Solemniser??

Bride2015

Hi all, again I am looking for some info, any and all help welcome

I have my wedding booked for March 2015 - we are having it all in the hotel. We contacted the HSE (not very helpful) to book our appointment and solemniser for the ceremony. The only availability they had on our day was at 12pm....a bit earlier than we were hoping. We have been told if we do not want this time we will need to source a private solemniser.

So the search began .....we used the official register and contacted a number of them.....we have had a few replies......they all quote between €400 - €500 for a ceremony that will last about 20 mins. An expense we were not expecting and had not prepared for.

So here is were I need the help, has anyone had a similar experience, does anyone know a solemniser with a better price or should we go with the 12pm appointment.

Have to make a decision in the next two weeks before our appointment.

Thanks in advance

lazygal

You could get legally married on a different date and have someone you know preside over the ceremony. TBH the ceremony is one of the least expensive parts of the day compared to the reception, dresses, flowers, photos etc. The prices you've been quoted are pretty standard and less than a church wedding would cost.

uck51js9zml2yt

lazygal wrote: »

You could get legally married on a different date and have someone you know preside over the ceremony. TBH the ceremony is one of the least expensive parts of the day compared to the reception, dresses, flowers, photos etc. The prices you've been quoted are pretty standard and less than a church wedding would cost.

We were fortunate in that a friend solemnised our wedding. He registered just for our wedding.
The price seems ok considering its not just 20 minutes. There is also travelling time,waiting time and dealing with the paperwork.

If your not prepared to spend on hiring one then your left with the hse.

lainycool

We paid €450 and I couldn't of been happier and like the previous poster said you aren't just paying them for the 20 minute ceremony but all the work they are doing putting it all together, meeting with you before hand and travelling to the venue.

Good luck with your search.

kkcatlou

lazygal wrote: »

The prices you've been quoted are pretty standard and less than a church wedding would cost.

Not true really! You pay the priest a donation of whatever you want! I doubt it would ever be €400-500! €150-300 max depending on how well you know him.

All of the other costs involved in a church wedding are up to you, same as getting married anywhere else!

Anyway, back to the point....could you get a friend to register as a solemniser, just like tatranska did. Do you have anyone that would enjoy that sort of thing?

lazygal

kkcatlou wrote: »

Not true really! You pay the priest a donation of whatever you want! I doubt it would ever be €400-500! €150-300 max depending on how well you know him.

All of the other costs involved in a church wedding are up to you, same as getting married anywhere else!

Anyway, back to the point....could you get a friend to register as a solemniser, just like tatranska did. Do you have anyone that would enjoy that sort of thing?

There are premarriage courses. donations for sacristans, expectations of decoration of the church, donations for letters of freedom, prenuptial inquiries and donations to the priest. . No one I know who had a church wedding had much change out of a grand, even those who had the bare minimum. Our local church charges 500 euro for weddings as its a popular place because of the nice building.
We paid 450 euro to our celebrant and it was worth every penny.

Gatica

yep, fairly standard price. We paid 400 plus travel costs.
They have essentially a monopoly (between Spiritualist Union and Humanists, you don't really have anything else, other than the HSE) for non-religious weddings, and can charge what they want for their services. We also thought it was expensive, but there was no alternative we were happy with so we paid up.

Milly33

have to say I was shocked at how much people charge. The civil are charging €225 to come to our venue which I think is about right I would no way pay more than that..

I'll know ill get told off but I don't see why they charge so much for it. Especially if they are based in the area..

We priced a few at the time and the civil servant was the cheapest option, so id say either go with the 12 you could always maybe just have a small few present for the ceremony if having it that early is putting people off or like said above to maybe call into the registry office and get married there a few days before hand and then just have a friend of nice speaker to do the ceremony part on the big day itself.. Sounds a bit not proper but then sure what is the solemniser or the civil servant to ye anyway as such, could even approach maybe a brother (as in friary) or monk and ask would they say a few words on the day

Bride2015

Brentley Narrow Tourniquet wrote: »

We were fortunate in that a friend solemnised our wedding. He registered just for our wedding.
The price seems ok considering its not just 20 minutes. There is also travelling time,waiting time and dealing with the paperwork.

