Tues night and I'm drunk

Holyjebus

Hi
I have never, ever posted in this forum before, I never thought I needed to.
I think I have a problem with alcohol and I need help but I don't know where to turn. I'm not religious so I don't want to go to AA. I don't believe in God so I really don't feel it's the way to go for me.
I have two beautiful little boys under 4 and a wonderful family and job.
I don't think I'm too bad yet, but I do think I'm at phase one and will get worse.
My parents both had alcohol addictions, my dad died 10 years ago having never admitted to his problems, we had a tough life with him, my mam, myself and siblings.
My brother struggled for years with alcohol too and sadly he died aged 32 - not through alcohol though.
I have started drinking a lot lately, only wine. My boys are 2 and 4 and I didn't drink while pregnant, I had an odd one when breastfeeding both.
I think my biggest problem is that I'm so secretive about it and I know that's a bad sign.
I used to only drink on Thursdays onwards because I would finish work then. Lately I find I drink every night, max three small glasses of wine - 150 ml.
I told myself this week I wouldn't drink from sun to wed and sun night I was dying For a drink and bought a bottle that night and drank 3 small glasses.
I couldn't even get through one day!
My husband doesn't notice because I'm secretive and drink before he gets home and I'm not drunk as it's a small amount but I love the feeling it gives me, the confidence and euphoria. I feel I can't live without it.
I need help, I don't know where to turn but I need to do something before it takes over my whole life!

iusedtoknow

One thing I have often heard is - don't worry about tomorrow...only today.

So when you wake up (or whenever you read this on Wednesday), just say to yourself - "I am not going to drink today". If you get cravings in the evening, say to yourself "I am not going to drink for the next hour". The next time you get a craving, say it again.

I am not religious either, and didn't go the AA way - however there are books you can read that help readjust your view of alcohol. Easy way to control alcohol is one that helped me a lot.

It may not be the worst thing in the world to talk to your husband about it. I did with my wife (then girlfriend) and she was (and is) a great support

tuch

"Easy way" may not work as you have to convince yourself that you get no benefit from alcohol but worth trying.
Which leaves AA way of One day at a time and will power. Important to recognize that cutting down or limiting drinking is not going to work. You have to stop completely. Won't be easy but it will be worth it.

ardle1

You do have a problem and you need to address it ASAP....
You thought you didn't have a problem when you 'only' drank from Thursday on, the addiction you have right now is not serious and it is not home wrecking, do not in your 'alcohol excuseive mind' see this as a reason to continue!! Good Luck.






Home truths are home truths! alcoholism can't and should not be sugar-coated.

Holyjebus

Thank you all for your replies.
I'm feeling strangely optimistic today, I think the sunshine has something to do with it 😄
I particularly like the advice of one day at a time and taking it by the hour.

I would address the being secretive thing before anything else. As the guilt of that will compound over time. And the worse that gets - the more secretive you will think you need to continue to be.

Also do not under estimate how poor your being secret might be. One thing alcohol does is make us immune to smelling it on ourselves. Your husband may be well aware of it - but is thinking nothing of it.

I would talk about it as openly as you have here if I were you. I do not think you have a "problem" yet but the warning signs are as apperent to you as anyone on this thread. Best to get it out in the open now and communicate about it with your husband. Even if you have no problem now - and never do in the future - simply discussing your fears of what you could become based on your family history - is a problem shared.

jimmyRotator

AA is not religious, Im hardcore atheist and havent drank in nearly 3 years with the help of AA.

AA lets you choose your own concept of a higher power, which can be anything, dead loved one, nature, the universe, God as you do or do not understand Him.

Your drinking definitely sounds problematic and you should take care of it now one way or another. Best of luck.