How to proceed with possible relationship in work?

LegacyUser

Will go unreg for this...

There's a girl in the office I work in that I find great to be around and love talking to her. She started working with us around 6 months ago, we get on well in work and while there has been some chatting on office nights out I never got the feeling there ever seemed to be any real spark there from her.

She had kind of gone off my radar recently as someone who was interested in a relationship with me...Fast forward to last month and I was out with some work collegues I know quite well and one of them brought up that he heard she is mad about me, this was at the start of the night with a minimal amount of drink taken, he wouldn't disclose who said it to him but he said it was a number of people, I have no idea if she spoke to these people directly or they took it from her reactions around me. I reacted fairly neutral and probably wrongly took it as somewhat of a joke and acted all suprised, I was trying to hide my feelings for her as he mentioned it openly in a group of 3 people I work with (she wasn't there).

I don't know what step to make next, would really like her to know that I love being around her but last thing I want to do is put pressure on her where she feels she's uneasy around me. I also don't want the whole office to know I am asking her out or to know I have feelings for her at this early stage. We work at the same level in work and don't work directly on the same projects so I don't feel a relationship would impact negatively on our lives in work.

I'm in my 30's and havn't done the whole office romance before...Any advice?

nc19

Its simple really.

if you want to be with her ask her out. If she likes you back she will say yes.

life is too short to worry about this stuff.

OkayWhatever

You just need to be careful about hearsay. There's been plenty of things said about me in work that aren't even remotely true.

I'd suggest only going ahead with this if you've got some signs directly from her that she's interested in you. If you base it on hearsay and she isn't interested at all, it wouldn't put either of you in the best position in work.

I'm all for office romances, I met my boyfriend 4 years ago in work, so please don't take my comment the wrong way. If you're feelin' it then go for it, if you're just making things be there because somebody else said they were, then maybe don't do anything.

beks101

Do you actually fancy this girl? If you're not really really into her at this early stage I'd be inclined to say take the comment with a pinch of salt and don't risk the absolute minefield that can exist with office romances which ultimately can make life about as headfcuky and stressful as humanly possible if things don't go quite the way you expected.

I've seen too many office relationships hit the rocks and the entire workplace suffer as a result to advise you to ask her out without really thinking about it.

Is she someone you would email during the course of your day regarding work tasks etc? If so why don't you start with emailing her and arranging to grab a coffee at a time that works for you both?

Azwaldo55

Your colleague is throwing that out there to suss you out. He has noticed what you have noticed which means he and others in the office have been watching you for quite a while.
Beware.
When a fox hears a rabbit scream he comes running but not to help.

RossFixxxed

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

Your colleague is throwing that out there to suss you out. He has noticed what you have noticed which means he and others in the office have been watching you for quite a while.
Beware.
When a fox hears a rabbit scream he comes running but not to help.

Well this is just paranoid gibberish, so for the THIRD time today I have to advise someone to ignore this poster.

OP: basically it's the usual advice, if you like her ask her out... excpet that it is work, so an extra layer of caution can't help. Go out for a few lunches together, then suggest a drink. See how a night out together (not a date necessarily) goes, and if there is any sign she is interested you could ask her on a proper date maybe? But caution is best if the job is important to you!

Neyite

Firstly, are there any clauses in your staff handbook that prohibit office relationships or specifiy that you have to 'declare them' to HR.

If so, follow this first. If not, then you can ask someone out, but keep work and personal life as separate as you can - not only to be professional in the workplace, but to give your budding relationship the best chance.

It goes without saying that you keep it professional in the workplace - no PDA's, dont discuss your relationship with colleaues even if they are curious- it all becomes part of the rumour mill. And, in the event it doesnt work out, and you both break up down the line, dont air your dirty laundry in public or drag collagues into your spats or arguments.