Newborn won't settle

emz8

Have a three week old girl, being breastfed (although trying to introduce a bottle). She feeds around 11pm and after refuses to be put into her cot. She screams the place down. I had her in a Moses basket and she was the same in that.

I've done everything I can think of to make it more comfy for her, using a sleep positioner, swaddling, white noise, putting my tshirt in with her and nothing is working.

The only way I can get her into it is by letting her fall asleep on my chest then moving her in, but if she senses this happening at all she screams the place down.

Is this normal!? Any other suggestions?

January

Totally normal... she's only new. My first slept on my chest until she was nearly 6 weeks old!

It seems like she might still have a bit of wind or something like that.

Moonbeam

That is completely normal,my 6 week old is only sleeping in her cot for the last 2 weeks before that she wanted to sleep on one of us.

dumb_parade

We have 3 week old here too and had similar problems. We started using a hot water bottle to warm up the cot before we put him in. This helped. We also put it back in the cot when he is out for a feed during the night.
He also had some reflux so we keep him up for a while after the feed to make sure everything is staying down and he is winded.

nikpmup

Mine too. Get yourself a couple of V shaped pillows (Ikea do them quite cheap) They're great to support you and stop you slumping. One behind your back, one across your lap under the baby's bum. It's tough going, hang on in there!

emz8

She is still very new so I'm not hugely worried about it, quite like having her sleep on me, just worried about when she'll be going to stay with her grandparents for the weekend. Also don't want to make a habit of it so she'll only sleep on me before bed.

I had thought the winding might be the problem but I seem to be spending more time winding her than anything else.
Is there a way to know when she is properly winded?

I keep her upright for about 15-20 mins after feeding and winding, then have her sleeping on a incline but during the day winding doesn't seem to be a problem, she'll sleep in her pram/chair/anywhere no bother.

Will give the hot water bottle a try!

kandr10

emz8 wrote: »

She is still very new so I'm not hugely worried about it, quite like having her sleep on me, just worried about when she'll be going to stay with her grandparents for the weekend. Also don't want to make a habit of it so she'll only sleep on me before bed.

I had thought the winding might be the problem but I seem to be spending more time winding her than anything else.
Is there a way to know when she is properly winded?

I keep her upright for about 15-20 mins after feeding and winding, then have her sleeping on a incline but during the day winding doesn't seem to be a problem, she'll sleep in her pram/chair/anywhere no bother.

Will give the hot water bottle a try!

It's worth noting that even if she has certain routine/habits with you they'll change with grandparents anyway. I wouldn't worry about that side of things.

The only thing that worked for me was to let her go into a deep sleep then transfer her. Like you it would take several attempts. I couldn't sleep otherwise. As others have said it gets easier

Coopaloop

emz8 wrote: »

She is still very new so I'm not hugely worried about it, quite like having her sleep on me, just worried about when she'll be going to stay with her grandparents for the weekend. Also don't want to make a habit of it so she'll only sleep on me before bed.

I had thought the winding might be the problem but I seem to be spending more time winding her than anything else.
Is there a way to know when she is properly winded?

I keep her upright for about 15-20 mins after feeding and winding, then have her sleeping on a incline but during the day winding doesn't seem to be a problem, she'll sleep in her pram/chair/anywhere no bother.

Will give the hot water bottle a try!

Hi OP, there is no real way to know when they are properly winded, I generally feel my little guys tummy, you know if it's hard and kind of hollow sounding if you give it a very light tap, it's full of wind, after getting up wind I give another feel and it's gone back soft and that hollow sound is gone too. That's generally how I judge it, he has never cried for being full of wind either.

Sweet_pea

I really wouldn't worry about habit forming at this stage, she is too little.

My boy slept on my chest completely for the first seven weeks and he's grand going down now.

I know with us wind was always worse in the evening and always had to spend much longer than I thought as winding. Like coopaloop said the tummy will be hard till it passes, should be able to feel their whole body relax.

There's a good book called no cry sleep solution

Cunning Stunt

I understand the OP's concerns about making a habit of it. Our little lad starting wanting to sleep on us at around 7 weeks when he had chickenpox. We let him do it that way because the poor mite was miserable with the virus. Now he's 6 months and he still won't settle on his own- we are still having to wait and transfer him to his cot when he's asleep. Any attempts to get him to settle on his own result in one very awake and cried out baby, so we are put off doing it.
Keep the tips coming!

Coopaloop

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

I understand the OP's concerns about making a habit of it. Our little lad starting wanting to sleep on us at around 7 weeks when he had chickenpox. We let him do it that way because the poor mite was miserable with the virus. Now he's 6 months and he still won't settle on his own- we are still having to wait and transfer him to his cot when he's asleep. Any attempts to get him to settle on his own result in one very awake and cried out baby, so we are put off doing it.
Keep the tips coming!

