Infatuated by a girl I barely know

Leonardo Di Capuccino

Okay so here's my story: I'm a final year student who is currently studying in NUI Maynooth. There is this girl that I really really believe is the one for me, and as weird as it may sound, I barely know her. I am certain, however, that she feels the same way about me.

I know [if you could use that word] her through a girl friend of mine from college. Twice I went for lunch with this friend of mine (and other friends) and met the girl I fancy, the last being a couple of weeks ago. Instantly I knew by looking at her that she was the one. And I knew that she felt the same way if not even more about me. Many times I caught her staring/gazing at me and she would look away when I would look at her. Any joke I would tell, no matter how lame, she would laugh and play with her hair. She made conversation with me just for the sake of it, asking stupid questions. I felt this great feeling inside that I rarely felt ever in my life before. Since those meetings, I saw her a few times around campus. She would often gaze directly at me, even if there was a large crowd around me and she would look away when I would look back.

The problem is that I do not have that much experience about asking girls out, as pathetic as it may sound. My friends did not seem to notice the 'connection' and it would be weird to ask one of them to hook us up (considering I barely know her). To confound my problems, I am now on holidays from college and living in Westmeath, whereas she is from somewhere in Kildare, I think.

I need help guys, how do I go about asking this girl out????

Lou.m

Leonardo Di Capuccino wrote: »

Okay so here's my story: I'm a final year student who is currently studying in NUI Maynooth. There is this girl that I really really believe is the one for me, and as weird as it may sound, I barely know her. I am certain, however, that she feels the same way about me.

I know [if you could use that word] her through a girl friend of mine from college. Twice I went for lunch with this friend of mine (and other friends) and met the girl I fancy, the last being a couple of weeks ago. Instantly I knew by looking at her that she was the one. And I knew that she felt the same way if not even more about me. Many times I caught her staring/gazing at me and she would look away when I would look at her. Any joke I would tell, no matter how lame, she would laugh and play with her hair. She made conversation with me just for the sake of it, asking stupid questions. I felt this great feeling inside that I rarely felt ever in my life before. Since those meetings, I saw her a few times around campus. She would often gaze directly at me, even if there was a large crowd around me and she would look away when I would look back.

The problem is that I do not have that much experience about asking girls out, as pathetic as it may sound. My friends did not seem to notice the 'connection' and it would be weird to ask one of them to hook us up (considering I barely know her). To confound my problems, I am now on holidays from college and living in Westmeath, whereas she is from somewhere in Kildare, I think.

I need help guys, how do I go about asking this girl out????

Keep talking to her a couple of times. Then ask her for coffee etc.

Starokan

Your building a fantasy in your head based on one flirtatious conversation, i understand why you would like her but to be convinced she is the one for you and you for her is a tad presumptuous, i think you should ask her out but give the possible relationship time to develop or you will appear way too full on

liz lemoncello

Leonardo Di Capuccino wrote: »

... Since those meetings, I saw her a few times around campus. She would often gaze directly at me, even if there was a large crowd around me and she would look away when I would look back....

Do either of you not say "Hello" when you see each other? Or just wave? If you can't do that, asking her out might seem like jumping ahead a little. Next time you see her, say something.

Merkin

Leonardo Di Capuccino wrote: »

There is this girl that I really really believe is the one for me, and as weird as it may sound, I barely know her. I am certain, however, that she feels the same way about me.

Instantly I knew by looking at her that she was the one.

And I knew that she felt the same way if not even more about me.

I felt this great feeling inside that I rarely felt ever in my life before.

My friends did not seem to notice the 'connection' and it would be weird to ask one of them to hook us up (considering I barely know her).

You sound a little, dare I say it, delusional. You've had really minimal contact or interaction with this girl and yet you have convinced yourself that not only is she "the one" but that it is reciprocated ten fold and her feelings for you are felt more intensely.

Excuse my need for stark realism here, but how on earth could you have based such a life changing assumption on just a couple of snatched conversations?

I don't want to be mean here but you say you have no experience with girls and I'm afraid it shows. I'm not trying to burst your bubble, God bless your enthusiasm, but it's always best to approach dating with a. a wait and see approach and b. viewing it as fun. Convincing yourself that she is the one and that she is secretly in love with you is way too intense and a little bit creepy.

If you want, try and get her details and add her on Facebook and start a conversation. Get to know her better, let any feelings happen organically after you've gotten to know one another better and do not, under any circumstances, tell her that you think she's the one/that you're infatuated/that you think she feels the same way or she will go running a mile as fast as her legs will carry her.

sadie06

OP, either ask her friend for her number and text her asking to meet for a coffee, or do the same via Facebook.

It's great to take initiative, but do not under any circumstances start talking about her being 'the one', or 'the amazing connection' etc. Not in texts, not on the first date, not on the 20th date, not in the first 6 months! Trust me….do not do it!

Also, you need to prepare yourself for rejection, which is OK, as you don't know if you don't ask. She may just be a naturally flirtatious person with a tendency to fiddle with her hair, who likes to greet new people enthusiastically.