If your not prepared to spend on hiring one then your left with the hse.

We have heard that it is not that simple to just get registered, but thanks for the suggestion

Mrs OBumble

Just take the 12-noon appointment, and do the legal bit there, with bare minimum people at it.

Then get a friend to do a lovely-looking-but-legally-meaningless "ceremony" later in the afternoon when all the guests are present.

rainbow kirby

Milly33 wrote: »

have to say I was shocked at how much people charge. The civil are charging €225 to come to our venue which I think is about right I would no way pay more than that..

It could be a lot worse. In our borough (Islington) ln London it's £500 to get a registrar to come to an approved licensed venue on a Saturday and £900 if you want it on a bank holiday. Ireland is relatively good value compared to that.

Milly33

Jaysus really that is steep now, so Ireland is cheaper for something at last.. Such a shame they hype up the cost of it for well no apparent reason.

kkcatlou

lazygal wrote: »

There are premarriage courses. donations for sacristans, expectations of decoration of the church, donations for letters of freedom, prenuptial inquiries and donations to the priest. . No one I know who had a church wedding had much change out of a grand, even those who had the bare minimum. Our local church charges 500 euro for weddings as its a popular place because of the nice building.
We paid 450 euro to our celebrant and it was worth every penny.

With the exception of the pre-marriage course, the others are all totally up to yourself.

We are getting married in the local church with our local parish priest, so there will be no charge for use of the church, and I honestly never heard of having to give donations for prenuptual enquiries and letters of freedom? Seriously?!

Cost will be €150 donation to the priest, €100 for pre-marriage course, €50 to the sacristan. So €300 overall.

Flowers/ decor, my Mam will do, but she will do as much in the reception venue, and would have done as much had we planned a civil ceremony. In fact, a lot of civil venues need a lot more decor as they tend to be less decorative to start off with.

I'm not trying to justify one type of ceremony over another, but saying it's down to cost, is a bit bananas!

Milly33

As far as I can gather it is up to the priest how much is charged so you must have a loverly priest

kkcatlou

Milly33 wrote: »

As far as I can gather it is up to the priest how much is charged so you must have a loverly priest

Really? Oops! I hadn't asked. I was just going on what other local people suggested. I thought when it was your local priest and he knew you, it genuinely was a donation, but I must check it out! I didn't think there was a charge per se.

neemish

Milly33 wrote: »

have to say I was shocked at how much people charge. The civil are charging €225 to come to our venue which I think is about right I would no way pay more than that..

I'll know ill get told off but I don't see why they charge so much for it. Especially if they are based in the area..


If it is such easy money, why aren't more people doing it?

There is more the ceremony than just getting up and saying "repeat after me". Most people want someone who will take into account their wishes, work with them on the Ceremony, provide a feel good factor on the day and bring it all together. The person needs to be good at public speaking and being an MC, able to facilitate couples in their choices, connect with the "congregation" so that they feel a part of it - this isn't an easy gig!

Look at it this way, people are willing to pay huge money to a DJ so that everyone can enjoy the night. Why wouldn't you pay good money for a solemniser who can make the actual important part special and worth remembering for all the right reasons

BTW... I'm not a solemniser!

lollpop

kkcatlou wrote: »

With the exception of the pre-marriage course, the others are all totally up to yourself.

We are getting married in the local church with our local parish priest, so there will be no charge for use of the church, and I honestly never heard of having to give donations for prenuptual enquiries and letters of freedom? Seriously?!

Depends on the parish. For me the pre nup was free but my husbands priest charged 20 euro. And it was a charge not a donation. I got charged 5 euro per letter of freedom I wanted also (2 parishes). Again a charge not a donation, no money=no letter. I got married in my local church. They 'suggested' 200 for priest, 200 for church and 50 for sacristan. I probably could have refused but it was a bit difficult when they handed me the pricelist!

lubie76

We are having a humanist ceremony and our celebrant is charging 500 euro but then he is coming from Dublin to our venue of choice in Mayo so will be driving 3 hours there and back so obviously had to charge this price to include travel time, fuel etc.

