Allowing the OH to pay more rent than you

Hasbo

Hey folks,

Just wondering if I could get some opinions on an issue I'm currently having.

The OH and I recently decided to move in together and rent a one bedroom apartment.

We both initially agreed on a limit as to what we could afford to pay in rent. We've been to view a couple of places since. Although one was nice (the landlord went with a different couple instead), the majority of places are either too small/not in a nice area/or just kind of crap. This prompted my OH to suggest that we look at upping the limit as she'd seen some places advertised that looked a lot nicer than what we'd been to view. I made it clear that the limit we'd originally set was the absolute maximum I could afford.

She then suggested that I could just pay half of our original limit and she'd make up the difference herself. She's in a position to this as she's currently earning more money than I am.

I'm very uneasy about this. I really don't like the idea of not paying my fair share. Also I feel like there may be a sense of the place would be more "her's" than "ours" if she's paying more than I am.

Am I being unreasonable or stubborn about this?

SHANAbert

What people can afford is all relative. Wouldn't be fair on her to accept somewhere not up to standard because you were too proud to let her pay a little more.

Heatmachine1

Yepp your being unreasonable,never look a gift horse in the mouth.
Equality goes both ways,if it makes you feel good put your head down and save a bit of cash to take her away for a short holiday as a thank you.
she will never be happy in a s-it box so make your life easier and ease up on your issue with this.

grindle

A friend of mine does this with his girlfriend, they pay rent in a ratio according to how their wages compare.

It's hard to push the dumb macho pride out of your head, but it's an elegant solution.

baby and crumble

We'll at the moment I'm not working so I pay my half of our rent out of my dole, (which is a fair chunk of it) but my partner pays the rest of the rent plus food and utilities. I hate that it's not monetarily equal but I do 99% of the housework and cooking (basically I'm a housewife) and she doesn't have to worry about it. Granted it's 2 girls so less male pride involved. Once I do start working we'll adjust the proportions we put in the joint account according to what we both earn. It seems silly to do everything 50/50 leaving one person with very little after rent day. That will probably lead to way more arguments than measuring the proportion of rent/ bills money put in by each.

Rorster_123

Once you move in together you will eventually go from "her money" and "my money" to "our money" anyways. All part of being a couple.

Hasbo

Hey all,

thanks for weighing in. It's funny how blinded one can be by male pride until it's pointed out to them.

There's definitely an easy solution to this from all the points made above.

Thanks again for the advice!

mfceiling

Nothing in life is 50/50.

You wash more dishes, she washes more clothes. You empty the bins, she cleans the oven. You wash the windows, she hoovers the living room.

It doesn't matter who pays what or does more...if you're happy that's all that matters.

Gongoozler

When myself and my boyfriend were considering living together, I thought about this. He earns more than me, but I don't know that I would be comfortable him paying more rent than me. I see where you're coming from. I don't think it's unreasonable, more not wanting to feel you owe someone something, you want to feel like it's your place as much as theirs.

Stheno

grindle wrote: »

A friend of mine does this with his girlfriend, they pay rent in a ratio according to how their wages compare.

It's hard to push the dumb macho pride out of your head, but it's an elegant solution.

THis is what I have done in any long term relationship I am in, net wages are put in as a ratio and then costs are divided on that basis.

grindle

Stheno wrote: »

THis is what I have done in any long term relationship I am in, net wages are put in as a ratio and then costs are divided on that basis.

It's a good way to be if both partners are into it - my ex and I tried it but she started using it as ammo in fights so, y'know, fuck that!

Stheno

grindle wrote: »

It's a good way to be if both partners are into it - my ex and I tried it but she started using it as ammo in fights so, y'know, fuck that!

Did she earn more?

