Liking a work colleague on a dating app?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

This isn't a real issue, but I've always appreciated input from users here.

I very casually use a particular 'dating' app. More to pass time than expecting anything from it. Recently a man I work with keeps popping up on the app. I haven't liked or disliked him, I just exit the app when he comes up.

We don't necessarily work together much, but I'd see him most days and occasionally we'd need to interact for work. Initially I had no problem chatting to him, but as time has gone on I find myself getting very flustered around him. Where I might make casual conversation with someone else, I'd no longer initiate this with him, I feel very shy. He's struck up conversation on a few occasions where it wasn't warranted for work reasons.

Since seeing him on the app I've gotten even more awkward! Maybe because I'm aware he's single, or self-conscious that he may have seen me on the app. Is it a really bad idea to like him on this? My biggest fear would be that we'd actually match, but that neither of us would initiate conversation...which could make work incredibly awkward.

I probably need to get over my fear of even talking to him before I should contemplate it, so any suggestions on that would be great!

Mr. Incognito

You haven't said if you like him or not.

After that you should say whether you like him enough to give it a go even if you are working together.

Those answers will answer your own questions as to "like" him or not.

I presume it's Tinder.

Merkin

I personally wouldn't. You know he is single, he has probably seen that you are single, and if either if you are interested then any approaches should be made in real life. If a work colleague 'liked' you and you didn't feel the same, wouldn't it make you feel slightly awkward? At least there's a bit of mystery and ambiguity if you just leave it as is.

CBFi

I would think liking a work colleague on an app like that is a serious mistake and seriously unprofessional.

Talking IRL and maybe going on a date would be the way to go if you like him.

Big Bag of Chips

Why do you think you have to 'like' him on the app? Surely the app is more designed towards people who don't know each other in real life, as a way of making contact.

You are in real life contact with this man. You don't need to use an app to get in touch with him! If you like him talk to him (try without the fluster!) If he likes you he'll talk to you. If you get on well things will progress naturally....

That's how we used to do it in "the old days", anyway

Magicmatilda

I would like him.

If he doesn't like you, he will never know.

If he does like you, then he likes you! that's a good thing.

If he does like you then initiate a conversation yourself.

Life is very short, at the end of the day the worst that can happen is a bit of embarassment which will pass!

Tigger99

I had a distant work colleague 'like' me on a dating website. I thought it was cowardly and kinda creepy. He didn't have the balls to talk to me, let alone ask me out. I'd strongly advise against it. Find a way to chat to him in person and take it from there. Online dating can really complicate things.

m'lady

Honestly don't know why you would even consider putting yourself in a potentially embarrassing situation by doing this? Seriously.. He's a work colleague! As a previous poster said, he's more than likely seen you, hasn't 'liked' you nor has he mentioned the app to you- by liking him your going to embarrass him and you!

knucklehead6

Tigger99 wrote: »

I had a distant work colleague 'like' me on a dating website. I thought it was cowardly and kinda creepy. He didn't have the balls to talk to me, let alone ask me out. I'd strongly advise against it. Find a way to chat to him in person and take it from there. Online dating can really complicate things.

The websites are different to the likes of tinder though.

POF/OKC if you favourite a user they get an alert, and i would feel a little bit weirded out myself if a colleague did the same to me. POF also has the 'Would like to meet' thing which is the same idea.

HOWEVER, Tinder works in a different way. You are only 'matched' with someone if both of you have swiped that you like each other. Otherwise the other party is blissfully unaware. Another thing with tinder is that it tries to limit itself to the criteria that the user sets. I'm 38, and had a lower limit of 34 set on it, but occasionally i was seeing 31 & 32 yr old women appearing. But the OP might never appear on the colleagues screen if he has selected different age range and she doesn't fit into that range.

knucklehead6

m'lady wrote: »

Honestly don't know why you would even consider putting yourself in a potentially embarrassing situation by doing this? Seriously.. He's a work colleague! As a previous poster said, he's more than likely seen you, hasn't 'liked' you nor has he mentioned the app to you- by liking him your going to embarrass him and you!

Not necessarily. he will not be told whether or not she liked him unless he 'likes' her.

m'lady

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Not necessarily. he will not be told whether or not she liked him unless he 'likes' her.

Apologies, I didn't realise that 'tinder' worked that way and thought it was similar to pof and the likes.

Ok I change my opinion OP- if it's tinder and you do actually like him then go for it!

Big Bag of Chips

Seriously??? What happened to talking to each other???!!

You've said you're afraid to 'like' him, incase he also 'likes' you and then it would be awkward?.... So don't 'like' him then.

Is it not simple?

I know I'm out of the dating scene a good while now, but have things changed so much that everything is done on-line? Even if you already know the person and speak to them??

I don't know! Youngsters, wha?! :P