We had to meet him and have a chat about what exactly we wanted from the ceremony before he would commit to doing it and he is always available by email phone to work with us to design a ceremony that will be very personable to us giving us ideas we can work into it but also respecting any wishes we have. To me this is a bargain as it will be about us, our favourite poems and whatever music means something to both of us.

Most of the people attending will never have been to this type of ceremony so will hopefully be interesting for them compared to the usual church thing. I'm sure we will also have guests who think it's too new agey too as almost all our friends had the traditional church weddings but I'm sure they will enjoy the variety at least.

uck51js9zml2yt

lollpop wrote: »

Depends on the parish. For me the pre nup was free but my husbands priest charged 20 euro. And it was a charge not a donation. I got charged 5 euro per letter of freedom I wanted also (2 parishes). Again a charge not a donation, no money=no letter. I got married in my local church. They 'suggested' 200 for priest, 200 for church and 50 for sacristan. I probably could have refused but it was a bit difficult when they handed me the pricelist!

I'm not a Catholic but I don't see any problem here with him charging for his time, the sacristan who is volunteering his time to the church and the overheads for the building for the few hours. The priest is generally on a basic salary so these events supplement their income.
Judging from talking to locals who frequent my local church numbers are dropping and with it revenue.I assume this is a national problem.
If people want these facilities open to them then they need to be paid for.
My pastor registered as a solemniser just so he could do the legal end of my wedding. We used a hotel and paid for the use of the room we used for the ceremony.we then had the receiption in the hotel.

Milly33

BTW... I'm not a solemniser![/QUOTE] haha are you sure.. Yeah I get it but still its a job charging 450 for 20min ceremony and petrol just doesn't add up..

I was actually looking up there to see how you would reg to do it but tis a very closed circle me thinks.. Anywho sure well agree to disagree everyone has their opinion

Faith

I feel confused that people are giving out about the cost of the solemniser... It's the most important part of the day! That's the person who will marry you. We're paying €450 for a humanist and I think it's great value. It's the last thing I'd be complaining about the cost of, tbh.

havana

Totally agree faith.

Also, It's not just 20 mins on the day. Ours will be there at least an hour before we arrive, will have spent time writing the ceremony (with input from us obviously), meeting with us etc.

berrecka

Im totally with you guys that it is the most important part of the day. We found a Humanist Solmeniser we liked, who will make this special ceremony special to us, and who will guide us along this path neither of us have traveled before, and so will pay her what she charges to do her job. The idea that it is a closed shop is nonsense. In the last year, the law changed so that Humanist Solmenisers can legally marry people, which has made it really difficult to find a Solmeniser, as more people are choosing it for their ceremony. If you want to become a Solmeniser, its pretty simple, attend Humanist gatherings, get to know the community, and their beliefs, attend ceremonies (not just weddings - but funerals, christenings etc), shadow practicing Solmenisers, and then, I believe after about 9 years, you can apply to become a Solmeniser yourself. Certainly not a closed shop, but a route that is taken seriously, as it should be.

BizzyC

If you go for the HSE route, it will be a 20 minute ceremony with very little ceremony involved.

A humanist solemniser will incorporate more music, readings, poetry and other ceremonies like lighting candles etc if you want.
Unlike the HSE legal marriage, you get an actual ceremony for the extra money that you can lay out to what you want.

Ours will probably be closer to 40 minutes in length.

Gatica

neemish wrote: »

Milly33 wrote: »

If it is such easy money, why aren't more people doing it?

There is more the ceremony than just getting up and saying "repeat after me". Most people want someone who will take into account their wishes, work with them on the Ceremony, provide a feel good factor on the day and bring it all together. The person needs to be good at public speaking and being an MC, able to facilitate couples in their choices, connect with the "congregation" so that they feel a part of it - this isn't an easy gig!

Look at it this way, people are willing to pay huge money to a DJ so that everyone can enjoy the night. Why wouldn't you pay good money for a solemniser who can make the actual important part special and worth remembering for all the right reasons

BTW... I'm not a solemniser!

