Unsure of how I feel

LegacyUser

This issue is so petty in comparision to other problems, but I'd appreciate some advice.

I met a guy out and he was genuinely lovely. Now we were both drinking but it was a lovely night, he didn't put any pressure on me either and although he came back for tea and food, we kept it at that, we didn't sleep together so apart from kissing and cuddling, it was fairly innocent.

I feel very conflicted on this. He was so respectful towards me, I'm only 24 and my past relationships have been awful with my previous boyfriends treating me quite badly and often as an option. I had really lost hope in meeting a nice guy as most of them always let me down in the past and hurt me, or cheated on me. I'm not making excuses as I know a relationship is two sided but at the same time, part of me never trusts guys.

But as I said this guy was genuinely lovely and before he left took my number and text me on his way home saying he had a lovely time and to meet up again. I was so taken aback at how uncomplicated and nice this guy was and I felt very comfortable and happy in his company not nervous or second guessing myself all the time.

My main problem is first of all he's 30 and I'm 24, he's quite older than me. Secondly I do like him, but I cant say Im head over heals attracted or getting those butterflies, but his personality and gentleness really grabbed me, impressed me.

He seems keen and I dont want to lead him on. I would like to see him again but should I be very excited ect. Or is it normal considering we only met for a couple of hours and there was alcohol involved. Id like to give this a chance but can feelings grow. I mean we dont know each other.

sorry for all the questions but I am genuinely unsure.

Carriexx

Would you not meet him again , see how you feel and then make a decision? You never know how you will feel after getting to know him.

m'lady

I agree, maybe give him a chance by seeing him again. I really think that your overthinking this and putting too much pressure on yourself as to 'how you feel', you have only been out with him the one time, why would or should you know how you feel at this early stage?

Maphisto

Hi OP

Like the other two contributions I think you're overthinking it. Why not see him again, maybe without alcohol and see where it goes.

That he's 30 and you're 24, I don't see as a huge barrier. A couple of points on this: That women mature quicker than men do; and I read somewhere that we don't really reach adulthood until 25. Now these are huge, possibly even erroneous, generalisations but just worth thinking about.

See him again - if you want to of course and don't be crossing bridges or burning them before you have to.

I wish you well OP.

osarusan

Meet him and see how it goes. It's just a date - no need to make any commitment to anything.

Maybe there will be butterflies this time, or maybe he won't seem as all-round decent a guy as last time.

I'm sure you'd rather meet him again a few times and things fade out rather than not meet him again and be wondering.

Merkin

Good God woman you need to relax. He hasn't proposed marriage! You've just met a guy for a couple of hours, you got on well and he's asked to see you again. Great. What is with the over analysis and introspection?

I'm thinking perhaps that you mistakenly misconstrued the ill-treatment of past boyfriends as "butterflies" and that them treating you badly kept you on your toes and so you felt you wanted or desired them more. It's then a bit of a shift in mindset when you meet someone genuine and lovely who isn't interested in mind games or one-upmanship. I think that is probably what is at play here because you're simply not familiar with being treated well.

On that basis I would absolutely meet this guy again. The age gap is negligible so I wouldn't give it a second thought and just go and meet him and have fun. He hasn't asked for you to have his children or go halves on a mortgage, he's asked you out for a drink. Stop over thinking it and just see what happens and above all have fun

Flippyfloppy

Your post really resonates with me! When I met my husband his gentleness & personality grabbed me too! It was a strange surreal feeling. I know just where you're coming from. Although I was mega attracted to him by his looks when I first saw him.

When we went on our first date we just talked and laughed and talked. We discovered we had so so much in common.

What I'm trying to say is go for it! That feeling you have about him is a good thing!!

Legs.Eleven

Give the good guy a chance!

LegacyUser

Hey guys, OP here, thanks for the great advice, I completely over-thought everything. I really do feel it boils down to my past experiences with dating. I've been so unsure of myself lately, trusting someone else seemed impossible. I know it sounds crazy but the idea of getting to know someone and letting it take its course seemed terrifying, and the age 6 year age gap worried me, but I've decided, no more and I'm going on a date this weekend with this guy, even bought a new dress and all today. I'm looking forward to it.

thanks

Lou.m

wanttogiveitashot24 wrote: »

This issue is so petty in comparision to other problems, but I'd appreciate some advice.

