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im messed up

  • 05-06-2014 4:54pm
    #1
    whatwillido
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 ✭


    im a 27 yr aged female in LTR. i love n care very much for my fella and he is my best mate. however the past two weeks ive started to think about somebody else a lot. i never had these feelings before. my problem is my lack of pals. i dont really have a single pal due to spending all my time with my fella. i made a huge mistake by devoting all my life to him and in the last 3 yrs i realised i had nobody to have fun with and have made efforts to make new pals. i made many male pals in this time cos i found them easier to understand. however due to my pals being from canada and poland and intending to go back home, i went on to a make friends site in dublin. i got chatting to a lovely lad and instantly clicked with him. i had no intention to ever be more than his good pal. we wanted to make us real life mates as opposed to simply online so i met him on the monday bank holiday. everything was great. we then met again on tuesday and this time he introduced me to a few of his friends. we all went for a pizza and coronas and at the end of the night, he hugged me goodbye. i cant even describe how i felt as we hugged but i cant get him off my mind since. i know i have more than friendly feelings towards him and i havent stopped looking at my online meet up account to see has he messaged (which he never does now) .. i just want to forget i ever met him and rewind time as its now making me feel like a lovesick teen and after only 2 weeks! i never planned to feel attracted to him like this. i felt like its the first time i got excited in a long time. i know this guy is very popular with women as i have seen he has thousands of girls on his facebook and he meets different girls all the time. where do i go from here?


Comments

  • #2
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    You only know the guy two weeks, mostly online. You've only met once. From what you say there's no indication at all that he has any interest other than to be friends... You should forget about it and try to figure out if there's anything up with you relationship that means you're becoming infatuated with lads you barely know or have barely seen...

    You mention being excited for the first time in a long time. Have things gotten too routine? Are you still making the effort with each other? etc...


  • #3
    December2012
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    You could be excited because he's a new person in your life.

    Why don't you look for some female friends?


  • #4
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    To be honest OP, your post comes across as being starved of attention more than anything else, to the point where you may only just be realising the impact of it after meeting this new person. Rather than worry unduly about it and labelling yourself as being "messed up", perhaps take it as a lesson to yourself that you need to broaden your social circle a bit and add new friends to your life.

    You say that you have "nobody to have fun with" - have you considered seeing what clubs or activities are in your area that might interest you? It's a great way to get out of the house, and you are pretty much guaranteed that the people you meet there will have a common interest with you. Many clubs or societies also organise drinks nights r weekends away, which is a great way to meet new people.

    Where to go from here is ultimately up to you, of course there is nothing stopping you from continuing to be friends with this new person, and being part of his social circle too, and that can be a good thing, but bear in mind that you are in a long term relationship already, so making any moves on this guy outside the boundaries of friendship would be unfair on both of them.


  • #5
    Lou.m
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,532 ✭✭✭Lou.m


    whatwillido wrote: »
    im a 27 yr aged female in LTR. i love n care very much for my fella and he is my best mate. however the past two weeks ive started to think about somebody else a lot. i never had these feelings before. my problem is my lack of pals. i dont really have a single pal due to spending all my time with my fella. i made a huge mistake by devoting all my life to him and in the last 3 yrs i realised i had nobody to have fun with and have made efforts to make new pals. i made many male pals in this time cos i found them easier to understand. however due to my pals being from canada and poland and intending to go back home, i went on to a make friends site in dublin. i got chatting to a lovely lad and instantly clicked with him. i had no intention to ever be more than his good pal. we wanted to make us real life mates as opposed to simply online so i met him on the monday bank holiday. everything was great. we then met again on tuesday and this time he introduced me to a few of his friends. we all went for a pizza and coronas and at the end of the night, he hugged me goodbye. i cant even describe how i felt as we hugged but i cant get him off my mind since. i know i have more than friendly feelings towards him and i havent stopped looking at my online meet up account to see has he messaged (which he never does now) .. i just want to forget i ever met him and rewind time as its now making me feel like a lovesick teen and after only 2 weeks! i never planned to feel attracted to him like this. i felt like its the first time i got excited in a long time. i know this guy is very popular with women as i have seen he has thousands of girls on his facebook and he meets different girls all the time. where do i go from here?


    Options that could be possible.
    (A)
    This guy is a player ....be wary ..you are but one in a list.

    (b)
    You seem to be a girl who gets to into the 'us' in relationships and not the 'you'. But this rings true for most relationships and you are doing the same with thinking too much about this one guy.
    (c)
    You are not having the butterflies with your boyfriend anymore and this meeting reminded you of that.


    If you want to be friends with this guy that's fine. However ...you need to make more friends....widen that circle....

    You are obviously not used to being attracted to people outside the LTR it's NORMAL. IT HAPPENS.

    But you need to be careful. The way you are talking it is as if you are thinking of perusing this guy. If your relationship is not fulfilling you then look into that.

    It sounds like life is routine....MIX IT UP!

    Change change change...you need it.:)


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