Bf is a recreational drug user

LegacyUser

Hi

Just wanted to get something out of my chest that's been bothering me for a while.

As you can see, my boyfriend of 1.5 years is a recreational drug user and I'm a little concerned. I suppose, I'm mainly concerend that his approach to drugs is so liberal that I'm a bit worried what kind of parent he will be to our children if we ever have a family together (as we've already talked about having a family and stuff - we are both in our late 20's).

At the beginning of our relationship, he told me that he has tried several different drugs (as we all have at some point in life) during college and stuff and I didn't take it too seriously. He said he has friends that take drugs (mainly coccaine) regularly and one of his friends is actually actively involved in smuggling and distributing pills.

My last partner was a heavy dope smoker and it played a very negative part in our relationship which eventually made me leave him. My current bf is aware of this fact and he has told me that he doesnt like taking drugs and that he doesn't do them anymore.

There is one particular friend of his who always is on coccaine on a night out and my OH has told me that he doesnt like going out with him anymore because he has to do drugs with him. To be fair, they dont go out very often, maybe 2-3 times a year max.
Last weekend there was an occasion where we all went out and my bf was voluntarily doing it with his other friends and even bought a small bag of it from his friend. He said that everyone is doing it and that it doesn't do any harm and all his friends joined the bandwagon and said how ok it is to do coccaine. I could actually see that about 80% of the people in the party were on one or other form of drugs.

I have to say he wasn't acting any differently other than just being jolly and loud and none of his friends were acting in any other way other than just being more open and happy. They partied until around 7 am and I went home around 4 am so I can't say how it all ended after I left.

Having seen my bf on numerous night outs, I dont think he is acting any differently when he's on coccaine but I can't somehow shatter the thought of him doing drugs. To be honest, I dont even know why I'm so bothered by it. I know, for a fact, that he is a great person and a wonderful boyfriend and that he will make a great father.

Am I being petty being so bothered by it or am I right to think about this?

ladygirl

It really scares me what becomes NORMAL to some people.. I would run a mile if I was put in that position.. He is in his Late 20's (TIME TO GROW UP!!!!)
You turning a blind eye to this kind of behavior is only encouraging it.. What kind of a "fantastic father" would spend money on cocaine over their own kid??...
Is this something that you would want to subject your future kids to?? what kind of mother would do that to their child???

Don't be deluding yourself...

Penny Tration

Have you spoken to him about this since you saw him buying/taking cocaine?

Without getting into the morals surrounding drugs, he lied to you. He said he doesn't use drugs anymore, but he did in front of you.

That's something that needs to be addressed.

AnonMouse

In my opinion, occasional drug use is harmless. Alcohol is the worst drug of them all, killing far more people than recreational drugs, like weed and ecstasy. There are countless studies that have proved that. Cocaine is a different kettle of fish, given its potential for addiction, and the way it can make people louder, more arrogant etc. Combined with alcohol, it can make people rowdy, but I have found that it is actually alcohol that makes people rowdy, and the cocaine amplifies it. I've never seen someone fighting after taking ecstasy, as they are so loved up.

There is a lot of misinformation, and many people are poorly educated about drugs, for whatever reason. You said it yourself that your boyfriend is a great person, so why judge him based on his choices regarding drugs. The only reason alcohol is accepted so widely, is because of its legal status. There is not one person in this country that hasn't been affected by the use of alcohol, be it directly or indirectly.

ladygirl wrote: »

You turning a blind eye to this kind of behavior is only encouraging it.. What kind of a "fantastic father" would spend money on cocaine over their own kid??...
Is this something that you would want to subject your future kids to?? what kind of mother would do that to their child???

The post above, by ladygirl, in my opinion, validates my feelings on poorly educated trains of thought regarding drug use. What is the harm in letting off a little steam every now and again. As long as you do no harm to anyone else, one should be able to use their bodies as they see fit. Too many times, I have heard people giving about drug use, while they swig from their alcoholic beverage. Hypocrisy at it's very best. Kids aren't subjected to anything unless you do it right in front of them - just because someone takes a line of coke, at a party, doesn't mean they're going to be racking up lines as they feed the kid their bottle.

heretochat

Your "fantastic" boyfriend is a drug user... I'm sorry to jump on the moral high horse but are you serious?