I met a guy out and he was genuinely lovely. Now we were both drinking but it was a lovely night, he didn't put any pressure on me either and although he came back for tea and food, we kept it at that, we didn't sleep together so apart from kissing and cuddling, it was fairly innocent.

I feel very conflicted on this. He was so respectful towards me, I'm only 24 and my past relationships have been awful with my previous boyfriends treating me quite badly and often as an option. I had really lost hope in meeting a nice guy as most of them always let me down in the past and hurt me, or cheated on me. I'm not making excuses as I know a relationship is two sided but at the same time, part of me never trusts guys.

But as I said this guy was genuinely lovely and before he left took my number and text me on his way home saying he had a lovely time and to meet up again. I was so taken aback at how uncomplicated and nice this guy was and I felt very comfortable and happy in his company not nervous or second guessing myself all the time.

My main problem is first of all he's 30 and I'm 24, he's quite older than me. Secondly I do like him, but I cant say Im head over heals attracted or getting those butterflies, but his personality and gentleness really grabbed me, impressed me.

He seems keen and I dont want to lead him on. I would like to see him again but should I be very excited ect. Or is it normal considering we only met for a couple of hours and there was alcohol involved. Id like to give this a chance but can feelings grow. I mean we dont know each other.

sorry for all the questions but I am genuinely unsure.

GO FOR IT.


If you are comfortable with the age diff thing go for it.

but his personality and gentleness really grabbed me, impressed me.

HE IS A KEEPER!

I was so taken aback at how uncomplicated and nice this guy was and I felt very comfortable and happy in his company not nervous or second guessing myself all the time.

Go have some nice evenings with him :-)

Relax.

ManOfMystery

First off, a 6yr age gap is nothing. If you get on great, that's all that matters - not what year you were born.

Secondly, not every great relationship starts off with fireworks and sparks and butterflies, like some Hollywood rom-com. Some do, and the danger with that is that things may fizzle out quickly. For other people, it's a very relaxed and calm mutual attraction, which slowly & eventually builds up to something very intense. Give it a chance

Merkin

wanttogiveitashot24 wrote: »

Hey guys, OP here, thanks for the great advice, I completely over-thought everything. I really do feel it boils down to my past experiences with dating. I've been so unsure of myself lately, trusting someone else seemed impossible. I know it sounds crazy but the idea of getting to know someone and letting it take its course seemed terrifying, and the age 6 year age gap worried me, but I've decided, no more and I'm going on a date this weekend with this guy, even bought a new dress and all today. I'm looking forward to it.

thanks

Awwww, I am SO pleased about this. You know I can completely empathise with your situation. I was in a very similar position to you when I first got together with Mr. Merkin. I had dated so many numpties and when he came along I was a bit wary because he was just so so lovely and honest and kind that I almost didn't know how to handle it and thought that there must be some kind of catch/I was almost inclined to put non-existent obstacles in the way. Just relax and enjoy the date, I think this chap sounds great. Have fun! xx

ash23

OP enjoy the date.

I was similar to you in my 20s where I mistakenly thought that being treated fairly badly by guys who strung me along or were half hearted etc was what was normal. And the anxiety it caused waiting for them to call or text or waiting to see what would happen, I mistook for "butterflies".

Then I met a guy who was 10 years older than me and a kind and gentle soul. I wasn't sure how I felt initially because I was lacking the "butterflies" but after spending time with him, I fell for him hard. It didn't work out and we split after a year. But I learned a valuable lesson from that relationship, which was how I should be treated in a relationship.

I'm with someone else now and he is an absolute dote, total softie and we're blissfully happy.

So just go on the date and see what happens. But even if nothing happens, be aware that this is the kind of guy you want for a relationship. See how he treated you, not taking advantage, being polite, messaging you to let you know he's interested, asking you on a proper date etc etc.
That is what you should expect from a man.