need advice on if I can trust this guy

mazers22

A year ago I met a guy , fell for him instantly, and I really felt we hit it off. It felt different to any other time iv been with someone. Theb after a few dates he drifted and we parted ways. I meet him again 2 months later, he came up to me in the bar , told me he hadnt stopped thinking about me etc etc. We get together a few times and then again he starts to drift , telling me he has a fear of commitment and doesnt know what he wants. So I cut it off. Now he has text me, 4 months later, saying he has been thinking about me alot and he was sorry for how thinga went the last time, but now he knows what he wants. And asked me to meet him for coffee. He hurt me twice before, by going distant due to his "fear of commitment". But im still mad about him, and he has always been on my mind too. Should I trust a guy like this and give him a chance again, or cut my losses and prevent the chances of getting hurt again and forget about him ..? Any advice what to do with a guy like this is much appretiated

Lovetochill

If I were you, I would forget about him. His fear of commitment can't just change suddenly this time and that's just an excuse for not wanting to be with you in my opinion. Cut your losses Op.

LegacyUser

Personally, OP, i would trust him about as far as I would throw him. I would be very very cautious, because, if he disappoints you again (which he probably will) you could end up feeling annoyed more at yourself for falling for it, than at him (i've been there).

Alf. A. Male

If you take him seriously and allow to him to treat you with the same lack of respect as he's shown for you up to now, you've only yourself to blame for what happens next. He's a chancer and you're falling for a pretty speech. Have a backbone and tell him to jog on.

miamee

I would be very, very wary of someone like this. What is to stop him drifting off again when the situation no longer suits him? Meeting up with him is just giving him the ability to hurt you and use you again OP, I wouldn't meet up with him again if I were you.

Carlos Orange

What commitment is he afraid of exactly? It doesn't sound like you got anywhere near to the point where an actual commitment was required.

Merkin

I personally would be telling him, in no uncertain terms, to fcuk off.

Magicmatilda

If he could stop thinking about you for those 2 months then why did he not contact you? Rather than waiting to bump into you in a bar.

Honestly he is just going to keep treating you the same way as long as you keep letting him.

Do you want commitment? I assume you do. Then why would you settle for a life without it?

He is not going to change. If I were you I would cut all contact with him and move on. I learned the hard way about these commitment phobes.

heretochat

I would agree 100% with Merkin's approach to this.

He wanders in and out of your life as the fancy takes him. Uses you when he has no-one else on the go and then heads off again.

It'll be history repeating if you are naive enough to take this cretin back on again

MagicMarker

OP, was sex involved in either of the previous meetings?

If yes, then I'd say forget about him. As it would say to me that this is all he's after.

If no, then I might say give him another chance. If he didn't get any before then it's unlikely that that's his reason for getting back in touch this time. Maybe he did have commitment issues and maybe he is trying really hard to sort it, but you need to be prepared to be disappointed again. Do the pros outweigh the cons?

beauty101

I'm sorry OP but it sounds like you're his "back pocket" girl, the one he contacts when other relationships aren't going so well. You don't deserve to be treated like that and if you were to start any form of relationship with this guy, whether committed or non-committed he would always have the upper hand. I say text him saying you're not interested and move on to better!

CaraMay

Run him. He is only a messer. You know the old saying 'fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me' so really I wouldn't be letting him get the chance to fool me a third time.

Janedoe10

2 strikes and out I'm afraid .
He prob is a good guy OP but I'd hate to think how upset u'd be if the same thing happens again what happens if u invest a year with this guy ?

Maphisto

MagicMarker wrote: »

OP, was sex involved in either of the previous meetings?

If yes, then I'd say forget about him. As it would say to me that this is all he's after.

If no, then I might say give him another chance. If he didn't get any before then it's unlikely that that's his reason for getting back in touch this time. Maybe he did have commitment issues and maybe he is trying really hard to sort it, but you need to be prepared to be disappointed again. Do the pros outweigh the cons?

I'm with Magic on this. I'd see him again but I wouldn't trust him for a good while until he earned it .

ABajaninCork

Look. As far as I can see this guy is just blocking traffic. Move him along. Plenty more where he came from.

Remember - You want nourishment, not punishment!

cactusgal

Sorry to say, but 'fear of commitment' is just a really lame way of saying 'I don't like you enough to really pursue a relationship with you.'

As an aside, I wonder what 'lines' people used 10-15 years ago, before this tired phrase existed??

OP, please don't lower your standards for this guy. He's already proven, twice, that he could take you or leave you. Don't give him the chance to do it again.

When you meet a guy who is really mad about you, you'll really appreciate the difference in how you're treated!

Good luck, as one other poster said, this guy is indeed blocking traffic. Don't put yourself off the market for someone who's proven that he's not really that into it.