So unbelievably lonely - cannot stand it anymore

Molly999

Hi there, I am not sure where to start. I am so extremely lonely and have been like this for years now. I am 41 and single. All my friends are with someone and are now having babies. My best friend and younger sister both announced they were pregnant recently. I really don't want to continue living like this anymore. I am not sure I can stand it any longer. Just wondering if anyone else has felt like this or what i should do?

Addle

I am in my 30s, single and surrounded by bumps and babies too.
I'd prefer not to be single, but it doesn't bother me that I am.
I just accept my lot, and there's a great sense of relief and happiness that comes with that acceptance.

Molly, if you're having thoughts about not wanting to go on, please make an appointment to see your doctor. You don't have to feel that way, and with the right help, you won't. People have all kinds of lives, some traditional and some not, and there is no reason why you cannot be happy, even if it's different circumstances to those you had planned.

Don't struggle with those feelings alone.

dellas1979

Addle wrote: »

I am in my 30s, single and surrounded by bumps and babies too.
I'd prefer not to be single, but it doesn't bother me that I am.
I just accept my lot, and there's a great sense of relief and happiness that comes with that acceptance.

Hi Molly-I am sorry you are feeling like this.
I agree with Addle above. It is something that you will have to accept about yourself, right now. And find a peace.

Maybe you need a little bit of help accepting the life that you have right now, this is how it is right now, and also acknowledging that it could change in the future.

Amirani

Mod

Hi Molly999, I've moved your thread to Personal Issues. You should get lots of good advice here. Best of luck.

lukesmom

Molly999 wrote: »

Hi there, I am not sure where to start. I am so extremely lonely and have been like this for years now. I am 41 and single. All my friends are with someone and are now having babies. My best friend and younger sister both announced they were pregnant recently. I really don't want to continue living like this anymore. I am not sure I can stand it any longer. Just wondering if anyone else has felt like this or what i should do?

You do seem quite down at the moment perhaps a chat with your gp may help. It must be tough watching people moving on but you never know what might happen or what is around the corner for you. Are you involved in any clubs at all? It's a good way to meet people . Take care.

Addle

I'm not into self help books and haven't read the attached, but if you don't change anything, then nothing changes...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0857084607?pc_redir=1401662761&robot_redir=1

Azwaldo55

Molly999 wrote: »

Hi there, I am not sure where to start. I am so extremely lonely and have been like this for years now. I am 41 and single. All my friends are with someone and are now having babies. My best friend and younger sister both announced they were pregnant recently. I really don't want to continue living like this anymore. I am not sure I can stand it any longer. Just wondering if anyone else has felt like this or what i should do?

You have to stop being jealous of other people. They deserve to be happy and just because you are unhappy the world doesn't have to stop moving. Your unhappiness is your own fault because you keep obsessing about being alone and counting the years going by as if a member of the opposite sex is supposed to rescue you like some fairy tale.
What effort have you made to meet somebody? Have you taken comfort in shyness and not tried to actively change yourself and make yourself attractive?
You seem an extremely self-pitying and angry person.
That kind of person is not going to attract anybody.
You need to lighten up, be happy in yourself and happy for other people especially your best friend and younger sister who are looking forward to new babies.
Instead you are thinking about ending it all?
You are selfish and you have unrealistic expectations.
You hate yourself and you hate other people.
Stop this at once or guaranteed you will be lonely when you are 51 and 61 and 71 and life will have passed you by.

peckerhead

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

You have to stop being jealous of other people. They deserve to be happy and just because you are unhappy the world doesn't have to stop moving. Your unhappiness is your own fault because you keep obsessing about being alone and counting the years going by as if a member of the opposite sex is supposed to rescue you like some fairy tale.
What effort have you made to meet somebody? Have you taken comfort in shyness and not tried to actively change yourself and make yourself attractive?
You seem an extremely self-pitying and angry person.
That kind of person is not going to attract anybody.
You need to lighten up, be happy in yourself and happy for other people especially your best friend and younger sister who are looking forward to new babies.
Instead you are thinking about ending it all?
You are selfish and you have unrealistic expectations.
You hate yourself and you hate other people.
Stop this at once or guaranteed you will be lonely when you are 51 and 61 and 71 and life will have passed you by.