You are encouraging his behaviour by not pulling him up on it and your acceptance of his drug use (however sporadic per him) is alarming.

You talk about having kids at some point. Are you seriously going to consider introducing them to an environment where recreational drug use is an accepted norm.

You both need to grow up in my opinion.

Mr. Incognito

At lot of people are recreational drug users in college or when they are young.

Late twenties is time to grow up.

The body can only take so much before it breaks.

His mates seem to validate this casual use.

He seems to be moving away from it though but I would make it clear that you disapprove and let him grow up or find someone who has.

username123

For me it's more about social responsibility. Recreational drug use is illegal in this country. I don't necessarily agree with that, but that's how it stands. So a person who is caught in possession of a bag of coke faces social and legal consequences. Whatever about how serious the legal punishment may or may not be, I'd not like to be explaining to my boss, my mother, my child or anyone else, that I'd a court date because I was caught with a bag of coke on me. It would be easier to put behind you as a naive teenager versus an adult with children and financial responsibilities, so overall, regardless of my own thoughts on occasional drug use, it's just too risky if you want to be a socially aware responsible adult in modern Irish society. I just couldn't risk losing my job, with the knock on impact of possibly losing my home, etc...

desbrook

I could have answered your post a few hour ago OP but I didn't because I wanted to see would a wide range of views prevail - sure enough they have . That's the problem , you'll get as many opinons as you will posters . There's little point in me giving my opinion on drug use and drug use within relationships because it'll be just that . I wouldn't spend 5 minutes at a party where 80% of people are taking drugs , you partied until 4am . You bf has a drug dealer/smuggler as a friend and yet you date him . We won't see eye to eye .

I do however sense that you are uneasy about all this . I'd suggest it's not the drugs per se but three facts that make you uneasy:

(a) he lied initially about his drug involvement and you still aren't sure how "deep" he is in the scene

(b) he chose not to leave with you at 4am but to stay out until 7am - you have no idea what happened in those 3 hours , but know he chose drugs and mates over you

(c) Class A drugs such as cocaine carry serious penalties (social and legal) and would make co-parenting with him difficult and in some cases impossible

I'm only sugeesting the above three points maybe it's other stuff - what ever it is LISTEN TO WHAT YOU FEEL . This is your relationship and your life and possibly another life if you have a baby . You are in your late 20's and not a kid . Set your own standards of behaviour within the relationship by what YOU feel , not us or him . If you aren't happy with the way he carries on then move on . The solution is within yourself .

strobe

Sure talk to him about your concerns. But remember that you're his girlfriend not his mother when you do. Sit down and have a conversation one adult to another, ask him his opinion on the things you're concerned about in relation to drug use and see what he says. From there you can decide if your concerns are justified or not, and/or if this is too great an incompatibility between your lifestyles/worldviews to overcome.

ABajaninCork

Your BF's drug taking is a concern to you which I understand and totally agree with you. He's also lied about his drug use and taken drugs in front of you. Which shows a lack of respect for you. But he's a grown man well able to make his own decisions. He must know the consequences of doing drugs. Not just the harm it can do to body and mind. What if the pill-pushing friend is caught and your bloke is with him? If he's caught in possession, all the trouble THAT can cause? If he knows that and is cool with it? Happy days! All that BS about having to do drugs with his friend is just that. BS. He WANTED to do it. Get that straight. I'd also be willing to bet his drug use is a LOT more than he's willing to admit to you.

All you can do is decide whether his drug use is a deal breaker for you, and talk to him about it. Make it plain that it's not something you like or agree with. The rest is up to you both.

ManOfMystery

I'm not a drug user at all. And I'm not a fan of drugs, as I've (literally) watched someone as they died in front of me from complications brought about by years of heroin abuse.

However, I do realise that's an extreme end of the scale. So when I go out every now and again with a large group of friends, I typically turn a blind eye to the few amongst them who are into coke and taking E's, etc. It's their personal choice and none of my business.