In answer to your question:
You can only be a solemniser for an organisation that you belong to. If your faith is Unitarian Church or Spiritualist Union, then I'm sure there's more requirements on them becoming solemnisers other than just ticking some box at the HSE. I am not sure how they get members, but in many churches you get baptised or somehow pledge yourself, then probably prove yourself by living life according to the rules set out by said religion. It's not like every catholic can register to become a solemniser, there are requirements to becoming a priest. Legal Humanist ceremonies are fairly new, but I'm sure they also have rules as to how you join them. So no, you can't just become a solemniser for just wishing it or to just make the money.

Yes, you have to be reasonably ok at public speaking to do a ceremony. From what I've seen though, it's pre-prepared and read off or recited by memory, not exactly an open mic. The ceremony is also only personalised from the perspective that you get to put the pieces of the puzzle together in another format, the pieces themselves already exist - sand ceremony, rose ceremony, candle, etc... They're not individually written each time.
The vows, if they're not standard, are written by the couples themselves. The travel costs are on top of the cost of hire. So no I don't see where they're earning it so hard.

We were happy to pay for solemniser, because we wanted a ceremony our way and the registration office was not for us. It was the only other option we could see, and where there's a monopoly, if you will, you don't really get to argue with cost. It may be the most important part of the day, but it's not one that requires as much effort as would earn you > 400 for half a day's work, or even a day's...

almorris

I think one thing people don't see is that if a person is working in the wedding business full time per se, then the amount of money to put food on the table is limited to one or two days per week of their lucky. And if someone has built a business where their working enough to make a good living, so be it. People expect a professional service but a reluctant to pay for it.

Sure some man / woman could hash together a service for you in an hour or two while taking time off from their full time employment. Is that what people want? Do you think people would understand that 'Frank only does this part time and is really cheap, so don't expect any great shakes from this service?'

You get what you pay for.

Gatica

almorris wrote: »

You get what you pay for.

I agree. Can you suggest the cheap alternative though, on a weekend and not a registrar's office?
The way I see it, it's a monopoly. They may very well choose to do this full-time as their job, but considering weddings are mostly Fri/Sat, they can certainly keep a part-time job.
I've no doubt a lot of thought and effort went into constructing the first ceremony format. After that though, most of them are pretty much variants of the same thing, no matter how you put it. There may be exceptions, but they're probably far in between. So no, I don't believe they spend more than an hour, maybe 2, per wedding on putting things together. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate having the wedding I want and being willing to pay for it.

almorris

There in lies the problem. Most weddings are on a Fri / Sat. Which leaves Monday to Wednesday for that part time job.
And Yes it is a monopoly like a lot of things in life.
And Yes it is pretty much a variant on the same theme.
And Yes I do believe it's a closed circle. And will stay so.

The only alternative I could suggest is:

Do the formal at the Registry Office,
Have a friend or close family member act as a solemniser at your venue. With some thought you could quite possibly achieve a more symbolic ceremony than either a Church or Solemniser could give you. Perhaps you could split the ceremony into smaller parts and have individual friends / family members participate in the ceremony. Maybe a generational theme so similar? With thought and thinking outside the square.

I know that the Registry Office is not the romantic ideal and appreciate that. Truley.

Good luck, take care.

Bride2015

lubie76 wrote: »

We are having a humanist ceremony and our celebrant is charging 500 euro but then he is coming from Dublin to our venue of choice in Mayo so will be driving 3 hours there and back so obviously had to charge this price to include travel time, fuel etc.

Would you be able to PM me his details. The people we have contacted are close to our venue and charging the same price, would be interested to see if he would be cheaper as we are getting married in Meath. Thanks

Bride2015

Faith wrote: »

I feel confused that people are giving out about the cost of the solemniser... It's the most important part of the day! That's the person who will marry you. We're paying €450 for a humanist and I think it's great value. It's the last thing I'd be complaining about the cost of, tbh.

