How to be less nervous/more calm

LegacyUser

I've also been nervous, something which is possibly connected with having severe epilepsy for the first two decades of my life. My handwriting is still awful and I have considerable difficulty steadying my hand for simple things like drawing, never mind being able to play music.

If anything sudden happens like a car crash or robbery I will be badly shook by it. I'm not calm in a crisis. I dislike that side of me considerably. For a long time I used alcohol to calm me. Now that I don't drink I'm usually to be found with something like Coke Zero to "settle" me. I've tried hypnotism but I couldn't relax enough to gain anything from it. I'd love to be able to be completely relaxed and calm.

Would anybody have advice on how get to that level of internal calm and peace? Thank you.

Rubberchikken

Meditation or maybe yoga. Both supposed to be calming.
Also try deep breathing when you find yourself in a stressful situ.

Néaróga

Néaróga wrote: »

If anything sudden happens like a car crash or robbery I will be badly shook by it.

So would most people. I would not use something like that guage how calm or nervous a person you think you are. I have seen the most "together" people fall to pieces after experiences like that.

I have yet to meet a person in my life that is "completely relaxed and calm.". We all succumb to pressure and stress in our own ways and to our own levels.

I will however second the recommendation for meditation. I do vipassana and it is indeed something that can extend its effects into many other areas of your life.

xzanti

Néaróga wrote: »

I'm not calm in a crisis.

You're not supposed to be. Mother nature designed us in such a way that we will react when in danger.. we produce adrenaline to spur us into action, the human race would probably not have lasted very long without this instinct.

If on the other hand you are finding yourself nervous or anxious in normal social settings, that would be a different story and I would also suggest meditation or a visit to your GP depending on the severity of it.

blatantrereg

Mother nature designed us in such a way that we will react when in danger.. we produce adrenaline to spur us into action

True. I think the issue is how a person reacts to this, rather than the physical reaction. It's not always easy to translate raw adrenaline into effective and appropriate action. Perfect if you need to hit someone or leg it. Most of my problems would be aggravated rather than solved by either of those though.

Exercise is almost always helpful for dealing with stress. You could almost consider it a requirement for dealing with it at a biological level. Your body is telling you to exert yourself physically. Just like when you are hungry your body is telling you to eat. The fact that it is pointless for dealing with 99% of the problems you face is a moot point itself when it comes to reacting to it.

Even more important than that I guess is actually addressing with the issue that distressed you. If you find yourself overwhelmed by anxiety you might feel like you are unable to - which is likely to lead to more anxiety. That's where things become trickier to deal with. It's something I've experienced. The best advice I would give is to break things into small tasks, as basic as possible, then organise and focus on those small tasks individually. A cautious, methodical approach that is pretty much the opposite of biological instinct. I find it works for me, and I understand that it works for many others.

Lou.m

Néaróga wrote: »

I've also been nervous, something which is possibly connected with having severe epilepsy for the first two decades of my life. My handwriting is still awful and I have considerable difficulty steadying my hand for simple things like drawing, never mind being able to play music.

If anything sudden happens like a car crash or robbery I will be badly shook by it. I'm not calm in a crisis. I dislike that side of me considerably. For a long time I used alcohol to calm me. Now that I don't drink I'm usually to be found with something like Coke Zero to "settle" me. I've tried hypnotism but I couldn't relax enough to gain anything from it. I'd love to be able to be completely relaxed and calm.

Would anybody have advice on how get to that level of internal calm and peace? Thank you.

Do you have a tremor? Can a doctor help?
I would contact a GP perhaps.

RossFixxxed

Just to turn the tables around on you: I am almost cold in a crisis. I barely flinch, I can move quickly and I don't panic.
Sounds great yeah?

Not really though in many ways.

Well the trade off for me is that the small things cause almost intolerable axiety. Going to buy milk... nightmre levels of stress. A bad accident happens, I'm over to it immediately trying to help. I think we're all made very different and the skill sets come together to make a stronger 'tribe' of people.

However, that's a bit off topic, just wanted to let you know it's not all it cracked up to be! From reading your posts, there's a few issues you have, and I would certainly echo the GP / Councelling approach. You seem very wound up, and nervous. I think some relaxation techniques and other methods would be of big benefit to you!