I'm not in a relationship with those people though. They go home at the end of a night, and I go to my home. If one got busted by the cops for possession or whatever, I may have to face having my pockets searched as I'm in his company but they wouldn't find anything and that's not a massive concern for me. There could be very difficult implications for you however, particularly as time goes on and you have children and so on. This man shares your life, and anything he does which can cause legal issues will potentially affect you also.

To me, it's like any other type of relationship incompatibility - different opinions on religion, different opinions on alcohol, and so on. This could potentially be a deal-breaker. The deciding factor will be if you can put up with his attitude towards drugs (and his less-than-honest responses to you regarding that attitude) and the potential ramifications if he was caught with them. If you can't, and he isn't willing to give up his lifestyle, things aren't going to change.

Personally, I don't care what young/single people with no responsibilities do, but if you're getting into your 30s and may have kids and are still taking class A drugs - grow up.

TINA1984

OP it sounds like your partner is what you said he is, an ocasional, recreational user. Despite the harbringers of doom on this thread, many people fit into the category of recreational users and continue to lead happy, normal lives in both the family and career spheres. I wouldn't worry about it.

username123

TINA1984 wrote: »

Despite the harbringers of doom on this thread, many people fit into the category of recreational users and continue to lead happy, normal lives in both the family and career spheres.

Lol, the naivety of this is amusing. By definition, recreational drug users are engaging in illegal activities so they are not living "normal" lives. They are indulging in risk taking behaviour, fraternising with criminals and fuelling the drugs industry. They may be happy, but given that "normal" is the term that applies to how the majority of people live, they are not living "normal" lives.

Potatoeman

username123 wrote: »

Lol, the naivety of this is amusing. By definition, recreational drug users are engaging in illegal activities so they are not living "normal" lives. They are indulging in risk taking behaviour, fraternising with criminals and fuelling the drugs industry. They may be happy, but given that "normal" is the term that applies to how the majority of people live, they are not living "normal" lives.

Its a bigger deal for some people. Sure its illegal but as long as he hasnt huge amounts on him he will be ok. He can ask for a probarion order.

As for fueling the drug industry, it exists due to prohabition.

TINA1984

username123 wrote: »

Lol, the naivety of this is amusing. By definition, recreational drug users are engaging in illegal activities so they are not living "normal" lives. They are indulging in risk taking behaviour, fraternising with criminals and fuelling the drugs industry. They may be happy, but given that "normal" is the term that applies to how the majority of people live, they are not living "normal" lives.

Hyperbolic statements asides, everytime someone breaks the speed limit they are "engaging in risk taking behaviour" and "engaging in illegal activities", nonetheless life goes on.

You seem to be taking a hardline moralising view on recreational drug use, I would suggest your viewpoint is both inaccurate and out of date.

If the OP's partner was a habitual or dependent user then I would think they would certainly be unsuitable to be in a mature relationship, but nothing from the OP's post suggests this is the case.

username123

TINA1984 wrote: »

Hyperbolic statements asides, everytime someone breaks the speed limit they are "engaging in risk taking behaviour" and "engaging in illegal activities", nonetheless life goes on.

Bit of a nonsensical comparison as last time I checked road traffic act offences do not carry either the social or legal stigma of drug offences. Mind you, people who speed are gob****es also but for different reasons. I'd no more consider a future with someone who drives like an arsehole than I would with someone who does coke.

The OP is specifically considering her future should she choose to settle with and have a family with this guy. Sticking your face in a bag of coke might be ok (stupid but ok) when you're young and dumb with no financial or family obligations but it's really not cool if you have children, a mortgage etc... Unless the guy cops on and does some serious maturing the OP would be better off looking for someone more stable as a life partner, IMO.

lifeandtimes

TINA1984 wrote: »

Hyperbolic statements asides, everytime someone breaks the speed limit they are "engaging in risk taking behaviour" and "engaging in illegal activities", nonetheless life goes on.

You seem to be taking a hardline moralising view on recreational drug use, I would suggest your viewpoint is both inaccurate and out of date.