I agree that it is an important part of the day......but so is the photography and I'm getting that for less than €1000 and he will be there all day.I just think its a lot of money to charge for one person to do a short ceremony.

berrecka

Without the Solemniser (or alternative),you wont be married. Without a photographer, suit, dress, caterer, prosecco reception (or whatever extras you choose to have), you definitely still will!

I don't think other wedding (additional) services compare to what a Solemniser does. The comparison really is between those who can legally marry you, and the inclusive costs therein, and what individual couples want to pay for in that respect.

mrsbyrne

I think €500 is very reasonable. Its not as if the solemniser can fit in two weddings on the same day. And they have a lot of preparation to do before hand.

Gatica

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Its not as if the solemniser can fit in two weddings on the same day.

And they have a lot of preparation to do before hand.

Yes, they do sometimes fit in 2, just depends on the time of each and distance between them. They arrive half hour before ceremony, do the ceremony half hour, 1 hour max and once the paperwork is done and they shake hands, then they're off. They're in demand and people are often willing to move their ceremony times to get it done on a weekend.
I've already addressed your second point on "a lot of preparation" in my last post...

Mrs OBumble

Gatica wrote: »

neemish wrote: »

It's not like every catholic can register to become a solemniser, there are requirements to becoming a priest.

Actually .. as the number of priests declines over the next 10 years, they will have to start registering others - perhaps deacons, perhaps lay people, as solemnisers.

Not sure what the plans are here re the sacramental aspects: I'd guess weddings will be prioritized over funerals which aren't sacraments. But there are changes ahead.

neemish

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Gatica wrote: »

Actually .. as the number of priests declines over the next 10 years, they will have to start registering others - perhaps deacons, perhaps lay people, as solemnisers.

Not sure what the plans are here re the sacramental aspects: I'd guess weddings will be prioritized over funerals which aren't sacraments. But there are changes ahead.

Has to be a priest or a deacon for a Wedding as this is a Sacrament. Even though technically, the couple marry each other. It is the only Sacrament where the priest/deacon acts as witness rather than celebrant.

In some parishes, funerals are already being presided over by lay people. This is going to be the norm in ten years time. There will be no Mass, but a service for the deceased.

almorris

berrecka wrote: »

Without the Solemniser (or alternative),you wont be married. Without a photographer, suit, dress, caterer, prosecco reception (or whatever extras you choose to have), you definitely still will!

I don't think other wedding (additional) services compare to what a Solemniser does. The comparison really is between those who can legally marry you, and the inclusive costs therein, and what individual couples want to pay for in that respect.

I think the key point there is 'Legally'. Good point.

Gatica

Mrs OBumble, sorry to be pedantic, but you've quoted me as neemish.

and now it seems you're being quoted as me below:

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Gatica wrote: »

Actually .. as the number of priests declines over the next 10 years, they will have to start registering others - perhaps deacons, perhaps lay people, as solemnisers.

Not sure what the plans are here re the sacramental aspects: I'd guess weddings will be prioritized over funerals which aren't sacraments. But there are changes ahead.

Gatica

berrecka wrote: »

I don't think other wedding (additional) services compare to what a Solemniser does. The comparison really is between those who can legally marry you, and the inclusive costs therein, and what individual couples want to pay for in that respect.

You've hit the nail on the head there. It's really down to supply and demand. If there were a ton of solemnisers the price would come down, likewise with more and more people opting for non-registrar and non-church weddings, demands has gone up for such solemnisers.
Unfortunately this does not help the OP - all we can say is anyone in similar situation who's gone for that option had to fork up similar amounts, or was quoted 400 and up.

Mrs OBumble

neemish wrote: »

Has to be a priest or a deacon for a Wedding as this is a Sacrament. Even though technically, the couple marry each other. It is the only Sacrament where the priest/deacon acts as witness rather than celebrant.

That's what made me wonder: if the priest / deacon is only a witness, then perhaps there are ways to do it without them.

But if not, then people had better start getting their heads around the concept of group weddings, or more likely doing the church and party parts of a wedding separately. There simply will not be enough priests in a very short time for the individual ceremonies.

neemish

Canon Law would have to be changed for that to happen

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_P40.HTM