cornered

Drexl Spivey

Hi,

I work in the software business. My job has become increasingly more challenging over the years for a number of reasons.

To make it short: the job is too challenging for me, I cannot keep up with the other guys, I had enough of having my brain constantly engaged and having to work with smarter guys.

I'm middle age now so it doesn't help.

What's really bothering me is that it is a good job with a good pay.

My skills are nowhere near what's required for this job.

Bottom line is: I feel burnout and not in good psychological strength to look for a job. If I was, I wouldn't know what to do (software eng isn't an option).

I expect some ppl here will say: cop on... Every job is challenging etc... I don't need advice from them (i can help you get an interview for a job in my team and you can decide for yourself)

What can I do. I would love a long career break.
Obviously finance will be an issue. Can I ask for a voluntary dismissal or a package?
My job has evolved over the years now I ended up in an eng org that's very demanding in terms of quality productivity and the new folks that have joined the team are just walking geniuses.

5uspect

If you feel that you're not up to the job surely it has been noticed by others?
Have you had any performance reviews that suggest this?

Don't let the overconfidence of some of the newer staff get to you, they're no doubt full of ideas because they haven't failed enough. There's a lot to be said for experience.

jobeenfitz

OP I am in a similar position. I jobshare for last three years. In my job there is new stuff to keep up with every year and changes. Less people Doing the same job, working smarter. I find I am missing out on meetings and an updates. I am also at that age where I don't look forward to change. My finances don't allow me to pack up but life is too short and I am determined to find a way out soon.

If its a constant stress try to sort something out with your boss or get out!

Drexl Spivey

Believe me it is not a perceived thing, I am outsmarted in every area. And these guys are workoholics as well: they don't take breaks, they work long hours and weekends, when it is time to go home they just get warmed up and keep at it.
None of what I can do will be enough (not defeated but it is a matter of fact).
And now they are adding some sort of a daily stand up meeting (which I find humiliating and unnecessary but others in the team on the contrary are super happy about this and prominently smile at managers and give more suggestions going their way) on top of the ultra transparency we had: everyone can already see what code you write, what issue you update, what meeting you have in your calendar, etc ...

Per the performance review. This is a bit difficult to explain. It kind of worked out ok for me somehow. Now we have had yet again another internal reorg, the outcome is obvious to me.

I am not so worried about "an outcome" though, it is more the feeling I have i cannot cope with the sheer complexity of the tasks that they expect me to deliver as well as the forever changing technologies, the smarties, the unhealthy competition and, more importantly, this feeling I have that what I produce Vs the stress and time spent is in inadequacy.

5uspect wrote: »

If you feel that you're not up to the job surely it has been noticed by others?
Have you had any performance reviews that suggest this?

Don't let the overconfidence of some of the newer staff get to you, they're no doubt full of ideas because they haven't failed enough. There's a lot to be said for experience.

InReality

I felt the same for a good while and can relate.

I worked in a place full of top developers and big money and max stress., Manage to move jobs , and current role is a doddle.

I'd try another company first. If you've many years experience you could even do this every 6 months until you found a place that suited you.

Mrs OBumble

Have you spoken to your manager about this? Perhaps they can help you find a job in another company better suited to your personality? If you really are struggling that much, then they will have noticed, and I'm surprised they haven't approached you already.



(Though I'm struggling to think of one that won't have daily-standups and transparency as part of the gig these days - if you find this "humiliating" then perhaps some counselling might be a helpful thing for you to try, to help you work out why you're finding basic teamwork so difficult. Just a thought)

Drexl Spivey

What can my manager do/say besides telling me to find another job?

My previous boss (same company, same environment, etc..) said once: "my job is to remove obstacles."
Once I have identified myself as "an obstacle" it is going to make things even worse I believe.

My original plan was to stay put for a couple of years to save money then take a break, but even 1 month seems far fetched at this stage.

You mentioned "counselling". Well yes it occurred to me I was the odd one in the team. (blending in a world of freaks is not my goal anyway
No counsellor can help me: noone knows me better than I do.
The thing I'd like to know is: is there a solution that will allow me to take a break (ask for a lump sum).

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Have you spoken to your manager about this? Perhaps they can help you find a job in another company better suited to your personality? If you really are struggling that much, then they will have noticed, and I'm surprised they haven't approached you already.