Unless you're a mind-reader and a clairvoyant, I can't really see where you get all this.

"Stop this at once" is the best advice you have to offer? Really?

OP, is there a particular reason (in your view) why you haven't yet met "the one"?

riveratom

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

You have to stop being jealous of other people. They deserve to be happy and just because you are unhappy the world doesn't have to stop moving. Your unhappiness is your own fault because you keep obsessing about being alone and counting the years going by as if a member of the opposite sex is supposed to rescue you like some fairy tale.
What effort have you made to meet somebody? Have you taken comfort in shyness and not tried to actively change yourself and make yourself attractive?
You seem an extremely self-pitying and angry person.
That kind of person is not going to attract anybody.
You need to lighten up, be happy in yourself and happy for other people especially your best friend and younger sister who are looking forward to new babies.
Instead you are thinking about ending it all?
You are selfish and you have unrealistic expectations.
You hate yourself and you hate other people.
Stop this at once or guaranteed you will be lonely when you are 51 and 61 and 71 and life will have passed you by.

What a load of utter garbage.

OP, please disregard this entire post.

It would be good to get some more detail though, so that people can help you a little more. One thing I would say is that it sounds like you might need to talk things over with someone - is there anyone you can chat to, like a friend or family member?

Also you could talk to a stranger and there is plenty of help out there for you, so don't feel alone.

Alf. A. Male

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

You have to stop being jealous of other people. They deserve to be happy and just because you are unhappy the world doesn't have to stop moving. Your unhappiness is your own fault because you keep obsessing about being alone and counting the years going by as if a member of the opposite sex is supposed to rescue you like some fairy tale.
What effort have you made to meet somebody? Have you taken comfort in shyness and not tried to actively change yourself and make yourself attractive?
You seem an extremely self-pitying and angry person.
That kind of person is not going to attract anybody.
You need to lighten up, be happy in yourself and happy for other people especially your best friend and younger sister who are looking forward to new babies.
Instead you are thinking about ending it all?
You are selfish and you have unrealistic expectations.
You hate yourself and you hate other people.
Stop this at once or guaranteed you will be lonely when you are 51 and 61 and 71 and life will have passed you by.

OP, for a start, ignore this rubbish. More importantly, there is nothing unusual in your situation and feelings. That doesn't help you, but at least know you're far from the only one. How is your social life overall? Is it giving you chances to get out and meet people? Is your current feeling limited to your relationship status and you're happy elsewhere?

CaraMay

Op post #8 is not good advice so please ignore it

Believe it or not most people feel lonely from time to time and this will pass. Talk to a good friend and get out and about as much as you can. Don't turn down any invites.

jandm

I was there a few years ago so I can sympathise. After a lot of reflection came to the conclusion that if I don't meet "the one" it would not be the end of the world.
Easy to say get out there and do things join clubs etc. - takes of courage but ask yourself what's the worst that can happen.
Ask yourself what are you interested in. For instance if you love animals get involved with your local animal shelter. Could be drama, visiting old folk, working with children's charities, choir.... but once you get out and about you meet new people meet new challenges and helps you love your self a little more.
I did meet 'the one' by accident but believe me that's no guarantee of happiness.
Children are hard work and not for every one. Much more fun being an auntie IMHO

secondcap

Hey Molly, I am in similar but somewhat different situation as Im in my 30s and separated since late last year and really now dread bank holidays and I am surrounded by married people and feel like a spare tyre.

I have been to a few of those meet ups which are organised online and they arent bad and are prob a good way to open new social outlets for you

I would say that maybe meeting someone is not the way to cure your loneliness and I would worry that if you met someone you may put all your eggs in the one basket? Perhaps I am wrong in thinking that but I know I never made many new friends over the years and I feel it now tbh.

I wish you well and hope you get peace of mind

Rubberchikken

You're only 41. Plenty of time to realise your dreams.
Please dont be upset by the post up further (8) i think.