If the OP's partner was a habitual or dependent user then I would think they would certainly be unsuitable to be in a mature relationship, but nothing from the OP's post suggests this is the case.

Some who drives like and arsehole breaking the speed limit and putting other peoples lives in danger vs some taking drugs 2 to 3 times a year and doing no harm to anyone but themselves?....I'll take the latter please

Op my opinion would be sit down with your fb and discuss this concerns,as you've said he doesn't do it often ad doesn't seem to have a problem,regarding having a family that's a different story,some who is young(under 30) child free and does them every now and again is fine in my book but once a family is brought into the equation things need to get more serious which from what your post describes him like,seems like what he will do....as long as you discuss with him.., the key to this is communication

Virgil°

I'm not gonna comment on the morals of taking the drug. It really doesn't bother me at all. But there are a few things to consider:

He lied about the frequency he takes it. This to my mind is the most important factor. We have no idea as to the frequency he does it but it seems to me it did not take much encouragement for him to buy a bag of it. Speculation perhaps but this does not appear to be a man who is unfamiliar with sourcing or taking cocaine.

Whether right or wrong it is currently illegal to possess cocaine in Ireland. If he's caught with it and word got back to any potential employer he could find himself long term unemployed pretty sharpish. A fairly large risk for a bit of recreation in my estimation.

A small last concern. Non-medical cocaine is unregulated. Unless he's getting the drug from a tried and tested, trusted source he runs a not insubstantial risk each time he snorts. Not really the hallmark of a great father IMO.

I'm all for freedom to do what you like with your own body and if this guy wants to snort recreationally without excess, as long as its not a deal breaker for you, then let him at it I'd say. If you see him becoming a father to your children at some point in the future then you need to address the above concerns i think.

As per the previous replies you need to talk to him about this. You need to find out why he felt he needed to lie and to what degree he was actually lying. Then discuss your concerns with him in as calm a manner as possible.
Best of luck OP.

Czarcasm

notquitesure111 wrote: »

My last partner was a heavy dope smoker and it played a very negative part in our relationship which eventually made me leave him. My current bf is aware of this fact and he has told me that he doesnt like taking drugs and that he doesn't do them anymore.

There is one particular friend of his who always is on coccaine on a night out and my OH has told me that he doesnt like going out with him anymore because he has to do drugs with him. To be fair, they dont go out very often, maybe 2-3 times a year max.
Last weekend there was an occasion where we all went out and my bf was voluntarily doing it with his other friends and even bought a small bag of it from his friend. He said that everyone is doing it and that it doesn't do any harm and all his friends joined the bandwagon and said how ok it is to do coccaine. I could actually see that about 80% of the people in the party were on one or other form of drugs.

I have to say he wasn't acting any differently other than just being jolly and loud and none of his friends were acting in any other way other than just being more open and happy. They partied until around 7 am and I went home around 4 am so I can't say how it all ended after I left.

Having seen my bf on numerous night outs, I dont think he is acting any differently when he's on coccaine but I can't somehow shatter the thought of him doing drugs. To be honest, I dont even know why I'm so bothered by it. I know, for a fact, that he is a great person and a wonderful boyfriend and that he will make a great father.

Am I being petty being so bothered by it or am I right to think about this?

Honestly OP your boyfriends propensity for lying and his inability to take responsibility for his own decisions are the real issue here. You're not wrong to be worried, because you've already been in one relationship that went sour due to your ex's dependency on drugs. Your current boyfriends irresponsible attitude displays how immature he is, but you're willing to overlook that because you think he's this great guy.

You have no idea whether he would make a great father or not because parenthood changes a person, and given your boyfriends current attitude where he is unable to take responsibility for his own behavior, you could well be left holding the baby while he carries on like a big child.

Lou.m

Hello OP. First off total non drug user here.

I think you need to separate two issues. The drugs issue in wider society and drugs in regards to your BF.

I know people , friends who smoke weed and are parents and good parents at that. But only started using it as adults and at the weekends. I think habitual usage for youths can be damaging at that point.

I spend the weekend once with a couple who used to live in Amsterdam they run a cafe here now in rural Ireland. They smoked weed occasionally. I think Amsterdam separated soft drug users from hard drug users to a certain extent.

