cant seem to move on.how??

LegacyUser

I got with this guy 5/6years ago.It didnt last too long,few months when he went a bit mad and cut me out for no specific reason.skip forward 8months and he gets in contact to apologise for being a dope. he has a girlfriend now but stupidly stuff happens.I tell myself to stop when i start having strong feelings and low and behold, 9ish months later that happens and i cut him out! about a year after this, i get a message one night and hes crazy upset.he comes over and we have a huge heart to heart, he cries etc and we say we will be mates.he still has the girlfriend and we become really close friends. I know it was all stupid and them after a while stuff happened again!I know it was sooooo wrong but i had this mad sexual chemistry with him etc. anyway, years pass and about a year ago i tell him i love him. i know he doesnt love me like i love him but had to say or id crack up. we sat down and talked it out and i was fine then until 6months later(sorry about all the dates, confusing i know!)I tell him i love him and cant handle this anymore.he said he would do anything i wanted, cut him out, keep him round or whatever that helped me but he couldnt be with me(he and the gf broke up at this stage)cuz he still loved her and wasnt in love me but i meant a lot.he was going through a lot with family and health etc and i was beyond horrible to him a good few occasions and it finslly got to him and he went mad(never seen him so angry) nd he said he cant do it anymore and thats the last i heard from him. its bben 6 months and i still get upset thinking about him and feel like ill never move on. i havent been near another man since though have had opportunites because i just feel i cant. its like im scared or lost my confidence or something and think ill never get past this.
I know some will say he was a horrible person as was i for what i did, and trust me i dont like myself for being "the other woman" but he was the love of my life and a really close friend who helped me through a lot of bad things in my life and i miss him beyond belief. and ya i am mad at him for not replying to me for at least letting me know hes ok but ....
I dunno what to do....how do i move on??how do i forget the man i love??
(sorry for the long rambled message!!)

Tokyo

• You met a guy, drifted apart.
• A few years later you slept with him, knowing that he has a girlfriend, and for nine months "stuff" happened.
• A year later, he starts calling round and knowing that he has a girlfriend, "stuff" happens again.
• When he's finally single, you tell him that you love him, and he tells you that he didn't love you, but you could keep him around if you wanted.

Ignoring your own lack of ethics in this story for a second here, why on earth would you want to be with this person? He's proven himself time and time again to be a serial cheat, lying to a girlfriend in order to be with you, and when the path is finally clear for him to have a relationship with you, he tells you that he doesn't love you, he loves the other girl, but is willing to keep you on as a **** buddy if you are up for it.

I'm not trying to hurt your feelings here, but I think you need the harsh truth. You're asking how you can move on, when in reality there's nothing really to move on from and never was. From everything you describe, you were an easy opportunity for this guy, nothing more, he could have his cake and eat it, having an unsuspecting girlfriend, and a second girl who was willing to be the other woman, and who he could sweet-talk into keeping her mouth shut for fear of losing him completely. I imagine that he got angry and walked away in the end not because you were being horrible to him, but rather you were putting him in a position where he actually had to confront what was going on between you two for the past God-knows-how-many years and make an actual decision, and he wasn't mature enough to handle it, and running away and ignoring you was the easier way out.

How you get past this is to remove every part of this person from your life - delete phone numbers, social media friendships, photos, etc, every time you have a doubt about the situation remind yourself just how he treated you, and give yourself the chance to meet a guy that will treat you with a little more respect than he did.

Merkin

Totally agree with the above. Also, describing this chap as 'the love of my life' is setting the bar incredibly low. Someone that loves you will cherish you and never let you go. This guy sounds like a manipulative sleaze and you far too gullible for your own good. There is nothing to get over bar being a handy bit on the side, collect your dignity and stop contacting him and when he does get a new girlfriend, please have the wherewithal to refuse his offer of sex which only seems to suit him when he's supposed to be committed to someone else.

Lou.m

Wow.

You are both ethically awful.

He is a manipulative ass and you are stupid enough and awful enough to go along. People who play silly games win silly prizes..it could be worse you could end up with this loser. I have to be blunt. You are stupid.

You are giving way to much to this person with little in return. If he thought anything of you he would not be keeping you strung along. If he was ethical in anyway he would have kept things platonic or moved on if he felt he could not do that.


He sounds like a gob****e. I feel sorry for the girlfriend. DO NOT GET WITH THIS GUY!