I know its easy to say dont compare your life to anyone elses but we all do that at times. Human nature.
Take care

Molly999

Thank you everyone for your kind and constructive posts (bar one). Your kind words mean a lot to me.

Daisy78

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

You have to stop being jealous of other people. They deserve to be happy and just because you are unhappy the world doesn't have to stop moving. Your unhappiness is your own fault because you keep obsessing about being alone and counting the years going by as if a member of the opposite sex is supposed to rescue you like some fairy tale.
What effort have you made to meet somebody? Have you taken comfort in shyness and not tried to actively change yourself and make yourself attractive?
You seem an extremely self-pitying and angry person.
That kind of person is not going to attract anybody.
You need to lighten up, be happy in yourself and happy for other people especially your best friend and younger sister who are looking forward to new babies.
Instead you are thinking about ending it all?
You are selfish and you have unrealistic expectations.
You hate yourself and you hate other people.
Stop this at once or guaranteed you will be lonely when you are 51 and 61 and 71 and life will have passed you by.

Appalling "advice".....nowhere in her post does she say she is jealous , have unrealistic expectations or is unattractive.the Op stated she is lonely and you take this to mean she hates herself????

Op it can be a sad place to be in at times, I speak from personal experience. And sometimes it's not something you can articulate to other people. You get the usual "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "you have to put yourself out there" or the latest one I keep hearing is "sure all marriages are breaking up these days anyway, sure what aren't you better off on your own" . I think it might be worth arranging some time with a counsellor to vent and express your pain but also to learn some coping mechanisms for want of a better phrase that can help you see the life you have in a new light. Sometimes mental anguish can feel like a physical burden and it can be very hard to make new plans to try new things when these problems are weighing you down .as another poster mentioned you don't know what is around the corner but if you can maybe try to see your situation in a more posotive light then you are in a much stronger position to face what's ahead, whatever comes down the tracks.

Take care

Lou.m

Molly999 wrote: »

Hi there, I am not sure where to start. I am so extremely lonely and have been like this for years now. I am 41 and single. All my friends are with someone and are now having babies. My best friend and younger sister both announced they were pregnant recently. I really don't want to continue living like this anymore. I am not sure I can stand it any longer. Just wondering if anyone else has felt like this or what i should do?

Foster, adopt, or go to a clinic if you want kids.

If you are lonely why don't you try meet people?

Also life if a lot better for women in their 40's without kids. You could travel. See the world!

Try dating?

Ask a couple of guys out?

What did you plan for your life by now?

I kind of have three basic plans for what I want ....I would be fine with any of them. I can't control everything so I have three life maps that I went through and planned out. One is being single and no kids in my 40's and how I would want my life to look if I was there. One with a partner but no children and one with kids.

I have friends with kids. It's no picnic so I don't know if I want them myself. But I have an idea of what I want to be doing. And what I must do to get there.


What do you want? Set a time frame ? What do you need to do to get there? What can you control and what can't you?

Talk to someone and talk about how you can feel better.

Have an idea for the type of partner you would like. And set about finding that type of person who is looking for the same things you are or similar.


Hope you feel better OP

Try and enjoy the relationships you do have.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE AN AWESOME AUNT BY THE WAY!

RossFixxxed

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

You have to stop being jealous of other people. They deserve to be happy and just because you are unhappy the world doesn't have to stop moving. Your unhappiness is your own fault because you keep obsessing about being alone and counting the years going by as if a member of the opposite sex is supposed to rescue you like some fairy tale.
What effort have you made to meet somebody? Have you taken comfort in shyness and not tried to actively change yourself and make yourself attractive?
You seem an extremely self-pitying and angry person.
That kind of person is not going to attract anybody.
You need to lighten up, be happy in yourself and happy for other people especially your best friend and younger sister who are looking forward to new babies.
Instead you are thinking about ending it all?
You are selfish and you have unrealistic expectations.
You hate yourself and you hate other people.
Stop this at once or guaranteed you will be lonely when you are 51 and 61 and 71 and life will have passed you by.

I get that this is meant to be 'tough love' but it's just stupid advice. OP do mostly the opposite of this and you'll be doing ok.