Snatchy

Merkin wrote: »

You sound a little, dare I say it, delusional. You've had really minimal contact or interaction with this girl and yet you have convinced yourself that not only is she "the one" but that it is reciprocated ten fold and her feelings for you are felt more intensely.

Excuse my need for stark realism here, but how on earth could you have based such a life changing assumption on just a couple of snatched conversations?

I don't want to be mean here but you say you have no experience with girls and I'm afraid it shows. I'm not trying to burst your bubble, God bless your enthusiasm, but it's always best to approach dating with a. a wait and see approach and b. viewing it as fun. Convincing yourself that she is the one and that she is secretly in love with you is way too intense and a little bit creepy.

If you want, try and get her details and add her on Facebook and start a conversation. Get to know her better, let any feelings happen organically after you've gotten to know one another better and do not, under any circumstances, tell her that you think she's the one/that you're infatuated/that you think she feels the same way or she will go running a mile as fast as her legs will carry her.

Hey! Come on! Where is your sense of romance?! :P

OP is entitled to feel how he feels but there is of course merit to what you're saying; OP don't get carried away. You don't KNOW anything for sure yet. But one's gut often carries the sweetest truths (and the most sour untruths) so if you really really think you're right with what you suspect - just ask her out for heaven's sake! DO NOT do it on facebook however. Be a man about it. Next time you see her - chin up, shoulders straight, walk up, say hello, start a conversation and ask her out for a drink at her "earliest convenience" .

Good luck!

Merkin

Snatchy wrote: »

Hey! Come on! Where is your sense of romance?! :P

I promise it's there lurking lonely in the murky depths of my ice-cold cynical heart :P In fact the way I got together with Mr. Merkin is one of the most romantic stories EVER so I'm not a total ice queen but I still stand by the fact that being so intense is not going to do this chap any favours. He has conceded that he has no experience whatsoever with girls and his friends certainly didn't pick up on the fact that this girl is in love with him as he so claims, so I still think it best to proceed with a little bit of caution, or at least subtlety

HenryChinaski

First piece of advice I'd give would be to be careful. Through my teens and early twenties, I had the same problem and had similar ideas about a couple of different girls I knew. I could always talk to them, maintain eye contact, make them laugh, and so on. Until of course, I found myself alone with them. So, these fantasies of the great relationship we could have would play out in my head to the point where I was so far gone with it, that I'd have sounded like a weirdo if I ever did get near them because I definitely would have gotten way ahead of myself after even a kiss. Just be careful. You won't know if she's the one until you're in a relationship and you've been through some **** together.

Second piece of advice, just go for it and ask her. For me, it took leaving the country, and getting away from some bad friends and an unhealthy weed habit before I really discovered my confidence with women. But ever since, I always approached them with the attitude of "you don't ask, you don't get". Be confident in yourself, be a gent, and tell her you like her. The more girls you meet, the easier it gets!

Anyway, the main thing is don't get hung up on her being the one. Like I said, I've been there, and none of them turned out to be the one. Years later, I'm here with the one who I really hope might one day, actually be "The One", but even now, I still don't know when I'll know!

Good luck man.

retro:electro

Op is this girl a girl who is fancied by everyone? Because if she is then you could be simply misreading her flirtatious ways and taking them too personally. She may be this way inclined with everyone she meets. I admire your romantic enthusiasm I really do, however you cannot be "certain" that she "feels the same way". You are jumping way ahead if yourself here and your naivety and enthusiasm reads as being desperate and creepy; I have no doubt that you are not those things however. Just hold your horses a bit, text or Facebook her first and just take it from there. I wish you luck!

Leonardo Di Capuccino

anna080 wrote: »

Op is this girl a girl who is fancied by everyone? Because if she is then you could be simply misreading her flirtatious ways and taking them too personally. She may be this way inclined with everyone she meets. I admire your romantic enthusiasm I really do, however you cannot be "certain" that she "feels the same way".

No, she is not the sort of girl that is fancied by everyone. I do really believe that she fancies me because it is my gut instinct; as in you know when you fancy someone and they do not fancy you back and of course you also know when there are mutual feelings.

Thanks for all the advice guys. I know it the way I am is a bit creepy and delusional so sorry about that. However, I believe that it would just freak her out if I was to add her on Facebook and then start messaging her. I mean I've only properly talked to her twice, the last time being a couple of weeks ago now so it would freak her out a bit if I was to do so. I just feel that I have no real option to start a relationship because I only see her rarely. I feel that this opportunity will just pass like most other women in my life without me ever acting on it, partly because of obstacles blocking me such as distance etc. but mainly because of my cowardliness and lack of experience.

retro:electro

Leonardo Di Capuccino wrote: »

No, she is not the sort of girl that is fancied by everyone. I do really believe that she fancies me because it is my gut instinct; as in you know when you fancy someone and they do not fancy you back and of course you also know when there are mutual feelings.