Have you tried putting him down into his cot just as he is drifting off, still half aware of things? That's what we did with our guy in the beginning and now he goes down wide awake and has a little play and kicks his legs up in the air and then zones out and drifts off to sleep, usually takes about 15 mins.
Even if you stay by him till he drifts, keep a hand on his chest or stroke his hair or face till he gets used to it.

Sweet_pea

Agree with coopaloop again, about putting them down half asleep. Make sure to stay with them stroking their face or whatever. I co sleep so when he first started going down by himself I just lay down beside him half cuddling him, and over time just moved away from him so that now he'll pass out by himself. Although, we have a bedtime routine that winds him down now which seems to work.

If they keep crying just pick them up, cuddle them, calm them down and try again and repeat.

Pawwed Rig

Our pharmacist gave us a colic treatment (even though he doesn't have colic). He said it breaks up the gas bubbles which make it easier to wind so you could try a similar chat with your pharmacist. Most of the time when our little lad isn't settling it is because we haven't winded him properly

silly

Winding can take AAAAAAAGES when they are that small - just stick with it until you hear that burp - or fart in my sons case.
You could get a cleve mama wedge cushion incase its some sort of reflux? Or they have cocoon type pillows too that i think makes the baby feel like they are in your arms - i think bella baby online sell these.

There is always the option of a cranial osteopath - i brought my son when he was a few weeks old as he had some trouble in teh afternoons with wind - I ended up giving him probiotics and digestive enzymes before each bottle for about 2 months and they were a great help in helping him to break the milk etc.

Best of luck and congrats on new arrival.

emz8

Have tried staying with her as we put her down, stroking her face, rubbing her belly but she still flips. I tried co sleeping the last two nights and she wasnt having any of it. Its either on my chest or nothing.

I don't think it is wind, I've been watching/listening carefully and reading up on it and I'm pretty sure I know when she's properly winded now (it does take forever). She just hates being alone I think!

How Strange

I really think this should be a sticky. How many times have distraught new mums come on here and said their newborns will only sleep in their chest. The babies are trying to tell us something and we're not listening.

By the way Op that comment isn't aimed at you. We've all been on here saying the same thing.

I let my second sleep on my chest until she was ready to move into her Moses basket. It made for a much less stressful time. I was up to ninety trying to get my son to settle in a basket when all he wanted was my chest.

Neyite

I suppose when you think about it, for 9 months they heard your heartbeat and then all of a sudden its a lot quieter, not nearly as cosy as it was on the inside, and they miss it. Kinda like how it take us a few weeks or longer to settle in a new house, in a new bed with new sounds in the night distracting us.

I'd say go with what they want - they are so tiny for such a short time its nice to make the most of those cosy bundles and smell that lovely baby-head smell. And I think its also natures way of making sure Mammy gets rest in order to recuperate. Childbirth takes its toll on our bodies even if it was a textbook pregnancy and easy birth.

Soooky

I wouldn't worry too much about forming habits - I co-slept with our LO (and she slept on my chest for weeks when she had reflux) for weeks. She moved into her cot 4 weeks ago no problem (she's now 6 months old). Loves her cot, goes in awake and snuggles down : )

Maybe try chiropractor? Our LO had 2 bones out of line (neck & back) which we only found out by going to see chiropractor who specialises in babies. The car seat was especially a problem for our LO. She's doing great now : )

Best of luck, it does get easier : )

sonners

Please don't worry about habit forming at this stage, they change so much over the coming months, all you need to do right now is get through this and soon enough another stage will be along

I know I worried WAY to much in the early weeks about 'ruining her'. The first night she stayed away from me (she went to my sisters) I was told the next day that she screamed the place down. That all she wanted was boob and that she'd never settle for anyone else so long as I was breastfeeding. I cried for days, through exhaustion, guilt at the thought of her screaming all night and absolute despair at the thought that she'd never settle for anyone but me and thus I would never get a break. A couple of months on and her sleeping habits have changed several times and she's as good for others as she is for me. I get a night off every fortnight or so and have plenty of family that are glad to take her a second time

You have alot going on in these early weeks so please don't waste additional efforts worrying about whats to come.

As for getting her settled on her own, I agree with the previous suggestions on wind, hot water bottle, your t-shirt in the cot, etc. I would also add that a ticking clock in her blankets may hep emulate your heartbeat so if you manage to get her into the cot she should stay a bit longer for you. I also used a V-shaped pillow wrapped around my front under her bum during her feed. That way if she fell asleep it was easier to transfer her as I just moved the pillow with her on it. It didn't disturb her near as much as she stayed comfy and cosy.

I hope you get some rest soon so you can enjoy your little bundle even more, congratulations xx

emz8

I've actually noticed a bit of a difference the last two nights, her 11pm feed is still an absolute nightmare so I'm just leaving her on my chest. It's too stressful as it is never mind trying to put her into the cot. But her 2am and 5am feeds are a dream! She feeds, falls asleep and can be put into her cot once she's into a deep sleep.