Some people need tough handling or a wake up call, but all you post is this angry rubbish. You are projecting so hard it's blinding.

People need help and advice not this garbage. The OP wants advice, and feels backed into a corner. Screaming in their face seems less than productive.

Emme

Molly999 wrote: »

Hi there, I am not sure where to start. I am so extremely lonely and have been like this for years now. I am 41 and single. All my friends are with someone and are now having babies. My best friend and younger sister both announced they were pregnant recently. I really don't want to continue living like this anymore. I am not sure I can stand it any longer. Just wondering if anyone else has felt like this or what i should do?

I've only found this thread now. I have often felt like you OP and it's hard. Perhaps you could try to make new friends who are in a similar situation to yourself. Meetup.com has lots of groups and singles of all ages join. They don't join to find a partner but to find like-minded people.

If you're feeling really down it would be no harm having a chat with your doctor or a counsellor.

Ande1975

Hi Op,

Like you I am 40 and single so in the immortal words of Michael Jackson - you are not alone!
However, if you want to change your circumstances you are going to have to take action.
I know it sucks when you see people around you marrying and having babies but that isn't always a source of happiness for people.
The one thing to hold on to in all of this is that you are in complete control of your life. You are in the driving seat.
No one else affects it unless you let them.

I posted about this friend of mine before but I going to post it again.
At the age of 40 she found that her husband of 5 years was having an affair. It devastated her. They didn't have kids. They finally divorced in 2008.
She picked herself up, dusted herself off and went back to work. She joined a firm that encourages staff to work in different offices for up to two years. At the age of 54, she decided to pack herself off to New York.
Imagine, living and working in New York. She put herself out there, made friends etc, went to events.
However, she came home last Christmas to find her cousin had set her up with a divorcee friend. The cousin always thought they would get along and now they are both smitten.
Her attitude is, I'm having fun! Why not... there's no pressure, we're not going to have kids, why bother getting married.

That's there for any of us who wants it, its all about taking action. If you really want it, it'll come find you. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that that is true as it is happening to me right now.
I was in the depths of despair the first 3 months of this year. I figured out what I wanted, started making the effort, putting the seeds out there and its starting to come about.
Life can change in the blink of an eye.
I could bore you with endless stories of difficult situations coming right. That's why being in your 40s is so great - we have the life experience to let us know its true. Try telling a 20 year old that?

Chin up - you'll be fine!

Oh and btw my younger sister has two beautiful children and an amazing husband and you know what - she is miserable and stressed when she has no reason to be. Her negativity drives her husband round the twist. Life is just plain weird but funny at times

Molly999

Ande1975 wrote: »

Hi Op,

Like you I am 40 and single so in the immortal words of Michael Jackson - you are not alone!
However, if you want to change your circumstances you are going to have to take action.
I know it sucks when you see people around you marrying and having babies but that isn't always a source of happiness for people.
The one thing to hold on to in all of this is that you are in complete control of your life. You are in the driving seat.
No one else affects it unless you let them.

I posted about this friend of mine before but I going to post it again.
At the age of 40 she found that her husband of 5 years was having an affair. It devastated her. They didn't have kids. They finally divorced in 2008.
She picked herself up, dusted herself off and went back to work. She joined a firm that encourages staff to work in different offices for up to two years. At the age of 54, she decided to pack herself off to New York.
Imagine, living and working in New York. She put herself out there, made friends etc, went to events.
However, she came home last Christmas to find her cousin had set her up with a divorcee friend. The cousin always thought they would get along and now they are both smitten.
Her attitude is, I'm having fun! Why not... there's no pressure, we're not going to have kids, why bother getting married.

That's there for any of us who wants it, its all about taking action. If you really want it, it'll come find you. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that that is true as it is happening to me right now.
I was in the depths of despair the first 3 months of this year. I figured out what I wanted, started making the effort, putting the seeds out there and its starting to come about.
Life can change in the blink of an eye.
I could bore you with endless stories of difficult situations coming right. That's why being in your 40s is so great - we have the life experience to let us know its true. Try telling a 20 year old that?

Chin up - you'll be fine!