Thanks for all the advice guys. I know it the way I am is a bit creepy and delusional so sorry about that. However, I believe that it would just freak her out if I was to add her on Facebook and then start messaging her. I mean I've only properly talked to her twice, the last time being a couple of weeks ago now so it would freak her out a bit if I was to do so. I just feel that I have no real option to start a relationship because I only see her rarely. I feel that this opportunity will just pass like most other women in my life without me ever acting on it, partly because of obstacles blocking me such as distance etc. but mainly because of my cowardliness and lack of experience.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with adding her on Facebook for a start, it's completely normal. It's not as if you're some stranger to her, you know her and have spoken to her a few times. It's the perfect way to get things started in my opinion. If you are so sure she feels the same way about you then why would you be worried that adding her will freak her out? I've often added people on Facebook that I briefly know but have intentions to get to know better, and similarly people have added me that I may have chatted to only occasionally but I have never thought of their actions for doing so as weird or creepy. Just go for it and stop over thinking it!

LegacyUser

hey OP, id imagine shes probably wondering why you havent added her on facebook yet, in college people always add people theyve barely spoken to. If i were you id do it now, while its still pretty recent since the last time u spoke to each other....try while you can. Once youve added her she will give u some indication if shes interested then

Lenmeister

Leonardo Di Capuccino wrote: »

I need help guys, how do I go about asking this girl out????

There's only 1 way to ask a girl out. And that's to ask her out. As hard as that may seem you're just going to have to pluck up that courage from somewhere. It might seem hard, but think of the benefits if she says yes.

Walk up to her, chat to her for a bit, then suggest "We should grab a drink sometime, what you doing Thursday?" etc etc. Don't use distance or inexperience, they're just excuses. Don't fill your head with dreams of walking off into the sunset. Just make things as simple as possible or you'll overcomplicate things and burn yourself out. You just have to go for it. Good luck mate, hope it works out.

zxcvbnm1

I would go with the FB idea. If she doesn't accept your friend request then that answers that.
If she does accept it then you can start off with some quick cheeky message. And gauge her response from there by seeing how the conversation evolve.

If she seems receptive them swoop in with a suggestion of meeting up.

OP - if she says no she says no. It's no biggy either way. Life goes on for everyone.

LegacyUser

I think I may be going against the grain here, but I think this post is incredibly sweet. If a guy wrote this about me and said he felt this way about me, I'd be feeling a little swept off my feet (not that I'm saying you should show her it).

If you really feel so strongly about this girl, I think you should add her on Facebook. Someone said it would be weird if you hadn't seen each other in a while, but Facebook often recommends people to each other saying "you may know this person." That's how I assume 90% of people find me, and she may think that's how you found her too.

Next I would recommend you start talking to her. Just something to get the ball rolling. If it's all going well, say to her "I've got to go, but we can keep chatting on WhatsApp/Viber/ through text." That way, you get her number. Make sure to keep it fun, playful and a little flirty. Just don't keep texting for too long or else she may see you as a friend.

Finally, call her and make sure to meet with her. Maybe you have to pretend you pocket-dialled her and she calls you back, leading to you both talking on the phone. Or maybe you'll just call and be gutsy. Tell her you're going to Kildare and recommend you meet for coffee (do this through text or call). Just make sure you meet with her. Then you sweep her off her feet. Be charming and a gentleman. I doubt it's just me who feels special when a man is a charming gentleman towards me. If you meet for coffee or lunch, pay for it. Going halves is too friendish. If it's nice out, say something like "isn't it lovely out? We shouldn't be sitting inside. I bet the local park is gorgeous in this weather," and recommend you go for a 'spontaneous' walk in the park. It'll give you more time to get to know each other, it'll be sweet, and if it goes well you may end up holding her hand on a lovely walk in the park.

Azwaldo55

Leonardo Di Capuccino wrote: »

Okay so here's my story: I'm a final year student who is currently studying in NUI Maynooth. There is this girl that I really really believe is the one for me, and as weird as it may sound, I barely know her. I am certain, however, that she feels the same way about me.

I know [if you could use that word] her through a girl friend of mine from college. Twice I went for lunch with this friend of mine (and other friends) and met the girl I fancy, the last being a couple of weeks ago. Instantly I knew by looking at her that she was the one. And I knew that she felt the same way if not even more about me. Many times I caught her staring/gazing at me and she would look away when I would look at her. Any joke I would tell, no matter how lame, she would laugh and play with her hair. She made conversation with me just for the sake of it, asking stupid questions. I felt this great feeling inside that I rarely felt ever in my life before. Since those meetings, I saw her a few times around campus. She would often gaze directly at me, even if there was a large crowd around me and she would look away when I would look back.

The problem is that I do not have that much experience about asking girls out, as pathetic as it may sound. My friends did not seem to notice the 'connection' and it would be weird to ask one of them to hook us up (considering I barely know her). To confound my problems, I am now on holidays from college and living in Westmeath, whereas she is from somewhere in Kildare, I think.

I need help guys, how do I go about asking this girl out????

Next time you are looking at her and she is looking back at you, smile, go up to her, tell her you like her and ask her out.
If she tells you she isn't interested in you or says she has a boyfriend or she just tells you to f*ck off you can walk away and put her out of your mind.
If she says yes then you take her out.