Was a Fan, Now About to Date?

LegacyUser

Hey,

To be honest, you probably won't take this story seriously unless I tell you this: I'm a fairly large YouTuber. I'm not from Ireland but my Irish friend recommended I come here for advice as my friends are mixed about this.

Before I started making videos, I was a huge fan of this singer. I tweeted him lots (I think I may have even asked him to marry me?), I waited outside his hotel twice and met him at signings, etc. I did all the usual teen fan things. This was when I was 15 to 17, although a friend did drag me to one of his hotels last year too because she wanted to meet someone else who was there. I'm 19 now.

I realised when I was 17 that I needed to stop doing and tweeting these things if I wanted to be seen as a media professional. My aim is to be a presenter, so I decided to stop being a fangirl and start acting like an adult - not begging celebrities for follows or anything like that. In those two years I've grown my own fanbase. I have still tweeted things over the past two years that show I'm a fan of him (that I loved his single, the tour was great, etc) but not as a fan, if you get me? Just like "I'm loving __'s new single, especially the synth."

I'm not the fan I used to be who was so hard-core dedicated. I don't idolise him and although I do find him crazy attractive, I wouldn't be dreaming of marrying him or anything like that. I just think of him as a normal person now because I've grown up, to be honest.

Recently at an event I met the guy and we were talking. He introduced himself, was very charming and we had fun talking. He was into me and gave me his number. We DMed on Twitter and text for a while but never met up as soon after I had gone to Italy. I got back and he called to ask me out. We still haven't because we're super busy, although we do Facetime and talk a lot. Things are slowing down for me at last so I'm sure we can find the time soon.

Here's the thing: he knows I'm interested. I know he's interested. Do I tell him that I was once such a huge fan? I feel like it would make him see me differently, although I'm not that person anymore. But if I don't tell him, I feel like he would think I was keeping this from him and he might think I was secretly a huge fan trying to live out her fantasies or something like that. I don't know, but you get me? I feel like my young teen heart messed me up because it just makes everything awkward now.

What should I do? Do I tell him we've met before on a multiple of occassions outside his hotel? I'm sure that sooner or later, those photos and tweets will surface on the internet anyway. When could I even bring it up? During the date is horrendously awkward. Beforehand it might scare him, but after he might find out by himself. I really like him. Like, really like him. I never feel like this. I can't let this pass me and I don't want to mess it up, but I feel like I already have.

Thanks in advance! x

CBFi

I would tell him because finding out another way would be way more awkward. Drop into conversation what a fan of his work you are? I would play it down tho.

I know this isn't the advice you were looking for, but I don't think it's a good idea to see him at all. I know teenagers can get obsessed with things (I did too), but the level of fandom you're talking about sounds very unhealthy, and I can't imagine it's not affecting how much you like him now.

If you're sure you want to go ahead with it, I'd advise you mention you used to be a huge fan near the very start of the date, and don't elaborate. Then if anything does surface about how you were back then, you can claim you already mentioned it to him and you don't see it as a big deal now.

Tokyo

While trying to be respectful of your feelings OP, I think it's important to take a step back here for a second. This person you are interested in is singer and an entertainer - his profession is to be charming and make his fans happy, to make every person feel special and feel like they are the only person in the world. That's not a bad thing, but it is reality, and its important to take a step back and realise it sometimes.

What should I do? Do I tell him we've met before on a multiple of occasions outside his hotel? I'm sure that sooner or later, those photos and tweets will surface on the internet anyway. When could I even bring it up? During the date is horrendously awkward. Beforehand it might scare him, but after he might find out by himself. I really like him. Like, really like him. I never feel like this. I can't let this pass me and I don't want to mess it up, but I feel like I already have.

I'm not going to lie, I find this paragraph slightly worrisome. It's only been two years since by your own admission you were pretty obsessed with this person, which isn't a very long time, and a certain amount of that obsession seems to be still there. You haven't met the person yet you are worrying about photos and tweets surfacing on the internet? - that seems like an awful lot of future thinking to me. Honestly I think you need to take a step back, but if you do go forward with this, please treat it as a first proper meeting with your idol, rather than thinking of such longterm plans from the get-go. You can tell him that you have been a fan for quite a while now, without listing out every single time you camped outside his hotel waiting for him to surface. And finally, if you are meeting up, let somebody know of your plans first.

retro:electro

I wouldn't tell him. If things work out between you two then maybe down the line when he knows you better you could mention it, but dropping this on him on the first date will probably turn him off you.