Oh and btw my younger sister has two beautiful children and an amazing husband and you know what - she is miserable and stressed when she has no reason to be. Her negativity drives her husband round the twist. Life is just plain weird but funny at times

Love love love hearing happy stories. Brings back the feelings of hope. Thanks Ande1975

Lou.m

Molly999 wrote: »

Love love love hearing happy stories. Brings back the feelings of hope. Thanks Ande1975

One of the most amazing women I know met her hubby in her 40's..

She is my godmother.

She is a runner and raced all over the world.

She is AMAZING! She has an amazing hubby ..he had children from a previous marriage.

They have two dogs...she is 47 and this is the best period of her life.

But I know she would be saying that even if she had not met him.

But really just meet lovely people and enjoy living :-)

You are a person who deserves happiness.

It can come right :-)

Addle

Lou.m wrote: »

But I know she would be saying that even if she had not met him.

You can't depend on someone else to make you happy OP.

apieceofcake

Hi,

It's sad that you feel so lonely, but I am sure plenty of people would love to help you/chat/go out if you only told them how you felt. Just because your sister and best friend are now pregnant, doesn't meant they can't meet up and go out....and you never know who'll you meet when you do that.

I'm a firm believer in 'you never know what's around the corner'. You could meet someone special at any time...and 41 is still young. Would you try online dating? You never know who you could meet if you start. Maybe try a paid site, people using it are usually a bit more focused.

Having children is not all it's cracked up to be either. They are seriously hard work! .. I would come into contact with them a lot in my job...and to be honest some of their high jinx would put you off having them!! (This is only to make you feel better )

This year could be your year

Daisy78

I'm a firm believer in 'you never know what's around the corner'. You could meet someone special at any time...and 41 is still young. Would you try online dating? You never know who you could meet if you start. Maybe try a paid site, people using it are usually a bit more focused.



Tbh I'd caution against this. Online dating can be soul destroying and you need to be thick skinned and in the right frame of mind to try it. After a year of using (paid) sites unsuccessfuly I wouldn't recommend it. The op would be better off spending her time meeting people face to face in the "real" world than online dating sites.

zxcvbnm1

Daisy78 wrote: »

I'm a firm believer in 'you never know what's around the corner'. You could meet someone special at any time...and 41 is still young. Would you try online dating? You never know who you could meet if you start. Maybe try a paid site, people using it are usually a bit more focused.



Tbh I'd caution against this. Online dating can be soul destroying and you need to be thick skinned and in the right frame of mind to try it. After a year of using (paid) sites unsuccessfuly I wouldn't recommend it. The op would be better off spending her time meeting people face to face in the "real" world than online dating sites.

I'd definitely disagree with the above. Every man and his dog is using online dating these days - including me.

I've had lots and lots of dates through it.
If you're not going on dates you won't be in a relationship.

Meeting people in the real world restricts your pool of people so much.
Whereas online dating can be done every night if the week from the comfort if your own home.

Daisy78

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

I'd definitely disagree with the above. Every man and his dog is using online dating these days - including me.

I've had lots and lots of dates through it.
If you're not going on dates you won't be in a relationship.

Meeting people in the real world restricts your pool of people so much.
Whereas online dating can be done every night if the week from the comfort if your own home.

Yes but that's if you actually get to go on dates!!! If you get nothing but deafening silence and if your overlooked on these sites they don't do your confidence much good! People are far more discriminating than in real life and if you are feeling low the last thing you want is to feel totally ignored. I just think meeting people in real life where they tend to be less discriminating (in my humble opinion) would be a better option for the op.

Molly999

Addle wrote: »

You can't depend on someone else to make you happy OP.

Why then do most people want to find 'the one'.? Why do people get married? I was recently with someone, just for a couple of months, and all I know is I was so happy when I was with him. Now I am so sad and so lonely I am finding it hard to function on a daily basis. I know that sounds very dramatic but unfortunately it is how I am feeling.

Ande1975

Molly999 wrote: »

Why then do most people want to find 'the one'.? Why do people get married? I was recently with someone, just for a couple of months, and all I know is I was so happy when I was with him. Now I am so sad and so lonely I am finding it hard to function on a daily basis. I know that sounds very dramatic but unfortunately it is how I am feeling.

