In a crowded room and lonely.

LegacyUser

So here I am

32 years old male and thrown down.

I am five months single. I didn't take it well and I probably haven't fully moved on but she has and I presume she's happy so there's nothing I can do there.

I've lost three stone and have a bit more to go. I am in a group with this and whilst the majority of the group are ladies older than me, I get on very well with them all and I am considered as good as their adoptive son.

I run 5k four times a week and my body and physique is rapidly changing for the better. I feel better about myself and more alert and awake. I am a constant visitor to pennys at this stage to adjust for the short term while my body is changing but I am keeping myself looking fresh…… or trying to !

I spend my free time pursuing my hobbies which are all outdoor based and due to the dangerous nature of them require me to be with others. I'm in a club for this and it's a great social outlet. I have one solid friend from this and he's a truly good friend.

I've neighbours and friends nearby and an endless list of social events with them. if not a few pints down the pub during the weekend then a dinner party where we all get on well or I am off mountain biking with their husbands.

I've a fantastic family whom I love to bits and who look after me very well. I own a celtic tiger home and I am solo with the repayments so money isn't exactly flush but I am involved in everything they do and my folks help me out if I ever need it money wise.

In fact, the past two weekends, if I haven't been keeping fit, doing what I do outdoors with my friends or out with neighbours then I've been working on the house or trying to get some well needed sleep !

My life to a lot of people is ideal. An abundence or friends and a good social life.

Yet I sit there……. at the end of it all, lonely.

I'm empty. I go home to an empty house, cook a meal and I am alone. I can't do internet dating. It just really doesn't interest me trying to figure out who's just looking for "fun" and those who are actually serious about seeing somebody.

The last time I felt this way, I basically used women to make myself feel better. I multi dated women and basically used them for sex. Then one of them one day said "treat people how you expect to be treated" and I stopped all of that. Simple words from her had a massive impact on me. I haven't been with anybody since I split.

So I got with my ex and we were happy out…… well I was anyway. I poured my heart and soul into us. I took down walls that had been up for years protecting me emotionally and let her in. And she left. But I don't want to build those walls again. I don't want to be the hard faced woman using pr1ck that I once was. I've learned from my past and it's not for me anymore.

I always thought by this age that I'd be married and happy and have kids on the way. Now I just feel like life is passing me by and in no time I will be single, 40 and the "favourite uncle"

So what do I do ? How so I solve this situation? This constant craving for affection and interaction with somebody special ? I can't be bothered with pubs and cheesey lines. It's not me anymore. I've an abundance of interest and clubs but they're all mainly male orientated.

How do I meet Mrs right ? Or just meet somebody to plug the void deep inside me?

ItIsThatGirl

Hey,
I'd like to say that you sound like a lovely guy. You're doing everything right, you're in groups, you're going out of the house and you spend time with your close friend. I hope you realise how lucky you are! Not everyone is like you, many people in your situation would just stay home all the time and complain about their lives, but you are honestly doing so much better and you should be proud of yourselves for that! Look, you're not alone, you just live alone. You don't need a woman to make you happy, women can be quite nerve wrecking (Okay I realise I'm a woman but seriously, a lot of women can be quite naggy and attention seeking)
But if you do truly want to be with someone, you yourself have to put in the effort. Nobody is going to float down from the sky and be with you forever and ever! Why don't you get your best friend to set you up with someone? Or why don't you try dating online? I know you said you don't want to, but there's loads of people there! One of my best friends tried it for fun and she's been with this guy for a few months now, they live about two hours away from each-other but he comes down each weekend as he doesn't work then. It does work, and it can work, if you try. Good luck

Rubberchikken

You sound like a good person who's just hit a slump.
How did you meet your ex? Like anything, if you've succeeded once you can again.

scallywaggles

More than likely you will meet someone one day but if you want to meet someone sooner then you're going to have to put in just as much effort as you are putting in to getting fit and healthy. Get a hobby with females in it, get people to set you up on blind dates, meetup groups, solos group holidays, online date, speed date etc. You're clearly well able to do it based on everything you say about other aspects of your life, don't let one sh*te relationship and past experiences colour the future. Good luck and most of all have fun while your doing it!

Lou.m

LonelyMan wrote: »

So here I am

32 years old male and thrown down.

I am five months single. I didn't take it well and I probably haven't fully moved on but she has and I presume she's happy so there's nothing I can do there.

I've lost three stone and have a bit more to go. I am in a group with this and whilst the majority of the group are ladies older than me, I get on very well with them all and I am considered as good as their adoptive son.

I run 5k four times a week and my body and physique is rapidly changing for the better. I feel better about myself and more alert and awake. I am a constant visitor to pennys at this stage to adjust for the short term while my body is changing but I am keeping myself looking fresh…… or trying to !

I spend my free time pursuing my hobbies which are all outdoor based and due to the dangerous nature of them require me to be with others. I'm in a club for this and it's a great social outlet. I have one solid friend from this and he's a truly good friend.

I've neighbours and friends nearby and an endless list of social events with them. if not a few pints down the pub during the weekend then a dinner party where we all get on well or I am off mountain biking with their husbands.

I've a fantastic family whom I love to bits and who look after me very well. I own a celtic tiger home and I am solo with the repayments so money isn't exactly flush but I am involved in everything they do and my folks help me out if I ever need it money wise.

