Forever Alone??

SkylerWhite

Basically I'm single, have been for three years. I am a single mother, I'm 30 years old, I work full time and I'm happy in my career. I keep fit, I socialise regularly (as much as I can with a smally). I'm fairly attractive, in good shape and I'm not shy or lacking in confidence in any way . I hope I'm not appearing cocky I just want to be as honest as possible in the hope I'll get some good advice.

I tried the dating sites for a while last year, and met a few guys and while they were nice and actually liked me, I didn't feel a spark with anyone. So last November I was facing into a busy period at work, I decided to not look any more, focus on my career and my girl, deleted all the dating sites/apps and I was happy enough with that for a while. But now I'm facing into wedding season again and the thoughts of the singles tables are killing me. I tried Tinder and went on a few dates but again, just no spark.

Being really I honest, I'm ready for a relationship.. I want someone to share my life with and eventually want a brother or sister for my little girl.

I just don't know where I am going wrong. When I do meet guys I don't like them in that way, I seem to be just accumulating new friends from the dating sites. I don't have a list or anything, don't think I'm very picky. I do genuinely think a lot of the guys I meet are lovely and would be a great catch for some one, just not me.

Am I just destined to be forever alone?

MugMugs

SkylerWhite wrote: »

I do genuinely think a lot of the guys I meet are lovely and would be a great catch for some one, just not me.

Can you expand on this. What's wrong with them ?

SkylerWhite

MugMugs wrote: »

Can you expand on this. What's wrong with them ?

Nothing really, I just don't feel an attraction I guess.

SterlingArcher

SkylerWhite wrote: »

Basically I'm single, have been for three years. I am a single mother, I'm 30 years old, I work full time and I'm happy in my career. I keep fit, I socialise regularly (as much as I can with a smally). I'm fairly attractive, in good shape and I'm not shy or lacking in confidence in any way . I hope I'm not appearing cocky I just want to be as honest as possible in the hope I'll get some good advice.

I tried the dating sites for a while last year, and met a few guys and while they were nice and actually liked me, I didn't feel a spark with anyone. So last November I was facing into a busy period at work, I decided to not look any more, focus on my career and my girl, deleted all the dating sites/apps and I was happy enough with that for a while. But now I'm facing into wedding season again and the thoughts of the singles tables are killing me. I tried Tinder and went on a few dates but again, just no spark.

Being really I honest, I'm ready for a relationship.. I want someone to share my life with and eventually want a brother or sister for my little girl.

I just don't know where I am going wrong. When I do meet guys I don't like them in that way, I seem to be just accumulating new friends from the dating sites. I don't have a list or anything, don't think I'm very picky. I do genuinely think a lot of the guys I meet are lovely and would be a great catch for some one, just not me.

Am I just destined to be forever alone?

Alls I see here is you're not settling. You could easily waste time on another "nice guy" that does not rock your world for the sake of not being single. And in the mean time miss out on what you desire/deserve.

have your head turned,Don't settle.

Alf. A. Male

SkylerWhite wrote: »

Nothing really, I just don't feel an attraction I guess.

Are you giving attraction a chance to develop? It's not alway instant. I'm sure you don't want to string anyone along, but equally you could be dismissing things too soon. If you meet someone you like enough to see them more than once, be honest but don't be too rash, more than one couple have found an attraction that snuck up on them while they were unknowingly building a relationship.

SkylerWhite

Might miss out on all the other things I want in life while waiting for the one that turns my head though.

I've actually stayed friends with a couple of guys that I went on dates with and still nothings developed so I don't think it's a case of not giving it enough time :-/

Alf. A. Male

Well maybe nothing developed because you "stayed friends" rather than kept dating for a little while. Presumably you ended the dating with a little chat and said you wanted to stay friends, which to them meant they weren't showing you a side you might be attracted to, or rather you ruled out looking at them that way and didn't see what might have become attractive to you. Dating isn't just a process of seeing if it starts well and lasts, it can start just ok and get better. Your approach so far hasn't worked, maybe time for a small change.

SkylerWhite

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

Well maybe nothing developed because you "stayed friends" rather than kept dating for a little while. Presumably you ended the dating with a little chat and said you wanted to stay friends, which to them meant they weren't showing you a side you might be attracted to, or rather you ruled out looking at them that way and didn't see what might have become attractive to you. Dating isn't just a process of seeing if it starts well and lasts, it can start just ok and get better. Your approach so far hasn't worked, maybe time for a small change.