Oh Molly, that's not the only reason why people who find the one and get married. Crikey that's just setting yourself up for misery.
The reason the poster said you have to be happy yourself before you can be happy with someone is that you don't have blinkers going into a relationship.
Looking for a relationship to make you happy is a recipe for disaster.
If you are miserable and someone comes into your life, you make them your whole focus. You become needy because you can't be happy without them. The green eyed, insecure monster comes out.
However if you are already happy, with a 'I can live without you but I don't want to' attitude, your behaviour changes and you become more attractive.
We all want companionship but I'm quite happily single. If the right guy comes into my life, great. However, I don't waste time on losers because well - I really don't want to feel like you are feeling right now.
I've been there a long time ago and I won't ever feel like that again because I'm happily independent.
I feel for you OP but I think you should get some counselling as the above post is very telling about how you feel about life and love. You need to reset that. Once you do, it becomes so much easier to enjoy life.

Addle

You're heartbroken OP.
You're devastated.
It will pass.
But desperation is not an attractive quality in a person.
And you shouldn't settle just for the sake of being with someone.
You've been asked a few questions in posts above, and you haven't answered them.
What are you actively doing to change the situation that you're in?
Are you doing anything?

CaraMay

Molly why did your last few relationships end?

Molly999

CaraMay wrote: »

Molly why did your last few relationships end?

The person I was with was not Irish and he had to move back home for work reasons. We were mad about each other. That's what makes it so bloody difficult.

clandestine72

HI Molly,

I am a year older than you and I know exactly how you feel. The difference for me is that I long ago gave up looking for 'the one', because I know if I were focused on finding all my happiness in a romantic relationship I would be setting myself up for a lifetime of disappointment. I spent so many years hiding myself away and just focusing on romance, that I missed out on lots of potential life experiences. Only now am I making myself get out there and make friends via MeetUps, and I am delighted to say there are loads of single people of our age on their, most of them interesting, well balanced men and women! In fact, most of the guys in my local group seem to be after a girlfriend, and even me at 42 got asked out by quite attractive guy his 30s so there is potential there for anything, but why perhaps build up some stable friendships first.

On a more serious note, the hardest thing for me to bear is not the lack of partner, but the knowledge that I can never have biological kids. People quite flippantly make comments about adopting and going to a clinic, but that isn't really the point. I think only those who have been and are in this position can understand how painful involuntary childlessness can be. I understand that people want to offer solutions but when you are mourning something as massive as this, you don't want solutions, you just want understanding. I hope that one day I can accept that my life will take a different path, and come to embrace all the freedoms and interesting experiences mentioned by a couple of other posters, and I hope you can do. However, this all takes time, and perhaps you do need to get some Counselling to help you through the tough stuff, so that you can be ready for the good stuff.

Good luck to you x

Molly999

clandestine72 wrote: »

HI Molly,

I am a year older than you and I know exactly how you feel. The difference for me is that I long ago gave up looking for 'the one', because I know if I were focused on finding all my happiness in a romantic relationship I would be setting myself up for a lifetime of disappointment. I spent so many years hiding myself away and just focusing on romance, that I missed out on lots of potential life experiences. Only now am I making myself get out there and make friends via MeetUps, and I am delighted to say there are loads of single people of our age on their, most of them interesting, well balanced men and women! In fact, most of the guys in my local group seem to be after a girlfriend, and even me at 42 got asked out by quite attractive guy his 30s so there is potential there for anything, but why perhaps build up some stable friendships first.

On a more serious note, the hardest thing for me to bear is not the lack of partner, but the knowledge that I can never have biological kids. People quite flippantly make comments about adopting and going to a clinic, but that isn't really the point. I think only those who have been and are in this position can understand how painful involuntary childlessness can be. I understand that people want to offer solutions but when you are mourning something as massive as this, you don't want solutions, you just want understanding. I hope that one day I can accept that my life will take a different path, and come to embrace all the freedoms and interesting experiences mentioned by a couple of other posters, and I hope you can do. However, this all takes time, and perhaps you do need to get some Counselling to help you through the tough stuff, so that you can be ready for the good stuff.

