Pre Marriage Course - Cork

Jovetic

Anywhere good in Cork, ideally get it done in a day. What's involved in pre marriage courses and how much are they?

Cheers

Toots

First thing you need to do is to check with your priest that there's not a specific one that you need to do. Some priests don't mind where you go, providing you actually go to one, whereas others will only accept particular courses. It would be a major pain in the arse to do a course and then find out that it wasn't acceptable and then have to go to another one! When I got married our parish church would only accept the Accord course.

When I did it, it was a two-day job; Friday evening and all day Saturday. There were about 12 or so other couples with us. First thing they did was ask everyone what questions they had about marriage and the course content, then there was one of those group "ice breaker" type exercises and that was pretty much it for the friday night. Next day there was a section on handling conflict/arguments in the marriage, and another one on getting used to living with each other and differences you might have etc (which was largely useless because everyone on the course had been living together for years), then it was a break for lunch.

After that, the priest came to talk to us about the process of actually arranging the wedding with the church and what you need to organise for the day etc (probably the most interesting and informative part of the day, the priest who came to our course was really nice and helpful), then there was an utterly laughable section on family planning where the woman who was giving the course pronounced "vagina" as "vague-in-a" and told us that the natural method of family planning was completely reliable, then there was a group prayer/reflection thing and everyone was given candles and their cert of completion, and left the course €200 lighter in the pocket.

edit: I live in Dublin, but AFAIK the course content and format is the same for all Accord courses.

Jovetic

Cheers, sounds like a right waste of time. Any way around it. Stupid church weddings :mad:

hoodwinked

we did this one at the recommendation of our priest in by Paul street shopping center in town,


http://www.corkmarriage.ie/course_format.html



it was a saturday morning and then 30 minutes on the monday evening.

it was worth it, it raised some questions we hadn't thought of, even though we lived together and had a daughter together,

Faith

Jovetic wrote: »

Cheers, sounds like a right waste of time. Any way around it. Stupid church weddings :mad:

Don't get married in a church. It's their house, you play by their rules, or else go somewhere else.

Toots

Jovetic wrote: »

Cheers, sounds like a right waste of time. Any way around it. Stupid church weddings :mad:

It wasn't the worst thing in the world, although there were plenty of other things I'd rather have spent my weekend doing. I haven't heard of anyone getting away without doing some sort of pre-marriage course to get married in the church, although some of the other non-accord ones are shorter.

Jovetic

Faith wrote: »

Don't get married in a church. It's their house, you play by their rules, or else go somewhere else.

I'd get married in a field but sure you know what women are like :rolleyes:

Faith

Jovetic wrote: »

I'd get married in a field but sure you know what women are like :rolleyes:

Well, I'm a woman who's not getting married in a church...!

In all seriousness, we initially planned a church wedding, but we quickly realised that we were wrong. We've chosen a Humanist ceremony instead and we're delighted with that. It's worth exploring the alternative options if your fiancée isn't particularly religious either.

bee06

I did the Paul street one as well and we found it really good and not just because it was short! Nothing about family planning, no religious element at all and all practical stuff that you can use IMO.

mrsbyrne

Jovetic wrote: »

Cheers, sounds like a right waste of time. Any way around it. Stupid church weddings :mad:

If its stupid why are you doing it?

mrsbyrne

Jovetic wrote: »

I'd get married in a field but sure you know what women are like :rolleyes:

Does you fiancé know how sexy sexist you are?

Milly33

Oh dear your in trouble now..haha a "vague-in-a" that's gas!!.. Id be the same as in why do you have to do these courses wouldn't be for me, but a few friends have said like that they are actually a bit of craic

ABajaninCork

Then get married in a CoI, Methodist, Quaker, civil ceremony. In fact anywhere that doesn't require a pre-marriage course! Personally, I'm in favour of anything that makes the happy couple think of the marriage, rather than the wedding.

Why do people insist on getting married in church, but baulk at anything that requires effort/money to make it happen? Never ceases to amaze me...

Milly33

and breathe!!!

ABajaninCork

Me? I'm :cool: I've already gone through all that!! (For the record, mine was done by my parish deacon in London and took an afternoon! ).

I just giggle at some of the comments that I've seen and heard over the years. Anything pertaining to the church is seen as a 'money making racket'. I have no idea why...

bee06

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Personally, I'm in favour of anything that makes the happy couple think of the marriage, rather than the wedding.