Maybe you are right. It does feel a little cruel to lead someone on when I don't feel that way about them. But like you said, my current approach isn't working

Alf. A. Male

SkylerWhite wrote: »

Maybe you are right. It does feel a little cruel to lead someone on when I don't feel that way about them. But like you said, my current approach isn't working

No need for it to be cruel if you're tactfully honest. It's a balance to be struck, but it's possible to give things a proper chance without leading anyone on. If you're straight with them they can decide to take their chances or not, the same as you'll be doing.

RevRun

youre 30..calm down

SkylerWhite

RevRun wrote: »

youre 30..calm down

helpful!

CaraMay

SkylerWhite wrote: »

Maybe you are right. It does feel a little cruel to lead someone on when I don't feel that way about them. But like you said, my current approach isn't working

Attraction always grows for me and I've always ended up going out with friends. Could attraction grow for you? In truth, the guys I've had instant attraction for never seemed to work out.

Alf. A. Male

Another change you might think about is meeting men in a different way. If you have the opportunity, maybe clubs or some other interest or social setting might be productive than online. Not knocking it, but it doesn't work for everyone and it might be part of your problem, it's too easy to build up a picture before you meet then have it knocked to the extent that any attraction or potential attraction is gone instantly. It also leads to a kid-in-a-sweetshop approach when you know there'll be plenty more so you don't have to put any effort or though in.

SkylerWhite

I'm not sure I go to exercise classes or gym as it is, I go for drinks with friends etc, and never seem to meet anyone that way. I mean when I'm out I just chat away to whoever I'm with, never seem to talk to any new people. Even at work I'm in a female dominated field and just never come across people.

Alf. A. Male

SkylerWhite wrote: »

I mean when I'm out I just chat away to whoever I'm with, never seem to talk to any new people.

A few minutes away from your friends on a night out could pay off. Obviously you're out with your mates, but no harm I meeting new people, otherwise if you do what you always done, you'll get what you always got.

Azwaldo55

SkylerWhite wrote: »

Basically I'm single, have been for three years. I am a single mother, I'm 30 years old, I work full time and I'm happy in my career. I keep fit, I socialise regularly (as much as I can with a smally). I'm fairly attractive, in good shape and I'm not shy or lacking in confidence in any way . I hope I'm not appearing cocky I just want to be as honest as possible in the hope I'll get some good advice.

I tried the dating sites for a while last year, and met a few guys and while they were nice and actually liked me, I didn't feel a spark with anyone. So last November I was facing into a busy period at work, I decided to not look any more, focus on my career and my girl, deleted all the dating sites/apps and I was happy enough with that for a while. But now I'm facing into wedding season again and the thoughts of the singles tables are killing me. I tried Tinder and went on a few dates but again, just no spark.

Being really I honest, I'm ready for a relationship.. I want someone to share my life with and eventually want a brother or sister for my little girl.

I just don't know where I am going wrong. When I do meet guys I don't like them in that way, I seem to be just accumulating new friends from the dating sites. I don't have a list or anything, don't think I'm very picky. I do genuinely think a lot of the guys I meet are lovely and would be a great catch for some one, just not me.

Am I just destined to be forever alone?

A roast duck never flew into anybody's mouth.
You have to keep looking or else you WILL be forever alone.
That's the long and short of it.
The more people you meet, the more dates you go on, the more likely you will meet someone right for you.
If you give up there is no point in a complaining about being alone because you will have chosen to be alone.
And you will deserve to be alone too.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and keep dating.

SkylerWhite

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

A roast duck never flew into anybody's mouth.
You have to keep looking or else you WILL be forever alone.
That's the long and short of it.
The more people you meet, the more dates you go on, the more likely you will meet someone right for you.
If you give up there is no point in a complaining about being alone because you will have chosen to be alone.
And you will deserve to be alone too.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and keep dating.

See thats the thing, some people will tell you stop looking & it will happen. Others say you have to keep looking. Who is to say who is right? I've tried both ways and hey... I'm still single

Azwaldo55

SkylerWhite wrote: »

See thats the thing, some people will tell you stop looking & it will happen. Others say you have to keep looking. Who is to say who is right? I've tried both ways and hey... I'm still single

Well if you stop looking nothing will EVER happen.
Guaranteed.

DerekDGoldfish

SkylerWhite wrote: »

See thats the thing, some people will tell you stop looking & it will happen. Others say you have to keep looking. Who is to say who is right? I've tried both ways and hey... I'm still single

If you stop buying a ticket to the lotto every week nobody is going to buy one for you, I'm also 30 been single for a few years and you have to keep putting yourself out there again, and again and again. It tiring, frustrating but you have to keep doing it.

I've lost count of the number of dates I have been on the last 4 years, nothing meaning full and long term has come from it, but if you learn to enjoy dates for what they are they can still be enjoyable even if nothing works out. If you sit in and do nothing somebody is not going to knock at your door (unless you have a think for political canvassers)