A Puzzler!

benjy1000

Hi

Guess I'm just looking for some advice or someone who has been here before, which when you hear it, there will be lots of people but i'd still like to hear your view!

Dating a girl for the past 6 weeks or so, all was good in fact was really good, constant texting, spent majority of weekends together, met each other’s friends etc. Really getting on like a house on fire, friends commented to me that we seemed so comfortable with each other you would think we were going out for ages, when i said this to her she agreed and said how good things were and how there was no awkwardness or anything like that, everything was just so easy and straightforward she said!

So anyway she was going on a week’s holiday with her pals and called over the night before, again all was good , making plans for when she came back etc, so off she went and heard from her most nights of her holiday, just said i'd let her at it and not be bothering her, so just kept the msgs short and sweet.

When she came back, I assumed everything would just carry on as before, but I haven't seen her since, rang her a few times , no answer and she never returned the calls, got a few msgs from her, mostly just one liners saying how busy she is at work and in the evenings she is so wrecked she just sleeps! We have all heard them excuses before right!? Never good!!!

That was a week ago the last time i heard from her. I have a feeling its probably dead in the water at this stage but its just such a puzzler! Everything was grand in face the night before she left, we said how much we liked each other and she said she didn't want to be with anyone else, so from that to now in the space of a week and a half where i haven't seen her is a mystery! I could take the rejection no problem but it's the cutting me off that's bothering me, surely a phonecall or even a msg saying thanks but no thanks but to just cut me off is a bit cruel i think. I'm half thinking of contacting her and just asking her why!!? My friends are saying just leave her, if she wants to, she will contact you like before but they are puzzled to as they met her and thought the same as me but i would just like an explanation as to what has made her change so drastically so soon.

Looking into this from outside I would be saying like to, just move on, more fish in the sea etc but i have been in relationships before for maybe 9-10 months and the 6 weeks or so was far better than the 9 months, so much fun, so i just don't think i can walk away just yet without putting up some kind of a fight for her!

But then as a friend said, she has behaved pretty horrible, why would you want anything to do with her!?

Anyone with any pearls of wisdom for me please!?

comewatmay

Don't mean to be harsh but it's quite obvious she found another jockey while on holidays

Grandeeod

comewatmay wrote: »

Don't mean to be harsh but it's quite obvious she found another jockey while on holidays

I have to admit, it sounds like it. The only other alternative I can think of is, maybe she's annoyed at how short your texts where while she was away.

just said i'd let her at it and not be bothering her, so just kept the msgs short and sweet.

desbrook

Wow that's rough OP . As you've said the conventional wisdom is just leave her to it etc , if she wants to get in touch she will etc etc etc . That's all very well but it's the not knowing that's getting to you I'm sure .

I don't think it was your short messages - if anything texting every five minutes would cause more problems . I'm presuming you just replied to her texts ? There is a strong possibility she met someone else . She may be just waiting to see if he gets back in touch after the holiday and how its going .

From what you write you have pretty much given up on the relationship so you have nothing to lose by asking her straight out what the story is . Don't be embaressed . You are being straightforward which is more than can be said for her!

BTW - anything/photos on her FB page or her friends ?

IrishEyes19

I doubt she was annoyed at short texts on holiday. Holiday with the girls is a holiday with the girls, I barely look at my phone when I go only to confirm to family and bf that I'm alive

I think its more than possible she realised she didn't want anything serious over there or else something happened with someone else. You did nothing wrong, OP, dating is a mine field at the best of times. You have to be constantly in line with what the other person is thinking and feeling and its never possible to know what that exactly is. I wouldn't contact her again. A week is highly disrespectful, sounds like she took the cowards way out and let it fade out rather than tell the truth. Honestly if she got back in touch in the future I wouldn't entertain her excuses unless they were 100 percent genuine. There are very few excuses that stop a person picking up a phone and sending a ten second text to check in or to be decent and end the relationship.

But,OP, you have seen a side of her that would completely ignore you when she wants. Would you treat someone like that. The six weeks may have been the best six weeks, but that doesn't mean no one else will ever be that great again. Your friends are right!


Edit: I agree with desbrook, maybe throwing a text asking what the story is would be wise. Keep it casual and light though. But I would leave it there then.

gaynorvader

She's only back from the holiday for a few days? Did she go straight back to work? If so she might really just be wrecked. Give her a few days to recover, I know plenty of people who get very tired travelling and need a few days to get over it, particularly if they're straight back into work as their sleep schedule is all over the place. Try planning something with her at the weekend.

strobe

Could be a few things. Maybe she either met someone else on holidays, he's in and you're out, or realised on her girls trip away that she'd really like to enjoy the single life right now. Or she slept with someone else away and is avoiding you out of guilt and having to deal with things...


Or it is a possibility also like the poster above said that she's just recuperatung from the holiday and there's nothing really up at all.

Sure no harm in dropping her a text to ask what's up. Just a simple "hey Niamh, just wondering what the craic is? You seem a bit distant since getting back from holidays so just wondering if you're thinking you'd rather leave things?"

IrishEyes19

strobe wrote: »

Could be a few things. Maybe she either met someone else on holidays, he's in and you're out, or realised on her girls trip away that she'd really like to enjoy the single life right now. Or she slept with someone else away and is avoiding you out of guilt and having to deal with things...


Or it is a possibility also like the poster above said that she's just recuperatung from the holiday and there's nothing really up at all.

Sure no harm in dropping her a text to ask what's up. Just a simple "hey Niamh, just wondering what the craic is? You seem a bit distant since getting back from holidays so just wondering if you're thinking you'd rather leave things?"