(Though I'm struggling to think of one that won't have daily-standups and transparency as part of the gig these days - if you find this "humiliating" then perhaps some counselling might be a helpful thing for you to try, to help you work out why you're finding basic teamwork so difficult. Just a thought)

Jim2007

Drexl Spivey wrote: »

The thing I'd like to know is: is there a solution that will allow me to take a break (ask for a lump sum).

I would suggest speaking with your doctor.. perhaps he can give you a sick note for a while, because it really sounds to me like simply have had a bit of a burn out.

padser

Drexl Spivey wrote: »

The thing I'd like to know is: is there a solution that will allow me to take a break (ask for a lump sum).

So basically you want your company (who you admit you are already not performing for) to pay you to leave them so you can take a break from work?

To answer your question, you can certainly ask them. I wouldn't be saying yes if I was them but ya never know, if you are lucky they really want to be rid of you and might pay for it....

bee06

Are your company offering voluntary/involuntary redundancy already? If they are then by all means ask. If not I don't see any company paying you to leave. I don't understand why you are ruling out moving to another company/role within your current company.

Silverfish

I know you seem to just want out at this stage, but is there any courses / training you can do to keep up with the workload? You mention that its a software role, something which IS constantly evolving, maybe there's some part time / online at your own pace type course you can do to bolster your knowledge a bit and give you a bit of confidence.

delthedriver

Jim2007 wrote: »

I would suggest speaking with your doctor.. perhaps he can give you a sick note for a while, because it really sounds to me like simply have had a bit of a burn out.

Jim2007 , you have hit the nail on the head.!


Op is suffering from Burnout. Burnout can be both physical and psychological.


He has obviously been a very good employee through the years. He is now feeling psychological burnout, perhaps is beating himself up, and losing his self confidence.


It is time to have a chat with your GP as a first port of call. A thorough medical and certified sick leave is required.


Hold on to the job you have , do not throw in the towel.


Be kind to yourself and follow your GP's advice.


Kindest Wishes

Mrs OBumble

Drexl Spivey wrote: »

What can my manager do/say besides telling me to find another job?

There is actually quite a lot that your manager can do, if only you would communicate with them. For instance - suggest you for other roles in the company that you may be better suited to, or suggest other companies where you may fit in better, give you a reference if you apply to these, coach you into better ways of performing you job.

Drexl Spivey wrote: »

You mentioned "counselling". Well yes it occurred to me I was the odd one in the team. (blending in a world of freaks is not my goal anyway
No counsellor can help me: noone knows me better than I do.

Sorry, but that's just arrogant nonsense. No matter what nasty thoughts you may be having, your colleagues are human beings like yourself. Being smarter than you and willing to work with modern development methods does not make them freaks.

And (good) counsellors are skilled at pointing out the fallacies in your thinking, and the blindingly obvious things that you are missing. It's not about knowing you, it's about hearing what you don't say.

Drexl Spivey wrote: »

The thing I'd like to know is: is there a solution that will allow me to take a break (ask for a lump sum).

You can ask. But there is no entitlement, unless the company want to make you redundant. The only way for you to find out if this is a possibility is to talk to your manager.

Other options are to go out sick - assuming you'll be entitled to the relevant benefit. Or find another job. Or save up and ask for a period of unpaid leave. Or just quit, and become eligible for welfare in 9 weeks.

blindsider

Drexl Spivey wrote: »

No counsellor can help me: noone knows me better than I do.
.

I raised my eyebrows here as well.

We could all say that - no-one knows me better than I do - but I find it enormously beneficial to have a chat with a good friend now and then - and it's reciprocated. That in itself is counselling - even if we both have a little experience in the general area.

We ALL need help - and if you ask carefully, you'll find someone who's willing to give you a little of their time so you can use them as a 'sounding board' and get a little advice.

Being blunt, you're not special (no more than the rest of us) and you're not invincible - we all need a little help now and then - the brave ones go and get it so that they're better prepared for the next pile of sh1te life throws at us.

The 'good' people are prepared to help others when it's their turn - it's the circle of life - what goes around comes around....

(And no, I'm not a life coach - or anything related to it - but I do believe in giving and receiving a small bit of help now and then.)

Hope you find a solution.

TimeToShine

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

-Been in the job for years - no complaints about the quality of your work.

-Over-estimating everyone else's capabilities.

-dismissing your own achievements.

-Thinking everyone except you has it "figured out".

-Passed the performance review and still doubting yourself.

I think counselling would be a good option.