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I made myself sick

  • 04-06-2014 1:04pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I don't know if a background is needed.

    History of depression, anxiety, personality disorder, self harm, binge eating. On and off medication for ~10 years. Currently doing well - recognising when minor issues could become larger problems and dealing with them. Losing the weight that I put on as a result of 10 years on medication. Things are going well.

    Fast forward to today. I had my lunch and I was still hungry so I got a sandwich and had it after my lunchbox food. After about 20 mins I started to feel guilty and I was trying to work out the calories I would need to work off after eating unplanned / unscheduled food.

    So I went and got sick.

    For the first time in a long time I feel vulnerable and I don't know what to do. Do I talk to someone? Do I ignore it and hope it doesn't happen again?

    I can't face telling my doctor. I have been discharged from my psych team. I can't really afford any therapy at the moment.

    I feel so stupid.

    (In terms of me, I'm about 4 stone overweight. I have lost around 1.5 stone in the past 2 months via healthy eating and exercise. I don't know if that is important)


Comments

  • #2
    Merkin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    You need to talk someone. You've a history of binge eating so purging falls under food issues as well and it's best to address this issue immediately and try and work through it now rather than have it become habitual. Please contact www.bodywhys.ie and arrange to speak to someone. I have two dear friends with purging issues and it's not a cycle you want to fall into, well done for posting on it, you're right to seek help.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi there,

    I was bulimic for 10 years, was in a treatment centre etc. Well now for 18 months..

    Relax, breathe.

    Don't freak out because you made yourself sick. Just realise you've crossed a line and try not to do that again. Tell someone, a parent a friend, anyone, tell someone who will keep an eye on you. If you don't your head will start making you feel like your supposed to be ashamed, vicious cycle.

    Anyway, having been there, done that and grown out of the T-Shirt the whole manic cycle to be rings more alarm bells. Over eating, planning your food etc. You are human, you are setting to many restrictions which is a sure fire way to ensure you over eat (or eat more than you intended)

    It's setting yourself up for failure. But also, the weight your putting on this, the calculating calories obsessively etc - that's all a distraction from life.

    You might not be able to afford counselling, that's fine, but there are lots of Eating Disorder help groups. Body Why's if you are in Dublin, or OA & EDA meetings - google it.

    I personally get more from Body Whys than fellowship (OA & EDA) nowadays but fellowship got me well to start with...

    I'd also suggest some mindfulness, meditation, sounds weird, trust me, it helps. You tube Guided meditations, play and relax.

    But breathe, don't be so hard on yourself, smile, you'll be ok
    x


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