Some drug users are good people.But they have respect for non drug users. They take responsibility for their actions.

Some drugs are simply not conducive to good behavior crystal meth, heroine and others.

The cannabis legislation in Ireland has been changed in 2006. Cannabis is the only drug seperated from the drug laws in Ireland. Every other drug is under Irish law apart of a drug schedule e.g Heroin, Crack, Cocaine etc is Schedule 1 and so on. Cannabis has a three strike system get caught once a caution twice second caution third court appearance.

I don't use cannabis or any drug, but I don't think it is the same as heroine or crack.It is likely at some point it will be legalized I think.

Honestly this is about your boyfriend. Not drugs.

He is immature. He has an immature attitude to what he is doing.

My last partner was a heavy dope smoker and it played a very negative part in our relationship which eventually made me leave him. My current bf is aware of this fact and he has told me that he doesnt like taking drugs and that he doesn't do them anymore.

he has to do drugs with him. To be fair, they dont go out very often, maybe 2-3 times a year max.
Last weekend there was an occasion where we all went out and my bf was voluntarily doing it with his other friends and even bought a small bag of it from his friend. He said that everyone is doing it and that it doesn't do any harm and all his friends joined the bandwagon and said how ok it is to do coccaine. I could actually see that about 80% of the people in the party were on one or other form of drugs.

Those two quotes contradict each other. You need to sit down and be honest with each other.

Also I had an extremely abusive BF who was a serious drug user ...he smoked weed it was not the weed that make him difficult it was the cocaine, meth, or PCP (or all three) he was cutting it with. He lied habitually about what he was actually using. He would say he was using at the weekends when he used every day. Meth is a psycho maker.


I have never seen the attraction of drugs personally. But keep the drug issue aside. Yes people who use recreational drugs can be good people. It depends on the person and the drug etc. But he lied. That is not a good sign.

He said he has friends that take drugs (mainly coccaine) regularly and one of his friends is actually actively involved in smuggling and distributing pills.
an occasion where we all went out and my bf was voluntarily doing it with his other friends and even bought a small bag of it from his friend

Also regarding the friend who is a drug smuggler. The primary legislation under which criminal charges for drugs offences is brought is the Misuse of Drugs Act 1977 and the Misuse of Drugs Act, 1984. These have been further amended by the Criminal Justice Act 1999, the Criminal Justice Act 2006 and the Criminal Justice Act 2007.The main drug offences under which criminal charges are brought are offences of drug possession and possession for the purpose of supply.

His friends are doing exactly what the law does not want them to do. That type of career usually ends up with a couple of court appearances at one point.

The only drug separate from this is cannabis. You get two cautions and I think they are spread out over years or something and the courts are lenient.
If you wanted to be a barrister or a guard or have a good job you need to be careful.
I have friends who smoke weed some who do other things. I don't myself they don't ask me.I would not accept any BS from them or blaming actions on drugs or whatever. If you do something stupid take responsibility and don't do it again.

Virgil has given you I think good advice. The morality is not the thing. People who take drugs can be nice people. It just seems the way he is going about this is a bit dishonest with you.

Talk about it with him. You were told clearly him he did not use anymore, yet you clearly saw him buying it. This needs to be addressed.


Drug users ...when they are good ...they can be ok....when they are bad.......psychos. That's the problem you never know. Different things affect individuals differently too. It's why I stay away from drugs myself. Although saying that I drink alcohol every few months.

I think the problem is people who use drugs but don't abuse others or becomes apathetic assholes feel unfairly painted. But non drug users have the right to be respected too.

I can't tell you OP what you should do.

But Virgil said

I'm all for freedom to do what you like with your own body and if this guy wants to snort recreationally without excess, as long as its not a deal breaker for you, then let him at it I'd say. If you see him becoming a father to your children at some point in the future then you need to address the above concerns i think.

As per the previous replies you need to talk to him about this. You need to find out why he felt he needed to lie and to what degree he was actually lying. Then discuss your concerns with him in as calm a manner as possible.

Wise words.