Could be possible, but she is clearly ignoring his texts. if you were with someone wouldnt you at least text back, "hey sorry, things are mental at the moment, but I'll give you a text/call later." This person has completely vanished

Merkin

I think strobe's text is perfect and leaves the way wide open for her to call a halt to it once and for all if that's what is actually going on.

Colonel Panic

I wouldn't send any more texts or make any more calls. He's tried that and getting blown off or ignored.

I wouldn't make any assumptions about why she's doing this, more the fact that she's doing it at all!

blatantrereg

She's avoiding you. She either wants to forget you and she ever happened or has betrayed you in some way that makes her not want to face you. It's callous and spineless behaviour, so I think developing a sense of contempt for her might be the appropriate response, and also interpretting it as things as being over between you.

As for trying to fight to keep her - in a situation like this that would only make things worse. You haven't done anything to lose her [at least nothing apparent]. She's just decided to leave. Let her and she might change her mind. Then it would be up to her to fight not to lose you really. If you make all the running when it's her ending things in a rude kind of way, that would just make a bad dynamic in the relationship even if you did end up staying together.

benjy1000

Hi

Thanks for all the replies and advice, was good to get an outside perspective.

Just to update you all, i actually rang her last night! I was just going to delete the number and then I said sure I've nothing to lose at this stage and I just didn't want to be thinking about it anymore and himming and hawing about it! I actually wasn't too pushed about her at this stage due to her carry on but I just wanted an explanation more than anything else to be honest.

Well anyway I rang and a fella answered!! And in an approx 7-8 sec conversation, I was told by this fella, that he is on the scene now and for me to just f.off and get over it!!!!!

So yeah an eventful phonecall to say the least! Definitely a first that's for sure! You think you know someone but there you go i guess.

Anyway after that i just told my housemates and we had a few beers and I deleted the number!!!

But anyway that's that, cheers to everyone again, back to the drawing board for me I think!

Tilly

Ah god I'm so sorry. What a scummy bitch!

Hope you meet someone 100 times better than her soon

Merkin

You are much much MUCH better off without someone who would behave so appallingly.

I hope you're ok. Just reassure yourself that you genuinely have had a lucky escape xx

robbiezero

If its any consolation, the new lad is obviously a tosser.

Typer Monkey

Despicable behaviour from both of them. Her for being so thoughtless and spineless and him for his bully boy phone routine. Sounds like they deserve each other. She's certainly no prize anyway. Onwards and upwards OP

username123

Be happy in the knowledge that bully boy is going to find himself on the wrong end of a similar phonecall if he sticks with her. Hopefully he will remember his own stellar behaviour on that day. She is a right scumbag, you are way better off without.

Virgil°

Ah jesus OP what a two faced piece of work she truly is. Consider yourself lucky she showed her true colours so early on.

Much better now than 4 years and 2 kids down the line.

Onwards and upwards.

Sephiroth_dude

benjy1000 wrote: »

Hi

Thanks for all the replies and advice, was good to get an outside perspective.

Just to update you all, i actually rang her last night! I was just going to delete the number and then I said sure I've nothing to lose at this stage and I just didn't want to be thinking about it anymore and himming and hawing about it! I actually wasn't too pushed about her at this stage due to her carry on but I just wanted an explanation more than anything else to be honest.

Well anyway I rang and a fella answered!! And in an approx 7-8 sec conversation, I was told by this fella, that he is on the scene now and for me to just f.off and get over it!!!!!

So yeah an eventful phonecall to say the least! Definitely a first that's for sure! You think you know someone but there you go i guess.

Anyway after that i just told my housemates and we had a few beers and I deleted the number!!!

But anyway that's that, cheers to everyone again, back to the drawing board for me I think!

Wow

What a coward,you dodged a bullet there pal.

Carlos Orange

Typer Monkey wrote: »

Despicable behaviour from both of them. Her for being so thoughtless and spineless and him for his bully boy phone routine. Sounds like they deserve each other. She's certainly no prize anyway. Onwards and upwards OP

No one is covered in glory but at least the op knows where he is now. Minus some sugar coating all the guy has done is what she should have done a week ago.

If the op had been the second guy then that would have been the right thing to do, obviously in a nicer way. Just before dumping her.

blatantrereg

The new guy probably was under the impression he was warding off a "psycho ex", not that he was being a dick to someone bewildered and upset.

username123

blatantrereg wrote: »

The new guy probably was under the impression he was warding off a "psycho ex", not that he was being a dick to someone bewildered and upset.

Course that's if it even was a new guy. Could have been a brother, male friend etc...

IrishEyes19

benjy1000 wrote: »

Hi

Thanks for all the replies and advice, was good to get an outside perspective.

Just to update you all, i actually rang her last night! I was just going to delete the number and then I said sure I've nothing to lose at this stage and I just didn't want to be thinking about it anymore and himming and hawing about it! I actually wasn't too pushed about her at this stage due to her carry on but I just wanted an explanation more than anything else to be honest.

Well anyway I rang and a fella answered!! And in an approx 7-8 sec conversation, I was told by this fella, that he is on the scene now and for me to just f.off and get over it!!!!!

So yeah an eventful phonecall to say the least! Definitely a first that's for sure! You think you know someone but there you go i guess.

Anyway after that i just told my housemates and we had a few beers and I deleted the number!!!

But anyway that's that, cheers to everyone again, back to the drawing board for me I think!

You have had an amazing escape my friend. Trust me on that! And more fool the guy who answered, I'm sure when she gets bored, he wont be long out the door. Onwards and upwards from here