of starting my marriage with lies and that's what a religious ceremony would be.

Frigga_92

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Technically its not any different to exchanging contract on the purchase/sale of a house and actually depending where you are in the world its probably easier and cheaper to get divorced than to get out of a conveyancing where contracts have been exchanged.
The signing the marriage register is the technical bit. A ceremony with music and readings and customised vows straight from the heart including a symbolic exchange of rings to me would be the important part, but I give way to you on that one because we had a Catholic ceremony and the Sacrament of Matrimony bit was the most important part to us. I don't even recall signing the register. I have huge admiration for non religious who resist family pressure to go against their principles and stand up and lie in a church. I think its a shame that the celebrant/solemnisers are so thin on the ground.

Why does divorce have to come into the discussion? The OP is trying to find a celebrant.

munchkin_utd

color_girl wrote: »

But that is really down to personal preference, some people dont mind having the legal bit done separately & having the ceremonial bit with friends & family after or later. Personally for me, I just wouldnt want to do this -<snip>

see..... this is where dreams and wishes hit reality.

you can
a ) go for the optimal solution, and must be at the weekend, and in the right part of the country, in a specific month and get all one one day - and possibly be waiting 2, 3 years or longer
or b ) compromise

we were forced to split church and civil cermony as thats the law where we got married. We chose then to have the civil a month before as trying to get all in the same weekend or week was too much hassle (as there was enough organisation in the church part, not to mention chaperoning guests flying in).
We swapped rings and wore them for a few hours on the day of the civil cermony, but they went back in the box that evening.
Sure if anything it was as much a rehersal for the main event as anything.

And you know what. The fancy (yet essentially meaningless) church part and reception afterwards was no different and just as much an occassion and "a wedding" as as wedding in Ireland or UK when the whole thing has a civil meaning wrapped into it.

I was indeed sceptical beforehand, but we had to play the cards dealt with us and it all worked out grand in the end.

mrsbyrne

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Funnily enough, we had almost no family pressure for a church wedding. Both my mother and his mother said they were glad that we were being honest in terms of what we wanted from our wedding - and with neither of us being religious a church wedding never really came into it. I hate the idea of starting my marriage with lies and that's what a religious ceremony would be.

Family pressure is the excuse lots of couples use when what they really want is to have all the pretty stained glass and marble and tiling as a backdrop in their photos. Standing up in front of your loved ones and a priest and vowing to bring up whatever children you have as RCC when you have no intention of doing that is pretty galling to be honest.

eviltwin

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

But as a civil servant, you would probably expect to get a weekend allowance for it.

I'd rather see them hire more teachers, nurses ... etc.

I work weekends now and don't get anything extra for it so that wouldn't bother me. I think as a job, sharing such a special moment of a couple's life must be great.

Milly33

All sorted then Rainbow best of luck with it hope it works out now for ye.. Fingers and toes crossed..

Addle

There are many circumstances when I can't get an appointment to suit me, so I have to suit the service provider.

mrsbyrne

Addle wrote: »

There are many circumstances when I can't get an appointment to suit me, so I have to suit the service provider.

I think that part of the problem here is that if you are having a religious ceremony as 99% did for many years in this country it was taken for granted that the minister was available within reason about 360 days of the year almost at a time of your choosing. And he was available no problem to meet the couple for meetings , up till recently the minister wuas even doing the banns, write letters of freedom, rehearsals, stand around on the big day while the bride is half hour late. All for around €200. Now if you don't want the minister, you have a choice. Be at the mercy of the HSE who fit you in at their convenience or realise that you should have booked the Solemniser/Celebrant 2 years ahead and its going to cost you €500. So a bit of a culture shift.