Lou.m

notquitesure111 wrote: »

Hi

Just wanted to get something out of my chest that's been bothering me for a while.

As you can see, my boyfriend of 1.5 years is a recreational drug user and I'm a little concerned.
Am I being petty being so bothered by it or am I right to think about this?

'If you go into take any drug (a metaphor) you will feel happy for a while but eventually you'll won't feel happy with it, but without it, you'll feel terrible.'

That quote came from another boards user from another thread I hope they don't mind my using it. It is apt here.


This goes for anything. People, alcohol.

My inner heaven my inner bliss is precious and powerful.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here

Thanks everyone so much for your responses. I had a good thought about it and had a chat with my bf last night.

I'm not a drug user myself but I do agree with people saying that once in a bluemoon to let steam off is acceptable as long as it is not a habitual thing. Also, we don't go out very much on a mad banter during weekends so I do believe that he is not doing it more than once or twice a year.

He apologised and said that he knew it was wrong and that he doesn't want to upset me again in the future cuz of this. He said it was hard to say no when his friends offered it to him (all his childhood friends).

I have to be honest, I've tried a few different drugs but only once each just as a trial. My family and friends wouldn't be interested in drugs or things like that so it came to me as a bit of a blow when I saw him with his friends doing it. I suppose, like someone mentioned, because my ex partner was so heavily into hash and it had such a negative impact on our relationship, I got really scared when I saw him doing coke - which I told him.

He totally understands where I come from and he promised that he won't be doing it again. He says (without me actually mentioning) that he has to grow up and cop on now that he's in his late 20's so it actually saved me saying it to his face.

I guess I was more on a hardline side but coming here to live has really changed my approach to drugs seeing how prevalent it is. As other posters mentioned, I know lots of very nice and professional (well qualified) people who would occasionally take drugs on a night out or concerts.

I love him dearly and I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and trust his words.

Thanks again for all your thoughts.

Meauldsegosha

OP another thing to consider if you are planning a future. Is your boyfriend in debt because of his drug use?

A good friend of mine was a "recreational user" of cocaine in his early to mid twenties and he got into serious debt because of it. He has been off it about few years now but is still feeling the financial burden of the debts he built up from when he was using.

Merkin

OP here 111 wrote: »

Hi, OP here

Thanks everyone so much for your responses. I had a good thought about it and had a chat with my bf last night.

I'm not a drug user myself but I do agree with people saying that once in a bluemoon to let steam off is acceptable as long as it is not a habitual thing. Also, we don't go out very much on a mad banter during weekends so I do believe that he is not doing it more than once or twice a year.

He apologised and said that he knew it was wrong and that he doesn't want to upset me again in the future cuz of this. He said it was hard to say no when his friends offered it to him (all his childhood friends).

I have to be honest, I've tried a few different drugs but only once each just as a trial. My family and friends wouldn't be interested in drugs or things like that so it came to me as a bit of a blow when I saw him with his friends doing it. I suppose, like someone mentioned, because my ex partner was so heavily into hash and it had such a negative impact on our relationship, I got really scared when I saw him doing coke - which I told him.

He totally understands where I come from and he promised that he won't be doing it again. He says (without me actually mentioning) that he has to grow up and cop on now that he's in his late 20's so it actually saved me saying it to his face.

I guess I was more on a hardline side but coming here to live has really changed my approach to drugs seeing how prevalent it is. As other posters mentioned, I know lots of very nice and professional (well qualified) people who would occasionally take drugs on a night out or concerts.

I love him dearly and I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and trust his words.

Thanks again for all your thoughts.

That's great OP. Most people who enjoy recreational drug use simply grow out of it with time and he sounds like he's come to that decision himself (which is far more preferable to you having to nag him into submission). He knows your stance on it and promises he won't do it again so I'd take him at his word and not make a big deal of it.

LegacyUser

Hi both,

Thanks again for your replies.

My bf is very good at saving money and he actually has much more savings than I do. He is actually thinking of buying a house soon and obviously wants me to be part of it as we are thinking of our future together. He is in so many ways such a great boyfriend - that's why when something like this creeps up, I panic a little bit cuz I don't know what to make of it.