In fact, the past two weekends, if I haven't been keeping fit, doing what I do outdoors with my friends or out with neighbours then I've been working on the house or trying to get some well needed sleep !

My life to a lot of people is ideal. An abundence or friends and a good social life.

Yet I sit there……. at the end of it all, lonely.

I'm empty. I go home to an empty house, cook a meal and I am alone. I can't do internet dating. It just really doesn't interest me trying to figure out who's just looking for "fun" and those who are actually serious about seeing somebody.

The last time I felt this way, I basically used women to make myself feel better. I multi dated women and basically used them for sex. Then one of them one day said "treat people how you expect to be treated" and I stopped all of that. Simple words from her had a massive impact on me. I haven't been with anybody since I split.

So I got with my ex and we were happy out…… well I was anyway. I poured my heart and soul into us. I took down walls that had been up for years protecting me emotionally and let her in. And she left. But I don't want to build those walls again. I don't want to be the hard faced woman using pr1ck that I once was. I've learned from my past and it's not for me anymore.

I always thought by this age that I'd be married and happy and have kids on the way. Now I just feel like life is passing me by and in no time I will be single, 40 and the "favourite uncle"

So what do I do ? How so I solve this situation? This constant craving for affection and interaction with somebody special ? I can't be bothered with pubs and cheesey lines. It's not me anymore. I've an abundance of interest and clubs but they're all mainly male orientated.

How do I meet Mrs right ? Or just meet somebody to plug the void deep inside me?

Good!

I don't think you should look at it as plugging a deep hole inside you. But rather someone to build a positive relationship with.

You are doing the hard work on yourself already....the right women will come.

And if she doesn't you will be fine.:)

jellyboy

Hi op

it struck me reading your post that you have done all this work on the outside.
Running ,weight loss etc
and have done nothing on the inside

your awareness is coming through your words,maybe its time to action them ..

Mediation? a few courses on personal development?
They are a few options out there ,I'm sure whatever one you choose will be the right one for you

Merkin

I agree with jellyboy. I also think that you have only been single for five short months which really is no time at all. While you're keeping yourself very busy and leading an active life you are ultimately looking externally for someone to fulfil you and that's a recipe for disaster in my opinion, something that ultimately leads to bad choices and unhappiness further down the line.

If I were you, I'd genuinely shift the focus for now and stop chasing that elusive magic fix. Meeting someone special and falling in love is amazing but you have to be happy/at peace with being on your own in order for that to happen. THAT is when you present the best version of you, not when you're chasing your tail in the hope of meeting someone to alleviate the loneliness. Work on your own personal development and take joy in the solitude and when you're ready THEN be open to meeting someone, it doesn't sound like you're ready right now.

Paulownia

Join a yoga class, they are all full of women. I went to one and I had more passes from women than I had had for years and I'm married and wasn't in a position to avail of the opportunities.
Basically get out there involving yourself in any social activities that women attend, look on Meetup for organisations for activity things. This is an opportunity not a problem. You are mourning your relationship, allow yourself some time too

Azwaldo55

LonelyMan wrote: »

So here I am

32 years old male and thrown down.

Well I'm 33 and single and I'm not thrown down so why should you be and you are a year younger than me?

I am five months single. I didn't take it well and I probably haven't fully moved on but she has and I presume she's happy so there's nothing I can do there.

Well tough. You have to move. End of. No ifs. No buts. Move on!

Yet I sit there……. at the end of it all, lonely.

Feeling sorry for yourself is going to solve nothing.

I'm empty. I go home to an empty house, cook a meal and I am alone. I can't do internet dating. It just really doesn't interest me trying to figure out who's just looking for "fun" and those who are actually serious about seeing somebody.

Unless you date women how the hell do you expect to meet anybody? You have to put the hard work in and that is that.

I don't want to be the hard faced woman using pr1ck that I once was. I've learned from my past and it's not for me anymore.

If you begin dating loads of women like you did in the past but this time with the intention to meet a woman this time who you could have serious relationship with that does not mean you will become a woman using pr1ck. But it does mean you have to rediscover some of that hardness. You are going to meet women who only want sex or women who will tell you what to do with yourself if you open your heart. You are really just scared of rejection.

I always thought by this age that I'd be married and happy and have kids on the way. Now I just feel like life is passing me by and in no time I will be single, 40 and the "favourite uncle"

You aren't entitled to happiness, marriage and kids. You have to find a woman first and then she has to agree to marry you and she has to decide if she wants kids or not and you have to work at the marriage to make it last. And you are right. Life IS passing you by and you had better do something about it. Self-pity is not going to make that happen.

I can't be bothered with pubs and cheesey lines. It's not me anymore.

You can still be you and go to pubs too you know. You don't need cheesey lines. You just act the same as you act in any social situation.
You simply go up to women you like and introduce yourself and start a conversation and if she is interested make your own romantic interest obvious to her. If you can't be bothered don't be complaining about being lonely because you have only yourself to blame. You WILL be lonely if you don't try.

So wise up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Go out there and enjoy yourself. Take full advantage of being single, meet and date as many women as possible and you will be sure to meet someone worth marrying and settling down with.

Lose the entitlement.