Surely this is not unreasonable??

LegacyUser

Hi all,

This isn't a huge problem in the scheme of things but I feel it's becoming one and in different ways.

Basically I lived with my bf for a year and during this time he has a habit for falling asleep that he's had for years that I find very difficult to live with - he will watch tv or a programme on his laptop until he falls asleep. Now, at first he would keep the sound down very low but it would still disrupt my sleep so he agreed to wear headphones. However, it's the light and the flashing of the screen in particular that prevents me falling asleep for ages!

We argued about this a fair bit when we lived together but for some reason it never became resolved and I just sort of put up with it. A bit of a walkover now I feel. We had to move out due to our jobs but are due to move back in together this summer.

The problem is that lately when staying at his (its long distance) I notice that it really is affecting me sleep and, even tho its ok for a night or two at the weekend, I know it'll be a problem for me during the week when I have to get a good nights sleep for work.

I talked to him about it this weekend and said how I would love it if he could try now to break this sleep habit between now and us moving in as it would make things so much better this time round sleep-wise! He basically got very defensive saying he can't sleep otherwise and basically is not willing to stop doing this. We ended this conversation with me saying if he's going to be is rigid and inflexible in something that clearly affects me then I would have to reconsider moving in with me. He was basically like ya fine, me too. All very childish.

The thing is I loved our time living together the last time despite this and I do love him very much. Generally speaking he's a great loving bf but his attitude on this really got to me.

Sorry if this went on a bit but if anyone could offer some advice - am I being unreasonable or a walkover for accepting this sleep situation?!

strobe

Sleep mask? One of these dealies.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41vxZJDfyRL._AA160_.jpg

D Weasel

Annoyed123 wrote: »

Hi all,

This isn't a huge problem in the scheme of things but I feel it's becoming one and in different ways.

Basically I lived with my bf for a year and during this time he has a habit for falling asleep that he's had for years that I find very difficult to live with - he will watch tv or a programme on his laptop until he falls asleep. Now, at first he would keep the sound down very low but it would still disrupt my sleep so he agreed to wear headphones. However, it's the light and the flashing of the screen in particular that prevents me falling asleep for ages!

We argued about this a fair bit when we lived together but for some reason it never became resolved and I just sort of put up with it. A bit of a walkover now I feel. We had to move out due to our jobs but are due to move back in together this summer.

The problem is that lately when staying at his (its long distance) I notice that it really is affecting me sleep and, even tho its ok for a night or two at the weekend, I know it'll be a problem for me during the week when I have to get a good nights sleep for work.

I talked to him about it this weekend and said how I would love it if he could try now to break this sleep habit between now and us moving in as it would make things so much better this time round sleep-wise! He basically got very defensive saying he can't sleep otherwise and basically is not willing to stop doing this. We ended this conversation with me saying if he's going to be is rigid and inflexible in something that clearly affects me then I would have to reconsider moving in with me. He was basically like ya fine, me too. All very childish.

The thing is I loved our time living together the last time despite this and I do love him very much. Generally speaking he's a great loving bf but his attitude on this really got to me.

Sorry if this went on a bit but if anyone could offer some advice - am I being unreasonable or a walkover for accepting this sleep situation?!

He sounds very inconsiderate. It's a lazy selfish habit that is bad for his and your health so he needs to quit it.

R.D. aka MR.D

I agree, a sleep mask all the way!

I wear a sleep mask most nights now because last summer, i was living at my OH's parents house and the sun would shine in through the window every morning and I couldn't sleep. I've just gotten used to total darkness.

My OH wears ear plugs every night because when we first started living together, I snored a lot . I've stopped snoring and he still wears them because he has gotten used to total silence!

Relationships are about compromise on things like this. Are things alright elsewhere in the relationship? Are you guys able to compromise on other things?

Merkin

Both Mr. Merkin and I have a whole host of paraphernalia for bedtime that to an outsider must make us look like we've got some kinky fetish for sensory deprivation He snores like nothing I've ever heard before and I'm prone to bouts of insomnia so I have to read a book (with a little book torch) or play with the iPad at all kinds of weird hours of the night. So I usually have ear plugs and he has to wear an eye mask and we often have to wear both if either of us have the remotest chance of getting some kip, especially now that the mornings are brighter.

I do think your boyfriend is being rude and inconsiderate in the way he is dealing with his but as someone who also suffers from sleep issues, if he is dependent on that to get him to sleep sometimes it's the only option. Does he have a tablet that at least would be lighter in bed? If he insists on watching stuff, he needs to dim the screen, invest on high quality headphones and you need to invest in both an eye mask and earplugs. It's the only way either of you will get some decent sleep!

funk-you

I get where your BF is coming from, I have the same problem. My brain needs something going on in the background or I just can't sleep. It has a lot to do with stress for me.

The compromise we have at home is I'll use earphones and close the lid on the laptop so there's no light. I essentially, listen to the movie. Also, audio books are great. As with anything in a relationship, approach the subject with compromise and a solution ready. If you bring too much emotion to the conversation or be confrontational it will put the other person on the defensive and go nowhere.

Best of luck.

-Funk

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for all the helpful replies.
I can see it's a common enough thing and ya, compromise is definitely the way to go.

Tbf, he's not usually as inconsiderate or rude like portrayed in the op thankfully so will look into sleepmasks!

jaded_pause

I had this issue too OP, my OH would listen to music all night, and it would wake me up and I couldn't get back to sleep as it would be on repeat... all.... night... long...

We compromised on he can listen to what ever he wants as long as it's not on repeat all night long. He too was quite defensive about it but once I explained to him (and had a few grumpy days when I clearly didn't get enough sleep) he admitted he could be a little more flexible about it.

You have to let your partner know it effects you in every way, emotionally, physically and mentally when you don't get enough sleep and hope he's mature enough to compromise a bit.

Good luck dear!

MJ23

Can he not just set the sleep timer thing on the telly or laptop?

smurfjed

I work irregular hours so i have some very strange sleep requirements, my wife on the other hand is a late night person, so i usually go to bed with eye shades and ear plugs while she watches movies on a laptop with headphones. Something like this only becomes a drama if you let it.

Semele

Sleep mask! I invested in one of these when I was working nights and couldn't sleep during the day due to the bright light around the edges of the curtain and it was life changing. I sleep so much better with it on that I wear it at night now too.

Fudge You

funk-you wrote: »

I get where your BF is coming from, I have the same problem. My brain needs something going on in the background or I just can't sleep. It has a lot to do with stress for me.

I agree with you. I cannot sleep without something to do. I need to read, watch something or listen to something.
If I try to go asleep, when its pitch black, and not a sound in the house. My mind wonders and I start to worry about everything and anything, like family/job/future. And then I am wide awake. May sound weird, so, well maybe I am a little bit ha.

So here is what I do.
The other half doesnt want me reading, as the lamp is too bright and the noise of the pages turning, so she cant sleep.
I cant bring the laptop to bed as its too bright and the noise of the fan on the laptop(it can be loud in the still of the night, if you get me).

So what I do, is use my phone, with earphones of course. And its not too bright as I face it away from her. Just watching youtube or a movie. I leave the internet on of course. But I pay the electricity bill so she cant complain.


Reading this post back, I might sound like a nut but me and the wife both sleep well... Maybe the op's other half is being selfish, but there is a compromise. Tell him to use the phone.