Totally agree, I know a couple who were told after they're pre-marriage course that maybe they should think about postponing their wedding because they had so many differences in their views of marriage. Unfortunately they thought it was just a load of crap. They ended up miserable for most of their marriage and broke up after a few years.

Jovetic

Tbh the whole wedding thing is a burden. I want to get married, I just don't want all the hassle that comes with it. I'd much rather sign a piece of paper and be done with it, the whole church/hotel etc is not my scene. However OH has "been dreaming about this day all her life" so I don't have much of a say

I really don't want a stag and am trying to come up with ways of getting out of it. Not my scene at all.

ABajaninCork

Then don't!! My husband didn't have a stag - he just threw a party at his local for the neighbours. I didn't have a hen either. Personally, I can't stand them, especially the two and three day benders, and always decline invitations. Last hen I attended, ended up in tears...

pwurple

Jovetic wrote: »

Tbh the whole wedding thing is a burden. I want to get married, I just don't want all the hassle that comes with it. I'd much rather sign a piece of paper and be done with it, the whole church/hotel etc is not my scene. However OH has "been dreaming about this day all her life" so I don't have much of a say

I really don't want a stag and am trying to come up with ways of getting out of it. Not my scene at all.

Pre-marriage course might even be useful for you as a couple, if you already have these kinds of differences which you can't even communicate to her.

Don't have a stag if you don't want to. None of the wedding stuff is obligatory, apart from the signing of the register, and the notice of intent.

Mrs OBumble

Jovetic wrote: »

Anywhere good in Cork, ideally get it done in a day. What's involved in pre marriage courses and how much are they?

Cheers

Ahh, you're preparing to spend a lifetime together. Does it really make sense to minimise the amount of time you spend preparing?

Personally I'm in favour of courses covering interpersonal communications, personal financial management, and the legal and civil implications of marriage for ALL weddings, not just church ones. It stuns me that I have to explain the concept of sexually-transmitted debt to people.

Toots

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Ahh, you're preparing to spend a lifetime together. Does it really make sense to minimise the amount of time you spend preparing?

Personally I'm in favour of courses covering interpersonal communications, personal financial management, and the legal and civil implications of marriage for ALL weddings, not just church ones. It stuns me that I have to explain the concept of sexually-transmitted debt to people.

To be fair, (in my experience) a lot of the church-run pre marriage courses have a VERY religious overtone to them and seem to ignore a lot of the practical marriage preparation, like the topics you've mentioned, so I can understand how a lot of people just want to get it over with as quickly as possible.

I know a friend of mine did one and she said it was brilliant (I think it was the Avalon one) and had a lot of emphasis on communication, and dealing with differences of opinion on things (especially around children) and compromising while keeping both partners happy.

I completely agree that pre marriage courses are a good idea, providing the content is useful, informative and relevant. Otherwise people just won't want to bother with them, and will resent having to do them and having to pay upwards of €100 for them.

I didn't mind having to pay €200 for my course because in the grand scheme of things, it was one of the more minor costs associated with getting married. However, I really wish the course had been interesting, or had given us some new things to think about but instead both myself and my (quite religious) fiancé left the course thinking "what a load of crap". Initially I thought it was only me that felt that way, because I'm not in any way religious, but when I spoke to my hubby about it, he felt the same way.

ABajaninCork

Perhaps the pre-marriage course might be different in London then? Mine was done by my parish deacon, and it was surprisingly practical in tone. He didn't really talk about the religious side of marriage much. I suppose it was because he knew both of us well as I was a regular Mass-goer at home and my now husband attended with me when he visited.

The deacon did talk to us at some length about the practicalities of moving over to Ireland. He's from Mayo and gave us a really good insight on how life might be after marriage with the stresses of moving to a new country, the culture and so on. He also spoke at some length about finances and the ability to manage conflict within the marriage.

It only took a morning and some of the afternoon, (ignore my last post - corrected by hubby!) and cost us £50. I have to say I was surprised at the cost of the courses here. Some friends of mine did theirs here in Cork City (Accord?) and it cost them E200...

jackofalltrades

Jovetic wrote: »

However OH has "been dreaming about this day all her life" so I don't have much of a say

She may have been dreaming about the day all here life, but it's your wedding too, you should definitely have a say.
And if you don't then you have a much bigger problem with your relationship.
There should be compromise and both partners opinions should be respected.

I really don't want a stag and am trying to come up with ways of getting out of it. Not my scene at all.

Just tell people you don't want one. It's a party for you after all. If people can't respect that then tough.