The leaving her with someone else and her screaming the place down is what's getting to me. I've been trying to introduce one bottle a day to get her used to it.
She hates it, but has been taking 1-2oz the last few days. My MIL hates the fact that I'm breastfeeding, (I think she thinks I'm selfish for doing it, I'll probably start another thread on that as it's really upsetting) and keeps saying to leave her with her, as she'll be fine, but I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of her screaming the place down. The guilt would kill me.

Things are looking up though, feeds are slightly easier, I nap with her in the morning, and I'm defo winding her a lot better. Thanks for the replies!

uck51js9zml2yt

emz8 wrote: »

She hates it, but has been taking 1-2oz the last few days. My MIL hates the fact that I'm breastfeeding, (I think she thinks I'm selfish for doing it, I'll probably start another thread on that as it's really upsetting) and keeps saying to leave her with her, as she'll be fine, but I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of her screaming the place down. The guilt would kill me.

Things are looking up though, feeds are slightly easier, I nap with her in the morning, and I'm defo winding her a lot better. Thanks for the replies!

My wife fed our first and expressed so I could feed him at night.
He screamed between 7 and 9 every evening for about a month.

Our second had colic all the time the first couple of months. My wife expressed and we just bottle fed him but put lactalose into the bottles to break down the lactose in the milk. They cant handle it as easy the first few months.
I lost count of the number of bottles of gripe water I poured down him:rolleyes:

Just ignore your MIL she doesn't know what shes talking about.

Unlike our first who slept next to my wife after feeding, our second went down again after his feed.
We didn't want to have the same problems as previously with putting him down in the cot. He's 6 months old today and 2000 miles from me...the bliss of a nights sleep:D

Soooky

emz8 wrote: »

My MIL hates the fact that I'm breastfeeding, (I think she thinks I'm selfish for doing it, I'll probably start another thread on that as it's really upsetting) and keeps saying to leave her with her, as she'll be fine, but I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of her screaming the place down. The guilt would kill me.

I can never really understand people wanting to take someone else's baby for the night!! Unless its something that you want ie you want a break etc....

sonners

emz8 wrote: »

I've actually noticed a bit of a difference the last two nights, her 11pm feed is still an absolute nightmare so I'm just leaving her on my chest. It's too stressful as it is never mind trying to put her into the cot. But her 2am and 5am feeds are a dream! She feeds, falls asleep and can be put into her cot once she's into a deep sleep.

Thats great you're starting to see some sort of a pattern so soon

emz8 wrote: »

The leaving her with someone else and her screaming the place down is what's getting to me. I've been trying to introduce one bottle a day to get her used to it.
She hates it, but has been taking 1-2oz the last few days. My MIL hates the fact that I'm breastfeeding, (I think she thinks I'm selfish for doing it, I'll probably start another thread on that as it's really upsetting) and keeps saying to leave her with her, as she'll be fine, but I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of her screaming the place down. The guilt would kill me.

Introducing the bottle is hard purely because they are all different. I would suggest that you don't force it too much. Offer it to her outside of her feed times and try get someone else to do the offering. They'll rarely take it from you and some might fuss if you are even in the room. That said, 1-2oz is a very good start, some wont touch a bottle - literally!

As regards the MIL, I really can sympathise. All of my family were bottle-fed and all bottle fed their children (in both mine and hubbies families). Every solution I was offered at all times revolved around bottles, either to help her sleep, settle, give me a break, eczema, everything. Sometimes they would ask how I was sleeping and when I would reply that I got 5-6 broken hours I was told 'Well you wanted to breast feed so its your own fault you're tired, if you gave her a bottle we could help you'.

I know now that for some of my family this is purely because the only solutions they know are bottle solutions, they didn't mean to be unsupportive of my breast-feeding, they just didn't know any better. And they also forgot how vulnerable, emotional and LOST you feel as a new mother. Others in my family, unfortunately, will continue to disagree with everything I do, I'm just getting better at dealing with it.

If babs is just 3 weeks you;re in a pretty vulnerable emotional state, weeks of feeding every 2-3 hours (if you're lucky) round the clock, the repercussions of labour, hormone rollercoaster, its ALL going on! Dealing with additional stress from the likes of a MIL right now is really hard. I spoke to my hubby about it, I didn't want to put him in the middle but I was so emotional and angry I knew I would flip if I spoke to her on it and thats the last thing I wanted. Even just talking to him and having his support helped, I've no idea if he ever said anything to her!

I'm really rambling now but have some small advice on leaving babs with someone. If you have someone you trust to contact you if the baby gets upset then start there, and dont be afraid to emphasise that you want to be called. Some of my gang would think 'Ah I didn't want to disturb you, you have her every night, you needed the rest' So be explicit. Leave her with them for 2 hours and be within 5/10 minutes of her if she does get upset. Start small and grow from there. If this person could offer bottles while they have the baby even better

emz8 wrote: »

Things are looking up though, feeds are slightly easier, I nap with her in the morning, and I'm defo winding her a lot better. Thanks for the replies!

Onwards and upwards