With my current OH, as he has (adult) children, we need more bedrooms than we would if we were just a couple, so our compromise is that I use one of the bedrooms as a home office, and we split the rent, makes it easier on him as he earns less. And to be fair, I'd use the home office/bedroom more than his kids would, so it makes up for having to contribute to a third bedroom

Everything else is on the ratio agreement

I find it an incredibly fair way of dealing with things tbh and that's as the higher earner

Tar.Aldarion

Ah come on let her if she wants, you can always earn more at some stage and contribute more. If I had more money I would pay for my gf, and I'm sure she would pay more for me etc. It's "our" money is how I view it and I want us to be happy.

Stheno

I do consider that we both have our own money, but try to split joint expenses fairly

I can't abide the thought of all my money being his and vice versa so it works for me.

That said, it's very fluid if one of us is short one month the other happily makes it up

grindle

Stheno wrote: »

Did she earn more?

She did/does. She was using it as a tactic to get her way more often than not (non-money-related issues), kind of a means to defeat compromise.

Glad it happened either way as it showed up a character flaw for me that I hadn't spotted before, this card-holding manoeuvre to be used against someone.
Glad to hear it works for you, I think it's a good system. It tends to mean the lower earner has extra expendable income so they can participate in activities with their partners, which hurt my ex as she always wanted to do stuff together but scuppered the way to make that happen!
FAR off-topic anyway - go OP, do it!

Hasbo

Hasbo wrote: »

I'm very uneasy about this. I really don't like the idea of not paying my fair share.

That entirely depends on whether you view "fair share" in terms of quantity or proportion.

In my relationship we do not split the bills by quantity. We split them by proportion of our income.

So for example (not using real figures here mind you) the mortgage. The quantity I put into our mortgage is 35% of my take home income. The quantity my girlfriends put into it is also 35% of their income.

The VALUE we put into it is clearly very different. But in terms of proportional split we are each - to our minds - paying our fair share in the relationship.

As our incomes change - so do our contributions. The one paying the lower contributions is still in academia at this time. She however stands to likely become the highest earner out of us and will likely therefore in the future end up paying more than us.

But at all times - our focus is that we are paying our fair share relative to our actual means. The idea that one of us is paying "more" than the others simply does not concern us at all.

cletus van damme

when my gf moved in (to my house) all she could afford was 50e a month and that was fine cos i knew what she earned.

I paid the rest of the mortgage.

Oddly a girl in her job thought I was taking the piss cos it was my house and i should have let her stay for free..:eek:

anyway after with kids and her staying at home it became "our money"...

Seriously?

Hasbo wrote: »

Am I being unreasonable or stubborn about this?

Since they want the larger accommodation and are prepared to cover difference it makes perfect sense for them to absorb the additional cost if their finances allow it.

nc19

Hasbo wrote: »

Hey folks,

Just wondering if I could get some opinions on an issue I'm currently having.

The OH and I recently decided to move in together and rent a one bedroom apartment.

We both initially agreed on a limit as to what we could afford to pay in rent. We've been to view a couple of places since. Although one was nice (the landlord went with a different couple instead), the majority of places are either too small/not in a nice area/or just kind of crap. This prompted my OH to suggest that we look at upping the limit as she'd seen some places advertised that looked a lot nicer than what we'd been to view. I made it clear that the limit we'd originally set was the absolute maximum I could afford.

She then suggested that I could just pay half of our original limit and she'd make up the difference herself. She's in a position to this as she's currently earning more money than I am.

I'm very uneasy about this. I really don't like the idea of not paying my fair share. Also I feel like there may be a sense of the place would be more "her's" than "ours" if she's paying more than I am.

Am I being unreasonable or stubborn about this?

My wife earns more than I do and id say we do 60/40 split on the bills.

if I earned more than her id pay more. Its just how it is.
it doesnt bother her or me.

when she was studying I paid considerably more.

ongarboy

If OP is unemployed, he could make up his share in other ways than just cash for the rent. He may be doing this already but why not take care of the household chores (cleaning/dishes/taking bins out etc) as would have more time and would probably mean a lot for his GF not having to start on this type of stuff when she comes home after work.

Running a household is not just about paying the bills. It may help him feel less like he is the dependent one. Of course, when he gets a job and wage, perhaps he and his partner can review the financial situation then.