No love life

LegacyUser

In few months I will be turning 27 and for the most part I am pretty content with how my life has worked out but one thing that I have severely lacked is any sort of success with women, its like I was out sick the day in school they showed everyone else to do it.

I had a pretty normal track record by the age of 18 but since then nothing has happened. It wasn't helped by the fact that I did a very nerdy and all male course at college. Then I moved city for a job that would jump start of my career but I suffered socially because of it.

I am not good at chatting up girls (I just cannot force myself to a stranger under the premise of trying to get with them), a few of my friends are pretty good at it and every time I go out with them I left on my own by the end of the night. I have asked them how they do it and all they say is 'Hello!' and work from there. They also get hammered on a night out which is something I don't do as I cannot stomach more than 3 drinks.

A few months ago I moved city again and this time I put effort into having a social life by going to meetups, joining football and tag rugby teams (which I was made Capitan of). While this has been fantastic as now always have something on but also I am meeting women. There has been a few girls have shown interest in me but unfortunately I haven't felt the same.

There was on girl I did like from one of the groups but she was leaving the country and by the time things starting moving between us she had left.

I feel like I am missing out on so much because I cannot get over fear of making a move on a girl. When see a girl I am attracted to it kills me as I know I would never be able to get with her or any girl like her.

I feel like my youth will have passed me by and before I know it I will be 40-Year-Old virgin wondering where it all went wrong.

I just don't know what to do as I realise the problem is with me and I have to make it happen myself as no one else will but I just cannot.

What can I do?

Lou.m

LogInUSay wrote: »

In few months I will be turning 27 and for the most part I am pretty content with how my life has worked out but one thing that I have severely lacked is any sort of success with women, its like I was out sick the day in school they showed everyone else to do it.

I had a pretty normal track record by the age of 18 but since then nothing has happened. It wasn't helped by the fact that I did a very nerdy and all male course at college. Then I moved city for a job that would jump start of my career but I suffered socially because of it.

I am not good at chatting up girls (I just cannot force myself to a stranger under the premise of trying to get with them), a few of my friends are pretty good at it and every time I go out with them I left on my own by the end of the night. I have asked them how they do it and all they say is 'Hello!' and work from there. They also get hammered on a night out which is something I don't do as I cannot stomach more than 3 drinks.

A few months ago I moved city again and this time I put effort into having a social life by going to meetups, joining football and tag rugby teams (which I was made Capitan of). While this has been fantastic as now always have something on but also I am meeting women. There has been a few girls have shown interest in me but unfortunately I haven't felt the same.

There was on girl I did like from one of the groups but she was leaving the country and by the time things starting moving between us she had left.

I feel like I am missing out on so much because I cannot get over fear of making a move on a girl. When see a girl I am attracted to it kills me as I know I would never be able to get with her or any girl like her.

I feel like my youth will have passed me by and before I know it I will be 40-Year-Old virgin wondering where it all went wrong.

I just don't know what to do as I realise the problem is with me and I have to make it happen myself as no one else will but I just cannot.

What can I do?

You can, you will, you must.

I have asked guys out. I have been rejected .....you just keep asking other guys out.

Rejection gets easier. I am not going to say there is not lots of rejection while dating THERE IS. But you start to realize it is not so bad. And you move on to trying to make it work again with someone and asking other people out.


You need to work on your self esteem issues here. Yes you are fine on your own.

You can be happy on your own. You are not 'MISSING OUT' just by being single.

But it might be nice to experience being in a relationship some time.

Of course some girls you like with like you back ...and of course some girls won't like you.

But if you do not show a keen interest sometimes they are not going to know either way. Your heart is VERY strong. It is not made of butterflies wings. It can get over anything.

If you are happy on your own that's great.

If you want to ask someone out or get to know them better you need to go from point A to point B.

It is natural you will not like some women who are attracted to you.

You need to work on feeling at ease and coping with the butterflies or the fear.

I have had the experience of asking a guy out to find out he is with somebody or does not see me that way or worse yet to have no response but you do get over it ...promise

And the faster you do the sooner you find someone great!

Azwaldo55

Like everything being good with women takes practice. So the more you go out and hit on women the more you will learn what works and what doesn't and the more likely you will get together with somebody. Start tonight. Shower and shave, put on a nice shirt, put gel in your hair and go out on the town and if you see a pub full of beautiful women go right in, get yourself a drink, smile, be friendly and start chatting women up. At first most women with tell you to f*ck off, will act like you are dirt or ignore you completely. But the more you try it on the better you will get because the less you will care if women are rude. At first you will be shaking like a leaf and women will pick up on this and give you the cold shoulder but eventually you will learn what works and what doesn't and your confidence will increase. Don't get angry or upset if women are rude to you. You don't know these people and you never met them before so why should you care if they reject you? Women act this way because they are often just as nervous as guys are. They also don't want to meet a creep or a rapist. If you don't overcome your fear of rejection as soon as possible the longer and harder it will take to deal with this problem. There is one guaranteed certainty. You will never learn if you stay at home never go out and never make an effort.

