Feel like I failed socially at college

LegacyUser

I'm a guy of 25 who hasn't been popular since the age of 12. I've managed to keep hold of a few friends and meet lots of new people in the previous years, but being honest I am lonely a lot of the time. A thought that always gets me down is that I didn't make the most of college. I never lived on campus, and spent the first 3 years "whipped" and shy. Never speaking to anybody at lectures and only went to one class party in 3 years.
In final year I was a bit more outgoing (broke up with my ex), went out nearly every week but being honest most cliques were already formed and so nobody has kept in touch with me after college has finished.


I am now working and it is still difficult to meet people but saying that I go out every weekend so there are people in worse situations socially than me. I only really drink when I meet up with people which is not ideal but making friends after college is even harder. I still retain my shyness and have yet to force myself to go to any events not centered around alcohol (I use meetup). I don't say much in work either but I do try sometimes. Always feels like such a waste that I wasn't more social in college.

Is there still realistically hope for me to be more of a social success in life? Is it unheard of for someone to go through 4 years of college and only make a couple of friends? Is it weird that a 25 year old guy living in Dublin needs to resort to the internet to meet new people? I doubt myself a lot so I guess it's nice to get some advice from more self-assured people who can probably give me an unbiased view on my situation. Thanks in advance.

Alf. A. Male

Why are you concentrating on what happened in college? You're not there anymore and you can't relive the past, so let it go, it's a pointless waste of energy to give it another moment's thought. You won't solve your issues now if you keep holding onto what might have happened then.

gaynorvader

What are your hobbies? Try finding groups of people that have similar hobbies. The internet is a powerful tool and there's no harm in using it to find groups of like minded people to hang out with. Remember that getting to know people takes time and it might be a few months before you see people outside of the group dynamic and/or talk to them about anything outside of the shared interest.

thegreatgonzo

Never mind what did or didn't happen in college. It's a different experience for everybody. You seem to think that they should have been the best days of your life but you are only 25, there's lots more to come.
Half the friends I made in college when I was 19 or 20 I hardly speak to from one end of the year to the next because I don't have much in common with them any more. I'm more close to friends I made in my late 20's and early 30's.
It's perfectly normal nowadays to make friends through the internet and things like meetup. Keep trying new things, you can develop new interests and find new hobbies at any age. Over time you will meet like minded people that way.

baby and crumble

OP, I was a lot like you in college. I was never a big drinker so I did't really do the whole class parties thing- I actually don't speak to anyone who I ever had a class with any more. I did make friends through my extra curricular activities, but most of my nights were spent in. At the time I thought I was a bit of a saddo, but tbh, now (at 32) I couldn't care less. From my time in college I still see one person regularly (she's my GF though, so I have no choice! ) and keep up a bit with some others. But I wouldn't say I made friends for life in college, at all. My best friends are actually from secondary school, and from my life post- undergrad.

Once you get past secondary school, making friends gets waaaaaaaaaay harder, and also weirdly way easier. It's not seen as weird anymore to try make new friends, or find a new activity you like- and lets be honest, if nobody needed stuff like MeetUp, it wouldn't exist. So everyone is in the same boat as you. Especially since a massive proportion of our age-group has moved overseas for work, there's a massive chunk of 22-40 year olds who are just gone, leaving their friends behind.

My advice would be to stop worrying about the past- you say you have a few good friends, that's brilliant. I would suggest going to some non-alcohol related events, simply because you can get to know people a little better, rather than superficially which I tend to think happens when everyone is drinking and out on the lash. Find a consistent hobby group that you can go with the same people regularly to- like a sports group for weekly training, or a movie group maybe.

Remember that everyone has to bite the bullet at some point and go to an event where they don't know anyone. It's scary, but most people completely understand. Forget about college- people romanticise it, and I think the people who come out of college constantly talking about how great it was etc. are the ones who peaked there. You don't want to do that. YOu want every stage of your life to be better than the last. That means letting go of the past, and biting the bullet. It's worth it.

Rubberchikken

Past is past in my books.
Dwelling on what could have/should have happened in college is only wasting time.
You have friends, you socialise, you're employed, you sound like a decent person.
Dont mean to sound flippant, but you have a lot to be thankful for.
Focus on that.