Good luck to you x

Thanks for your post. Do you mind me asking what Meetups you would recommend?

Molly999

Addle wrote: »

You're heartbroken OP.
You're devastated.
It will pass.
But desperation is not an attractive quality in a person.
And you shouldn't settle just for the sake of being with someone.
You've been asked a few questions in posts above, and you haven't answered them.
What are you actively doing to change the situation that you're in?
Are you doing anything?

My problem is I act the opposite of desparate when I meet someone. I have a 10 foot wall up around me which makes me act like the most confident independant person out there!!
So what am I actively doing? Internet dating, proactively try and make arrangements with friends all the time, never turn down invites, invite myself places! I'm obviously not doing enough though. Am DREADING this weekend. Nowhere to go and noone to go with. Need a holiday badly but again noone to go with. I am sliding very quickly to a very very bad place.

miamee

Molly if you really feel yourself sliding, now is the time to see your GP before it gets any worse.
--
I can understand the dread of a weekend with no plans sometimes but after I got fed up of doing nothing myself, I started making plans on my own and now have no problem heading off for a few days or a week or more by myself. I'm still learning as far as that goes but it means when I do meet new people, I have my own interesting things to talk about.

CaraMay

Molly sorry to hear about your ex. Is it a runner to take a career break and go spend some time in the country he is in? Can you not visit him for a holiday?

You are doing all the right things. Sadly sometimes it's pure luck and other times it's a numbers game. I'm the same age as you and me plus most of my friends met their partners over 35. In saying that most of the men we met were separated but in almost all cases are all now in very happy relationships. In two cases they were ex's who came free again, the others met them in pubs at rugby weekends etc.

There is no magic formula other than get out there as much as you can.

clandestine72

Hi Molly,

I am based in London but I joined a Meet Up in my local area (i.e. so that I am not travelling miles to meet people), and we do things like walks, dinners and pub crawls. I have also joined a Meet Up for Irish in London, and for those interested in World Music. I only really go to local events but that is enough for me. The more groups you join, the more you spread your net for having different things to do over a weekend or even during holidays. My Irish group is planning a trip to Galway so there are opportunities to go on your hols with people. However, in relation to what another poster said, I have gone on short holidays (and longer in my younger years) on my own, usually city breaks in Europe. I love it! I get to do what I want, when I want and being alone means I make the effort to speak to new people. I have met other single people while on trips abroad, one of those solo women I met actually met her future husband on a short break in Seville, only because she teamed up with myself and another singleton! I think the key is to do Meet Ups of activities you are interested in, and just enjoy what you are doing and who you meet. It takes the pressure of your looking for someone special and when you are relaxed and just having fun there is more chance of your attracting someone. I know many people who have got lucky with Internet dating, but personally I feel it takes the spontinaety (sorry, can't spell!) and fun out of meeting someone. I also think you may need some help with your lonely feelings, (how you feeling in yourself in terms of confidence?) in conjunction with making friends. Believe me, I am in the same position as you and need to take my own advice in terms of getting some counselling, but the Meet Ups have really helped me because I have reason to go out and I have met some fantastic people. Always happy to give you more info, take care Molly x

sparklicious

Hi Molly ☺

Single. 43. No kiddie boppers.

Recommend signing up to meetups.com as many others have said. Its amazing the craic you can have meeting up with folk for the first time and getting a few pals going forward. Rem ember everyone in the meetup gang is in the same boat and it aint the titantic cos they keep coming back

sparklicious

Also o can highly recommend travel department for solo friendly holidays! Hadn't had a holiday in years due to the friends babies/ families etc...decided to throw caution to the wind ... booked solo holiday with them and LOVED it!! Didn't go around like a little straggler hoping to join up with others, there were other solo holidayers and we spent time together or not, depending on the day. All the tours were included etc. Bloody great time and went off again this year.

