is it a brush off?

LegacyUser

going unreg for this, I'll try to keep it short & sweet.

Basically work with this guy, it's quite a big company so our paths would only cross every now and then, but we'd talk on google talk. Just over a week ago we ended up saying we'd meet up over the long weekend, but neither of us wanted anything serious, so we did last sunday went to his local and then one thing led to another, won't spell it out

Talking away on google then Thursday and he said his mam has been taken ill and he wouldn't be around for the next few weekends as she lives on her own in Waterford. Now I don't doubt that she is ill, but was that his polite way of saying don't call me I'll call you by throwing in about not being around? I'm just out of a LTR 2 months so not looking for fireworks and flowers but I wasn't looking for a ONS either.. Should I draw a line under it now, or see what happens in a month or so.. Or is my post much ado about nothing

Thanks in advance

Tokyo

Hey OP,

unfortunately in situations like this it can be quite often a brush off, but there really is no way for anybody to say for sure without being able to see inside his head - he may have very legitimate reasons for not being able to see you fro a while. If his weekends are occupied the way you say they are, them the obvious solution to me would be, seeing as you work together, to see if he would be interested in a coffee or a beer some midweek night? If he starts humming and hawing over it and coming up with excuses not to, then you have your answer once and for all.

helimachoptor

could you not suggest seeing him during the week? if he brushes you off then i think then he's had his cake... unfortunately

DizzyDamsel

I wouldn't suggest anything like asking him out! I'd play it cool if I was you, let him approach you.

Merkin

It's impossible to tell, it certainly sounds like a fairly stock reply brush off but then he could actually be telling you the truth.

In response I'd something like, 'sorry about your Mum, hope she gets well soon. If you fancy meeting up at some stage midweek instead let me know!'

And I'd leave it at that. You'll have made it clear you're open to seeing him again and if he doesn't rise to the bait then you'll know he's not keen.

MagicMarker

Did you speak with him between Mon-Wed? How did those conversations go? Or did you only speak for the first time on Thurs? When a guy says he doesn't want anything serious, it tends to mean he only wants sex. It doesn't sound like the two of you are on the same wavelength here.

Maybe he's telling the truth, but it's a hum dinger of a coincidence. Don't be surprised if you get a booty call in a few weeks.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies. If I was reading someone else's post I'd put it down to a brush off as well. It's harder to give yourself good advice though.

Yes was talking the beginning of the week. General chit chat it was Thursday afternoon he said about his mam. I have 2 children meaning I can only get out at weekends which he knows.

I don't actually think he's lying about his mam but it could make it more convenient to use that as a "don't hold your breath" sign.

As one poster said, I should probably just leave things be for a bit. If it was me that was in that situation and a guy was asking about meeting again after me saying about my mother and the situation no matter how much I liked him, it would put me off a bit as it would appear pushy don't you think?

dellas1979

Well, its a pretty big story or lie to tell for a brush off.

If youve any inclination that it is a lie (only youll know), run for the hills.

If you dont, I'd take what he said as being the truth, but I still wouldnt invest too much time in it all, yet. Keep your options open and keep yourself happy.

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote: »

Well, its a pretty big story or lie to tell for a brush off.

If youve any inclination that it is a lie (only youll know), run for the hills.

If you dont, I'd take what he said as being the truth, but I still wouldnt invest too much time in it all, yet. Keep your options open and keep yourself happy.

Spot on Dellas, I was thinking the same myself thanks

CaraMay

Who has been initiating contact since your encounter?

cactuspaw

Let him go to the island of last men. Thats a brush off. Just leave him, if he comes back, great, if he dosent, shows his worth really.

Maphisto

is it a brush off? wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies. If I was reading someone else's post I'd put it down to a brush off as well. It's harder to give yourself good advice though.

Yes was talking the beginning of the week. General chit chat it was Thursday afternoon he said about his mam. I have 2 children meaning I can only get out at weekends which he knows.

I don't actually think he's lying about his mam but it could make it more convenient to use that as a "don't hold your breath" sign.

As one poster said, I should probably just leave things be for a bit. If it was me that was in that situation and a guy was asking about meeting again after me saying about my mother and the situation no matter how much I liked him, it would put me off a bit as it would appear pushy don't you think?

I think you're right. I don't think most people would tell that kind of lie - has a habit of coming back and biting you.

I could imagine just getting that news and being worried sick about my mom, how I was going to get down there and not really being interested in friends at all.

Although he could be giving it more weight or importance than it warrants - I shudder a bit at that sentence, who's to know.

But I think your post is bang on the money.

Hope it all works out for you.

December2012

Either way I suppose you're not free at weekends and he says he won't be. So it's doubtful you'll be able to see each other socially then.

Is there anything to stop you meeting up for coffee / lunch during your working week?

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

Either way I suppose you're not free at weekends and he says he won't be. So it's doubtful you'll be able to see each other socially then.

Is there anything to stop you meeting up for coffee / lunch during your working week?

It's only at weekends I'm free unfortunately. And to another poster it was him after that Sunday and then it's pretty much 50/50. I don't hold weight in who initiates contact as I think that can be headwrecking/game playing

CaraMay

But if he hadn't been contacting you it would back up the disappearing theory.

I think he is keeping it light and fluffy but then that's what you both agreed at the start.

Merkin

CaraMay wrote: »

But if he hadn't been contacting you it would back up the disappearing theory.

I think he is keeping it light and fluffy but then that's what you both agreed at the start.

I think this is a very valid point OP. You said in your opening post that you both agreed that neither of you wanted anything serious so he may think that not seeing you for weeks on end is perfectly reasonable given the implied perameters whereas you DO seem to want something more serious. Maybe you should have been clearer, both to him, and more importantly to yourself?

jimd2

MagicMarker wrote: »

Did you speak with him between Mon-Wed? How did those conversations go? Or did you only speak for the first time on Thurs? When a guy says he doesn't want anything serious, it tends to mean he only wants sex. It doesn't sound like the two of you are on the same wavelength here.

Maybe he's telling the truth, but it's a hum dinger of a coincidence. Don't be surprised if you get a booty call in a few weeks.

That was what I thought.

I think we are all old enough to realise that a first night of passion can just as likely lead to a ONS as to a relationship. That is the way of the world. If someone wants to avoid that then hold off for a few dates. No need to start second guessing.

Regarding the guy and his mum, I would say wait for a few weeks and give him space. If you cant wait for your answer, then flip a coin because that will be just as informative as most of us here on the limited information that you are able to provide.

dannyc31

i'd be surprised if he was lying about his mum taking ill. it would be a bit extreme to say something so serious to give someone the brush off. from my experience men are more likely just to give you the silent treatment if they've no intention of making it more than just that one night.

as others have said, i would take his word for it right now, play it cool and see if he makes contact in 3 or 4 weeks. if he's interested he's gonna most likely take time to send you the odd text over the next few weeks asking how you are etc.

LegacyUser

dannyc31 wrote: »

i'd be surprised if he was lying about his mum taking ill. it would be a bit extreme to say something so serious to give someone the brush off. from my experience men are more likely just to give you the silent treatment if they've no intention of making it more than just that one night.

as others have said, i would take his word for it right now, play it cool and see if he makes contact in 3 or 4 weeks. if he's interested he's gonna most likely take time to send you the odd text over the next few weeks asking how you are etc.

Thanks for all the advice. That's exactly how I'll be. And he'll be in Monday to Friday so I'm sure I'll probably know more by the end of the week.