R.D. aka MR.D

i could be way off base here but the first thing I thought of when i read your post was 'maybe his standards are too high'.

I'm female and know a few women who are almost 30 and have never had a boyfriend and it's always because they have these expectations that no man is ever going to live up to in real life. And as controversial as this might be but some of these women although being fantastic and wonderful people always seem to want guys that are, for want of a better term, out of their league.

I have a sneaking suspicion that they act like this because they are secretly afraid of commitment/getting hurt so they set unrealistic expectations or pick unsuitable guys to become infatuated with e.g married/leaving the country soon.

LegacyUser

I went to a meetup last night and I was able to go over to two different girls, introduce myself and talk away to them for more than 40 minutes each. But I was able to do this because it wasn't under the premise of trying to get with them.

I knew with one of if I had played my cards right I would of had a good chance but it was really early on in the night and I said to myself I would go back to her later on but she ended up leaving to another place and I was meant to follow them but I waited on my mates who in the end didn't leave.

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

i could be way off base here but the first thing I thought of when i read your post was 'maybe his standards are too high'.

Sometimes I have thought this too but if I do it would only be physically as I don't think she must have a degree, good career, car, earn x amount or some other odd exception.

My main problem since I left school has been the social circle I was in was mostly guys who were in the same boat as me when it came to women. So I wasn't meeting women as often as I am now.

NeonCookies

LogInUSay wrote: »

A few months ago I moved city again and this time I put effort into having a social life by going to meetups, joining football and tag rugby teams (which I was made Capitan of). While this has been fantastic as now always have something on but also I am meeting women. There has been a few girls have shown interest in me but unfortunately I haven't felt the same.

There was on girl I did like from one of the groups but she was leaving the country and by the time things starting moving between us she had left.

LogInUSay wrote: »

I went to a meetup last night and I was able to go over to two different girls, introduce myself and talk away to them for more than 40 minutes each. But I was able to do this because it wasn't under the premise of trying to get with them.

I knew with one of if I had played my cards right I would of had a good chance but it was really early on in the night and I said to myself I would go back to her later on but she ended up leaving to another place and I was meant to follow them but I waited on my mates who in the end didn't leave.

My main problem since I left school has been the social circle I was in was mostly guys who were in the same boat as me when it came to women. So I wasn't meeting women as often as I am now

I know it might not seem like it OP...but look at the bits I've bolded in your previous posts. From that it looks to me like you now have "no love life" as you put it, by choice rather than necessity. You have gone out there, started chatting to women - sure, it hasn't worked out yet but that doesn't mean it won't! It's great that you're not desperate to hook up with the first woman who talks to you, women can pick up on that and it will turn them off. You are out there, meeting and talking to women. You've met one or two you felt there could be more with, and it just hasn't worked out through logistics (leaving the country, leaving the pub earlier and you not meeting her later etc etc). That happens to every single person, all the time! If you find it easier to talk to women when you don't have that pressure of "trying to get with them", then don't put that pressure on yourself. See it as getting to know people. Be genuine, be friendly.

I do think you need more self-confidence to help you with that final "move" (why on earth couldn't you be with a girl who looks attractive to you?! ) but you seem to be doing everything right now and you're on the right track. Sealing the deal by way of a phone number, or locking in a first date does take a lot of putting yourself out there, but if you're already capable of chatting to someone for 40 minutes then it's less of a hurdle then if you weren't able to say "hello" as it seems was the case before. Just keep practicing, keep meeting people, keep putting yourself out there - it'll get easier every time you do, and eventually you'll have the courage to make something happen!

LegacyUser

NeonCookies wrote: »

If you find it easier to talk to women when you don't have that pressure of "trying to get with them", then don't put that pressure on yourself. See it as getting to know people. Be genuine, be friendly.

I wish it was as easy as turning off a switch but I just cannot force myself to go over and strike up a conversation with a group of strangers on a night out. I can do it on the meetup as people are there to make friends and everyone is very friendly. But my fear of being told to 'f*ck off' or them being like 'why are you talking to us?' is something I cannot get over.

I was out twice over the weekend and while the group I was in I was there was girls who I was talking to the idea of approaching another group and butting into their conversation is something I think is a step too far.

Lou.m wrote: »

You can be happy on your own. You are not 'MISSING OUT' just by being single.

While I don't mean I am longing for a relationship, what I meant by 'missing out' was that I was missing out on having some fun with girls or when I am talking to my mates when conversation turns to girls I have nothing to add to the conversation as I don't have any history with any and it reminds me on exactly on what I am missing out on which isn't the best feeling.