are we broken

lulu1985

So sorry about the speil im going to pour out to you guys but I feel it's the only placr I'll get an unbiased answer from...
So im going out with my partner for the last 4years. Iv always know hes suffered from depression/nerves and has been in hospital once or twice because of it. So a lot of things happened regarding his family Xmas 12months and he was smoking weed for a good while and after that he went into a phycosis and went into hospital for 3weeks after trying to kill himself a few times. In the middle of this I found out I was pregnant. So anyway he came out of hospital still not right. Wouldn't go near me at all hugs cuddles sex kisses I was preggers so at this stage I was such a moan bag n so tired I didnt care... so I had the baby then wen baby was 8 weeks old he ended up back on hospital for 11weeks his nerves were shot. So hes out now about a month obviously still not 100% still no contact. He kinda hinted that the whole responsibility of the baby has him up in a heap. We barely talk because he stays outside most of the day smojing he says its restless legs y he has to keep walking. I dunno iv a feeling our relationship is broken or does anyone have any tips?

Ham Sambo

I take it you guys are living together? just a suggestion, would it be make a difference if you both were not living together but still maintain a close relationship? sounds crazy I know, but from what you said he gets completely stressed out with baby and ends up back in hospital.

I am not suggesting you split up because it is obvious you both care for each other but if he had a bit of space and was able to approach his responsibilities at his own pace. Just a thought.

Stavro Mueller

Does your partner have any plans to stop smoking weed?

lulu1985

cymbaline wrote: »

Does your partner have any plans to stop smoking weed?

Yeah he has gave it up since just before he went into hospital

Merkin

First and foremost congratulations on your little baby.

I think in order to even think about having your relationship work, you need to get all your ducks in a row first. There is no point in talking about holding down a relationship with him at this stage until he gets better and you need to think about you and being strong enough to look after your little one if you are going to be a lone parent for the foreseeable.

On that basis, I would arrange supervised visits and encourage him to stop smoking weed. Whatever about wanting him back, let him get to know the little one without any pressure of happy families until he is well enough to cope with that. It must be very hard and I really think you've been through it but simply carrying on with the relationship while ignoring the very obvious problem with his mental health will spell trouble for all of you if it's not handled properly.

Do you have a good relationship with his family? Could you arrange visits through them so that he is part of your child's life but without the responsibility of playing Daddy for now?

lulu1985

if we start living separately he will need to look for a place and get rent allowence sorted because he is on long term disability and I cant afford the rent in this house on my own even tge bills etc on my own and I only work part time. im trying so hard to keep it going he has an occupational therapist who comes in every week and goes through different things to do for the weeki dont think he does half the stuff. all he does all day every day is stays outside in the back smoking as in regular cigarettes. if I ask him to do anything its as if I have asked for the world... im going back to work soon and the little one will be going to creche 3mornings a week he will have to collect lo and then my parents will pick lo up from the house for the afternoon. I know he wont do any of the housework while im in work and there I will be stuck doin it all when im off. I have a feeling I will be heading towards a burn out... its just so hard

Merkin

Well then you need to revise your accommodation and find somewhere you can afford. You then need to ask your parents if they can mind your child on a short term basis until you find your feet and look for a full time position because you will be going it alone. Your situation as it stands is unsustainable and staying together to save on rent is not a good enough reason to jeopardise your own mental health tbh.

CaraMay

Can you move in with your parents?

Why not put baby in crèche all day and work full time then get your own place.

Taltos

OP look to your parents here. Your OH is not even capable of taking care of himself, expecting him to help out with the little one is just being unrealistic and to be frank considering he has tried to kill himself I would be more than a little worried considering he has appeared to make little progress himself at leaving him in charge of a baby even for a minute. I am not trying to scare you here, but seriously take a step back and look at all of your options. Maybe a bit of a break from each other might be what he needs to wake up and to try to follow through on the advice he has already been getting. It might be the wake-up call he needs to go back and get more help, sitting outside all day for a "restless leg" is hogwash, he isn't coping by the sounds of things and really needs more help than you can give him right now.

I would love to advise you to go talk to his GP, even under the premise of needing help yourself. Bear in mind the GP cannot discuss anyone else with you but it might help them to hear that things are not as rosy at home as he might be making out. Worst case you at least get a compassionate ear to listen with hopefully some advice or some action being noted but right now you can't just continue on your own like this, it's not fair on either you or your baby.

CaraMay

Plus you can't leave a baby in the care if someone who smokes all day and who is just out of hospital partly due to the stress of the baby.