Ghost Sigh

Bookslug

Ghost sigh

The room is cold,
Water iced,
Walls, stern, white,
No hello, no goodbye
A ghost sigh

A fire crackles,
Burns with life,
Giddily glorious
Passing by

Broken shelf, unmade bed
Nothing heard, nothing said
My love
My shell
My ghost

Bookslug

Just a ditty I whittled out in a few minutes.

Any feedback welcome.

Thanks

Bookslug

Sorry, fiddled with it a bit, feedback still welcome of course

Bookslug

Ghost sigh

The room is cold,
Water iced,
Walls are stern,
Painted white,
No hello,
No goodbye,
A little shuffle,
A ghost sigh

A fire crackles,
Burns with life,
Giddily glorious,
Passing by

Broken shelf,
Unmade bed,
Nothing heard,
Nothing said

My life
My love
My shell
My ghost

GalwayGuy2

YOu know, I actually like the first version better.

Maybe it's because I can't write poetry that doesn't have a song like rhyme, but the first one hits the spot where the second does not :P

Bookslug

Thanks gg2, just shows you shouldn't change a masterpiece 😜