Feeling hopeless

LegacyUser

Just out of serious relationship and feeling empty lost and lonely to say the least. I know the first couple of weeks are the worst, im in week 4 and it shows no signs of going away.

I think I am ok about the relationship ending, yes heartbroken, yes miss him but my biggest fear is the future and what it holds for a 30 something female in Dublin. Almost all of my friends are attached and settled and rarely head out. Im busy mid-week with pilates/yoga and the gym but opportunities to meet someone are slim to none as nobody goes out much and I am self employed so don't really meet people through work. Tried online dating prior to getting into this relationship and it just didn't work for various reasons. I found a lot of the guys are just not serious on it.

Feeling helpless and doubtful for a future that I want. Would see myself as independent but would love that special someone of course.... I just don't seem to have many opportunities to interact with guys.

I know some of you may say join a club of some sort and I have looked into meet-up etc but I don't think it is my thing at all.

Has anyone any stories of meeting that '1' in not the usual spots like pubs or clubs?

Merkin

Wooooahhhhh there! :eek: You are a mere 4 weeks, that's 28 short days, out of a relationship where you've had your heart broken and you're wondering where you can meet a new boyfriend? That's the very last thing on earth you should be doing.

You need time to mend your little heart, let the hair down and enjoy being single and (not quite ready to) mingle.

Dublin in your 30s and being single is GREAT, so I don't understand where the fear comes from?

I think you need to expand your social circle. If your friends are all hooked up and don't bother going out then you need to make some more new friends so that you will always have some pals to hang out with.

Join a tag rugby group or a wine tasting class or something else that interests you, go to Boards beers, hook up with some other people at work who may also be at a loose end at the weekends and basically put yourself out there. But only to make friends at this stage and not to just jump into a relationship in a rush to replace your ex boyfriend!

Alf. A. Male

So you're ruling out online dating, nightlife and sports/social clubs as avenues to meet someone, while confining yourself to midweek activities that aren't conducive to meeting someone. Right so. Listen, it's your life, do what you like, but start out with this negative attitude to social opportunities and you'll get nowhere. Do what you've always done and you'll get what you've always got.

An Bhanríon

To answer your question. I met my OH volunteering. I was 35. So no panic. Take your time...

For the moment, though, you need to concentrate on living your own life. You also need to take the above advice on board and move out of your comfort zone. There are lots of ways of making new friends in your thirties. I made some very good friends in my thirties in running clubs, amateur drama, volunteering, college. Think of activities where you will have to talk to people and concentrate on them. I also do yoga class but have never made any friends there!

nlk

I agree with Merkin that 4 weeks is way too soon to be thinking or worrying about dating......however, I have been where you are at and you feel an overwhelming urge to replace the security, happiness and closeness that you had with someone.

My advice would be to rationally separate this urge as something that you simply cannot and should not fulfill by meeting a partner right now. Like other posters have suggested- just take a break.

Secondly work on getting the security, happiness and closeness from another source- namely yourself. This is no easy feat and will take time- it's probably a life long project for everyone- but to find real fulfillment from within is the key to happiness. Trying to find someone out there to fill the void you are feeling now just won't work- you need to do this yourself.

Lastly, just because you are taking a break from romance doesn't mean you can't develop new friendships. This is a good idea as then when you do feel ready to date again you'll have a ready made social life.

Your attached friends must have other single friends. I found that letting all my friends know that I wanted to get out and meet new people and asking them to invite me to things they might not normally was a good way to expand my social circles. Also, say yes to things you might not have done usually. Do a course in something you are interested in. Join a club.

Be gentle with yourself. You'll be fine.

Sleepless and Manic

I dunno. I think four weeks is certainly too short a time to get over someone, in my miserable experience I;d say more like Six Months. But its not necessarily too short of a time to start thinking about someone else.

I mean its a perfectly good way of getting over someone. I dont think i'd be expecting to meet the "1" but its a perfectly okay way to distract your head from the heartache and it works a whole hell of a lot better than sad films, booze and hanging out with your mum. (I exaggerate a little, your mum may be lovely and there's some brilliant old films...).

Its also a good confidence boost.

Just dont treat it too seriously.

LegacyUser

OP here- thanks for all the replies guys. I'm not ready to meet someone new ASAP I know that much, they'd run a mile as my head is all over the place right now.

I guess I'm just in fear-mode for the future and I agree I need to expand my social circle and not do what I used to do. I honestly thought Dublin was brutal for meeting guys from previous experience and from what some others say... I need to look beyond pubs and clubs though... First and foremost !!