They look after everyone so well! Plus the meet up groups. Google is your friend. It just takes a bit of guts, and determination. Try it. Ask yourself this - what is the worst that xould happen

Tokyo

Azwaldo55 - it's only been three days since you were yellow carded for overly aggressive responses, and it seems that you haven't learned anything from it. Posters come here to seek help, and while blunt advice can be a useful tool, there are limits, which you have clearly passed.

Red card this time, and consider this your very final warning - next actionable offense will result in a forum ban from here on in.

I'd also like to remind everybody else that if you see an actionable post, report it and move on. Entering into debate and discussion about a post only drags the thread off topic and adds fuel to the fire.

Regards,
Mike

maguic24

Molly999 wrote: »

Hi there, I am not sure where to start. I am so extremely lonely and have been like this for years now. I am 41 and single. All my friends are with someone and are now having babies. My best friend and younger sister both announced they were pregnant recently. I really don't want to continue living like this anymore. I am not sure I can stand it any longer. Just wondering if anyone else has felt like this or what i should do?

Hi Molly,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so unhappy and down. Like other posters have said, I would suggest you visit your local GP. He/She will more than likely refer you to counselling.

I had a few bad stints of depression (exacerbated by an anxiety disorder) in life and wouldn't accept I had a problem until my OH made me go to the doctor a few years back. It was the best thing I ever done! Counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy really helped me.

I'm in a relationship but I still get lonely. All my friends have either emigrated/work in different counties/tied up with PHD's and what not. Two of the girls I was very close to in work have gone out on maternity leave, I miss them so much!!:( I got a bit lonely there after Christmas and I picked up a few new hobbies. It really has lifted my spirits and I have met sooo many new people, as well as getting fitter. I would recommend meetup.com, it's great place to meet people with similar interests to you.

I hope it works out for you Molly and you find your happy place again.

maguic24

I didn't realise people had mentioned meetup.com already!! It really is as good as people say it is!! It's a fantastic way to meet new people and everyone I have met on meetup have been super nice.

Molly999

maguic24 wrote: »

Hi Molly,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so unhappy and down. Like other posters have said, I would suggest you visit your local GP. He/She will more than likely refer you to counselling.

Have done GP, Psychiatrists, counselling, Pieta house. You name it I have done it. None of it has helped. Having an exceptionally bad weekend so far. Had to go to an emergency session in Pieta house this morning (didn't help). All alone in my apartment. My family couldn't give a toss if I survive or not.

CaraMay

You are not alone Molly. We are all here day and night for you.

maguic24

Molly999 wrote: »

maguic24 wrote: »

Hi Molly,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so unhappy and down. Like other posters have said, I would suggest you visit your local GP. He/She will more than likely refer you to counselling.

Have done GP, Psychiatrists, counselling, Pieta house. You name it I have done it. None of it has helped. Having an exceptionally bad weekend so far. Had to go to an emergency session in Pieta house this morning (didn't help). All alone in my apartment. My family couldn't give a toss if I survive or not.

Molly, you should try looking into meetup if you are feeling that lonely. I have met some amazing people there. They are all very welcoming and a lot of people in the group I attend are 40+, some looking for love, others looking for friendships. Do you have any hobbies or anything like that?

Is there no one in your family you could talk to? I don't get on with either of my parents but I get on exceptionally well with my uncle, mostly because he raised me. I know neither of my parents have any real love for me but it doesn't bother me because I know my uncle cares about me and that's all that matters. I struggled with my unusual upbringing until I started talking to people and realised I am not alone.

I very much doubt that you are alone, someone, somewhere loves you. Depression is an awful illness and negative feelings like the ones you describe can take over. Don't listen to the voices, love yourself because you deserve it!

Molly999

maguic24 wrote: »

Molly999 wrote: »

Molly, you should try looking into meetup if you are feeling that lonely. I have met some amazing people there. They are all very welcoming and a lot of people in the group I attend are 40+, some looking for love, others looking for friendships. Do you have any hobbies or anything like that?

Everyone seems to be raving about meetups. It's something I must definitely try. Anyone recommend good ones in Dublin?

clandestine72

Hi Molly, if you type in Meetups, it will either bring up the main site, or if you add Ireland to the search it may bring up what you're looking for. Once it's open, you can search by area and by specific interests.