35 single and lonely

shadowcomplex

I'm a 36 year old man , single and I'm quite lonely and board with my life. This is another bank holiday and here I am sitting at home alone . My life is basically work all week and do nothing at the weekends, I have found myself drinking a lot more too to cope with the boredom. I have never had a girlfriend either because I have been overweight all my life and have had poor self esteem issues, I am working on the weight though as I used to be 22 stone, I'm 18 stone now but still too heavy for my height. I don't necessarily need a relationship but to have a social outlet where I could interact and meet people would be nice, I have considered meetup.com but since I'm from a small city its not great in my area, I have considered going to events in Dublin though, I'd be prepared to travel up at the weekends and staying in a hotel, I'm wondering if people would find this a bit strange though? Just looking for an outlet at the weekends as I'm quite isolated at present, would appreciate any/all advice

shadowcomplex

I know the title says 35 but im actually 36

otnomart

Hi,
Meetup.com is great to meet new people with no pressure.
People do travel to other cities if there are no events in their area, so no-one would find it strange if you do. You could even think if starting your own meetup, especially if you are into a particular sport or hobby.

eviltwin

Meetup is great, there are all sorts of them in Dublin and around the place for every possible interest. One of the best to start off with is New Friends and Faces on a Sat or Sun, there is a coffee meetup in dublin city centre and there are always new people at it so you won't feel like the only newbie. Its a great way of dipping your toe. Like anything it can take a few weeks to find your feet but have a look at the website and see what's out there.

Everyone has some interests. And most interests have a social aspect which you can explore. Everything from walking - to playing music - to learning a language - or whatever. There is usually a social meet up group around it.

So rather than focus on being alone or finding friends etc - focus for a minute on you and list (either here so we can discuss it with you further or just for yourself on a page) the things you really are into. Then go through them (again maybe we can help) to find social groups around it.

The last guy I met who was over weight - even more so than the numbers you were listing - took up "Ingress" on his android phone. An Android gaming APP that gets you out walking and socialising with other players. I can give you more details on that game and which team to pick too if you want - and perhaps you might even cross paths with that player too and talk to him about how he went about weight loss. He was interviewed in the news paper about it at one point.

Do you go to the gym?

I wasn't very overweight but I was always very unfit and had low self esteem. Then after finishing college I started to feel like I had too much time on my hands, which can feel really isolated. I started going to the gym, and soon I felt a whole lot better about myself. I have something to fill the evenings, something I can feel passionate about and have great fun doing. To be honest it was a bit uncomfortable at first, but now I can't imagine what I'd be doing with myself otherwise. I've become friendly with quite a few people there, but even when I don't know anyone it's nice just to be there around people.

Pawwed Rig

Interacting in the social forums on boards has given me a few nights out in the past year.
In my forum we are currently organising a beers which is usually a good night out. The first one can be scarey enough but all are in the same boat and very welcoming.
Feel free to join in the conversation here http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057214644
Other than that keep working on the weight. When your body is healthy then so is your mind, your motivation will increase as will your moods.

What hobbies do you have? Could you be more active in this area?
Language classes are a great way to meet people as the focus is on speaking to each other.

Soilse

I know how you feel OP, the only advice I can give you is you look into having a few interests on the go. as you are on way to loosing weight would you think of joining a club such as learning to swim and join a master swim club after for the winter, most level 1 kayaking courses also include a years membership, Have heard meetup is quiet good. Sounds harsh but In order to have a social life or network of friends you have to work as hard at it as you would a job, get involved in things give them a few months if it doesnt work out move on to something else if nothing else you may have gained a few aqquainteces on the way. And if nothing else fake it till you make it, you never know fake it long enough and it might just become the real you good luck

Pawn

shadowcomplex wrote: »

I am sitting at home alone

That's it. Sitting at home alone will not resolve anything.

Research and work on a diet plan. It will keep you busy.
Start walking/running/cycling.
Join the gym.
Give up drink.
Don't force yourself into thinking that "going to events" is the best way to meet someone. It's usually not.
Do you have passions or interests?
Go out for walks. You'd be surprised what can happen and who you can meet sometimes.