Foolscap

anna080 wrote: »

I wouldn't tell him. If things work out between you two then maybe down the line when he knows you better you could mention it, but dropping this on him on the first date will probably turn him off you.

I don't agree with any of this advice. Trying to keep part of you a secret until you "have him" is game-playing, and will, no doubt, make him feel like he's been played by an obsessive fan.

Either he likes you as you are, or not at all.

You don't have to divulge every detail, but when you are on a date, simply make light of it, 'I can't believe you don't remember me. I was quite the fan a few years ago, we met at X hotel'. And then, a little more seriously, 'I do think you should know that now, it would probably be weird for you if you found out down the line'.

He will find out at some stage. You've a much better chance at it not scaring him off if you are upfront about it. Honesty is the only way to start any relationship.

retro:electro

Foolscap wrote: »

I don't agree with any of this advice. Trying to keep part of you a secret until you "have him" is game-playing, and will, no doubt, make him feel like he's been played by an obsessive fan.

Either he likes you as you are, or not at all.

You don't have to divulge every detail, but when you are on a date, simply make light of it, 'I can't believe you don't remember me. I was quite the fan a few years ago, we met at X hotel'. And then, a little more seriously, 'I do think you should know that now, it would probably be weird for you if you found out down the line'.

He will find out at some stage. You've a much better chance at it not scaring him off if you are upfront about it. Honesty is the only way to start any relationship.

I never said to keep it secret until she "has him"; my suggestion was simply to hold off bombarding him with this info until he knows her better and he himself is able to tell whether she is as obsessive as she used to be or not. The girl is worried about things resurfacing on the internet so it seems to me that her obsession was pretty bad. She seems to have grown out of that phase so divulging those details to him on their first date will almost certainly turn him off.

Mr. Incognito

Just go on the date like two adults.

No one should have to retrospectively explain or rationalise hormone driven teenage crushes.

Starokan

If its bothering you tell him, it will be fine, if he likes you he likes you and I just cant see it making a difference. If you both are chatting away on facetime etc there's clearly a friendship building as well as mutual attraction.

Go on the date and enjoy.

LegacyUser

Hey guys, OP here.

I wasn't as obsessed as it may have come across. I only met him four times in total - two signings and the hotel twice. I'd compare it to how One Direction fans are, but turn it down a good few notches!

I don't know how to quote on this but mike_ie, you said "You haven't met the person yet you are worrying about photos and tweets surfacing on the internet? - that seems like an awful lot of future thinking to me. "

I have met him. We met at an event (party type of thing). I'm just thinking about it because I'm honestly surprised they haven't surfaced already. Some fans go back and retweet and favourite tweets over a year after I've tweeted them, only they never usually seem to find when I've mentioned people (or they just never RT/fave). I feel like it's only a matter of time to be honest.

I've deleted the tweets I could find but I'm sure there's some that I didn't. I wouldn't have been worried about it if I had have never met him before. I've honestly done a lot of growing up since then, been through a lot and am a totally different person. I live on my own in a different city than I grew up in. My passions are film and video-production rather than music now and I don't even listen to music much, where as two years ago I was so dependent on my family and loved music with my heart.

Also, if by any chance it makes a difference, I had just turned 17 when I turned myself around (or however you would put it). I'm 20 next month, so it has been just under three years since I acted like that.

dellas1979

I dont think you should tell him either on a first date type setting.
No way!

You are making it out like its some confession you have to make. Like you did something bad to him. Like you are guilty. Guilty of what? Did you break into a hotel room and do something odd/weird? Remember, as a fan, if he didnt have any, he wouldnt be where he is now.

Let him get to know the you that you are now. It seems you have grown up in many ways.

By all means, mention at will that you were/are a fan of his music. But I think a sort of "confessional" at 19 years old is more OTT than actually what you did (and most teenages do) a few years ago.

CaraMay

He is only a man. The way you are taking about him is as if he is a Demi God. Go for a drink with him - it's no big deal

scallywaggles

I don't really see what the big deal is if you just tell him you were a fan of his, sure it's obvious based on your commenting on Twitter. Leave the obsessive bit for later if you get on, it was a teenage crush, only too common, they end as quickly as they begin. I think you're blowing it all way out of proportion, just go along and enjoy yourself!

