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Ghost Sigh

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  • 30-05-2014 5:53pm
    #1
    Bookslug
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭


    Ghost sigh

    The room is cold,
    Water iced,
    Walls, stern, white,
    No hello, no goodbye
    A ghost sigh

    A fire crackles,
    Burns with life,
    Giddily glorious
    Passing by

    Broken shelf, unmade bed
    Nothing heard, nothing said
    My love
    My shell
    My ghost


Comments

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    #2
    Bookslug
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭Bookslug


    Just a ditty I whittled out in a few minutes.

    Any feedback welcome.

    Thanks


  • Options
    #3
    Bookslug
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭Bookslug


    Sorry, fiddled with it a bit, feedback still welcome of course


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    #4
    Bookslug
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭Bookslug


    Ghost sigh

    The room is cold,
    Water iced,
    Walls are stern,
    Painted white,
    No hello,
    No goodbye,
    A little shuffle,
    A ghost sigh

    A fire crackles,
    Burns with life,
    Giddily glorious,
    Passing by

    Broken shelf,
    Unmade bed,
    Nothing heard,
    Nothing said

    My life
    My love
    My shell
    My ghost


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    #5
    GalwayGuy2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,269 ✭✭✭GalwayGuy2


    YOu know, I actually like the first version better.

    Maybe it's because I can't write poetry that doesn't have a song like rhyme, but the first one hits the spot where the second does not :P


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    #6
    Bookslug
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭Bookslug


    Thanks gg2, just shows you shouldn't change a masterpiece 😜


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