Drugs would never be my thing but then people are different and I do believe letting your hair down once in a while is ok if it doesn't affect your normal day to day life and it's not something you do every weekend.

We spend a lot of time together and we still have a great time having a few drinks without going out on a mad banter so I do trust him when he says he won't do it.

I appreciate other posters encouraging me to communicate with him on this - I'm not so sure why I was a bit hesitant. I suppose I was just not sure if this was a normal thing to worry about seeing so many recreational drug users around Dublin. I just didn't think I would be in a relationship with one!!

Thanks again everyone!

kunst nugget

ladygirl wrote: »

It really scares me what becomes NORMAL to some people.. I would run a mile if I was put in that position.. He is in his Late 20's (TIME TO GROW UP!!!!)
You turning a blind eye to this kind of behavior is only encouraging it.. What kind of a "fantastic father" would spend money on cocaine over their own kid??...
Is this something that you would want to subject your future kids to?? what kind of mother would do that to their child???

Don't be deluding yourself...

I must have missed the part where the partner was starving his kids by using all his money on coke. Oh wait, that hasn't happened…

Most people I knew in my twenties were recreational drug users, taking drugs every couple of months and smoking joints occasionally. Ten years on, almost all of us are married with kids and not one of them is starving their children or developed nefarious drug habits. Most if not all have stopped all recreational drug taking with the rare joint at a house party being the only drug being touched by any of the others. Ironically, any of the casualties that I would know from those days would be alcoholics.

A lot of people dabble a bit in drugs without winding up giving blowies to strangers in pubic toilets for their next score. Legal implications aside, if the partner has no dependents, doesn't take anything in huge quantities or with habit forming regularity and is not aggressive or violent when under the influence, I can't really see what the issue is.

kunst nugget

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

OP another thing to consider if you are planning a future. Is your boyfriend in debt because of his drug use?

A good friend of mine was a "recreational user" of cocaine in his early to mid twenties and he got into serious debt because of it. He has been off it about few years now but is still feeling the financial burden of the debts he built up from when he was using.

Tbf, if he has built up massive debt from his cocaine use, he wasn't a recreational user…

Meauldsegosha

kunst nugget wrote: »

Tbf, if he has built up massive debt from his cocaine use, he wasn't a recreational user…

Hence the quotation marks. People often lie about their level of drug use - I only smoke 10 fags a day, I only drink on weekends, I only take cocaine on special occassions.

Lou.m

OP here 111 wrote: »

Hi, OP here

Thanks everyone so much for your responses. I had a good thought about it and had a chat with my bf last night.

I'm not a drug user myself but I do agree with people saying that once in a bluemoon to let steam off is acceptable as long as it is not a habitual thing. Also, we don't go out very much on a mad banter during weekends so I do believe that he is not doing it more than once or twice a year.

He apologised and said that he knew it was wrong and that he doesn't want to upset me again in the future cuz of this. He said it was hard to say no when his friends offered it to him (all his childhood friends).

I have to be honest, I've tried a few different drugs but only once each just as a trial. My family and friends wouldn't be interested in drugs or things like that so it came to me as a bit of a blow when I saw him with his friends doing it. I suppose, like someone mentioned, because my ex partner was so heavily into hash and it had such a negative impact on our relationship, I got really scared when I saw him doing coke - which I told him.

He totally understands where I come from and he promised that he won't be doing it again. He says (without me actually mentioning) that he has to grow up and cop on now that he's in his late 20's so it actually saved me saying it to his face.

I guess I was more on a hardline side but coming here to live has really changed my approach to drugs seeing how prevalent it is. As other posters mentioned, I know lots of very nice and professional (well qualified) people who would occasionally take drugs on a night out or concerts.

I love him dearly and I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and trust his words.

Thanks again for all your thoughts.

That's great OP.

You really could not have had a better response :-)

I don't use my self and would be wary of it ...but I do know nice people who occasionally do it too.
It sounds as if he 'gets it'.

Glad it worked out for you.

It's all balance...it's not a deal breaker ..but if the person is a knob about it's different.