Flippyfloppy

You were just a fan. You've matured now, and seem to be making a friendship. You could jokingly mention it him over texts etc if it makes u feel better. Tbh he's probably used to having fans?

beks101

Just go on a date and use your better judgement on the guy.

He might turn out to be a charming player who's used to having his way with women and you'll want nothing more to do with him. Or you might fall for each other and later laugh about how he ended up with a crazy fan-girl

Don't let your feelings for him be influenced by this 'former' crush you seemed to have. As someone else said, he's just a man. He wipes his aRse like the rest of em! Let your instincts guide you and if your appreciation of his music crops up and feels right, go with it. Personally I'd probably induct it into my flirting repertoire, have a bit of fun with it, because that's what it is really - hardly something for him to get judgemental about - I'd probably lose all interest in him if he did that tbh.

LegacyUser

OP
Dating someone you have fancied from afar really can be overwhelming. You already have formed an opinion on them, and this opinion is hard to break. There was a guy who I used to really like, seeing his picture in magazines attending red carpet events, looking ever so dapper, who I used to think was the business.....until that is I dated him and he ended up being the biggest pr1ck imaginable. He was just a horrible guy.
So in essence what I am trying to say is "Be careful what you wish for " and don't let on you were a fan, that's inviting him to walk all over you.

Merkin

Youtuberneedshelp wrote: »

What should I do? Do I tell him we've met before on a multiple of occassions outside his hotel? I'm sure that sooner or later, those photos and tweets will surface on the internet anyway. When could I even bring it up? During the date is horrendously awkward. Beforehand it might scare him, but after he might find out by himself. I really like him. Like, really like him. I never feel like this. I can't let this pass me and I don't want to mess it up, but I feel like I already have.

OK, I'm going to go easy on you here. Regardless of how grown up and mature you think you now are, you still obviously have quite a long way to go. And that's cool, you're 19, and at that age I had a heck of a lot of growing up and finding my way also!

However, I think this obsession is probably just bubbling away under the surface and has merely been side-lined by other interests. It's still there. All this talk of never feeling like this before is super-fan talk tbh and if you were to go on a date with him I get the feeling that it would come right back to the surface in no short order. Where does that leave you? What if you decide to sleep with him and he's just out for a one-nighter? (I'm sure he gets LOTS of fans throwing themselves at him and I also suspect he probably knows well who you are if you were a prolific Twitter follower). You sound very invested in this date and have him up on a huge pedestal already and personally I'm not sure that's the best start, even for a casual date.

So if you want, go ahead on the date but I suspect that he probably knows exactly who you are if you used to Tweet him non stop and propose marriage. I know lots of super-fans would behave like this but if you kept popping up then he'd know who you are so for that reason I'd say nothing and only discuss it if he brings it up. If it ever actually goes anywhere and you end up dating you can always say that you thought he knew all along.

Big Bag of Chips

You might not be the only girl he is in contact with. And like Merkin, I don't believe that you are completely over your teenage fan crush. The language in your post is very "gushing". It's all coming flowing out at 100 miles an hour and you are all flustered, don't know what to do etc.

If you were over your crush, you'd know exactly what to do. You'd have a laugh with him at yourself and at how crazy you were back then, and the silly things you did just to get a glimpse at him. Instead you are panicking. You are panicking because you are desperate for him to like you. You don't really know him apart from the public profile he has. So you can't say you are over your teenage fanatic thing in one breath, and then say you've never felt like this in another.

You are giddy about meeting him because of who he is. You still have a crush on him. You are still romantically interested in him.. if you weren't then you would turn down the offer of a "date" with him.

I think you need to be more honest with yourself. And him. Unless he's Justin Beiber with a gazillion followers and someone else managing his Twitter account on his behalf, he will have recognised your name.

If you want to meet him for a drink, do. But don't go expecting much. You might not be the first person he met for a drink that week. If you can relax and be yourself (not the star struck fan version) then it could all work out lovely for you. He could be a really genuine, normal bloke...

But don't try kid yourself that the you of 2-3 years ago is completely replaced with the newer, more mature, more sensible you. The super fan is still bubbling away there, not too deep!